How Did You Know You Wanted #3?

I have 3 girls. They are 4,3, and almost 7 weeks old. My husband and I except whatever God gives us. I've heard and been told that the more you have, the easier it gets. I'm actually finding that to be true. Right now I don't think I'd want 10 since our youngest is just 7 weeks old. I'm not really thinking about how many we'll have. I think God gives us what we can handle. Believe me, it is hard at times. All is good though and I always offer up (to God) the hard work. We'll reap the rewards!!!!! My husband is one of 9, I salute my wonderful mother-in-law!

We just knew we wanted 3 or 4 kids. I found the 3rd pregnancy to be the easiest. The recovery was the easiest by far (walking the halls of hospital within 4 hours of giving birth 'just because'). We might have a 4th but we're not even thinking about it yet. Your youngest is still pretty young... since you are undecided just wait until your son is older (like at least 2) and then decide. As you know, kids mature alot in a few months and his emerging independence might make the decision easier for you. The 3rd kid is definately the easiest... faster/easier recovery, faster weight loss (busy chasing other kids), breastfeeding is a breeze and in general you are more relaxed because you are experienced.

Our kids are 3 years and 2 years apart - almost exactly (all summer birthdays). The older ones are surprisingly helpful. They also entertain each other when the baby needed the extra attention newborns need.

My husband and I have been going through this for awhile now and especially since it took us 12 years to have our first child now we have 2 beautiful girls they are now 18 months apart. We fell that if god wants us to have three he will and if not he will not. We were lucky to finally have 2 miracles so what we get is what we get. We will be trying by the end of the year we decided but if it does not happen we are gratefully for what we have. Good luck on your decision.

I was the same as you--wavering between wanting a third child and not. My husband was leaning more towards not. Then it just happened. I got pregnant and we were both so happy. She is now five years old and my other kids are 10 and 7. You asked how it was being pregnant while taking care of two kids. My answer to that is that you just do what you have to do and sometimes it seems hard and sometimes its not so bad. We moved while I was pregnant with our third and my husband, who is in the Air Force, had several occasions when he had to be away from home for a month or more at a time, both while I was pregnant and while she was a baby. I had no extended family nearby to help me out, so I have to admit it was challenging at times. No matter what people say, it is more work having three than just two, but you adjust to it and it is worth it. I really don't think it has been an added stress on our marriage. Just make sure you make time to spend together as a couple.
Oh, and there is one more thing I have realized looking back on it. I think that the middle child often gets left out. As soon as my third child was born, my 23 month old seemed so big to me, but in reality he was still so little. I feel like I missed out on a lot of things with him because I was so focused on the baby. And there is still a lot of sibling rivalry between the two of them.
Good Luck! Best Wishes.

I am the mother of 4 amazing boys ages 9 - 8 - 3 - 2. The first two are 17 months apart and the second 2 are 13 1/2 months apart. I knew that if I had 3 I'd have 4. I found that with the younger boys that I was more tired because I was running with the others and trying to keep up. As far as the stress on a marriage - I found that there wasn't any more stress after #4 than #1. You will always have the stress when you have a newborn, there isn't anyway around that. The sleep - you learn to cope with that and when hubby is home, go take a nap. I had to learn that I wasn't super-mom and to accept help from friends and enjoy the extra nap when I could. I love my boys and wouldn't change anything about the way we are. Also, we live in a small 3 bedroom house so everyone shares a room. sometimes everyone is a best friend or the mortal enemy - i just depends on the day. I have found that they may fight amongst themselves, but heaven help the one who picks on them as that is when they show their solidarity.

Good luck with your decision. Although 4 is right for me, you will know what is right for you.

L. - working mom of 4 boys and the wife of a wonderful husband.

I think it depends on your age and the gaps between the kids. All our kids were not planned. The youngest is 3 years younger than the next and sometimes the gap seems huge when trying to plan activities as a family. He seems to get left out of a lot because he is 11 and the rest are teenagers and older. I do have a special relationship with him though. I grew up in a family with big gaps and it made it hard to connect with my siblings. I am the oldest and my brother is 16 years younger than me with 3 other kids in between. I think you are still young enough where age is not an issue. Having more than 1 kid helps kids be less selfish and learn to work together. But it is a decision that both your husband and you have to agree upon and if you have a good support system in place then why not do it. In 2 years the oldest will be going off to KDG and you will have one out of the house and 2 at home. What can you handle?

Didn't really want to have three children. Our third one was a surprise big time! I have a 4 year old daughter an almost 2 year old son and now a 2 month old baby boy. Now we have outgrown our house and we have it up for sale. Don't know how we are going to afford to move but I guess we will manage somehow!! Their rooms are just too small to share and they are used to having their own room. I was afraid that if the two boys would share a room, they would keep each other up (including me!!).
It was tough keeping up with two kids while pregnant. Especially towards the end. I felt bad when they would ask me to do something and I really couldn't especially if it was something physical, like playing!! And it was tough when the baby first came home and I had to get up and feed him during the night (I am breastfeeding) and then have to get the other kids up in the morning!! But surprisingly it is getting easier now because he is sleeping a little bit longer at night already (thank goodness!!) so I don't feel like I am in a fog as much anymore.
I never would have imagined myself with three kids!! There are days that they all get on my nerves but I love them dearly!! Can't wait until my mother moves closer to us and will be able to help out!! Right now she lives 3 hours away and we have no other family by us.

I'm due with #3 anyday. My son will be 4 late in August and my daughter is 20 months old. We knew we wanted at least 3 and for some health reasons, this will be our last. Since #2 was born, our family hasn't felt complete, like there's a hole, so that's one way I've known we aren't done.

I'll be 38 weeks along tomorrow and these past 2-3 weeks have been a real challenge. My older has "quiet" time now instead of a nap, and he does that at the same time as my DD's naps so I get a nap or downtime every afternoon which has been my saving grace. Other than the end here though, the pregnancy hasn't been impeding my ability to parent the other two while I'm at home alone with them during the day. I wouldn't let that concern determine whether you have a 3rd or not since that's such a short period of time.

I'm also better prepared for the stress a newborn causes on my relationship with my husband so I'd like to think this time around will be easier in that way than the first two. He also seems more at ease with being outnumbered now so I'd like to think he'll be ready to handle all three on his own for a short stretch to give me some downtime (something I really need if I want to be a good mom and wife). So hopefully the lessons learned with the older 2 will pay off with this one.

I think praying about it is a great idea. God will help guide you to your path. Know that He's in control anyway, you're just along for the ride! :)

Well, we were just beginning to even discuss if we wanted #3 or not, and we found out that was no discussing needed! We have a 3 year old girl, 5 month old girl, and I'm 9 weeks pregnant with #3. Needless to say, it was a surprise! I too, I have all your same concerns! I'm barely learning to deal with two, how will 3 work ... especially with 2 only 12 months apart!

Some practical things you might want to think about as you make your decision. Is your house big enough? We barely had room for #2, so we're in the process of selling ours and trying to buy another one all before #3 comes. Also, do you have a car big enough for 3 car seats (remember, your oldest will have to be in a booster longer with the new law)? We don't, so we're going to have to buy another one before January. These situations are adding a lot of stress, both mentally and financially, to our life right now, but we know it will all be worth it in the end!

As for being pregnant while taking care of two kids -- I'm exhausted! Computer time has been valuable for me! I save my oldest's 30 minutes for the baby's afternoon nap and then I can at least rest while they are both otherwise occupied. I've been told by numerous people that after 2, adding another isn't a big deal. I hope this turns out to be true! Good luck as you make your decision! I hope my ramblings have at least given you some things to think about!

I was 26 when my sister died in a car accident. I am so thankful that my parents had more than two children,(there were 5 of us) so I am now not an only child, and my children have cousins to play with. That is what made my decision to have #3 so easy. I didn't want one of my girls to be alone if something happened to the other one. #3 was a boy for us, so we had some adjusting to make. You have a daycare, so you are used to caring for more than 2 children at a time. Just like when you had your second, you had more crying from your first that you couldn't take care of right away, well with a third, you have more crying from two you can't take care of right away. The negatives, it's easier to get a table in a restaurant for 4 than for 5. When you get to 5, you are looking at a bigger table. Go to an amusement park, someone has to sit by themselves. So when you have 3, it becomes really easy to go for #4 to even things out. Just seems more natural.
Good luck in your decision. I'm sure you will make the right one for you. OR maybe you'll have like so many of us, and get the decision made for you.
R.

My grandma always says "One child will take up all of your time and a dozen won't take up any more!"

I think that has some element of truth to it. Really, I don't know if you can ever be really certain. Just have to trust your heart I guess. I was really torn about having another. I occasionally have little pangs of regret that I didn't, but honestly I know it wasn't right at the time so I made the best decision. Trust your gut.

You could be my twin! I'm 29, married almost 5 years to a man I've been with for 11 years, with a 2.5-year-old and a 15-month-old, wondering if we'll have a third when I always said I didn't want to be out-numbered...
I posted a question like this about a year ago and I STILL haven't quite decided what's best:( The monitory strain might be hard, especially right now. I like the one-on-one thing we've got going in our family. We need a bigger house (which we are working on, our house is on the market and we're looking for something else).
But I can't get that feeling to go away that 1) I never got the birth I wanted, 2) I have 2 boys and SOOOO want a girl, and 3) I love everything about being a mom from pregnancy through birth and nursing late at night.
I know I wouldn't regret having a third, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be hard. It's one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. I knew we'd have a couple so getting pregnant, while scary and new, was easy. But having a third goes against everything I planned for myself! Plus, I grew up in a family of 2 and I don't have any idea how having more than 2 works:( lol
I don't have any answer for you, but know you aren't the only one feeling this way.

I'm thinking about a 3rd too! I have a son who will be 3 this summer and a daughter who will be 1. I agree with someone below you don't want a big age gap. While it may be a little more work now I think it's worth it in the long run. There is a big gap between me and my 3 older brothers and I never really knew them until I got into my late 20's. That said, my thinking is 3 can't be that much more than 2 and when i was pregnant with #2 I didn't know how I was going to deal with more then 1 but it's all fallen into place! My biggest concern is how the jump from 2 to 3 will change how much room we need...a bigger vehicle, an extra bedroom...etc. Along with someone below, do you want to or can you afford such changes? And how does this impact their day care/your work situation? For instance I can't say enough good things about having my kids in day care but a 3rd in day care and it's not worth it for me to work anymore but I can't see not giving #2 and #3 the experience and education #1 has gotten from being in "school."...there's a lot to think about but I think you just adapt to whatever is thrown at you!

Hi. I'm a stay at home mom also. I have 3 kids ages 17&1/2 (boy), 9&1/2 (boy) and a 5&1/2 year old little girl. Their birthdays all fall in Oct, Nov, & Dec. I had to convince my hubby that a 3rd child would be no problem. I always wanted a big family and I'm still trying to convince the hubby that a 4th would be no trouble but he wont' go for it sigh) Ok enough about me.:) You said you provide childcare, then you are used to handling your two kids and other peoples. I think you should go for #3. Just remember when there's a will there's a way...Maybe on a weekend your hubby has off offer to take a family members kid or kids and see how much fun it would be to have more all the time. Kind of a try before you buy method lol. Well that's my thoughts on a 3rd child. HTH D.

Hi. I heard somewhere that if you are still asking...then you're not done!

We are on the fence too.

I can't tell you how to know if you will want #3 or not but I can tell you how I know that I don't. I can give more time love and attention to two children than I can three. My children won't ever have to raise eachother becuase there isn't enough of me to go around. They will never have to do without time or attention because I am busy with child 3, 4, 5 etc. I can still have time for myself and my husband which makes me a better mother and wife. We can have a very nice house and nice things without putting ourselves in debt because we need more and more rooms. We have retirement funds! We can put two children through college without making them have thousands of dollars in student loan debt. I know things aren't more important than people but you have to be concerned with providing and not just now but later. Most people don't take that into consideration. I'm sure you have enough love to go around. I have enough love for 10 kids but I can't manufacture time, energy, or money. Just thought I would respond to give a different perspective than your other responses.