Hitting, Biting, and Pinching ONLY Mommy

wow...i went thru the same thing with my son at that age except i was a single parent. they do grow out of it and you did nothing wrong. you are her safe person so she feels safe to express herself and at that age, that's the way she expresses herself. i'm not saying it's right, but i am saying you're not at fault. what finally worked for me, and it took a while to find, was to have him earn his favorite things. time outs did not work for us at all. loosing me for a little while after he'd hurt me helped too. since you have a back up (or when you do), when she hurts you, leave. say i don't play with someone who hurts me. this didn't work much for me, but it gave me a little sanity. then, find tv shows, computer games, favorite toys, something that she can only play with on days when she has not hurt you. you might start off, she can use it at noon if you make it thru the morning and then again at night and then, double the time at night if she makes it thru the whole day but delete the morning...something...so she has to go more and more time not hitting. when she goes to hurt you, stop her and say "use your words". give her the words if necessary, "you are mad at mommy because she isn't letting you have a cookie." "it's ok to say that and it's ok to be mad, but you may not hurt". it doesn't work right away, but if you commit to it, it will eventually. sorry you have to go thru this, but, like i said, she will grow out of it and then you'll be onto bigger and badder : ) good luck!

You say that your daughter has developmental delays, so I don't know if this is going to impact how you can deal with this situation or not. My first thought about her not biting her Daddy was connected with the fact that all of the other children in her classroom are boys!!! I wonder if those boys are biting her ( and each other) when things get heated and she is afraid to "retaliate" because she is "outnumbered"? I would talk with the preschool teacher and see if there are aggression problems in her classroom. I would also ask the teacher how she deals with these when they occur.
As to teaching her not to bite you...please PLEASE do NOT bite her in order to teach her. Would you stick her hand on a hot pan to teach her not to touch hot things? Would you feed her candy in order to teach her NOT to eat to many sweets? Biting her to teach her not to bit makes about as much sense.
You need to get down on her level...look her square in the eye and tell her in a very firm but loving voice that she "hurt Mommy" and you don't want her to do that anymore. I like the idea that one of the other Moms had about leaving her or a while ( with your husband in charge of course" ...I would be careful what you say to her as you leave because you don't want her to think that SHE is bad...it was her ACTION that upset you!!! You could also talk to her about WHY she felt like it was necessary to bite you. "I understand that you were unhappy that we couldnt play with the blocks right now, but we need to get ready to go" Acknowledge her feelings of frustration, sadness, anger, whatever you feel like prompted the biting incident. Your goal is to help her deal with her feelings in a positive, acceptable way, not to just stop the biting.

I don't have a real answer for you, just to tell you that my son went through a stage where he was very violent toward me ... he was a little older, almost 4 but also has development delays.

He was very violent, but only toward me ... and the violence kept escalating - if I tried to ignore him he kept increasing what he was doing to get a reaction - at one point he busted my lip open and for several months I always had scratches on my arms and face.

My son is the sweetest, kindest, gentle hearted soul normally. So it was obvious to me that this was something outside his character. I could almost see a change in his eyes when he was going to start in on the violent behavior.

I talked to our pediatrician and got recommendations for behavior psychologists.

Anything physical back would not be my recommendation - i tried that at first, but had to keep escalating to get his attention so i stopped. Eventually I found the only thing that worked was to try to identify the 'fit' before it escalated to violence. I felt foolish, but about 30 minutes before bedtime (because his issues usually centered around being told it was bedtime), I would tell him 'It's not bedtime yet, but it will be soon and when I tell you it's time to go to bed it might make you mad, but hitting isn't what you do when you're mad. If you have to hit something hit this pillow' or something like that and i would repeat it every 10 minutes or so before bedtime.

I also found that the more sleep he had the less likely he was to go into a 'fit'.

He is better now, we only have an incident when he is very, very tired. I can't say we did anything to fix it, but now that I look back, I realize it started when his grandfather had a heart attack and no one knew if he was going to live or die. The stress in our household was high even though we didn't realize we were letting him see that.

I'm guessing if you can link it back to when she started pre-school it might be stress driven too. Probably not being tied to being the only girl, just the change in what she was used to.

I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor about it.

(PS - I think they pick on us not because they are the most mad at us, but because they feel the most comfortable with us. They know how we will react when hit/bit, etc. ).

Hi K.,
My son was a little younger, but he was becoming a "biter," and it was tricky to deal with, mainly because my hubby would *laugh* when our son bit *him.* (Thanks a lot, dad!) Difficult to discourage.

So, once I finally got hubby to stop encouraging the behavior, anytime he bit (or tried to bite) me, I'd take my son's hands and squeeze both palms firmly (try it on yourself: doesn't do physical damage, but also feels *bad*), and calmly (but in a low, firm voice) say, "No biting." I'd say it took about 2 or 3 weeks of doing it every time he tried to bite me or my husband; then he *got it.*

So, look for ways you *may* inadvertently be encouraging the behavior (watch how your husband deals with her aggression, and have him watch you -- teamwork. Talk to each other about what you see); then make sure she's getting a short, simple message without emotion.

Good luck!
t

She will do this to you because not only are you her mother but her primary caregiver. Biting is a "no" "no". If need be bit her back so that she feels it and I guarantee she won't do it again. What she does to you do back with a little force (not much) just so she gets the jist of what she is doing to you. She is lashing out at you maybe because she doesn't like preschool, you have to remember while in school everything is more or less sceduled. When she gets home, your schedule is not the same as the schools'.
Everyone told me to watch out for those terrible two's. I found that it wasn't two it was three. This is the time when right and wrong come in and even though you have been disciplining her all along, she understands more now as is being defiant. It could be that something may be taking place at the preschool that you are unaware of. Little ones' pick up from other little ones' quite quickly. With her medical issues however, it wouldn't hurt to speak with her Physician and tell him/her what has been happening and they may change meds. We have to remember that all this time they have been at home and then all of a sudden here they are with a bunch of little ones, learning how to share, to listen etc. My grandson has ADD/ADHD and Asbergers' my daughter found quite a difference with him around that age. I do believe this is when he started his medications.
Your are not doing anything wrong it is the change in her life that she doesn't understand, its hard on the little ones' and we as parents have to pick up on clues'. How does she act when being dropped off? Do you find that she acts up when you pick her up from school? Is she getting proper rest? Eating? There is so much, but just watch what triggers her attitude, then you may be able to tell your Dr. when this is happening?
I wish you luck, I know it isn't easy, my grandson was living with us at the time when he went through this stage.
You may msg. me back if you like, keep in touch and let me know how things went. Regards,

My 4yo recently started doing this also. I think most of it just has to do with thier anger, and us moms having to be the primary disciplinarian. When he won't stay in time out and keep trying to hurt me I buckled him into his babysister's high chair and walked away. It gave him a safe place to get his frustrations out and time to calm down. Just continue to tell her not to hurt mommy, after her fits are over.