How Do I Get My Son Use to Sleeping in His Own Room?

We didn't transition our kids to their own rooms until they were 3yo. I don't know why you think you made a mistake in letting him sleep with you, I certainly don't think you did. It's just a different way of parenting. I say let him stay in your room in his bed for a little while longer, and then move the bed to his room, lie down with him to go to sleep, and let him come in with you when he wakens in the middle of the night. After a while of this, say a few months, start bringing him back to bed when he comes in with you. You can start to room your kids together around his time, and they will find comfort in that. You can even let them sleep together, my kids did that when they were little. Only one of my children had a hard time after 3yo sleeping alone, but with positive reinforcement and lots of love, she has recently learned to stay in her bed all night. I probably could have worked with her sooner to accomplish this, but it wasn't until the last year that anyone really minded her habit of coming in with us in the middle of the night. And anyway, they grow up so fast, they really do, and I treasure those memories of waking up to a sleeping baby/toddler.

Your "mistake" was meeting your son's need for comfort and closeness and your need for sleep. That's a good "mistake."

One way I found to keep my boys sleeping longer in their own beds was to always be happy to snuggle when they showed up, then be totally boring until morning, and to make a big deal out of the big kid bed. Eliminating the power struggle takes the emotion out of the situation and lets the child feel secure and better able to be independent.

Truthfully though, my two older boys fell asleep with me and then we moved them to their room where the oldest climbed into his bunk without waking up. If I was busy, the big one was nice enough to "read" to the younger one or listen to story tapes in the bottom bunk.

My younger son moved on at about five. He told me that I should get Dad to lie down with me at bedtime. I love that he never felt unwanted. He shows up when sick (not my favorite time to see him but I deal with it) and at the beginning of each school year. Then he is back to being big.

Put the bed back in his room and get a mattress or whatever works best for you and sleep in his room with him so he gets used to the comfort of you he had when he was sleeping with you, but now it is in HIS room. Eventually wean yourself away from his room until he gets used to the idea. Be sure to do it gradually so that it does not create a habit for you being there by eventually cut down on the number of hours you spend in his room. Also do it until he falls asleep then go back to your room or stay in his room if you wish...its up to you. The idea is that he has gotten accustomed to being in the same room with you and now you leave him in another room by himself. He just have to be retrained to like his room now.

I agree with the last poster-Talkstotrees (love that BTW). It's not a mistake, just different. It can be done gently, just with lots of patience & love. We co-slept with our daughter and still do sometimes. She's almost 4. We started with a small pallet of blankets on the floor next to our bed. Then, went to her bed & I would lay with her until she fell asleep. Gradually that changed to just laying with her for a little while. Now, we have a little routine of rubbing her feet, hands, belly, back, & hair. That little routine lasts all of about 5 minutes. She stays in her bed & falls asleep. More often than not, she does come to our bed between 2 & 5. She brings her pillow & goes right back to sleep. That has just recently started getting later, it used to be closer to 2 am, now it's closer to 5. This has taken probably a year or so to get to this point. But, to me, what's a couple minutes at the end of the night? Because if we don't follow this routine, she comes out of her room several times. I didn't do anything different except follow her cues. If I tried to do the rubdown one night & it didn't work, I just went back to giving her a little more time for a few weeks.

J.,
Does your son still take a nap? If he does, I would work at having naptime in his room on his bed. Perform the night time routine during naptime, reading books, or sippy drink. Baby steps. Once he can take naps in his room, you can be to work toward his sleeping his bed at night.

Years ago, when my oldest was making the transition to a big boy bed this is what we did. We read a couple of books, then picked one and read it repeatedly. (Good Night Moon, about 10-15 times). Eventually my son would get bored and fall asleep. When he woke up during the night, we used few words. We tried hard to not let him get out of bed by getting to him before he got to us. He was good sleeper. Perhaps, he would have been a good sleeper, even if we did nothing. All children are different and no two respond to the same parenting the same way.

You didn't make a mistake by letting him sleep with you. You and Dad did what worked for your family at the time. Sleep is a very precious commodity. No one can function properly without it.

Good luck.
~K.