How Do You And/or Your Spouse Handle Stress?

I don't think I've ever had a more stressful year. This has been my Annus Horribilus. I have had to deal with a new job, the illness and death of my (too young) father, the severe depressive breakdown of my husband and the loss of his income, a hitherto unknown big debt, and the massive uncertainty that goes along with it. I have dealt with it only with the help and support of my family and friends. I admit, I have partaken of too many glasses of wine, however that is now being replaced by exercise. I have also had help from the doctor by the way of sleeping pills, although I generally don't need them now. Breathing has also helped. Stop, and remember to breathe.

When left to our own stress.........I like to sleep, he likes Sports Center.

The way I help him is to let him talk. He likes to talk so I just listen.

The way he helps me is to take the kids for a few hours so I can be alone, sleep, clean, just get time alone.

Im not even going to lie, Normally i like a glass of wine or two, and he likes beer. Other than that, sex or something else physical like running, biking, yoga...etc..

As far as your husband, sit down with him tonight for a one on one. Take his hands is yours, look in his eyes, and acknowledge his stress and your stress. Then visulize you are both on a sinking boat. Do you both want to bail water together or throw buckets at each other? Remember to empathize with each other, not blame. You will get through this better - together.

Prayer. God's bigger than ANY circumstance that may come into my view. When I focus on God, the rest falls away. He tells us "Do not worry", "Bring it all to me thru prayer and petition". I first Praise Him for who He is and His attributes, then I thank Him for all I have and all the blessings He's poured out on me. Then I ask for forgiveness for all the things I did that I shouldn't have and all those I didn't do that I should have. then I pray for the others on my prayer list and then my immediate family and me. Talk about a stress reducer - I've laid it all at His feet and I'm free to LIVE!!!

How we handle stress and how we SHOULD handle stress are definitely two different things.

We eat pizza and Ben & Jerry's and fall asleep watching TV. Nice, huh?

"You can do this."

That's what I tell myself, anyway. I've had a couple of really stressful times in my life, and I look at what I've learned, and you know what? After all that, whatever comes next is pie.

Stop, and Just Breathe. It's amazing how often we forget to take just a couple of deep breaths.

Don't focus on anything except what's in front of you. Sometimes, you just need to look at right now. It's like having a newborn, those first couple of months. You don't think about all the things you have to do, you just get up and do them, as needed. Sure, some of the less important stuff didn't get done, but life happens.

Do something physical to force the tension out of your body. Punching a heavy bag is good. Jog/walk/jog - it takes me about 2 1/2 miles to really feel a relief in the tension. Scrub something. DH knows I'm stressed, by how clean the house is.

I've learned, too, that I am much better at handling stress than DH is, and I can affect his levels a lot. There are some days when he really needs to be needed, and there are some days when he really needs me to be self-sufficient. I'm still working out the finer points of that, but it's there. (Can I share a secret? I have a stool, and a pair of rubber-tipped kitchen tongs, but if DH is home, well, he's taller than I am, and it's super helpful if he could just reach that down for me.... The trick is knowing when to have great balance, and when to need help with high shelves...)

Eating Ben & Jerry's out of the carton (or raw cookie dough!) while snuggled on the couch together and watching one of our "guilty pleasure" TV shows helps, too. (So does telling him, when he's on the way home and calls to see if I need anything, that he should pick up said Ben & Jerry's!)

Being generally silly. Like making up bad lyrics to songs. I know he's zonked when he makes up a bedtime song for our five year old from old commercial jingles. Or silly daydreams, or whatever. Relax the brain a bit.

Hang in there, lady. You'll be okay.

Be sure to turn TO each other, not ON each other. When discussing your stresses with your husband, be sure to give him something he can do. Men are fixers. Tell him you need a back rub or a hug, or you want him to join you for a walk, etc. If you just need to vent, find a friend or email buddy that will let you vent to them.

Also, don't forget to do the things that make you smile. Play, play, play. Take your kids on an adventure hike, so you can watch them see all those things that we often miss when we get stressed.

Have your kids make CD's for your husband's commute. They could read or tell a story or help pick out songs that are his favorite to burn on the CD. Put sweet notes in your husband's lunch or send text messages. Be sure to be there for his physical needs.

Remember, the wife/mother usually sets the tone around the house for the holidays. Decide now what that will look like and how you can keep it lovely. Each day you will have to decide again, but it will make it so much more fun if you can decide what activities fit your idea of what makes Christmas meaningful and what is just extra.

Myself: Denial. Pure, unadulterated denial. Then, when everything is said and done, I fall apart.

My Husband? By becoming abusive. Yelling, sneering, deriding, blaming, hitting, kicking, spending, f'ing.

We use a lot of prayer and meditation. Focusing on the things we "can" control and letting the things we can't go. Focusing on postitives of all situations and being responsible for our own happiness and behavior. Being super careful not to say things we don't mean or hurt feelings---when we are under stress, our fuses are a bit shorter and are more predisposed to lashing out at anyone. Hang in there!

I love taking long hikes in the woods, but I don't always get the chance to do that since I have a child.

I find thngs to soothe myself. Hot shower. Go to bed early

Breathe deeply.

Meditation.

Get alone time somehow.

Gentle music.

My husband has learned to stop pressing me for information or answers when I'm stressed (because he presses me for small items anyway).

My job makes me the breadwinner and medical insurance provider, so my hub aims to reduce my stress. If Mommy's stressed out, everybody pays.

I also examine what is getting triggered when I am stressed out. It's not the event you are living now, but the event from the past that is triggered by the new event that causes the difficulty.

We haven't been handling it well lately! Excercise would help and being deliberate in planning some fun family and then activities exclusively for he and I. Right now it's pretty much playing with the kids and laughing...but then we totally zone out with our smart phones and TV....not good...The YMCA is calling and we need to get there and get the endoprhins pumping...You just need to give eachother grace and lots of support. Before an argument happens take a deep breath or walk away for a bit.

We're usually on the same page for handling stress and do it by declaring a pizza night. We'll make our son grilled cheese or some lazy dinner and then put him to bed a wee bit early and then scoot down to our basement for ordered in pizza and movies. A totally lazy night and calorie-laden foods help us do the trick :)