Outgoing 4 Years Old Too Dependant at Home

I would love some help with this too! I enjoy playing with her but there are some times I need to ger housework done and she cannot help.

Great question... thank you for asking!

Normal. Many children love being around other people.

If she is an only, she will need to have you and or her father fill in sometimes for other children..

She is going to blossom at school. Bell of the ball..

It kind of broke my heart to read your "When the school holidays are their I hate that time as she makes me crazy" comment.

I know it can be frustrated because you have things to do or feel like you are not getting enough time to yourself, but I warn you.. You could project this on her..

I know you have heard this over and over.. But she will only be living with you for 18 years. (12more years)

Right now she WANTS to be around you. When she starts school, joins teams and clubs.. She is going to be very busy and look forward to the people that DO enjoy her company and cannot get enough of it.

Children love their parents with all of their hearts. You are her whole world. Yes, you need some time alone and she does need to learn to spend time alone.. But at 3 and 4.. her attention span is about 3 to 4 minutes.. Think about that..

Our daughter started giving up naps at 4.. I was not ready to give them up. so I would tell her.. Mom needs a nap.. You can read in your room, or you can come onto our bed and read to me. Sometimes she chose to be there and would read and sometimes fall asleep together.. Other times she would go to her room and play or read quietly.

As they get older they do become less dependent on us. But they are still so young and need companionship. If you have neighbor kids.. they can be great for an hour.. Especially outside in a gated yard.. They can ride trikes, swing climb.. whatever and you can read a book. You also can include her so that she is your little helper. She may not do things perfectly, but right now they like to help and the more appreciative you are
about her help now, the more she will want to help later on..

If you need a break, hire a mothers helper..

she is a social child .. she is an extrovert.. she enjoys people.. my son is the same.. he is social he loves being around people.. he does nto play alone.. can not play alone... his sister is shy quiet.. an introvert. she plays alone.. loves to play alone.. so when they are home together.. they play together.. if my son is home with me .. he follows me around.

Normal. Play with her. She will become independent in her own time.

I would just have lots of play dates with her friends for her👭

I do understand how having an only child who craves your attention can make you crazy. I had an only and it can be exhausting! Doesn't mean you don't love your child more than life itself; it just means that you don't have the same energy level.

Try "filling her attention tank" for about 45 minutes. What I mean by that, is sit down and play with her giving her 100% of your time and attention for about 45 minutes. Then, tell her you have to do whatever (dishes, make beds, vacuum, whatever it is) and for her to keep playing and you will come back and play again when you're done. Then go do what you need to do for about 45 min to an hour and then rejoin her.

Good luck!

My 4.5 year old daughter is the same way. Loves me to be with her all the time. Still loves to sit on my lap and even be picked up. I just read Laurie A's comment about "it kind of broke my heart about your comment about hating that time" and I agree. That made me sad.. It is frustrating but I try to focus on the fact that soon enough she is going to be out there in the world and will want nothing to do with me. One thing that does engage my daughter for awhile on her own is her dollhouse and also her Diego set. She has a Diego set with a ton of animals, vehicles, the Diego Rescue center... and she makes up stories and will play on her own for awhile (maybe 15 - 20 minutes). That's not a ton of time but it feels like a long time and I can get a lot done. Good luck and try to enjoy those moments with your little girl.

It's not true that only children can't play alone but they do need to be taught how.

Please don't have another kid to provide a playmate, either! There is every chance that the kids won't get along, and your older child will not be able to play with a new baby for several years -- kids don't come out of the womb as instant playmates.

Your daughter thinks you are fascinating and fantastic yet, very sadly, you "hate" the time when she wants to play with you. Please reconsider and think ahead to the time, coming up very fast, when she will be far less interested in you. When that time hits you may regret that your mind and heart were not in it when she was craving your attention. Please recognize that she thinks you are so interesting and she also wants to share her little world with you. So....play with her. Turn off the TV. Why not build with blocks together? It's how she learns. If you need to do chores, involve her in the chores; she's more than old enough to sit in the kitchen and "stir" something in a pot while you cook dinner, or to use a toy knife to "cut" some bread up; she can play at folding laundry while you do it for real (yes, you may have to redo hers later, but so what?); get her a kid-sized broom and dustpan and let her sweep. She will not do a perfect job of anything but she will learn and have fun, and you will share these things with her.

If she wants to play and you can't play -- why is she ending up on your lap with the TV on? Put her with her blocks; start a structure, then challenge her to complete it -- make it a game: "I built a road but where does the road go? Now you build a town for the road but don't show me until it's done! It will be a secret til you're finished and I promise I will stay in the kitchen til you call me!" And so on.

If you practice giving her little tasks; playing with her whenever you can; making solo play into a game; she will learn to play on her own some but you also will learn better how to play with her and enjoy her rather than hating your time with her. I know you don't hate HER, but you -- like many adults -- may just find kids' play and kids' toys boring. It's OK to admit that! But if you look at it as time to see how she is learning and growing, could you like it better?

When you really must do something else, use a timer and tell her that mommy can play with her when the timer goes ding. Set it and be sure she has something specific ready to do -- at her age it is still hard for kids to come up with their own ideas at times. Have you really looked at her toys recently? Her toys might be too "young" for her; get her some building sets that are more challenging and interesting than just blocks or Legos; ensure her puzzles are really challenging enough (if she's still doing six-piece puzzles she needs new ones!) and have new and interestiing images; if her arts and crafts materials are just basic, get some new ones and work with her to use them. Then be sure you have areas where she can play and do crafts without ever hearing "Don't spill anything, don't make a mess," etc --- kids do better playing alone when they know there is a safe space where they can really play and not worry that mommy is going to fuss at them if they drip paint or knock over the puzzle box.

Praise her a lot when she plays alone.. Do not expect her to do it for 15 minutes at this point, or even for 10! She is not there yet nor should you expect her to be. Go for five minutes and a lot of praise when that timer goes off. But again...this is for when you just must take a phone call or do something really important.

Play dates are OK but she's in preschool and sees her cousins -- she does also need time at home with just you or you and dad. She needs down time without other kids around; children do not need other children around as playmates ALL the time.

School holidays should be a joy, not a chore. Think about why you hate to play with her and see if you can create new ways to play; try to think like she thinks, and above all else -- remember that she adores you and wants your company. That is normal and wonderful at this age. It is your chance to get to know her as a person. Also read up on her age and stage of development; you're expecting too much if you think she should be independent all the time at her age. The fact she is outgoing and social elsewhere makes it MORE likely, not less, that she enjoys being with other people at home -- and that is not a flaw or a problem.

It's not that she's too dependent. She's young. She doesn't understand.
She will grow to be more INDEPENDENT over time.
Some of it will happen soon.
Don't despair. Work WITH what you have. So you have an only child that
craves your attention. Here are some ideas to break up the day:
-play w/her for 30mins then tell her you have to get some housework done. Come back in 30 mins & play w/her some more but only for 20 mins. Then tell her you have to do some housework. Again, only go do that for about 30 mins.

As she ages, you will get more time to get things done in blocks of time.

-Have a neighbor kid come over to play w/her for part of a day.
-Take her to library reading time nearby.
-take her to the park.
-take her to the mall play areas
-research your community for local toy stores w/play times
-look for local free craft dates for kids
-call your local chamber for what they have to offer
-go to all the different nearby parks in your area
-watch cartoons w/her for a bit
-buy a travel DVD player & a fun kids' movie. Let her watch part of it.
-Build blocks w/her for a bit
-play Barbie's
-play school
-play kitchen w/the kid's toy set
-Get out a kid's china set

Make things different. Look for different activities. Go to local fairs, outdoor markets, farmer's markets. These things get you out of the house and provide both of you w/outside stimuli.

It gets easier & easier. Just give her some time, attention & love then take some time to get what you need to get done. This is a temporary stage that she will grow out of.

This is how many only-children are. It isn't that she isn't independent, it is that you are her only handy playmate most of the time.

Invite other kids over to play often.