Hindsight Is Always 20/20... - Littleton,CO

As a grandparent raising grandchildren I can tell you it's completely different for me than it is for you even if the kids are exactly the same.

We do stuff, we don't yell about homework, I don't worry so much about the day to day stuff than a regular parent does. I know that time is limited, kids are going to grow up and get there no matter what I do wrong or right. They need to remember the closeness, the compassion, truthfulness, hugs, having their back, looking them straight in the eye and saying that something isn't right and here's why you shouldn't do it, pushing them a bit then supporting them enough to help them succeed, and to simply enjoy them.

I am happy to say I love having my grand kids living with me and that they are the most precious things in my life.

I treat the kids with respect, I listen to them, I take what they say into consideration, I don't automatically say NO because that's what a mom should do, I let them do more stuff because it's just fun.

I always told my kids to become whatever they wanted and to be who they are. I never stressed a direction. I never pushed college, I just told them to go and study what they wanted, what they were interested in.

Consequence:
3 of 4 never tried college. My 3rd child, a daughter now 27 is going to school now after a divorce and with a 5 yr old. It's so much harder for her now. She has changed majors and is looking at changing again.

I never talked to them about specific schools or majors or careers. I think a little direction from me would have been helpful. My parents were just the opposite. They tried to force me to be someone I am not, I didn't want to do that to my kids so I gave too little guidence.

Great advice from everyone else -- I second many of them. But I also wish more parents would model the behavior they would like their children to have. Our children primarily learn from us and when we talk or text on the phone while driving, they will. When we cut off a driver who is not going fast enough they will. When we rush to get the gift on thanksgiving instead of spending it with family they will. I find myself being a better person when I think of modeling the behavior I want my son to have

Keep the long view.
Don't be their friend. Be their parent. Be their friend when they are out of the house.
Parenting is hard. Be willing to make tough calls. Be willing to say you're sorry if you made the wrong call.
Let them go. Let them go to preschool, and kindergarten and HS and camping trips and college...don't hold them back when they could probably handle it and it's you that's having a hard time.
Encourage them to move out when they are old enough. Have a plan and let them know that plan years in advance. Before you are resentful of your boomerang kid.
Keep the long view.
Love them always, even if you don't like them.
Teach them so that they can one day be on their own - even if they hate doing chores.
Teach them about money! Don't let them get to college, get that first credit card and blow it.
Don't always give them what everybody else has. If they get the ipad at 5 and cell phone at 8, what's left for 16?
Sometimes struggle is OK. Once they earn it, they'll be even more proud of themselves.
Praise publicly. Discipline in private where possible.
Keep the long view.

Instill a great work ethic. Very important. My oldest started working at a stable at 7. She was learning the ropes. I never paid for a lesson. She worked for them. She is now an accomplished equestrian who teaches and trains horses. Both boys worked there too. The did hay, cleaned tack, etc. my youngest volunteered at hospitals. They are all volunteer FF, two are EMTs. One NYC FF, another owns his own trucking business and youngest OR nurse. They learned early if you want something you work for it. Of course, kiss them at least 1000 times a day n lots if I Love Yous.

Open communication with no topic off limits... This has been great for us with our 19 yr old daughter. She knows she can come to us with anything and talk without being judged or us getting angry with her. Listen Listen Listen vs you talking too much!

For our daughter, college was never an option in her mind because we both got higher educations and work hard for everything we have. She has lived with delayed gratification all her life and sees the motivation we have in running a successful company. I believe this helped her a lot as far as her personal spending habits as well as study habits. She is one very motivated kid.

Her education was always her "job". We did not demand straight a's but we did let her know we expected her to do her best. It was very difficult (and still is) for my husband because he really wanted her going to a specific college (his school) and after the college visit she was completely uninterested. That was hard for him to swallow but he has done pretty well, especially now seeing how she is thriving in college and it was not the college he had in mind. She told him at Christmas... you know dad, I found "my" place in college and I am sorry it didn't work out for me to attend your dream school". Her goal is set on graduate school afterwards which follows in our footsteps.

She lives on her own now about 20 minutes from us in a condo we purchased for her. It was interesting to say the least and still is when I visit because as a preteen through high school graduation her room and bathroom was always a pit. She had the entire upstairs to herself. Every time I have visited her condo, it is absolutely spotless enough so that I feel like a slob now!! I chose not to fight the battle of cleaning her room and allowed her to get embarrassed a few times when friends would see it.

Choose your battles wisely. Know that you are always modeling for your children... the good and the bad. Be consistant with them and just enjoy every stage.

Let your kids know your are the Mom and Dad. There is a pecking order and they are low man on the totem pole. Show affection to your husband/wife in front of the kids. Let them see that Mom and Dad love each other. Hug and kiss your kids. Let them know you love them. I'm a hugger!! My kids knew they were loved. They also knew when they were in trouble as well.

Have expectations of your kids. Expect them to do well in school and life. If you don't, neither will they. Remember, they learn from example. If you don't show them a good example, they won't have one.

We went to church. Our faith is very important and we shared that with our kids. We wanted them to be raised in the church and have that relationship with God.

Time is a wonderful gift to our kids as well. We didn't have a computer or any of that stuff. We played with them outside or at the park. Played games and built forts out of blankets. Attended their activities and cheered for them in their sports events. Yeah, we are "those" parents!! I don't think I ever missed an event for them.

Our kids are adults now. They are 25 and 21. Our oldest is a college graduate and has a full time job. Lives on her own and is self sufficient. I am so proud of the woman she has become and I like to think I had a part in that.

Our son is a Junior in college and should graduate next year. He is also in the Army National Guard and works part time. He was a difficult child but he was so worth the effort. He is an amazing young man.

Would I do things differently? Sure. My kids aren't perfect by any means, neither am I but I sure found being their mom the best thing ever!! Well, other than being married to my honey bunny!! =)

I think the best thing is to make sure you instill good manners. Talk about what behavior is acceptable/unacceptable and why. My husband and I receive a lot of comments about how polite our boys are, I'm glad because we've worked hard at it. I do sometimes feel that I might have slacked a bit with my younger son and need to beef up the training. (maybe it is just that he has a different personality than my older son). We also talk about right and wrong a lot, we use stories on the news to start conversations.

M

Say I love you every chance you get.
I never heard it as a kid (ever) and my parents worked a lot. I felt totally alone and abandoned. They never had time for me.
Try to have one parent as a stay at home mom or dad. It makes a big difference. Don't over-discipline. Pick your battles wisely....I'm not saying you can't have rules, but there's a limit to what kids should be getting in trouble for.

Amen to Gamma G. Pretty much what I was going to say, other than I am a mom of older teens (and not a grandparent).

The other thing I would do differently is not get so invested in my sons' schools and the other parents there (finding the perfect school, staying in the perfect school, etc.). Looking back I realize how amorphous all that stuff is. Kids grow up, change, grow apart, grow together, etc. Some parents are nice, others are gossipy jerks and most don't care one way or the other. You can never predict how it will all play out. I would have relaxed a lot more and had faith that - no matter what happened - we would figure something out.

We used to take "family days" on the weekend and go somewhere for the day. I'm glad we did that now, though when they were little it was sometimes a pain. We've also done quite a bit of traveling and those are great memories too.

As far as my wishes - I wish we would have done more house work training. I also agree about teaching proper manners. It's easy to let that slide with boys. And I wish we had held the line longer on video games.

Great question - I hope you have so much fun with your little ones!

Great question! Anxious to read the answers...

Less time on cleaning. More time really enjoying the moments with them. Not sweating the small stuff.

Anticipate that they might become kind of miserable as teens, even if they are sweet as pie now. Be sure you and husband are on the same page with discipline -- don't accept rude behavior -- and you can make the teen years relatively pleasant.

Reading the below: And yes, listen. And yes, delay gratification. Make them wait for things or earn them.

Oh, also, don't get too invested in any idea of who your kids are. They are unique individuals and may grow up to be quite different than you imagined. And that will be just fine.

LOVE Gamma G.'s response.

Be the parent not the friend. It's easy to give into their demands but it doesn't do much in the long run. Your job is to raise responsible people who will add value to the world. Spoiled bratty demanding kids grow into spoiled bratty demanding adults.

If you have a choice between spending time with your kids or money on them choose spending time with them. Make them help you in family chores. If you make a mistake remember to let them know that you made a mistake and you are sorry. Don't bail them out all the time. The best lessons are learned from hard times. Teach them forgiveness by showing them forgiveness.

A mostly remember that it's a hard job. It's usually pretty thankless. But if you do your best and come from a place of love and concern things will usually be ok.

making sure they had down time and not always on the go or doing something. more hugs and more family time.

My children are grown but a video I've seen recently really was
sweet. Put down your electronics, people, (I'm one of those people)
and be with the one you're with. I will have to practice this myself.
Copy and paste
http://play.simpletruths.com/movie/love-is-spelled-time/s...
Also, act out the qualities that you want to pass on to your children.
If you see a homeless person, let your children hear your sorrow for
them. Unconditional love worked for me. Good luck.