How Do I Let My Child Know That She Is Not in This Alone?

Keep talking.....I had this issue with my 13 year old as well. Is's a stage of awkwardness, that requires your attention. My daughter is now 14 and our relationship is great. It is also a time in a girls life when a Father or Male Role model is crucial. If her biological father is not involved and willing perhaps your husband is willing to spend some one on one time......dinner, concert, ect. To establish a relationship and a comfort to talk about boys, ect. That time was so benifical for our household and made a world of difference it also showed our daughter that she had a special man in her life Her Father, and she did not have to rush to find another.

So...typical. Try giving her a motrin when things get bad as it also has a hormone blocker of sorts in ti or so I was told ( thought I had given her valium).

Keep in mind that at this age they are like a butterfly ina cacoon in that they have no idea how big their wings will be nor how pretty...full of insecurity. Also everyone they know knows alot about them ( where they livem, cars, TVs, how they behave in grade school etc. ) They are gbing judged daily on physical apperances, friends greades et. Lots of pressure. Assure her of all of this and that this time in life is not the greatest but just somethng to get through. Once at a college campus no one knows anything about you except for what yu tell them. I know it is a long way off but it can help. I could only talk to my daughter duirng some of her teenage years when we were in a car that was going faster that 30mph.
Lastly, remind her that there isn't anything she cannot talk to you about ( and mean it). My daughters friends were horrified to know what she had told me about their escapdes. I never went to another parent with the tales as I had leanred early on that these parents do not believe anything negative about their chiledren9 they just want to be freinds and often buy the booze etc). Who your daughter hangs out with is HUGE!!! 'If you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas' I learned this the hard way and had lost of monitoing onwh they went places with ( especially overnight).

We are to keep them safe not be theri friends. Lost my daughet as best friend in junior High but got her back in senior year of college...a long time but doable

the way she is acting is normal for a 13 year old girl. it has nothing to do with being a middle child, it has nothing to do with being the only girl. she has raging hormones and is learning to find herself and her place in life. just keep letting her know you will always be there for her and keep doing what you are already doing and try not to take her behavior so personally. :)

I do not believe this is the case: You getting back at what you are told. I do believe that if we are told something, then we self-fulfill it (such as getting a cold when others are ill, etc.)

Something to remember: When I was your daughter's age... I was the same way. I think we all are, no matter what order we fall in the family. (I am first-born). My mom did not do all you seem to do for your daughter, so keep being there for her. Do not forget that at this age, girls (and boys) I think, still feel "I am too old to be with my Mom!". But I would think deep down, she loves you. Just tell her you love her and you are there for her... Tell her often as teens do not hear you all the time.

Talk to her, be there and have faith.

Hormones. Gads. Keep praying. That is the best thing that you can do for her right now. If you have a youth group in your church, she will be able to bond with other teens going thru the same things.

Hang in there. It's a bumpy road!

S.

Congratulations! You have a typical teenager. Don't bother giving her the Motrin, take it yourself! LOL! As much as she says she doesn't want you around, she desperately needs you around. Think of her as a cat, only wanting to be around you when she wants to, but still needs you. And she will come around eventually. Her brain is still developing, she doesn't have all of the reasoning skills necessary to make the best choices, but one thing is for sure; she needs her Mom, more than ever. It does balance out in a year or so, so hang in there.
Tell her often, or at least when she doesn't slam the door in your face, how much you love her smile and what she means to you, and that will also coem back to you. Don't feel guilty about how you were to your parents, it is a developmental stage that puts us on the way to independence. Tell your Mom that the full circle has come around and give her a laugh. Good luck (to both of us, I have a 13 year old also!)

Perhaps she does understand your efforts and so, she needs you to try to please her in order to confirm your love. Maybe her angst gets her the attention she wants. She is special, but not more special than anyone else. To me, she sounds selfish, and not in an unusual way. I wonder what you respond to the provocative questions. (and I wonder how the boys feel in all this.) It sounds like she's got you wrapped around her finger. I hope I don't sound harsh, because I think its your love that has put you where you are, and that where you are is, indeed, a typical place to be. Its not your job as a parent to make her happy. Its your job to guide her towards being able to find her own happiness. Be sure she knows that. At 13, she doesn't have that skill yet. It seems to me all you can do is repeat that you love her and are there for her. Tell her your rules about boys & the phone and accept her disapproval as her opinion. And stay firm, but kind. If she rebels, there should be consequences that are outlined 1st and carried through same as for young children (but more mentally challenging for you!) If she didn't challenge you that would be more odd than not. And also remember life, as well as parenting, is a journey. You won't "fix it" this week. You'll have ups and downs, make mistakes and get angry and sad. Just do your best, stay centered and be flexible so that the bumps in the road don't flatten you! I'm sure with your sense of certainty, she will eventually be certain. Good luck!!!