How Do I Be His Rock?

My jaw dropped. Why would anyone this that quitting their job in this economy before having another lined up with a good idea? Does he think you're going to support him now, plus the three kids? Why did he do it without telling you he was going to? That's warped. And to put it on you? I would be freaking out like crazy.

You only have money until October? That's not fine. Fine is a years worth of savings. What if there is an emergency? Car issue, hospital visit? If I were you I'd start going to work immediately, and tell him he has to get a job asap as well.

BTW, are you receiving child support for the childrens' fathers? Good luck, but dang, the fact that he quit without telling you is not a good sign. It's like he knew you'd say no so he did it on the sly. I hope you both are able to find work.

I guess you sorta have to put your money where your mouth is and get back to work while he is in limbo. Thats what partners do for each other.

Remember, your boyfriend should be MORE scared than you are. Since you two aren't married, I'm sure it's occurred to him that you are well within your rights to evict an adult who can't pay the rent. I know it sounds harsh!

To be a rock, remember--rocks are stable and hard. You need to be stable yourself (able to support yourself and your 3 kids on your own if need be). You also have to be tough like a rock. Tough doesn't equal mean. Just "be there" but don't nag. Be pragmatic and say that x date is the end date at which your income runs out. Make sure you know what he plans to do. Plans are specific, with dates and goals. Have him write his plan ON PAPER and put it on the fridge!

Rocks are good supports, but they also get walked on. I was my husband's rock for 4 years while he was un- and under-employed. FINALLY he got a real job starting next week! I stood by him because we are married and we never use the "d" word. Silver lining: I learned that I CAN support myself and my kids if need be.

I'd start looking now if you want to start in Sept... the application, interview and hiring process can take upto a month or more. The market is not the best right now, so some employers are taking there time. But you can get all your daily looking done early in the day & still have time for everything else too.

As to your man - I'm sure he is scared and fluttery inside as well... good relationships and lasting ones are built on working together and being there for eachother in hard times as well as good ones. You did tell him everything would be ok - so it is time to remind both of you that it will be ok... remember as long as you have eachother you can do anything!!!!

As for now, it is a good time to kinda lay back a bit & spend some quality family time together while you are both looking for your new jobs & the kids are still out of school... and I don't mean go out and spend money on a vacation (since you need to watch your pennies some right now also), but there are free things to do like going for walks in a local parks or around the blcok & hold hands or taking the kids to the playground & sit on a bench while talking/cuddling while the kids play or even play like a kid with the kids. Something else we do is find a movie on TV and have a movie night with popcorn and everything... we don't have the funds to go to the movies - so we do it at home or game nights can be fun too.

Just as learning to be in a "healthy" relationship can be hard... so is learning to be a "rock" since they go hand and hand, but I'm sure you have already been his "rock" in many ways over the last 3 yrs & may not even know it. He loves you and I'm sure by you asking for help you love him - just keep talking & listening... it really does help. Keep being there for eachother - honestly that is what a rock is... someone who is there no matter what is going on in the others life.

Remember - jobs aren't that important cause they come and go, sometimes like the seasons... but family and loved ones are what really matter - hold them close & don't let a "storm" or flood wash them away.

Keep your chin up - you guys will be ok! I hope you enjoy your extra time together :)

Yikes, why did he quit his job? Could he not find something else first, was it really that awful? Did he have a plan when he talked about this with you or what happened. Frankly, I'd be pissed, but I don't know the background story, so...

Honestly, I would be worried as hell... which I know for a fact b/c my husband was unemployed for almost 4 months and it was extremely frightening. My husband was laid off and it was very depressing, he had a hard time finding work and an even harder time getting the confidence to go out there and network, apply. People don't return phone calls, links fall through, other people are looking for work and not interested in helping you... My husband went to career fairs and even a career/networking course that helped him revamp his resume and with interviewing skills and such. It's free, you can find one near you here:
https://www.ldsjobs.org/ers/ct/home.jsf

All I know is it was very hard, and as his wife, I was online literally all day long looking for jobs for him (and me), sending emails, proofing resumes, dossiers, doing company research, looking for more education for him as we toyed around with him returning to school instead.

All you can do now is be supportive of him going out there and hitting the pavement every single day looking for work. My father in law is in the hiring business and one thing he says is, "If you are unemployed, you should still wake up, get out there at 8 am looking for work and come home at 5pm.... Looking for employment is a full time job."

my husband and I have gone through this twice now. It's hard being the strong one. If it were me, I would think one of you should be working. If you are trying to be strong and supportive of him, then imo, keep your fears and anxieties to yourself, for now. Only use positive talk. You will get through it-if this continues over 30 days, and he's not looking for work or anything, then I would say something

Yikes, well, when you talked to him, what is HIS plan? Does he have something else in mind or is he just going to wing it and hope he finds something soon? Not too smart of a move in this economy frankly. but its done so now you have to make the best of it. I would talk to him. and in reality you both agreeing you would "be all right" if he quit isn't realistic if you only have enough money to pay bills until Oct. But you know all this already. In answer to your question, you talk to him and need to both agree on a game plan. If it were me, I would think BOTH of you looking for work would be smart. I hope you guys will be ok. Good luck!

damn...i'd be upset if my hubby had come home and told me he had quit his job without having another one lined up...he's the sole bread winner of the family...

great that you have money until October...but this changes things...so I would TALK WITH HIM about how this is affecting our plans and start looking for a job - for both of you...

I would STRONGLY suggest counseling for both of you - you need to learn how to thrive in a relationship - what's healthy, what's not...he needs to learn how to communicate with you about his plans....

GOOD LUCK!!!

Go look for a job now. The job market right now is not that great, so maybe if you start looking now you'll be able to find something by the time September comes around.

It is a little strange that he wouldn't wait until he had another job first before he quit his current one, but I don't know anything about it so I won't make any assumptions. I'd say that your best way of being supportive is to look for a job yourself, and also help him/be supportive of him looking for a new job as well. Good luck, I hope everything works out for the best.

Hi, I see you are in MQT. I lived there for four years while going to NMU as a single mama. I was not receiving child support, and I managed just fine working part time and going to school. If you'd like to discuss community resources and etc, send me a message. I would definitely recommend that both of you start looking for work ASAP. Good luck! :)