Hmmm - Parker,CO

Yeah, I feel like this site is getting nastier. I think that happens as internet sites become more anonymous and less community. I have observed it elsewhere as well.

Hi J.- I totally agree! I read through some posts last night and then wanted to get off because of the 'yucky' feeling of negativity they were giving me.

There have always been those who answer questions in a way that serves to make themselves appear smarter or superior. That's just human nature- people who need others to look bad so they can look good. Sad, but impossible to get away from.

But like you, I've noticed hostile responses. Calling out other members, and one disturbing trend I've seen is looking up a poster's previous posts. Like they're on trial! So instead of just supporting them in the question they've asked, making a line item detail of why their question is wrong or flawed based on another post. Seems mean-spirited. I suppose if one was just being 'thorough', they could look up the previous questions by that poster for some context in answering, but to blast their question based on this is not nice. (ie, "I'm not surprised you're having a problem with xyz, because you just posted about abc and you should have seen this coming").

I hope something positive comes of your post. I'm not sure of the solution. The negative replies seem to be coming faster and more furious, and it's hard to see. I really enjoy this site and some of the perspective that I have gained. And worst of all, I fear that the people who are promoting the hostility may lack the self-awareness to even get that you are speaking of them!

I'll be interested to see the responses, and who knows, maybe the mood will start to shift. I would love to see more people be lifted up instead of knocked down. Thanks for posting.

Oooh, tell me which posts are the most vitriolic so I can read them, LOL! I don't spend too much time on this site, but I think it just depends which posts you read. When it's a rather innocuous question like "I need new recipes" or "When did your baby start teething" there aren't usually any controversial answers. If you ask anything about controversial parenting topics like circumcision, breastfeeding, or vaccines, the crazy and mean posters come out in droves. I think some people just want to cause trouble, others may sincerely think they are being helpful when in reality they are working against their strongly held beliefs by alienating other moms. In any case, if you ask a controversial question you can expect to receive controversial answers. You may also receive real help and support though, there are still nice moms out there.

I've been on this site since it was MamaSource. I don't think the hostility is getting worse overall. However, the hostility was worse this weekend because of the numerous ridiculous posts. I feel that we are a community which means that some of us are more direct and less diplomatic than others. That's OK. It takes all kinds of people to make up a group. And a few are rude from time to time. Again, that's life.

One really does have to be on here often, at least a time or two a week or more, to recognize patterns and personalities. I know of moms who do come across as judgmental and critical but I also see them being kind and give good information. I accept them as they are. None of us are perfect. I also, because I "know" these moms recognize that often what sounds like mean is likely not intended to be mean. Sometimes direct responses can be mistaken for unkind criticism.

I agree that correcting grammar is uncalled for. It's a passive aggressive way of expressing anger. But........sometimes we've just had enough. It's most helpful to build in some emotional protections so that we don't take others remarks personally. It seems to me that many of the questions are the result of someone taking someone's comment actions personally and being unable to just accept what someone else has said as their opinion and not important. Take what is helpful and let go of the rest is a good philosophy for all of life. We don't need to shield ourselves from life by getting rid of people. We take care of ourselves by ignoring that which is not helpful.

Hi J.. I'm not sure when you wrote this - I think I missed it, but if it was this weekend, you saw the fallout of a group of troll posts, from questions and answers that upset a lot of people. Some was just silly stuff. Some was awful, including a poster who privately messaged someone who doesn't let trolls off the hook, and made fun of her for being adopted. We don't let stuff like that slide on this site, at least the longtime people don't. If you didn't see that, I want to make sure to tell you.

There is a difference between trolls and mean-spirited people. Sometimes we have trouble telling which one we're looking at when it's a first-time poster, and particularly this weekend when the site was bombarded by them. And yes, I'm one of the people who report stuff like this. Some people don't believe in reporting anything. I do, and I've been very upfront about it on the public threads. However, I know I'm not the only one this weekend who had it up to their eyeballs with this stuff and reported. A lot of it is gone now. The major one that is still here is the poster who privately made fun of an adopted woman, and the only reason her thread is still up is that she edited her info and took out nasty remarks. I'm actually glad it's still up, considering she called people "mean" and had the audacity to pull something like that.

There are some people who routinely make fun of people's writing and grammar. One poster did it on a thread from a regular this weekend. She isn't a troll. Her post is gone. Several people did it to the trolls because they KNEW they were trolls. Either that's "feeding the trolls" or it's going to make the trolls go somewhere else to play. I don't know which. At any rate, I hope these trolls don't come back.

I certainly understand not wanting to ask questions when there are some ugly people here, J.. However, we have a remarkable group of women (and a few men) who have a large pool of knowledge and can help you out. I haven't looked back on your posts or questions, so I don't know what you typically ask, but if you are NOT one of the people who come on here just to rant and rave and shake your finger at people, then we welcome your presence here. And personally, as long as I can figure out what you're asking and you don't blast me for misunderstanding your question, I don't care one wit if you misspell or have grammar mistakes. I don't know one single person on this site who hasn't made mistakes writing - myself included.

Dawn

I've always thought the hostility and judgmentalness on this site is absurd. I guess perhaps it's gotten worse, but it's never lacked completely in any posts I've looked at over the last handful of years (my youngest is 7, and I joined when he was a baby).

I wish people could preface their "opinions" with IN MY OPINION, rather than present it as fact. I also think some should follow the rule that if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all! Glad I missed all the hullabaloo this weekend. ;)

You missed an 'o' in 'Go' :)
Totally kidding. I'm a grammar Nazi but even I feel that it's pointless to try and correct people that never learned how to write in the first place. If it bothers me to read it, I skip it and move on. Just because a person isn't a scholar doesn't mean they can't be a decent mother, which should be what this site as all about, anyway.
I have noticed it, too, but don't discount the number of mothers that really do try to help out and give what they consider to be sound advice. There are plenty of them as well. :)