How Do I Get My Kid to Understand That I"M the PARENT????

Hi H.:
I'm A little confused.You asked your son,"who he thought he was talking too" When he replied by saying "YOU" You disciplined him.His answer was not only A legitimate one,but straight forward. What sort of answer were you looking for? At three years old,he isn't familiar with sarcasm,or mature enough to play mind games.You would appear to take everything this child says,literally,or defensively.If you continue labeling him as A bad boy,he will begin to believe he's just that. Playing on A small child's every word,nit-picking at every little thing he says or does incorrectly,is going to result in his having low self esteem, problem behavior and he will start tuning you out,each time you open your mouth.I feel there's an over emphases on some parents part,regarding authority.You don't have to smother your child with orders all day long in order to get him to behave. Your there to guide,not dictate. He knows your the parent,that you get the last word. He doesn't have to be drilled.It's my opinion that You look at his questioning your judgment, your decisions, as personal attacks on your authority.This couldn't be further from the truth.He is attempting to show you,that he's maturing,and developing A mind ,and personality of his own.After all, you don't want A clone of you,you want him to develop his own self image. You don't have to argue,or lower your intellectual level to that of A child,to get a point across.entitle him to his opinions,or feelings of unfairness,then without sounding long winded,explain why he can or can't.You also need to teach him,that its o k not to agree on everything,and admit when you may have been wrong.This teaches him how to be humble,and admit his own misgivings later.Your wasting a lot of your efforts,on minor things,that could be left alone,rather than escalated into something more.Learn to be more patient,and understanding.Learn to leave those things that are petty or of no real importance,alone. Permit him to make some choices,and stop taking what your three year old says as insults,and start feeling grateful,that he's beginning to use logic,and using his mind for something other than building legos. Conserve your energies for those issues that make a difference. I wish you and your son the best. J. M

I like the way you think, I don't believe a lot of parents feel like this anymore. The only advice i can give you is you need firmer discipline with your son, I think time out is a joke f0r the most part, with 3 kids I never used time out. I think distracting a child from bad behavior just distracts them, but doesn't teach them right from from wrong. continue your activities with him, but make the discipline something he will remember, and gets him to thinking I'm never doing that again, thats what mu husband did with ours, and it was a very rare occassion if my husband had to discipline any of our kids for the same thing more than once, he made the discipline count rememreble. J.

he seems like he is having a hard time adjusting to the new baby. do you spend 1 on 1 time with him while your baby sleeps or when daddy is home. hes trying to get your attention adn the only way he seems to get it is by acting out like that. maybe on dads next day off leave him at home with the baby (pump if you breast feed) and do a mommy and me day. then on dads next day off have him do a daddy and me day. it doesnt have to be expensive just take him to the park and lunch. or if you have the money to spend go to lego land, disney land etc. then once your comfortable leaving your baby with family both you and daddy should take him some where special. make a goal chart start of with him having to be good for 2 days so he can get his special day then up it to 3 and so on.

i have a 2 year old daughter whos already starting the back talk and i like you dont want and cant stand an unruley child. now im assuming when he said YOU! you got after him for the tone and not the choice of words. anyways i hope my post helps you a little.

You are right, you are the parent, you set the guidelines. Parenting your child is far more effective then disciplining the term discipline really means - a system of rules of conduct or method of practice - so PRACTICE being the parent you want around your child.

If he is doing something you don't like tell him what you DO like. You are the guide, the role model, the final decision.

You must keep repeating...we don't talk like that in this family, are you part of this family? (he will answer yes) then you repeat it, we don't talk like that in this family. Then redirect the situation. There is no punishment, there is only fact. This family is repectful. This family is kind. This family honors everyone. If you let the behaviour go once (and punishing it is letting it go), he will decide when and where he can use that behaviour again.

Kids are brilliant. They remember everything!

Here is the problem with "time out", kids learn to weigh the time away with what the "crime" is. They often feel that a couple of minutes in "the chair" is worth it. It obvioulsy is not working with him.

PS who was punished by him not going on the playdate...him or you? He is home, perhaps whining...now you have to deal with it or entertain him. Maybe he was even happy to stay home and have more "mommy time". Who knows. Either way, we got exaclty what he wanted. You told him what would happen, he choose the behaviour anyway, and he got what he wanted.

For the last 13 years in my house, in my classroom and with the families I coach, I have a guideline of acceptability. I say it, I expect it and guess what, it happens.

Gloria, be the mom you want to be and he will be the son you want him to be. GUARANTEED!

You are the parent, you get to decide how your child will act.

PS: What are you feeding him for breakfast...that will definitely make or break his day. If you think his behaviour might be related to the foods he eats, that is my specialty. I can work with you on that.

B.
Family Wellness Coach