my boyfriend and i moved in together. we each have kids. my daughter (2) is with us full time and his boys (3 & 6) are here part time. the issue i'm having right now, really just came to my attention the last few days, is he treats our kids very differently. we're trying to get my daughter to go to sleep on her own so we're doing CIO. well he has no problem being the toughy with her. and he gets so frustrated with her when he won't listen to him, and down right pissy if i don't back him up with her. and he has no problem letting her cry for extended periods of time. well... today, his youngest son is basically refusing to listen to me, and he's doing nothing about it. and his son was screaming and crying because he's so tired but doesn't want to nap. well instead of letting him scream like we do with my daughter (because that's what we both decided was best) he takes him on a car ride... something he'd never do for my daughter. i understand that its different because its his own kid... but i just.. i'm really frustrated. he always tells me that he wants to treat my daughter just like his... but... he doesn't... and i just need some support with the kids... if grace is expected to listen to him and i equally, then his sons should do the same, shouldn't they??
sorry for the vent. don't know exactly what i'm asking, just ideas to get him to see how differently he treats them.. and just some overall support i guess.
I know many of you will say he shouldn't be disciplining my daughter and i shouldn't discipline his sons.. but htis is what we agreed to. we are parenting them together. and so far it has worked rather welll... i've just noticed this one little thing...
we have talked about this alot. and for the most part it has gotten better. we are a much more united front with all of the kids. there are still little things that irritate me, but as time goes on things get fairer and fairer... we are now engaged and i think that has helped him to see how much of a family we are and how we need to imrpove. things in my house are much calmer and happier now. thank you for your advice.
Just wanted to mention that this is certainly not "O. little thing"! This is the kind of thing that builds resentment over the years. Can't you just talk to him about it openly and honestly?
Talk to each other and be open and honest. My fiancee and I were having this same problem (I have a 6 yo son, he doesn't have kids). I thought he was being too strict and harsh. We've fought about it and I told him he couldn't discipline my son anymore. That was a mistake. He needs to have a say and you need to support him. If he's doing something you think is unfair, you need to talk to him about AWAY from your daughter. Don't contradict in front of your child - that tells her that his opinion doesn't matter. Even if I disagree with my fiancee, I don't interfere unless I feel something is very wrong with his discipline/tone/etc.
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Tell him just what you told us. Sounds like you guys need to sit down and really talk.
This will be REALLY hard parents feel very guilty when they are part time. and men esp feel differently about their own flesh and blood. can you go to a family counselor?
Both of you are parents and should discipline the kids together.
I don't agree that you can't correct a child in your home.
Personally, it would really bother me if my daughter were treated with less compassion than another child. It would be a dealbreaker for me if it continued.
I believe that any stepparent should be willing to treat their stepkids as their own or they have no business marrying the biological parent (or being in a serious relationship with them). Sounds like the two of you need to have a discussion, come up w/ a plan, stick to it, and back each other.
Maybe he knows the car rides works with his son where CIO may not. I agree that the kids should be treated equally but you also have to be willing to adjust accordingly because each child is different. I don't mean completely different approaches just tweeking it by child.
The kids to all listen to both of you.
Sounds likes your hubby is doing what tends to happen...he is a full time parent to your daughter so he can be tougher. He is a part-time parent to his boys and wants to be their friend or the "Fun Parent".
I completely understand where you are coming from! My son (hubbys stepson) and my hubby butt heads all the time. I feel he parents my child differently than he parents the two we have together. I do bring it up to his attention and all I get is, then you do it. He is always saying how my oldest is my kid and he will do nothing, if thats what I want. So be careful about how you approach the subject with your spouse. It can be a very touchy subject when you start talking about parenting, especially when they aren't your children (even if you feel/act like they are).
