How Do I Help

Cutters do NOT cut to get attention. They cut because they are emotionally numb, it's a way to get "high" and dissociate, it can be as addictive as a drug. Here is a MySpace page you can go to and read about it to understand this behaviour better, and what, as a caring adult, you can do about it:
http://www.myspace.com/corinnafugate
Go into her blog and scroll down to the one dated June 13, 2006.
She also has links on her main page to other Self Injury Help sites/friends on MySpace. And she hosts open chats to talk to these kids--IIRC, she will respond to whomever contacts her.

Misunderstanding this behaviour, and its causes, may cause more harm than good.
How do I know? I used to be a cutter. I know.

Having him around your family may give him an essential template for what a healthy family is supposed to be like. (Not by having him live with you, but having him over for dinners, etc.). You have no idea what a good thing that is for him.

Good luck.

wow, what a terrible dilemma. My kids are all still pretty young and luckily we haven't had any problem like this, but I have a younger sister that was around a lot of people with very abusive homes and backgrounds. I think the only thing you can pretty much do is try and give him as much love and security as you can...but remembering how my sisters life was affected by all the drama, try and distance your daughter from him emotionally because once she gets really caught up with all the terrible things in her boyfriends life it somehow becomes her own. My sister had to actually leave the country because of a very similar situation with her boyfriend. She's doing fine now and is back on track, but sometimes good intentions lead to really sad situations. And it sounds like your family is really involved in this poor kids life. I hope you can work things out.
best wishes
F.

Elisabeth is right, he's not cutting for the attention. Besides getting away from his abusive family, he should get counseling to get through this. Also, anytime you see marks on him from being hit, you should continue to report it to the police. The CYS are not always the best in getting things done.

Best of luck.

Having previously been a cutter and being the friend of a cutter, I understand both sides. You need to let CYS do what they need to do, but offer your help. If you are not willing to open your home to him as a place to stay- which I undertand why you wouldn't considering he is your daughter's boyfriend- inform CYS that you want to help in some other way, even if it is having him spend time with your family. His home environment is not stable and I'd be willing to bet that his mother is being abused as well. I have had many friends that were in foster care. One girl in particular was placed with friend's family and it did wonders for her. She just needed that love and support. However, you do need to be aware that not all foster situations are the same. Some are negative experiences and you may need to be an outside source keeping an eye on him. Do what you feel you can but continue to show him love and open your home to him. Even if things don't work out between him and your daughter in the future, he will always remember you and your family.

I work at a behavioral facility for teenagers. I can tell you from working with teens daily who are cutters- you did exactly what you needed to do. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place- you don't want to get too involved, but at the same time getting involved may in the long run save his life. Cutter's cut because it is a pain they can control. Something (which you have a good idea what) is going on in the boyfriend's life that he can not deal with- mentally and/or physically as well. We have also come across teenagers that cut for attention- they like the attention from others when their cuts are seen. He needs to get professional help! There is only so much you can do without being his legal guardian. Does he feel he has a problem? Do you think he wants help for his problem? Has he ever said why he cuts? How does he act when his cuts are discovered? Question- has your daughter ever expressed her feelings to you about the boyfriend's cutting? He needs professional help, since he is under 18 his legal guardians can get him help whether he is willing or not. I know that sounds harsh- but it will save his life. Cutters don't just start cutting for no reason, and they don't just stop cutting either. From what you wrote- he sounds very serious. I give you so much credit for stepping up to help this poor kid! His mother doesn't sound like she's acting her "role" as a mother, and sometimes other people need to step in when needed for the best interest of the child (I.E.- you, CYS, police). Kudos to you and hang in there. This child is blessed that you are in his life.

Offer him the love and support you are already giving him.His mother sounds very much like she has her "Own" life, and she wants no part of his"son".I remember those times as a teenager, and wanting my mom to help out with my friends. It can sometimes bite you in the behind, so just be careful. Be a concerned mother, not a friend.If CYS is concerned, they will not send him back to the step father.I wasnt clear when I asked about the attention thing.I wanted to know does he do it for attention, and I can now see from elizabeths response the answer is NO.Sorry.