My Daughter Is Cutting Herself

Oh, I'm so sorry she (and you) are going through this. What a terribly stressful time.

Really, I suspect she just needs to get on meds, and as others have said, those meds need some time to kick in.

In terms of volleyball/sports, I have heard of teenagers with cutting issues who successfully channeled their need to cut into sports/exercise. I want to recommend this cautiously, because these kids can literally run themselves ragged trying to blunt the emotional pain. But it seems like a sport/exercise, IN CONJUNCTION with therapy and meds, could be a good thing for her.

Give it time. Antidepressants take a while to work and getting the right dosage is a long term goal. Don't add another activity to the pressure she already feels. I don't know if you understand that it's not that she doesn't want to stop but the emotional release it brings her drives her to it right now. When the medicine kicks in and she learns some other coping techniques it will stop.
You need some education and help understanding how to help her. Get a therapist to recommend some books. I don't think the hospital did a good job preparing you for life after the hospital.

We've talked about cutting quite a bit in our foster parenting classes. Some suggestions from our trainers to try and "replace" the cutting behavior ...

1. Have her hold an ice cube in her hand as tight and long as she can. That often gets them the sensation of pain without the self harming.

2. Purchase fine point RED sharpie markers and let her use those to "cut". She still gets the sensation of the cutting from the fine point, as well as the visual of the red blood.

Most of all, keep being non-judgemental and ensuring her she's safe. I know this isn't easy for you. Blessings.

Can you get her into group therapy? (Like, AA....something public that meets weekly?)
If she can be with like minded teens, she can start to learn how to focus her energy elsewhere when the urge or feelings arise.

As you know, it's not about cutting. The act itself is just the release for her. To mask whatever pain, fear or stress she's feeling. So attempting to prevent her from cutting is kind of unrealistic while she's in therapy. You're doing everything you can. But you need to let treatment take it's course. For now, if she wants to cut, she'll find a way.

In the meantime, YOU should also find a support group. There may be ideas, or at least other parents dealing with this that can give you some guidance, or at least a place to vent for how to handle this.

Good luck mom, I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but so very happy that are you taking the steps necessary to help her!

I don't have a lot of knowledge about cutting. I believe it is part of a stress relief or to feel the physical pain of a real emotional pain. She needs to understand that although her dad walked out on her, she is still a great person. Maybe having her focus her anger and frustration about her dad into something physical such as pounding a pillow. Or get her involved in Martial Arts. She may find the routine and displine -- not to mention the chance to hit and kick a punching bag-- beneficial. Have her volunteer for families or children in crisis, she will see she is not the only one hurting.

Wow, you are in a really tough spot. One intervention that seems to work with people who self harm is Dialectical behavior therapy. I think it is great that you are keeping the lines of communciation open with her and hopefully she will be able to see a counselor soon. I wonder if you would also benefit from talking with someone, as this must be terribly difficult and stressful for you as well. Safety planning helps, but as you said is not fool proof. My understanding is cutting helps relieve all the pain she is feeling inside and the best way to work on that is for her to go to therapy and talk about it. It may be a long road, but with your support she can get help and get better. Good luck.

I don't know exactly what you can do about the problem but I can at least give you the perspective of one who has done it (me) all her life. I'm 44 and still to this day feel the need to do it on occassion. My kids are little and I really try not to (because I know as a mom I shouldn't) but maybe once a year or two I do, if that (luckily, the 'urge' to isn't there anymore). Have been doing it since I was maybe 16 or 15, so not everyone grows out of it. Mine was never super intense (but, cutting is cutting regardless, I know). I did it when I felt I did something wrong or disappointed someone and I needed to 'punish myself'. If I didn't cut, then I would slam myself with a hammer on my hand, arm, leg, anything that would leave a mark or create a pain to remind myself that I'm not worthy or bad. My parents never took me seriously and I never attempted to even talk to them. The one time I tried to commit suicide (a lame attempt at that), once my emergency visit was done, they said we were never to talk about it and no one else in the family would know. I never got any therapy or counceling. Only as of a few years ago did I find out that my paternal grandmother suffered from bipolar and depression and she commited suicide (something my dad never came out and said). So I assume that if they pretended nothing was wrong with me, then there wasn't. I commend you for listening to your daughter and getting her help. When a person who self-harms cuts themselves, we don't feel pain but instead, as we are doing it, there is like this weight that is lifted off our shoulders. As weird as it sounds, like a euphoric feeling, a relief. And cutters will use ANYTHING to relieve the internal pain (as you know), so you can try to hide sharp things, but there is always something to be found. I know for me, I always covered up my cuts with band-aids or if someone asked about it, I said I got scratched by the cat. I wasn't looking for attention, cutters rarely are. I hope your family finds the treatment you need. I hope I shed a little light onto what could be going on in her mind.

I'm not sure what else you can do.
I'm not sure being involved in a team sport would be a good move right now.
Maybe some taekwondo would be good.
If she's determined to find a sharp edge, she'll find one.
It sounds like she wants attention - especially since you just had a baby.
What is her relationship with the father of your latest child like?
Maybe some family therapy for you, him and her together besides her therapy on her own?

I would have her admitted to the hospital again. Take her to E R and tell them it is not safe for her to be home.

I also have a daughter that used to cut. Her depression was very severe. I decided that I would learn a way to help others going through the same emotional traumas, and became an emotional healer. I don't do talk therapy. I'm open to that, but my certification is emotion code. I would love to help if you you choose. I've helped lots of people and animals. Just respond to this and I'll give you my number. I don't gabber to see her on person either. Thus can be done over the phone or internet. I sincerely wish you the best.

I agree to get her to try a sport or exercise. Talk to her about it, and see if the two of you can come up with some sort of really physically demanding sport that will take the place of cutting.

I'm sort of a demonic exerciser who likes the feeling of physically punishing myself with exercise, so I think if you can find some kind of exercise she likes, it might work to replace cutting.

Look for triathlons ( you can start with sprint tri's, which are short), 10k's or maybe mud runs. Google mud runs and see what's in your area. Something really grueling.

There are therapists who specialize in cutting. The mother of one of my kids' friends is a LCSW who deals with a lot of teens who cut. Get her to one of these specialties...they'll know the best way to treat her.

I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. (I don't have any advice here. :-/ )

What a very painful and difficult situation for you both. Please look into neurotransmitter a to help ease the pain and bring her balance and calm. Google GABA, it is available at health food stores and start with a low dosage and move up until you find the desired calm. Good luck!
Please reach out with any questions, I am making a documentary about these imbalances.