My 9 Month Old Will Not Go to Sleep in His Crib

Just be patient...he will eventually learn to sleep on his own. You're doing the right thing by letting him cry it out because it sounds like a behavior issue. I would go in the room when he's crying every 10 minutes or so and lay him down without saying a word. He will get the idea if you're consistent and don't give in to picking him up. The crying will become less and less every time you do this & eventually stop. Maybe try giving him a book to look at until he falls asleep
This worked with all 3 of my kids and they've been fantastic sleepers.
Blessings,
Steph

I had this problem with my youngest at about 7 months and she would cry until she threw up. I went to my pediatrician thinking something must be wrong. He said it was with me. He told me that whatever I did do not remove her from the bed. To clean her and the bed with her in it. That she knew she was boss and I had to let her know I was in charge. It only took 2 times and this whole crying, throwing up scene was over for good. It was hard hearing her scream but it worked. V.

When my 2nd baby was about that age, I found that the sound of a running hair dryer on "low" setting would sometimes knock him out in a matter of minutes. I'd hold him on my shoulder and have the hair dryer in the other hand. Letting the baby nurse to sleep is also works wonders. I know that's gonna freak some people out, though, if the ONLY "right" thing to do is to have a battle of wills with my baby to show him my will is stronger, I'm the one in control, yadda yadda. Someone even actually said that the cry-it-out method is the ONLY way. I mean, I think she was actually serious!

There are many better ways than CIO. Cuddling and nurturing your child won't harm him. Letting him fall asleep near you will help comfort him. Turn off the lights and use a booklight to read stories while you snuggle him.
Sing to him or play a CD of lullabies. Try warm camomile or Sleepytime tea (don't sweeten with honey if under 1 year old). Try a baby massage. I once had my baby crash out naked on a folded towels on the floor of the bathroom (under bright lights) because the post-bath massage knocked him out. Lie next to him so he can be soothed by the sound of your heartbeat and you can breathe on the top of his head - that works wonders for my kid. Let him nurse to sleep. (Make sure that he's REALLY out before you transfer him to his bed or any other surface. While you're getting him to sleep, put a heating pad on his mattress to warm up the spot where you want to put him down. Of course, remove it before you put the baby in.) Get into a nightly routine or ritual, but don't get too hung up on "consistency". Do whatever works for you - bath/massage/stories/songs/nursing - but be able to recognize if he's not falling for the same-old routine.
Have dad hold him and rock him to sleep in his arms - the deep sound of dad's humming voice can soothe them. Rock them on your shoulder, in a glider or rocker, walk the hallway while singing to them. Let them fall asleep in a baby sling and then gently lie them down and squirm out of the sling. What about those baby swings? My 2nd son had a really comfortable swing that reclined back, and he would sleep so well in that thing! Even when he got so big that it couldn't push him, if I got him to fall asleep ion my shoulder, I could transfer him to the swing and he'd stay asleep for a looong time. Get one of those clocks that can make the sounds of the ocean or wind in the trees. (This has helped by baby "stay" asleep longer, by blocking out the sound of barking dogs, or big brothers playing downstairs). "Consistency" is overstated - stay flexible! What worked one night might not work later. (My beloved hairdryer technique gradually became less effective.)
Is it teething? Try Orajel. Is it illness or fever or did he recently get a vaccination? Try a pain reliever recommended by your doctor. (NOT Benadryl, though.)
I hate to recommend "taking them for a drive" with gas prices this high, and the fact that they usually wake up when you take them out of the car. But if he's still in a removable "bucket seat", you may be able to get him to sleep that way, and then bring him inside, bucket and all, and put him in a dark room with a baby monitor while you do stuff downstairs. But you've gotta move quick when they wake up, or they'll get MAD. :)

More ideas here:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
Check out Elizabeth Pantley's "No-Cry Sleep Solution" for lots of other ideas.
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/index.html

I don't understand why people keep telling to you it is a MISTAKE to cuddle, rock, or console your child. It's the most natural thing in the world. The baby is soothed, mom is calm. How can this possibly be *wrong*?

Your goal is to make sure everyone in the house gets enough sleep while respecting the NEEDS of your baby. A baby's "wants" and "needs" are one in the same. There is no distinction. He's not asking for a pony - he's letting you know that he needs to be held, comforted, to be kept safe and secure. It's not that unreasonable a request, when you get right down to it.

We all accept that we have to help a baby to eat, because he can't do that on his own. We help them walk, before they learn to do that on their own? We accept that our children need to be around us (or some adult) during the day. Why do so many people treat sleep differently? Why are so many people insisting "DON'T PICK HIM UP?" He doesn't stop being hungry or lonely or in need of nurturing just because it's dark outside! Crying at night makes "those vocal chords good and strong"?!?! I suppose next they'll say that crying makes those tear ducts good and strong. I GUARANTEE YOU that "weak vocal chords" in the LEAST of my problems!!!

I, for one, *do* pick him up, it's not a "mistake" that only "new moms" do. I'm hardly the only one. I don't think we are "doing the wrong thing". I don't let the baby cry alone at night, EVER. (Or the "big kid" either, although he's usually down for the count.) They *will* learn to sleep independently - it's a developmental milestone and children will do this on their own, even if nothing is done to actively encourage it. You don't need to push.

Leaving a baby to cry in a room alone won't "make him independent", and this isn't just my hair-brained opinion.
The nation's top medical schools have researched infant sleep and published studies in peer-reviewed medical journals. They have shown that it can have long-term psychological effects.

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNe...

http://drbenkim.com/articles-attachment-parenting.html

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/attachmentparenting/cio.htm

M.-

I have three children-all past the newborn stages. Each had different sleep patterns, but it is very important that your child learn to sleep on his own. It will establish his sleep pattern for the rest of his life. Crying is normal. Make sure his basic needs are met and simply lay him down in his crib. He may cry, let it go for a couple of minutes, come back, reassure him-rub his back and leave. Do not pick him up. Soft reassuring voice commands and loving touches only. Keep repeating the pattern, but add a little more time between the soothing moments. Eventually, he will realize you will come back, but he needs to sleep in the crib. It will take a couple of long weeks, but it will eventually happen.

If this is your first child, it is a hard process. The worst thing you can do in my opinion is to over induldge your child because you need your rest, period.

Hi M.,
My heart goes out to you. I went through the same thing with both of my "strong spirited" children. Basically they know they've got you if you continually return to them. You have to remember, they come here with a little mind and personality of their own. If they cry...we change them. If they cry we feed them....this started from day one :) So the older they get the harder it can be. If you don't have an evening routine, try to start one. Even if its a last feeding/bottle, wipe/brush their teeth and then story time. The main thing is that they have to go down awake. I have read every book you can imagine. Even got desperate and ordered an ebook about helping your children sleep. Bottom line he will have to cry it out. One book I read that gave the analogy of....imagine going to sleep and then waking up in your bed but your bed has been moved to the backyard. The author says that is what happens when a child falls asleep in your arms and then wakes up in his crib. They are scared and don't know how they got there. Try to establish a routine for nap time and evening. We also have a CD player that plays all night in both kids rooms, plus an air filter (creates a low hum). Maybe even have a special nighty night bear/lovely or something could help. I promise you will be able to look back at this at some point its just hard while you are in the midst of it. Hang in there mommy!

The best suggestion that I can give you is what worked for my own son who is now 2 1/2. My husband started letting him fall asleep with him in his chair and it was difficult to get him to sleep in his crib again.

First, we started out by sitting by the crib holding his hand while reading a book. Insist that he has to lay down, but continue reading and ignore the screaming. Our son, eventually sat down to see and listen to the story. We did this every night for a while. Then, we stopped holding his hand and read a book until he finally fell asleep. Then we gradually worked up to reading a book, then sitting a foot or so away from the bed, then 2 feet, etc. until we were at the door. Eventually he fell asleep on his own. He is now in his toddler bed, we still read a story and lay on the floor for a couple of minutes (he is in his bed) and then we say goodnight and leave him to fall asleep on his own.

This worked well for us, but every child is different. We couldn't do the cry it out method. I know there are those that swear by it, but it didn't work for us. We all ended up sleepy and stressed with a baby that was still awake.

Good Luck!

M.:
Do you have room to where you could put his crib next to your bed, so he could sleep in his crib and be in the room with you.
P. S

I had this problem with my son too. I couldn't listen to him cry for an hour, it just was too hard. The following worked for me: I would lay him down to sleep and sit on a little stool outside the crib and read him a story, I would give him his pet stuffed pig and tell him he was time to close his eyes and go to sleep then leave. But the twist that I learned from a friend was to go back in 5 minutes, then 10 minutes then 20 minutes and so on. My friend said that we needed to form a routine and it worked! It took about a week before it started to work but it finally did! Hope it works for you!

It is coming to a point where you are getting burned out mentally and physically and you don't want that. You are going to have to dim the lights and let him cry over a hour or more. Try to play some soft music. The first week will be frustrating but soon of later he will get the point. Holding him and picking him up is making the matter worst off each day. Is he full enough when he goes to sleep? When is his sleeping schedule where he is just tired and cant stay up? Do you hold him a lot during the the day? Keep trying with the cry out and it want hurt to crack the door and let him cry it out, because eventually is is going to get so tired and fall of asleep.

Childcare provider and a mother of 3

Okay--I've seriously read every sleep book on the market and tried them all as we were DESPERATE for our (formerly colicky, rocked all of the time) baby to just fall asleep on her own without any help from us. First we tackled bedtime with a combination of Ferber and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (both cry it out methods). Night one (HORRIBLE, I know!) involved about 2 hours of crying. We checked in every 1, then, 3, then 5, then 10 minute intervals until she FINALLY fell asleep. On that first night, we had a very long and soothing pre-bedtime routine and put her to bed later than usual to ensure maximum tiredness. 2nd night--same pre-bedtime ritual and later bedtime, but guess what? only 20 minutes of crying! 3rd night she cried maybe 5 minutes, then babled for 20 and WENT TO SLEEP ALL BY HERSELF and we've never looked back. You really have to trust the system. It will work with a few nights of dilligence and heartache, it WILL work. It's when you give in (and it IS hard to listen to your angel cry so much) that you create bigger problems. Lots of moms on here will give you flack for and try to talk you out of cry it out methods, but it works if you do it properly and with compassion and all those restful nights in your future will make you a better mom! We went from having the WORST sleeper to a great one and she seems none the worse for all the crying. She is now 2 and happy, healthy, sociable, and sweet as pie! For middle of the night awakenings during this training period, we did not go in at all unless we thought she was hungry and she woke up and cried a couple of times for about 10 minutes each time, but not again after that first night. After bedtime was taken care of and baby had a few days to catch up on sleep, we did naps in the same way. Hang in there and good luck--sleep is on the way!!

I know it hard but stay strong. It will take a few nights but he will get it. My daughter would scream and scream but she finally got it.
You aren't doing anything wrong you are just having to teach him something new that he doesn't want to do.

While i never had the problem with him sleeping in my bed, i nursed for the first 6 months of my sons life, which ultimately meant he fell asleep on me at his nite time feeding, and i put him in his crib. As time past, the bedtime feeding stopped and I ran into the problem of getting him to bed on his own. I know you said youve tried the cry-out method and he wasnt happy for an hour. Unfortunately, I think that is the ONLY way to make it happen. My son cried at first for a 1/2 hour the first nite, and 15 mintues the next. On the third nite it was only 5 minutes, and every nite after he actually reached for his crib. Be strong, and let him cry, he wont hurt anything being in his crib (as long as there are no hard toys ofcourse!) and if anything, he'll make those vocal cords nice and strong. Its so hard to hear your own child crying like that, but hold out! The results are so nice to deal with, and give you more mommy-time at nite! Also what helped was a small process before bed. Get the pajamas on, wash up if he hasnt had a bath, say goodnite to everyone (even if we had guests he went along and said goodnite to everyone.) We ususally give hugs, fives, kisses, and my son (now 4) has added 'knuckles' into the mix!

And remember... when your child wakes up in the middle of the nite, DO NOT GO GET HIM!! continue to let him cry it out, which surprisingly, will not even last that long, it just sometimes seems like its forever!! WHen you do see him in the morning, remember to praise him for sleeping in his own crib!! Use positive voice and let him know that you are proud of him, this helps, and when babies get praise and claps, they want to get more! It may help him realize that he himself, did the right thing too!!

Good Luck!!

i know this is so hard - i have been there! and i didn't find the magical answer. but keep in mind that 9 months is one of the first times he'll experience separation anxiety, so right now it's going to be extra challenging. my pediatrician recommended this method, and we did it, and it worked (though it took a couple of months):
establish a bedtime routine that does not change one bit. do the same things in the same order at the same time every single night. one "soothing technique" (rocking, lullaby, etc.), is fine, but keep it to a minimum. lay him in his crib, pat him, say good night, and leave. let him cry for 15 minutes. go back in - don't pick him up - and pat him briefly, speak a soothing word, and leave again for 15 minutes. eventually he'll get it.
now i will say i hated this when we did it with my daughter, but it was comforting for me to have a set of rules to follow because it is such a horrible, deep-in-the-bones physical feeling to a mother when her child is crying. however, eventually we got to the point that she fell asleep within that first 15 minutes.

i feel for you! he'll sleep eventually - just don't give up! go outside while he's crying if you have to!

I've not read the responses, so forgive me if i'm repeating, but is it only the crib that causes him trouble? Have you tried a pack and play in your room or his? My neighbor's little boy did that too,(crying every time she put him in the crib)and when he learned to talk he told her he was scared of that bed. Who knew?

Good Luck!

Just for the record, my 2 year old has fallen asleep on the floor every night for the past few weeks. He prefers it to his bed, and he is sleeping, so I'm happy! Do what works for your family and don't worry about what other people think you should do.

Hi M.-

It sounds like your son may be having some seperation anxiety which may be causing part of his problem. I never felt comfortable with the cry-it-out method and used the No-Cry Sleep Solution books. They had some excellent suggestions and really worked for our family. What I've found in my experience, no matter what method you use, is that there is sometimes no quick fix. It is likely just a phase that your son needs some extra reassurance from you at night and it will likely pass...that being said, I wouldn't worry about holding him while he falls asleep. After a little while, you can try to slowly ease out of that routine but your extra sensitivity to him right now may help him through this stage.

Good luck,

W.

If he's been cryign that long then its not going to work. Do you have a naptime / bed time routine? or do you lay him in his crib and leave. If you don't have a routine you need to start one. something like feed, book,rock till he's almost asleep then put him in his crib, maybe rub his back a little while he's in there. then leave. if he gets up wait a few minutes , then go back in and lay him down telling him " no its time to take a nap" and pat/rub his back , repeat as needed. yes its work but its much better on everyone, less stressful than CIO. It might take a few times to get it . Also picking up " the no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley, is a good investment there are other metoids in there to try if that one dosen't , but you HAVE to be consistant.

Boy do I remember those days. I made the mistake of letting him nurse to sleep or holding him while he was asleep. Some times I could put him down and he would go to sleep only to wake up two hours later screaming and not stopping until I picked him up. A couple of ideas that may help because one idea may not work for ya'll. First of all be consistent with the bedtime/naptime routine. If you have someone to assist you whether it be dad or family member or friend have them be there for naps and you leave the house. Make sure they know the routine. If you have someone at night to do that as well would be helpful and you may even need to leave the house for a bit at night. We did the crying thing as well, at first I could only let him cry for about 30 minutes before running in there and picking him up. Then we tried other things that did not work but eventually I came back to the letting him cry it out. After a few nights of crying it out and I mean there were times when he cried for over an hour, he started sleeping through the night. It is hard to hear our children cry and we want to be the ones to put them to bed but do the night time routine, put him to bed and leave the house (of course if someone is there to watch your son). It is hard, there is no easy way but remember as long as he has been fed and he is dry he will be o.k. and he will eventually go to sleep. My son was 11 months old before he started sleeping through the night and now he is a great sleeper. We have the same routine every night and he goes to bed early and never wakes in the middle of the night. Remember your son is still going to love you in the morning because he is not going to remember that he had to cry himself to sleep. You are a good mother and only want the best for your son and establishing that routine now will be more helpful in the future than you know. Hope this helps.

Have no fear, been there and done that with my now 15 month old. Start out with naps and once you get the nap thing down, then ease into all night. My husband and I sleep with a TV on; which the baby became use to. So, I got her a tv in her room and turned it on for her when it was nap or bedtime. At first there was some crying, but she eventually got used to it. It took me about 2 weeks and they were tough. Hang in there, you will suceed. Now she waves bye bye to me when its that time.

I went through the same thing when my son was 6 months old. He would sleep in his crib (only if he was swaddled) for 2 hours at a time. Eventually I would get tired of getting up in the middle of the night and let him sleep with me, but when he was 6 months old I decided I couldn't take it anymore, so we let him cry it out. The first night he cried for about an hour maybe an hour and a half at most and each night it got a little bit shorter. After a week he barely cried at all. Now he is 9 mos old and sleeps through the night about 12 hours. Occasionally he will wake up in the middle of the night if he is sick or getting a new tooth, but he usually goes back to sleep on his own and if he doesn't and I go in to pick him up he goes right back to sleep and it doesn't mess him up too much. Letting him cry it out was one of the hardest things I have even done, but it was worth it. I suggest trading off with your spouse listening to him. Take a shower or go in another room to watch tv to try to take your mind off of it. Good Luck!

So many comments about babies not sleeping in their own cribs or beds. I know it is so very hard to let them cry, but they will never remember it ever happened when they are older. So do it now and have peace sooner. Put the child in the crib and knowing that it is safe, follow the other suggestions for letting your baby cry it out until it gets the idea. Use the crib for naps and bedtime trying to be home at his regular time as much as possible. We live and learn don't we. It is now payday and the piper must be paid if you get my jist. If we as mothers would think of the ramifications of all that we do with our little ones we could prevent lots of problems later, but babies and new mom's don't come with instructions. We just muddle through and usually what we do is for our benefit at the time making it easier and more tolerable for us. The second child comes along and usually we have learned to do things differently, thus life is easier and better for all the family. You have to nip things in the bud and ALWAYS BE CONSISTENT when you deal with children. When they have a firm loving leader and consistency, they will follow. If you are inconsistent they will LEAD YOU because they cannot count on you so someone needs to be in charge. No child should have to be the leader, it causes fear and uncertainty. The pressure on them is too great to run the family and make the decisions we let them make, that's why there is mayhem and chaos. This challenge and responsibility is meant for the parents because they are adults. Be the leader...put your baby in his crib, you can and need to do it.

He's used to having you right there, so this is quite an adjustment for him. Instead of the cry it out method, try rubbing his back, singing or humming to him, massaging him while he lies in his crib, etc. If you can get him to fall asleep in his crib while you are right there next to him, that is a step in the right direction. He'll expect that periodically through the night as well when he wakes up enough to realize that you're not there, but gradually you can get him used to just having you in the same room when he falls asleep, and then eventually going to sleep completely by himself and staying that way all night. You taught him for nine months that it's okay to sleep one way and now you are trying to change his habits. It will take a while, but it's worth it. The sooner you start the better. (Sometimes I take a book and read next to my 15 month old's crib while he falls asleep...he still has some bad habits, too.) I don't care for the cry it out method, although it works for some children. Two of my five children would vomit if they cried hard enough, and the prolonged crying makes me feel like they think they can't count on me. Anyway, I wish you the best.

I agree with Stephanie.