Okay, my son is 12 months old and I am sure he has slapped or hit another kid at one point or another over a toy, snack, whatever...which we have disciplined him for and have asked daycare to do the same if it is a proble, which they say it isn't. Most of the time he'll do it to us when he gets excited or we are making funny faces, even though not ill intentioned we still tell him no its not nice to hit in the face....the problem I have is that in his daye care class there is one kid in particular that is constantly wailing on him. I have seen it numerous times for no reason when I drop him off...my son may be just sitting on the floor with toys in his hands and this other child a few months older will walk right up to him and just start slapping the top of his head! A few days ago, he walked right up to him and hit him in the head with a toy bucket! What do I do?! Do I raise my concern to the care takers, the parent, the director? I would not want my child doing that to another child and especially do not want my child being at the end of it either! I honestly can understand a child that age doing it a few times...that;s just a kid, but this is on about an every other day basis in the first few minutes of my son being there and it seems to be getting worse!
Additional comments: If the providers see the child hit, they say now now, no hitting. Then give him a toy and that's it. That's if they see him. This morning, I saw him but they didn't so as my son's mom, I told the other child hitting is not nice...this child is a bit sneaky, the moment the providers turn around is usually when he does it. He has done it in front of his mom before who says they have this problem at home. She will then tell him no and that is that. Thanks to all who respond!
Thanks to all those that responded. Since I had talked to the parent previously, I spoke with the a.m. teacher and the site director since this is who we are supposed to speak to about classroom events. She was very responsive and said that this particular child had been noticed as needing a more challenging environment since he is at the upper age limit of my son's fclass and that they consider moving the other child to the next classroom with the next age bracket. This is actually scheduled in a few weeks! Both the teacher and site manager said they will more closely monitor hitting/slapping and redirect since it is a hard age with the children not being able to verbally say their frustrations. The good thing is they do not see my son being targeted through the day just unfortuanelty in the a.m. since he is one of the first ones there, but they said they would watch and not let them get out of sight to prevent this from occuring as much as it has. Thanks again for all your advice! It made me feel so much better about handling the situation and trying to protect my child!!
You should absolutely talk to the director and all caretakers about this. Please don't be meek about it either. You need to tell them in no uncertain terms that this is not acceptable and find out how they plan to deal with it. If this is happening when you ARE around what could be happening all day when you aren't??
I would have a sit down chat immediately with his teachers and the director. I would find out what the "policy" is on hitting, biting, etc. I believe MOST daycares offer an "incident report" whenever a child is hurt. Now, a little hand to hand combat won't necessarily result in a report, but I think you have every right to expect that the teachers are watching this child extra closely since he appears to be in a phase of hitting. Also, saying "no" and redirecting him is fine at 1 yr old, however if it happens more than an infrequent slap, then there should be some behavior modification like removing him from the situation, putting him somewhere to play alone for a few minutes or at least being firm with the "NO".
Personally, I think "NO" should carry a lot of weight. My 9 mo old will get a pouty lip and fuss whenever he's told "NO" because I'm not cutesy about it. I think "NO" should be "mean"/firm...not "Now now, no..."
Also, if your son is "being abused" by this boy or at least the object of his negative behaviors, I think you have every right to demand a report of what happens, how they handle it and what happened with the other child.
If your son is being hit you have every right to know about it...every time. And know that they are doing something to change the behavior of this little boy, including getting his parents involved so that he is getting the same message at school and at home that "NO" is not a cute word.
Then if there is an "incident" that involves bruising, a cut, ice packs, etc. there should be an "incident report" given to both sets of parents and put in this boys file. There should be some protocall about how many "chances" he gets before he's either removed from that class or removed from their center. Obviously this is assuming this is a safety issue, not just a little baby hard touching, needing to learn being "gentle". The day care director should certainly be able to tell you their policy and make sure that the teachers/staff is following through on documentation.
Absolutely mention it to both his teacher and the director. If it keeps happening after you bring it up, find another daycare.
I agree that you should talk to the daycare teachers first. I personally don't think you need to get the director involved until you first talk to them. As a former teacher (not preschool, but still...) sometimes you honestly don't know when certain kids are targeting other kids, as you said, if he's really sneaky about it, they may not know. I think if you simply tell them, hey I've noticed XXX and my son comes homes and says XXX, would you mind keeping a special eye on the two of them to see what's really going on? Thanks so much! Then, in a week check in and find out what they say.
I would be upset too if this were my child so I think you have every reason to be uncomfortable, upset and concerned, but I will say this as well...it's never too early to teach life lessons and truth be told, as long as your child is in school and even at work, they are going to have to deal with children they don't like/get along with and they are going to have to know how to respond. I think it sounds like your son is doing a great job so far. Hitting is obviously a bit of a different situation, but as kids get older, it will turn into name calling or whatever, and your son will have to know how to respond and not retaliate, it's sad that things start so early as preschool, but sadly these types of behaviors are part of life. Good for you for teaching the right things and standing up for your kiddo, though!
well, this is a tough situation. unfortunately, that age is very hard. they dont yet really understand that what they are doing causes pain, they just know there is a reaction from it, and they find that fun. This child may not "get" it until someone whailes on him a bit and then it clicks, "that HURTS" and they stop
now, on to step 2 of this problem. anytime there is a bad hit, more then just a minor slap or shove, especially if it leaves a mark, both you AND the other parent should be receiving an incident report regarding the situation. so make sure that is happening! the other parent may not understand how much of a problem it is!
You do not mention what is the reaction of the daycare workers, do they run over to him and tell him not to do this and place him in a time out?
I would deffinently voice your concern with the director, asking if the parents of this child is alerted EVERY time he does this or not? They need to know how often this is happening and that their child is asking for help. He might just be acting out to get the attention from the daycare providers, or he might just be hitting just because and then the workers there should do something.
My son was a bighter, only when he felt he had no choice. He was in daycare and he would be screeming to get the other kids to leave him be or stop or whatever the case was and when no one came to his rescue he bit, he does nt do that anymore.
I am a childcare provider and YES you should talk to the caregivers. I watch my kiddos carefully, especially those that have a tendency to bite or hit. I also teach the other kiddos to "use their words" and tell the child in a loud voice "don't hit me". Every child has a right to stand up for themselves!! The children doing this not only tells the hitter that he's not going to just sit there, it also should call the attention of the caregiver to the situation.
Discuss with the Director and the teachers the problem and what you are seeing and ask "what are you going to do about it?" Ask them their policy and make sure they are following it.
You could invest in a behavior book that is geared toward the little ones to donate to the facility. There are some great books out there that talk about hands are not for hitting, teeth are not for biting, etc. and make sure they use it!!
Good Luck,
Talk with the teachers and the director of the center and ask for a meeting with the child's parents, that is well within your rights as a mother, especially with how expensive daycare is.
The problem with just telling kids no is that they don't really learn anything other than how to say no. 12 months is too young for a traditional time out, however I know there are alternatives to that. Good luck!
