My daughter within the past few months has started biting. Today my sitter called to let me know that she bit again this time she broke the skin. I've tried both approaches, spanking and timeout neither seems to work. Whats a mom to do? I've never had to deal with this type of behavior before. What has work for you?
My daughter is 19 months. Her sitter is my sister and she watches my daughter, nephew and niece. Each kids is about a year apart. She's bitten both kids.
A very quick immediate response. If she bites, give her a little flick on the cheek and a sharp NO. But it should be immediate due to her age. She will learn.
N.,
My oldest was a biter when she was 1 to 1 1/2. I was SOOOOOOOOOO embarrassed! It wasn't like we did it at home.
When they're little you can't give a punishment after school or even longer than say 10 minutes. They don't remember what happened. If they're older, say 4, and they can remember what happened earlier in the day, then when you get home, talk about what happened, how it makes the other child feel, how would they feel if it happened to them, make a plan for a different action the next time they feel like biting, etc. It continues, keep punishing, maybe take away toys until they're all gone, TV, outtings, etc.
If she's still little, then she needs to have an immediate reaction. She bites another child, put her in a time out, explain why, even if she's too little to understand. If she bites you or your husband, make a big deal "OUCH! That hurt mommy/daddy. That makes me very sad when you bite" then immediate time out. See if there's a trigger, ie. other children hitting, taking away a toy, tired, hungry, etc.
It's a phase, it was over in 6 months for us, though I have to tell you they were the most embarrassing months at daycare! I dreaded picking up the phone when I saw their number!
Hang in there!
Depending on how old she is, your response would be different at different ages. I would not recommend spanking at any age because it only teaches the child that it's ok to use physical force/violence/hitting - there is plenty of research that speaks to this. If your daughter is between 1-2 yr old, biting is a perfectly normal behavior, it may be teething related or because she is not yet able to communicate her needs/feelings. Each time she tries to bite or bites, tell her in a firm voice "no biting" and divert her attention to something else. If she continues, you can try ignoring her for a few minutes after she bites. If she is older, you can try explaining that biting hurts, and use time-out if necessary. Be sure you don't accidentally reinforce/reward her biting by laughing or smiling in response. The main thing is be consistent, and firm each time. She will get the idea. Good luck!
this is crazy, and you wont want to do it often, but bite her back...that should make her it's not the perfered method, but when she learns that biting hurts, she'll probably stop
Is your daughter biting other kids, or you and her sitter?
Mostly, what seems to work best after a bite is VERY consistently and firmly telling the child "No biting," or "Gentle," and then demonstrating what gentle means and redirecting the child's attention. Using harsh methods may seem to work if they successfully put fear into the child, but will send mixed messages that will be hard to sort out in the future. And in many cases, they not only don't work, but set the child up for further acting out.
Littles tend to bite when they are either frustrated or overexcited. Since this is an ongoing behavior, there is probably some sort of pattern showing by now. The best thing to do is to watch her closely enought to anticipate the times she's likely to bite (called shadowing), and swoop in and remove her from the situation before the bite can happen.
If she's old enough to be verbal, start giving her ways to express frustration or strong desires. The feelings are legitimate, but she needs better strategies for dealing with them. Since it's often a child who's been thwarted who will resort to biting, then give her language for "That's mine!" or "Don't pull me!" or "I'm mad!" Then guide her into some alternative activity that will give her something happier to think about.
If she's biting adults, then it might be a good idea to look carefully at how you manage her day. For example, toddlers need transitional time to let go of what they're doing and work themselves emotionally into the next requirement. They're not like little radios with dials we can change at will. And they have such big desires, so little power or skill to achieve their wishes, that toddlerhood is an incredibly frustrating time of life.
Kids can get through a day with less frustration if adults realize that their emotional needs are valid, and sometimes desperate. Time-outs, spankings, or even lectures long after the fact, or depriving kids of toys, treats or privileges makes no logical connection to the behavior to a child under 2 years or so. Using punishments like those will probably prolong the biting if they make her puzzled and more frustrated.
Good luck. My grandson bit a few times over a few weeks, and the tips above helped turn that period around pretty quickly.
Spanking for this won't work- you're not getting your message across! I know that this will spark a lot of disagreement, but when I was little I bit. My mom asked my pediatrician what to do and the doctor said to bite me back- not hard enough to break the skin, but enough to "hurt". Then say, "Biting hurts, don't do it".
I realize that this sends a mixed-message, but any parent that I know who has tried it says it works!
You can try consistent language. I have a book, from a series that addresses these issues. The biting one says over and over in it " OUCH! Teeth and not for biting. Biting Hurts" Then the book says things teeth ARE for. They have one for hitting, kicking, etc as well. (I do home childcare, so use all of these at some point.) They are board books so appropriate for young ones. The books are great!
It does pass....but getting thru it can be embarassing, frustraing and seem to take forever...good luck!
http://www.amazon.com/Teeth-Biting-Board-Book-Behavior/dp...
Both my kids went through a biting stage. Being bit, is probably one of the worst feelings ever. It hurts! And of course, I would let out a squeal when it happened that my kids thought was hilarious. I just suggest a firm NO when she does it. It will pass. I think most kids go through a biting stage.
how old is she? I did what Krista did at 10 months old for each child and it worked. They both stopped.
When my daughter was about 18 mo old and she started biting I bopped her in her mouth with my pointer finger a little firm, and told her you don't bite! I think the bop scared her, and she rarely bit again.
Good luck!
I have always had a hard time understanding why kids bite. When I was younger I worked in day care and had several kids bite when they didnt get their way or wanted another child to give up a toy etc. All I can say is my kids would NEVER get away with that kind of behavior. I know some parents dont beleive in spanking but I can tell you this, my kids know if they bite they would get a spanking period.
Also I would NEVER allow my kids to return to care where they are at risk of being bit over and over, its not ok.
I think parents need to take a firm stand on this type of behavior "it will pass" is simply not good enough for the child that was hurt, its easy to say that when your child isnt the one getting hurt.
I had a girl scratch my daughter in the throat really bad when she was 6 at day care, I was livid. I spoke to the school director and said that if it happened again I would pull my daughter out right away, thankfully the other childs parent was very involved and apologized to us and assured it would not happen again, it didnt.
