My sister is in the process of getting a divorce and I don't know how to explain it to my way too smart 4 year old. They live in Wisconsin, and he would often work on the days we had family get togethers. So the fact that he has been absent lately has not been noticed as unusual to her, but I still need to tell her. How? She is bound to realize it and his kids who are pre-teens are sure to say something. I want her to realize that my husband and I are not splitting up and that her aunt and uncle still love their kids (and her) very much. Any ideas?
Hi J., I don't think you need to tell her. Even if she hears the word divorce she won't know what it is. As you said she never noticed his absence anyway. As long as she is experiencing normal home life she will be well.
If she has a question, then respond.
J.,
It isn't your daughters business until she asks. Also if she asks it is a good opportunity to talk about how different families are. Some have a mom and dad, some have a mom and dad that live in different homes. You can reinforce with her what a healthy good marriage is as she gets older.
Kids will make issues as big as we let them.
J.,
I also agree with the other moms...there really is no reason to tell your daughter. I am all for being open and honest, but this is of no concern to your daughter. I would just like to add that if she does ask use discretion in your explanation, i.e-if he cheated or was beating your sister-things like that...kids do not need to know these things at the young age of 4. I have twins that are almost 7 and we have just gone through a similar experience-however their "uncle" was very much a part of their daily life. They have not asked many questions at all...every once in a while they may mention his name, but that is about it. I think that we as adults tend to make a bigger deal about letting our kids in on things that they shouldn't be dealing with. Good luck!
If you feel the need to tell her i.e.) she will notice a difference. If she asks or says something about it then tell her exactly what you said, your aunt and uncle love her cousins (and her) very much but aren't going to be married anymore. If she asks why, just keep it simple that they don't love one another anymore although they still love their kids. I would not give much more information than that unless she asks. This is from someone who came from parents who divorced at that same age of 4.
I couldn't agree more with what's been said.. if you bring it up before she does it could make her think she SHOULD be worried.. which is the opposite of what you are trying to avoid. I woudl not bring it up unless she does, and then, those are good approaches, about reasuring her that its not gonna happen with you and that is just a different type of family.
