How Can I Let Go of Negativity?

Can you join a local MOPS group at a church? I think if you had more mommy friends in the same age/stage as you, you would be able to bounce some of your fears/stresses/anger issues on them and they will be totally understanding.

I know when you grow up with your the parenting you describe it is totally natural to obsess about these types of things. It's like we lack the ability to refocus and shift our thoughts to something more positive. And in the long run, we are the ones who suffer the consequences, with the lack of sleep and productivity.

Remember that anger is like swallowing a poison and expecting the other person to feel bad. They won't. Try to find a local moms group to join for support. Both you and baby will be rewarded.

Forgiveness is the key to letting go of anger. Forgive them for the ignorance or bitterness that makes them say unkind things. They are a product of their experiences. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. Anger is a choice, and once you look at what may make people say or do bad things, you can simply choose not to let it affect you. Holding onto anger hurts you, not them.

I don't know if you are a person who has a relationship with God but, when I am stressed out to the max, and hearing negative comments from people, and when it gets to me so bad that I lose sleep, I talk to God, I ask him to give me strength, and to help me focus on my family and help me to let my anger go. I think it does a lot for me personally. Also remember, nobody is perfect, not me, not you and most definately NOT the person who is passing judgement on you. It might help to nicely confront the person as well. Just let them know how much their negative comments affected you and ask them to please keep their opinion to themselves from now on, if they are going to continue being rude. God bless, and I hope you can let this roll off your shoulders.....if your daughter smiles, that's an A+ on your parenting report card, let your daughter judge the kind of parent you are, no one else!

Hi Hon,
Wow, your letter really got to me. I'm so glad you wrote to the "Moms". Dealing with negativity that keeps coming can be difficult, because while you forgive the past comments, you dread you may have to deal with it again, and again.... You have received some great ideas, and I hope one clicks for you. I might suggest that you consider practicing a "Miss Manners" response for the next time you are confronted with an inappropriate comment and say unemotionally "Why would you say that?" Nothing else, just that sentence. And of course there will be a response, and no matter what the person says, say nothing, absolutely nothing, until (s)he finally asks you a question (Usually, don't you see what I mean?) and then you again say "Why would you say that?" After the second time, listen to the explanation, wait, wait, and quietly say, "I don't appreciate that comment, and walk away". This gives the person a chance to examine his/her comments and their inappropriateness. If someone else is present, still do the same thing. Blessings!

Have you tried writing this individual the meanest, nastiest note you can come up with - and then burn it. The fire is symbolic for destruction and then like the phoenix, you are "reborn".

Also, check into meditation - I remember an exercise for meeting and releasing those strong emotions, but don't remember the exact steps. I would think you can find it with not too much effort. If not, email me & I can try too.

Good luck! I'm so glad you are trying to let it go. Some people nurse it for as long as they can and it's not healthy.

The forgiving is the easy part, it's the forgetting that's hard.
Minimize contact if possible.
Your confidence as a mom will grow along with your baby.
Can you talk to a pastor about forgiveness? That might help.
And even if you don't "need" the lady that offered to help--maybe she could be helpful to talk to? You sound a bit lonely and maybe God placed her there for you for a reason?
Good luck!

When you find your mind wandering to the bad treatment you received, get up and do something. Anything...clean, bake a cake, make your grocery list...just don't follow the negative thought because it gets bigger and bigger and you get angrier and more upset over the inequity and ultimately it becomes a habit, it becomes your mind's pastime to revisit hurtful situations. You have to retrain your mind to not think about the people who hurt you. If those thoughts come in, tell yourself no, not going to do this right now..instead I'm going to vacuum. If you make a sustained effort at doing that, it will put the hurt behind you. I am so sorry someone hurt you like this and sorry that you do not have support available to you and your husband is gone nights to school - that is very hard when you have a young baby. Think of the future and how nice things will be when he finishes school

Look at the source!! Are they Perfect NO!!! Is your baby Loved, Safe and well Cared for?? Then you are doing GREAT!!!
CONCIDER THE SOURCE. It is that person's issue not yours. They think it has to be their way or it is wrong, well the world is not set in stone as long as the end result is , happy, safe, thriving baby you are good.

((HUGS of support)))

ugh I remember when my oldest was a newborn, I shudder when I remember the horrible colics she had. She was also a preemie and had to be fed every 11/2 to 2 hours; we had just moved to the US I did not know anyone and had no family here, It was plain awful. So congrats on surviving a colicky baby! I know it's such a trying time, and to top it off, there wil ALWAYS be people telling you, you are doing the wrong thing, using thw wrong brand of anything, wiping the wrong way etc.
so my only advice is to remember there will always be people like this and you can't feel hurt and anger every time one of these Debbie downers appear in your life. as I get older I have less patience for people like this and sometimes end up being rude back to them.
You have your beautiful healthy baby girl now so it's easier to just let it go, focus on your daughter, your family, count your blessings as they say.
I'm trying to do the same in my life, cut out the negative things and people and finding happiness within myself and my family.
have a great day!

I agree with Liz write that letter not on the computer hand write it get it all out on that piece of paper, then let it go even mail it to some unknown address in the Ozarcs with no return address. Then when that person makes a comment about you parenting skills say "thank you for your advise I am doing the best I can." and say it with the biggest smile on your face say it every time they make a comment that you are not too fond of they will get the point to shut the hell up. Or beat them to the punch and ask them for the advise on what to do it worked for my MIL she stopped offering advise because I was asking her for it and she figured that I would ask if I had any questions. Reverse phsycology (sp) works evertime. good luck

Venting can help, but mainly just getting that person out of your life. Whenever my father pops himself back into my life. I write out my nasty response (remember to remove the TO field first!), and save it away, and then send a really nice response. If it is a verbal thing, I TRY to do the same thing, or just walk away. Deep breaths, and join a new mom's group at the hospital or something similar to get you out there to realize that you are a good mother. If the self help doesn't work, try talking to a counselor, they can help with behaviour modification.

I have a two-part answer for you. Part of it is about your critic, and part is about you.

The criticism others give us is really more about them than about us. There's a famous saying: "We teach what we need to learn." I've found this is true of whatever critical things I think about other people, too – whatever it is I want them to change about themselves, I actually need to change about myself. So this critical person in your life is telling you something about his/her own inner workings, and something in you is merely triggering his/her inner critic. If you know this, you don't need to lose sleep over that person's criticism.

Also, I was surprised to learn (am still learning, actually, and I'm now 63), that if something that somebody tells me bothers me, it's because there's at least a small grain of truth in it. Now that I understand this, I can look honestly for what that snippet of truth is, and figure out how to make it work for me. Do I need to allow a bigger picture of what's real help me make better sense of my life? Do I need to lose a bad habit or cultivate a better one? Will accepting that grain of truth make me a more patient, understanding, or tolerant parent or friend? Those little bits of friction can help polish the diamonds of our souls, if we allow them.

So look for whatever might be of use for you in the criticism you received. And the rest of it will probably evaporate.

If you have trouble getting there, I hope you'll look into an exercise that I have sometimes found quite useful. Go to www.thework.org, and look at the simple process: Do a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. Ask the four questions, and look for the Turnarounds. It can really help shift the energy you feel into something more sane and balanced. Watch the free videos on the site to see other people doing the work. These are in front of an audience, but you can do it on your own, too.

don't let the comments of other people affect you
there's going to be alot of people who will tell you the "best way" to take care of you baby but they are not there 24/7 with the baby .
don't think about what other people say and enjoy your baby!!!!

You don't say who the person is, which could make a big difference in the response.

I agree with Kelly. Look at the source. It quite likely is part of that person's make up. They probably think they are being "real" but not realizing it is affecting your judgment as a M.. They will never change, but you can. Accept that you are doing a good job, nobody is perfect, and no two child is the same. You let go of the negative thoughts that are running in your head by REASSURANCE...Get the facts of what you have done RIGHT and write them down, rehearse them and it will eventually override the negative...don't dwell on it. We need negatives and positives, both have their short comings, but we deal with it and move on. Life is short!

Since you are asking a question how to let go of negativity I will try to answer that one straight because I am very good at it and it helped a lot once I truly let go.
You problem here is that you expect some change or appology from that individual that wronged you. Once you find an internal strength to accept them for who they truly are and do not expect them to be someone they are not - the aha moment comes! They no longer have power over you.
Their coments will not hurt, because you do not expect any kindness or understanding from them anyway :) Figure out that person's weaknesses and let go of your expectations on the improvement of those weaknesses, just think like "oh, that comment - it is so tipical of her!"
It is an internal process, takes some soul work but the result is amazing.
I even helped my siblings to get over some anger towards our parents by sitting down and explaining to them that you cannot expect another person to be perfect, or to read your thoughts, or be an angel all the time....the people do what they can and what they want, or what they think is right under the circumstances, and it may not be what you want but/and you cannot controll that. You can only controll you - how you respond. Work on that. Hope that helps.

Are you angry at your mother, is that the one you are dealing with? I have that 'certain' problem too from my mother. First you need to sit back and look at how lucky you are to have this 'happy 6 month old baby girl'. I did not have help from family and friends either. I did it myself but my husband was home at night. Mostly as a stay at home mom, we do- do it ourself. If you do not need the one lady's help anymore, then tell her thank you and you will let her know if you ever do need her help. As far as letting go, you may need to tell this 'certain person' that you think you are a good mom and are doing the best you can. If this mom was so mean growing up, do you really think she is going to be nice now? My mom actually got worse, I finally told her everything I thought and expected of her almost 2 yrs ago and truly expected this woman to apologize and tell me that she didn't know I felt this way and was so sorry.....no, she told me to grow up and get over myself. So, I told her to get out of my life until she could apologize for all that she has done to me. Again, almost 2 yrs ago and we don't speak.....immature and insecure. I have finally realized that I am happier and MUCH less stressed without her in my life. I do wish I had a mom, but not a mom like that. You be the BEST mom you can be, be on constant watch of yourself to make sure you do not do the same things she did. Love that child as much as you possibly can and don't let anyone make you feel bad. Colic is hard and no sleep is harder....better days are coming. Keep your head up! Always write us if you need us!

The best thing for me is the confessional.