This is hard to admit but I know I am pretty lazy and I’m on the computer WAY too much during the day. I stay at home with my kids and I know I should be interacting with them more but when my husband leaves for work in the morning, I get on the computer and then get lost in cyber world. I don’t play games online. I just looked at different websites such as Mamapedia. Reading questions, I’ll check Facebook several times. I have tried shutting the computer off in the morning but I will find a reason to get one such as email something to my husband then I check my email then the cycle starts. I really don’t know how to stop this. We can’t get rid of our computer or internet, my husband needs it for work. I don’t clean house anymore. I’ll pick up around the house before my husband gets home to make it look like I did something but he sees through it. He took over doing the dishes and laundry so I could focus on all of the other things that need done around the house but I haven’t been doing them. He’s been pretty nice about me not doing anything around the house but he has said he thinks I’m on the computer too much. Of course I deny it but it’s true. Has anyone ever had a computer addiction and changed? Please don’t judge me, I want to stop this. I just don’t know how and I’m looking for advice.
Thanks for the advice so far, I wanted to add my kids are 7, 4 and 1. We also have one on the way. In case you’re wondering, I can see the kids playing from the computer (not that it makes what I do any better, just wanted to add that. Also, Getting a job outside the house is not an option for me at this time.
Thanks for all of the great responses. I talked to my husband about this when he got home from work. He's happy I am admitting I need to change this and is willing to help in any way. We teamed up and cleaned house when he got home so I can start fresh. I'm going to start by making a schedule and sticking with it. I'll schedule some computer time in when my boys nap. I'm going to make sure to get out of the house at least twice a week. My mom lives close to me and I have a couple friends that stay at home so I shouldn't have any problems doing this. I'll give myself a week to try out the schedule and if I'm not following through, I'll have my husband create a password for the computer and lock it while he's working. I'm so ready to change. My kids are my life and I hate allowing myself to miss out on anything to be on the computer doing useless things. They are the reason I became a stay at home mom and I'm not fulfilling my duties. Thanks again Ladies for your help and also those that shared their stories.
I have the same problem. My husband has been supportive of me, but I know he is very frustrated with me over it. I will be reading the other responses for advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
Maybe give the keyboard to him to take to work one day so that you CANT get on it. You may have a little withdrawal but it sounds like you need time apart for a while.
Do the fly lady. she sets a timer for 15 minute intervals.
For 15 minutes clean the kitchen take a 15 minute break onthe computer (set timers) 15 minutes on living room 15 minutes play with kids etc.
15 mimutes is longer than you think but it is short enough you dont feel like the time willnever end.
since you are a computer girl go to flylady.net
I agree with trying to get out of the house more with the kids.
For me, I think the guilt of not interacting with my kids would take over.
How old are your kids? Spend time with them doing fun things like building forts, playing board games, play-doh, art, music, cooking whatever would be fun to make you WANT to spend more time with the kids.
As far as house chores I think we all do things to avoid it! Think about the example you're setting for your kids though.
Start being honest with your husband. It will help you feel better and he can support you too!
Best of luck!
Yep, I have gone through being addicted to chat rooms, and of course, Mamapedia (still trying to conquer this one.)
What I find that helps me THE MOST is to just simply get out of the house as much as possible. This is much easier to do in the summer time, but you really have to make an effort to keep yourself busy doing other things.
Make yourself a promise that, after you sweep the floor and plan your dinner, you can use the computer for 30 minutes. Then plan another task to do, with another (shorter) reward for later.
Send yourself automated messages every day to remind you to get your daily tasks accomplished. Make up some "Play Time" tickets that your kids can give you at ANY time and then once they hand it to you, no matter how engrossing the web activity is, you HAVE to turn off the computer and play with them.
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I would suggest making a schedule for you and the kids each day! Write it out and try to stick to it. This will be good for the little ones too! Allow yourself a reasonable amount of time each day and see what happens.
The first step is realizing you are consumed. I wouldn't not avoid the computer all together as with any addiction that will just make your desire to do it more.
What if you set a goal for how much time you want to spend on-line while you are with your kids. Say start with two hours and work your way down. Then set a timer for 20 minute increments and when the timer goes off you are done until the next time. Also you could set goals the night before that will allow you to have this time. Say finish a load of laundry or dishes or vacuum one floor.
It is obvious you care and maybe need time outside the house to get your mind off line.
good luck
I feel the same way as you. I do the same thing except I have 5 children. I need to do this more often because today I'm not doing this, but I set a timer and don't allow myself more than 15 minutes at a time. I plan fun things with my kids. I set a schedule for school and I say I can get on and check things three times a day...for only 15 minutes, it's enough time to get everything online finished without wasting my day away. Well, it's time for me to get off!! =) Good luck!!!
If it's really a problem and you can't get rid of the computer, and you don't have phone service that goes through your internet, perhaps you could have your husband take the modem to work with him every day.
It will be a pain to unplug it and plug it back in a couple times a day, but it could very well be your only option.
I went through this myself awhile back, and after awhile I got better about it using the modem method. Finally after the addiction phase was over, I set up a time chart for myself. I get an hour in the morning after my girls have gone to school and my son is still asleep. After that I get an hour at lunch time, and another 30 min. whenever my son takes a nap. Then an hour or so when the kids go to bed and I'm winding down for the day.
That's my normal time table. Right now I'm being flexible with it since my husband's deployed, so the computer stays on and messenger up, and I only hop on when he's online (like now, but he's making breakfast so I'm poking around here. lol). It works because we all get to talk to him, so it becomes less computer time and more family time.
Good luck hon!
You have to set a time limit and stick to it.
HI D.
The fact that you posted this with such honesty shows that you are ready to make some changes.
Start to make a plan to go on the computer when your kids go to bed.It's your reward after a good days work.Try not to go on it during the day.
Make a schelude for youself,housework in morning etc.
Make some time to get out of the house with your kids and into nature.
Wishing you all the best and try to be strong to break this cycle.
Remember that this site aswell as others are fun but will never and should not replace your family. You might regret it in later life if it causes you to have less than a close relationship with your kids. ( no judgement,just advise)
Good luck
B.
Moms need to have an outlet... Dads/husbands don't know how hard it is to be a SAHM or even a Working Mom. Moms are expected to do so much more than the man of the house, it's actually disgusting.
Yes you may be spending more time on the computer than you should... but that is probably your only adult interaction you get. Maybe you should have a Moms/Ladies night out once a week and that may start you out of the funk.
Think about it this way D.. "If I do not invest in my children today, then I won't have them tomorrow" Every time you get ready to sign on to the computer, tell yourself, I have to find something more interesting to do with my time, enjoy my kids and get OUT of the house where the temptation is there. Force yourself to leave. Find an alternative activity and save maybe the last hour after all your chores to be on the computer. The computer takes your mind away and probably relaxes you and then time passes by and before you know it nothing gets done. Notice that you said only when your husband is about to come home that you get scrambling to do some work. He is your "kick" and motivation, so tell him to call you every now and then if you want and remind you to get cracking with some stuff...maybe if you KNOW he is going to call it will deter you. Please don't let time be wasted doing just the online stuff. It provides you some form of socialization and I think you put your kids last because they are well kids...but do take some time to play with them, and remember time is ticking and they won't be kids much longer!
Wow, I am another one who thought I wrote this in my sleep, maybe :-)
I have tried putting sticky notes on the computer. didn't work - I just learned to ignore them. I think an actual timer might work better for me, especially if I set it across the room so I actually have to get up to turn it off!
Will read for more advice, too!
I think it's more from boredom and needing a break, maybe? I know I do that whenever I need to escape. Maybe look into getting a part-time job just so you can feel refreshed when you get back home?
How old are your kids? Can they stay with a friend for a couple hours so you can just spend time alone? That may help, too.
Me too. I blame it on pregnancy. Im almost looking forward to the nesting stage. My house is messy and I dont feel like cleaning all the time!
HA! I started reading this with a closed mind... then I thought "jeez, did I post this?"
One thing I've found is that I try to make goals for myself... like, I check my e-mail and Facebook once my husband has gone to work to see if any family members have sent me messages. I respond and then I turn it off. My son naps from 12-12:30 till about 2-2:30 so I allow myself to go online ONLY after the dishwasher is emptied and re-loaded, I have made lunch and tidied up a bit, had a coffee or tea. Only then do I go online! And I time myself, only 30 mins of EITHER going on these kinds of sites, playing a game offline or playing mahjong online. I find if I play mahjong my brain feels challenged. I also feel more alert and I had fun!
Once he's up from his nap though, I ignore the computer for 3 hrs. I focus on feeding and playing with my son, I find the most fun is tickle-attack! I get his Elmo and make it tickle him for like 20 mins sometimes! If he seems to want to play alone I will check e-mails, browse recipes and check out these sites again for only 20 mins, checking on my LO. If he comes over wanting to see what I'm up to I close the computer and see to him.
Allow yourself only an hour of computer time a day, this can be split up into as many times as you want (5 mins here, 10 mins there, etc adding up to 1 hr). Put something OVER the PC if you have to!
I was addicted to chat rooms when I was younger. I've found that having a child is so much more social and important though! And it was starting to come between my husband and I so I decided it wasn't worth it. Get a library card, join a moms and toddlers club (use your internet time to find one!) On rainy days, read to your kids, make up stories and plays, let the kids put on a show for dad when he gets home!
I hope you can nip this in the bud before it becomes more of a problem! If you need help, just ask! We're all here for you!
I wont judge you but I will say I am VERY JEALOUS since i am a working mom and would do anything to see my (1) baby for more than 1 hour per night :( My advice to you is to limit your use, set a timer or something. This is something YOU need to break. its kind of like losing weight, noone can do it for you, but possibly knowing that your children could be learning by you teaching them things Reading, shapes ect). If they are playing that is fine, but learning is another topic. I also suggest maybe getting out of the house each day. give yourself something to do. My sister in law who is a SAHM works out 5 days a week BECAUSE of the issue you are having. it gives her something to do. Then after her work out (from 9-10 or 1030) she is home by 11 and puts the little ones down for a nap. After the nap, she gets back in the car and buys groceries for that nights dinner. during the nap she willed herself to do SOMETHING to the house (paint a room, desanitize a bathroom...something)
I feel the same way! I have a 10 month old and I was laid off right before her birth. I am now home with her and not used to all of this 'free' time. The best advice I have heard (and read on this post) is to get out of the house and I agree to make a schedule for yourself.
I try to write down simple tasks for the day like 'go to target, bank, trader joe's etc.' and then make sure to get a work out in (which is often times a walk with her or an exercise dvd). If you have any stay at home friends then schedule morning coffee or something with them to get out of the house.
I wonder if part of it is depression- at least I think it is in my case.
Good luck!
Your not alone, I feel this way as well sometimes. I work full time as does my husband (he works 6 days a week about 12 hr days). SO when he is home he is tired and doesnt want to do anything but veg out. My self work normal 40 hours a week. I have a year old son and 8 year old SS, I never have motivation to do anything most of the time im on my phone (on the internet) or actually on the lap top. It really helped reading your responses.
Thank you & good luck.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH US.
That was very brave of you.
Me, too.
But I don't have little kids at home any more.
You need to set up some kind of system
whereby you spend some (to be determined) amount of time
with the kids and then some (to be determined) amount of time
on the computer.
Gradually shift the balance.
Ideally, you'll find spending time with the kids to be very rewarding.
Also, you can begin to teach the older one to help you with chores.
The middle one as well, but simpler chores.
And PLEASE enjoy your one-year-old during this exciting time.
THANKS AGAIN.
This is really hard to do, but I've been there and it's the only thing that worked for me....delete it all. I used to spend a lot of time on FB and myspace and a chat forum, then you have email and sites like this.....well i was online all the time. Now I spend maybe an hour online and that's not even all at once, cause there is nothing to do. I deleted FB and myspace and chose to unregister for a lot of sites like this as well as my forums that I often spent time in. I have Fb again now, but with only that, email, and this site, online is boring and nothing is ever going on so i just close the computer and go do other things. good luck!
It's a choice, you can either sit here on your arse or you can go be part of the real world. Moderation my dear. The computer is not evil but it can become evil when it completely takes you away from your daily duties. My hubby lets me know when I've been on way too long.... and always says something about my "secretary spread" :)
You need to make a schedule and stick to it. Get up before everyone, have your tea in the morning while checking email, FB and this site. Then turn it off and vow you wont turn it back on until the kids have has some decent Mom time and you've done at least 2 household chores. You won't get shaky for not being online 24/7 and actually NO ONE will even miss you, but they might think it rather odd that your name isnt showing on their buddy list.
You do need to walk away and take care of REAL things and use the computer for short bursts of entertainment. If your husband and kids are suffering from it that means it has become a problem, no different than drinking or doing drugs because you "arent there" for your family.
Write down a schedule for yourself, seriously. Leave the pc on, but turn off the monitor and GO BE WITH YOUR FAMILY. If your kids are just seeing you in that chair all day, and tugging at your leg for attention, then shame on you. Besides, you are pregnant and you need some exercise. Sitting on your tush all day will make delivery more complicated. Get up and get moving Mommy!
I would suggest talking with a therapist and your husband about ways to help you gain control over the urges to be on the web.
Many blessings
I know you've already posted your "What Happened" response, but I can't echo the recommendation of going to www.flylady.net enough!
Have your husband put a password on your computer so you no longer have access.
If that doesn't work you will need to get some professional help for addiction problems.
Good luck!
Hi - I know this is an old post. I came across it and wondered how you are doing. Kudo's to you for writing this. I too feel I am on the computer too much and would like to stop. Don't want my kids to look back and remember mom with her nose in her laptop. Love the idea of changing the password : )
Well I don't even know what to say LOL! I love the computer VERY much. I run an in home daycare. I teach my kiddos to use the computer very early. As soon as they can handle a mouse, they can learn. I pick up refurbished computers and we have wireless. The little ones do their preschool work on the computer. I even have the 2 year olds sit with the older children and many of my kids are reading by themselves between 3.5 and 5 years of age.
I am super picky about my house and with a house full of kids I can't sit long or I get tired and stiff and sore because I don't sleep enough. So I jump up and down from the computer as I watch over the children.
I believe it's a matter of priorities. There are a few things that come first every morning. I sweep and mop every morning first thing. Then spend a little time online. Children are arriving and I need to feed them. Then they start their own work or play for a bit. I have to change diapers every hour or so to make sure no one ever gets a rash. When babies need cuddle time I do it in my computer chair while watching something :) I often show learning sites, letters, and songs to the babies.
I have to clean up after meals, keep the laundry going and take the dog potty. I also have chickens to feed, and babies that need tummy time. There's no time to just sit online all day. But I'm not even going to say I'm not on it a lot and my house is clean and my kids are happy and learning.
We use the computer for finding music for the kids, learning videos for the kids, preschool and homeschooling sites, and watching videos on netflix and documentaries that are made for the very young children and others for the older kids.
I use it to stay in touch with parents, do my online banking, stay in touch with the world, follow politics, advertise, study the word, watch online preachers, stay connected to mamapedia, stay connected with my family, and learn all sorts of things.
EMBRACE technology :) Just remember that the house needs cleaned, the kids need you, and sleep a little less. I don't have much time for tv shows. But I squeeze those in too LOL!
wow welcome to my world! :)) in fact I don't know why I am sitting here right now when I have tons to do. I did try lot of things. I switched it off - but then I would always switch it on again for some reason or the other. I used to ask my husband to take it with him and keep in his car so that I don't use it.Really ... i could have written this post! I work now , also have a baby - so I have other distractions.Even then when I am really stressed - sitting in front of the computer and browsing through all the websites which I can acually live without relaxes M..Weird I know.... but happy to know I have company :)
My advice - set time limit each day. This works only for few days for M. before I go back to logging in whenever , but atleast those few days I am good. It is an addiction and is hard to break unless we are really determined to.Especially having a hubby who doesn't mind you not having done anything else doesn't help.My husband is like that too.
I used to do something creative while I am online - like creating a picture book. Atleast that way I would feel I did something useful.
My advice is to get the computer out. You will survive and realize within two days that you don't need it. :)
