B.O.
It seems to me that the childcare providers are not teaching this child what kind of behavior IS appropriate. It sounds like they are only punishing him for negative behavior. It sounds as if this child needs help to express himself in more positive ways, and the current staff is not professionally trained to do so. Most child care centers have staff that have no training or education regarding knowledge of child development. The requirements in this state for childcare certification are one of the worst in the country. Kids like him need more interactions to learn social behavior, not isolation. Isolation is what will create a true bully. It sounds as if the care providers are consistently isolating him, instead of helping him. This child may have a learning disability,(lots of disabilities cannot be seen with the eyes and cause children to be aggressive) he might require more physical activity to be able to calm during close contact times, he might have a vision or hearing issue, he might have high stress at home, the center environment may stress him out etc...everyone is different and reacts differently to the same environments sometimes...PLEASE do not label this child as a bully...he is a 3 year old for pete's sake.
I think instead of blaming the parents, the child etc...ask the center director what steps could be taken to HELP the child. If you get an answer that shows you that he/she does not have a knowledge of child development, you might be better off finding care that will protect your child and help the other child in these situations. Ask the director what the plan for keeping your child safe is. Ask the director how they have successfully helped children like him in the past be successful.
At my center, if this was happening, we would most likely:
Assign an adult to shadow the child all day, everyday. The child would still be able to interact with other children, but have undivided immediate attention to prevent the child from hurting other children. The adult could also closely model and promote alternative behaviors. The adult would also play alot one on one with this child to model behaviors and get to know the child very well to be able to determine his personality and what he needed during the day to meet his needs. After a while, if no improvements were noticed, a professional screening and intervention might be suggested. Has this center and it's teachers/staff taken any steps like these in the past several years? Even though you have loving relationships with the staff, you need to look past them and view them as professionals. Are they dealing with things in a professional manner? Are they using knowledge of child development to help him learn social behaviors in a positive way? What kind of training/education does the staff have? Have they taken any kind of guidance courses? I think that the problem SHOULD be with the center, as they are the adults in this child's life who in all honesty spend most of his waking time with him every week, and are in the greatest position to help him be successful.