I could use a bit of advice here (or even just a sympathetic ear). Christmas is looming again this year full of family (in-law) tension instead of excitement. DH & I went to his parents for Thanksgiving. All was well until he was carving the turkey for dinner. His younger sister’s dog tried to grab the turkey off the counter so he shoved it away. His sister, who at the time was holding our 5-month-old daughter & talking with his very-inebriated mother, turns around and starts yelling that He KICKED her dog! He yells back that he pushed not kicked and that she wasn’t even looking so how would she know! My mother-in-law then joins in and tells him to go outside. He’s in the middle of carving the turkey for dinner for crying out loud! This bad behaved dog has a history of doing stupid things and NEVER being disciplined. Due to this history my husband has had it and got pretty mad. We all love animals in our family, but while my husband & I feel that IT’S JUST A DOG and not a person, his family doesn’t agree.
The evening wound up with his mother telling him to leave (he was intending to anyway) and his older sister jumping in saying that he was being a psycho and me trying to hide all the yelling from the kids in another room. I regret to say that I stayed for dinner so that my 3-yr-old would have dinner & enjoy himself for a little bit longer. I was caught off guard by how quickly things heated up and I didn’t want our son to be scared. My husband drove home to cool off and picked us up when I called him a bit later.
Now my mother-in-law acts like it never happened. She was so drunk she probably doesn’t remember what really happened! Plus my two sisters-in-law are bad-mouthing him in all this so she probably thinks it is all his fault. One of them even started arguing that night with us on Facebook and then Un-Friended us. How old are we? Really this is so freaking stupid!
My husband is home watching the kids instead of sending them to her house. He told her that until that dog is gone they won’t be going there (My sister-in-law is getting married in January & currently lives there with her dog). He also told her that we wouldn’t be going over there on Christmas but they could come see the kids at our place.
I honestly don’t want to go there for Christmas and we’re planning on going to my family’s place instead. I am so upset with the sister that started feuding on Facebook for butting in, the sister with the dog for taking the dog’s side instead of her brothers, my mother-in-law for being a selfish-blind- drunk, and my father-in-law for not standing up for his son. My husband has said that he shouldn’t have yelled and been so mad but the main issue is the dog being favored over him.
I cannot speak for him to his mother and I don’t want to make things worse but I really don’t know what to do.
We're sticking to our guns on our decision NOT to go to his parents house for Christmas. My sister-in-law (incidentally not the one with the dog but the older one who likes to butt in) has sent me 5 threatening text messages. She's bringing up very personal stuff about difficulties that my husband & I have had very recently and no one but his mother could have filled her in on that. She's trying to hurt me & she's somewhat succeeding. I've blocked her on Facebook & she's already unfriended us both so I don't see what else I can do to avoid her. Apparently my husband asked his mother to tell his ssister to lay off & stop threatening me and she said that she wouldn't get involved yet 2 more threatening texts came through that afternoon saying that it won't help "tattling to Mommy".
I am so sick of his family. My husband has decdided that since he can handle it on his own he will no longer have his mother babysit while I am at work (just my mother 1-2 days a week). sSupposedly his mother is in favor of this. But the sister claims that we're holding the kids "hostage" from their grandmother! Good Lord the drama. Oh well, a few less people to buy presents for this year. :P
STAY OUT OF IT and LET HIM LEAD! These people are "his" family. Don't borrow trouble...let him stay in charge as it relates to them. I understand why he would be angry!!!
Let him take charge here please. Only support his decisions. You will be in a better place all the way around for doing so! Do NOT try to smooth things over. He is owed an apology and this might be his last straw...if not, he is pretty close.
Do yourself a big favor and go to your family's for Christmas. Your husband's family sounds like quite the piece of work to me, yikes! And the dog jumping at the turkey is gross. I don't care how much they love their pet, animals do not have a place at the dinner table. Don't stress yourself out with these yahoos and go enjoy Christmas at your parents.
Personally, I think animals should be outside when guests are over and especially when people are eating.
I was at a party at a friends during July 4th and her 2 dogs were trying to jump and get food off the table and I was shoo-shooing them away and she freaked out and said I was hitting and kicking them! It was so ridiculous and hysterical and so not true! It blew into a huge ordeal and we ended up leaving, so I totally understand!
I would say you are going to your inlaws for xmas and because of the drama of Tgiving you don't want to relive it again. OR invite everyone to your house from like 1-4 for an "open house". Exchange gifts when they arrive, have a few snacks and drinks out (no alcohol!) and call it a day. That leaves morning for your family to open gifts, and dinner to have it as you wish!
Good luck!!!
totally back away from the situation. Holidays are stressful anyway, there is a wedding coming up- which is more stress, & drunkenness is involved too. Is this really what you would chose for your child as a Christmas memory?
Focus on making this a happy time for you & your family......& for this year, it may mean without those ILs. I wish you Peace & Happiness.
That house has way to much drama and stress. Don't subject yourself or your kids to it. If you feel comfortable inviting certain members over to your house to visit at christmas, then do that--but don't visit their house again. Its way to chaotic and not good for you.
M
These are the kinds of episodes when you have to take a deep breathe, take a set back and rethink the traditional holiday get together. Your kids are still young but they will see the interactions for what they are soon enough. It is not written in stone that you need to spend every holiday with your blood relatives. We don't. We typically have a big pot-luck Thanksgiving with friends (no family) and then a gift exchange at our house for family on Christmas afternoon with just desserts and appetizers (no sit down meal). Less stress and expectations are minimal. People can come and go. We have control over what and how much alcohol gets served. The afternoon typically limits the amount of drinking anyway.
Just a thought.
Wow. maybe your husband should have handed the entire turkey to the dog? Is your SIL a Bridezilla or something?
The sister should have been watching HER dog.
If at all possible, I would avoid going for the holidays.
Ain't holidays grand?
Wow - lots of crazy going on!
I'm with Dana D. This is your husband's family, let him deal with them. Be polite with them if they call, but keep your distance. If they start bitching about your husband, tell them calmly, "You'll have to speak to him about that. I have to go."
Sounds like your husband is fed up with them - I don't blame him.
Wow, sounds like there must be quite a history here, for a slight to a dog to cause such an uproar! Figure out what you want. If you want to keep a relationship with any of these people, maybe just have really short visits for a while. Dont try to get through a meal, maybe just stop by after dinner for coffee? But be sure they know ahead of time your plans so they know to expect a short visit and hopefully dont feel slighted when you leave after such a brief visit. And always bring something for the host (or maybe even a bone for the dog?). Or invite them to your house - no pets allowed! It seems so ridiculous that I'd chalk it up to crazy holiday stress, maybe PMS too? If this is just one example of a long string of crazy behavior, then it may be time to pull back and just exchange cards this Christmas. Good luck!
I think your husband is being perfectly reasonable. I don't see why an animal is anywhere near the food when a party is in progress. My neighbors throw a Christmas neighborhood get together every year, and they board their dog out for the night to avoid chaos.
Seeing less of that side of the family could be a very good thing.
This actually sounds like your husbands battle. I think its wise for you just to stay out of it. In time and as things have cooled down I think it will be easy to get over this petty fight. And yes, it does sound childish.
As for now, it probably is best you don't do Christmas over there as it sounds like something similar could happen again and only escalate the problems.
Give it time, I'm sure after awhile things will cool down, and everyone will be less angry.
I agree with your hubby...He is definitely owed an apology and so are you. That dog business is goofy....It should be trained not to do that!!! Gross. Also, spend Christmas without them over a meal. Have short visits..You should not have to put up with that again.
Wow -you had a truly film-worthy Thanksgiving! Sorry about that! I would let him take the lead. This is his family and it sounds like they are a piece of work! How would everyone have felt if the dog had snatched the whole turkey? Geeeez! Sounds like your MIL should learn how to pace the holiday cocktails as well. At any rate, be glad you're spending this Christmas with your family instead. From now on, depending on what he works out with them, perhaps you should alternate every year or spend Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with the other. That way, at least you won't have to spend EVERY holiday with this crew! Just be glad the dog-owner doesn't have kids. Can you imagine what they would be like if she's this way with her dog?
I would put space between your family and the in-laws. It sounds like you already have Christmas plans with another family--which is good! They all sound a little crazy--but every family has some crazy in it.
I'm feeling rather sorry for the dog at this point.
The trouble isn't the dog. The dog doesn't know better, evidently. The trouble is the people. (We raised our family of children, and now we're raising dogs for a service organization, and our grown children say we're favoring the dogs over them! But we teach our dogs good manners.)
If the dog hadn't been interested in the dinner, something else would have happened. It sounds as if visiting your relatives is a real adventure.
Don't worry about little things like Facebook. Let your relatives do what they please with their FB pages. If they're writing about you right now, you don't want to see it anyway. You have better things to do. Don't waste your time stewing about them and being bitter. Bitterness will spill over into your own home. Can you find any humor in it to laugh about? (I can, reading your narrative.)
And please seriously think about investigating Al-Anon to learn how to deal with your alcoholic MIL. I think that's where the real problem lies.
When you don't know what to do. Do nothing. This family dynamics is just insane and the only way out of this OZ is not to click your heals 3 times but to just take a break from it all. I think visiting your family would be just lovely.
I know it is upsetting but if you choose to have the celebration at your place make it very clear they can't bring the dog. I know it can be hard to brush the dust off and keep it moving but there are so many other things in life that need attention. This may not need that much effort or energy. Once I became an adult I choose to limit my holiday time with my dyfunctional family and spend more time with a functional family or doing things for people in need. This way my holidays are memorable and special not stressed out and crazy. I hope this helps.
Animals really become part of family. Even when they do stupid things. What they should have done, is put the dog outside (or if it's too cold), put him in a crate until dinner was over with. Could have saved you all a lot of grief there. Easy fix, and they made a little problem a whole family issue, when all they could have done was just simply put the dog in another room during dinner. They don't have to get rid of the dog, but daggum, make sure the dog isn't going to create havoc.
What a mess your holiday was. I'm so sorry you and your little ones had to go through all that. May be you all can invite everyone over your house for the holidays from now on. Plus, it will be much easier on you all so you don't have to decide who's house to go to, on which holiday. That there is stress enough. I hope your Christmas goes much easier and more enjoyable. Especially for the kiddos. :-)
PS: I also agree with Dana D. :-)
good heavens! that's right out of movies!
no way would i subject myself or my kids to this, and it sounds as if your husband is on board. i wouldn't cut myself off from his family, nor would i start a new war by declaring that due to their bad behavior i was keeping my family from them on the holidays. i would simply state (truthfully!) that we would be celebrating our own immediate family holiday at home and would visit or accept visitors at other times around the holidays. then arrange to see them (as you choose!!) one on one, not in a drunken angry mass.
i'm glad your husband isn't as crazy as they.
do not spend christmas there. none of you deserve that.
khairete
S.
You should go to his mother and talk to her about it. Just start by saying it (the recent situation) has been weighing heavy on your mind lately. Try not to lay blame during the conversation, but speak your heart. If your father in law cannot stand up for your husband, you certainly can! Sometimes an objective person (such as yourself) can easier hold such an important conversation, because emotions aren't running high. This conversation is very important to have, especially since Christmas is coming up...Christmas is not about presents & materialism, it's true meaning is love & forgiveness. Love is long suffering-remember that. Good luck to you all!
me and mine are having christmas at our house, and only a few select are invited to join us (most wouldn't show ne ways) until the family drama cools down a bit and most still wouldn't show, spent thanksgiving with my uncle and my daddy, who i rarley get to spend time with and it was peaceful, drama free, everyone getting fat and watching football or sleeping or playing family games...LOVED IT. having christmas with a few family (maybe) friends and we're all getting together (including kids) and playing silly/dirty santa, or on the video game all day
