2 Year Old Biting

B.,
I am a mother of 8 and a grandmother of 7. Only my oldest, who also happens to be a boy, had developed biting. Pediatricians said he was just probably teething (he was about 18 months or so)and that he would stop. Well he didn't stop, in fact it got worse. My mom told me to bite him back in the same spot where he bit somebody just hard enough for him to feel it. I really didn't want to do this but I was at my wits end. He bit me on my shoulder muscle while I was cuddlying with him one day and I bit him back on his shoulder muscle. He looked shocked but he never bit again. I hope this helps you.
S.

Please don't bite him back. That teaches him nothing but that YOU can bite harder! Putting him in timeout for 2 minutes and making him say he's sorry is good. Help him to list things he can bite - pretzels, carrots, that kind of stuff. And is there an alternative he can bite like a doll, a pillow, a stuffed animal? That already is in the family like his brother is. I've only had this problem one other time with a 2 year old, and it wasn't easy to get him to stop. Bringing out the biting alternative at the time out seemed to at least give him the idea, but I think his mother's upset over it was probably just as much the reason he stopped. He is now almost 3 and it's been months since it has happened. Good luck.

Do not bite him back. That is counter-intuitive. That is like smacking your child and saying "don't hit". From my experience children bite because they are frustrated about something. Until he decides to get over this, you aren't going to be able to force him not to bite, in fact the reverse might happen. When my youngest daughter went through a biting phase, we gave her a bunny to bite. We told her that you only bite food, not people, but if she felt she HAD to bite, bite this toy because she couldn't hurt thr toy but she hurts other people when she bites them. She outgrew it when we took the power and fear factor out of the situation. When it was no longer a "OH my gosh!! how naughty!!" then it was ok to calm down and not bite anymore. good luck to you.

my daughter had the same issue but i use to say to her are you that mad then bite yourself to see how much ur mad and i would take her arm and put it in her mouth and she bit her self once or twice and then she stopped that is when she was in her bitting mode

My daughter is only 6 months old and doesn't have any teeth yet but I have a 3 year old nephew who used to bite and the time outs didn't work for him. I BIT him back. I did this maybe three times and no more biting. I wouldn't say hard enought to break the skin, but hard enough that he feels what it is like to be bitten. Explain that this is what it feels like when he bites his brother and its not very nice. Follow this with 4 minutes of timeout. If it continues, have the 5 year old bite him back.(supervised of course)

Hi B.,
Unfortunately, I went through the same thing with my son. My first child never did that. My son didn't seem to get that it was wrong. We tried time outs and it didn't seem to work. I consulted with Parent University and they suggested that he was doing it because he liked to see my reaction after he did it. So then I started being careful not to give it too much attention. Didn't work. I noticed that initially he did it whenever the thought occured to him. But then it seemed as though he did it when he had an increase in an emotion; like frustration, anger, excitement, etc.. We started talking to him about the situation and reading books about emotions. Let me tell you that I spent a lot of energy trying to figure this out. I'd say he bit for a very long time. It seemed as though when he could start talking, the biting decreased. It is very frustrating and I wish you the best of luck.

I see you have already decided, but I wanted to put my two cents in (to affirm your decision.)
When my DD went through the biting phase, I gave her a couple of warnings/timeouts and then I told her if she bit again I would bite her back. I explained that it hurt, was not nice, etc.
Well, she did, so I did (didn't leave any marks). I think the shock of it is what did it for her.
She never bit again.

Good luck!

I know this may sound horrible but you're going to have to bite back. It's one of those things where, like our parents told us, "this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." He will stop... Good Luck!

Although my child is an adult now, we went through the biting phase. Nothing I tried worked. It seemed looking back that he always bit when he was frustrated or overwhelmed. Years later, I read an article in Parents magazine stating that these kids responded best to being held and hugged whenever they bit, also see if you can find out what was bothering him before he took this action. Biting you child back does not help, he doesn't understand what is going on. The next best thing is keep your mom radar on high and try to intercept him before he bites. This is hard. My son would bite his two cousins, both a little younger, and my family acted like he was a monster. I wish I had known to try hugging and holding him while finding out what brought the action on instead of always punishing him. Good Luck

Hi B.! My sons, twin boys, went through this between the two of them. It was horrible! I never bit them... but they bit each other, so they knew it hurt, obviously! They eventually out grew it, although it seems like forever when it is happening. I would just keep doing what you are doing. My sons are 10 now, and I am happy to report, they don't bite anymore!

Hi B.,

A resource to ask about this is a Child Development Specialist.

Dr. Katharine Leslie at ____@____.com

or the child development center at CHKD.

Hope this helps. D.

Hi B., Dont bite back to your son, Sorry your MIL is wrong. If you bite back, you are encourage him to do so. Children will do whatever parents do. My son bit my youngest son too, and used the same techniques you do, but what worked is that you have to calmly take him away and console the bited. and jsut simply said, it hurts and we dont bite, only dogs bite. I believe my son just wanted attention, as I would always respond immediately after the bite... or simply approach him and he will feel less need to bite.. good luck

I can sure relate to you! My 22 month old went through a biting phase, then it was pushing, then hitting, and just about a week ago he bit another smaller child (I thought we had been through that phase already!). I know he tends to act aggressively when he is really frustrated or scared, but it is a hard thing as a mom to handle. With the biting, I tried everything- finally popping him on the mouth (not hard) to get his attention and getting down on his level and in his face and saying "No biting!" seemed to get through to him. It is such a bad feeling as a mom when your child hurts another child- especially the biting! It is embarrassing and you feel like your kid just did something so horrible. But believe me, a lot of kids go through this phase (some move on quickly and others, like my son, take a little longer and still regress sometimes)and it is normal for kids this age to express themselves/ get attention in this way. Just don't let it make you feel like a bad mom or that your child is bad. Try different forms of reacting to it and see what works best for you. My MIL said biting my husband just once cured him and I know it has worked for other people too, but I could never do it either:) I hope your son goes through this phase quickly- it is a tough one!Good luck and hang in there:)

Hi B.,
When my son was 2 (he's now 19)he also bit a child in day care. A couple days later he bit me! And I did just what your MIL suggested - I bit him back right after he bit me. I stayed calm about it, didn't yell and didn't bite him hard enough to break the skin but hard enough for him to realize it hurts when you get bit. Once he calmed down I explained to him that this is the reason we don't bite people, because it hurts them. He never bit again (and actually, to this day doesn't remember me biting him). I'm not an expert so I can't tell you that this is the only way to get your son to stop biting, but I do know that it worked for me. Every child is differant and what works for one may not work for another. If you're uncomfortable doing this then I think you should exhaust all other possibilities before you try it.

A two-year-old needs to be trained not to bite just like a puppy is trained. First, you need to let him know that what he did hurt. Whether that is by biting him or having the "bitee" cry out sharply when your son bites is your decision. Two-year-olds don't have well developed reasoning skills, but they do understand "THAT HURTS." Respond IMMEDIATELY and the same way each and every time he bites. Your older son should be taught to respond in exactly the same way as you do if he is the one bitten. For instance - "No, no bite, no mouth!! Sit down right here, now." The sit down is a time out period. The secret is in being consistent and immediate in your response. It may take a week or two, but he will stop. I also had both a biter and a bitten and I know this will work.

- P.

Sadly all three of my kids went through this stage. My youngest is turning two and had a period where she would bite everyone, especially her siblings. I noticed it was out of frustration. She still does not communicate well, and I think this is her way to get her point across. She took a bite out of the birthday girl at a party we went to in October...I was mortified!! She actually drew blood. For weeks the little girl was scared of my daughter. But now they are good friends again. My MIL also suggested biting back -- I never did it. This stage passes. Continue to do what you are doing, time out, say sorry, and watch him like a hawk when you are in public. Good luck and don't worry too much, it will pass.

IN general, my husband and i do not believe in spanking but biting is one of our few exceptions. Our oldest daughter will be 3 in June and we have spmnked her 2 times for biting. She has stopped altogether for the most part. It was just the two times but after gettting spanked and explaining what she did wrong she stopped.

Biting is actually a common behavior in toddlers. I taught in day care, PreK, and special ed settings for 10 years and saw that often. What you are doing right now is great. Biting him back legitimizes the behavior, so I wouldn't go there. Besides, if you feel uncomfortable with it, it won't work. What usually works it teaching some alternatives and providing lots of supervision until he starts using them.
Think about what was going on before he has bitten. Was he too excited, frustrated, tired, is he teething and just wants something in his mouth? Then teach him words that he can use to convey his feelings and other appropriate ways of showing his emotions. The hardest part is shadowing him in situations where he might bite. You have to be there to catch it before it happens and step in to teach him the appropriate behavior. It is time intensive, but works.
I would also continue with the time outs and apologies. The time out shows him that biting is inappropriate and has consequences. The apology helps teach him empathy. Try to stay calm when you put him in time out. If you are visibly upset (which I totally understand!!), he may continue the biting just to get your reaction. If you think he may be doing it for your attention, try to spend a little more time playing with him or doing something "special" together.
My husband was also deployed for a year when my son was 2 (and will soon be leaving again!). My son didn't bite, but went through a hitting phase and I had to do the same things basically. One thing I noticed was that I just had a lot to do, since I was doing my husband's share of everything too. Sometimes my son would act up just to get more attention-although at the time it just seemed like he was doing it for no reason. Then I would get stressed and he would do it more. I would try to be more strict and it would get worse. Finally I caught on and saw that he just wanted me; he was stressed too. I started doing something special to help us both relax: a picnic lunch outside or on the floor, a trip to a different playground or McDonald's, just something where my attention was focused on him and I wasn't trying to multi-task. That would usually do the trick and he would stop the behavior for a while. Sometimes kids act up to try to tell us something that they can't put into words.
You could also provide him with some teethers that he can bite if he feels the need.
Most kids stop biting even without intervention once they learn more words.
I wish you the best of luck with your son and the rest of the deployment!!!

Hi, I wondered if your son is talking pretty well? Mine was not talking or expressing himself at 2 and he started biting because he couldn't express his frustration or requests. We hired a private speech therapist and she worked with him with his expressive language and now he doesn't bite. We also talked with him about biting but we didn't bite him back. He didn't bite me or his dad, but he did bite a couple kids at nursery school when they took something from him. I hope you are having good luck with responses : ). N.

He's 2. There is no rationalizing with a 2 year old. I have a 6, 4, and 10mo. I generally do not use spankings/etc. That said, when my son was 2 and bit his sister, the first time I put him in time out and warned him I'd bite him if he does it again. The second time I bit him and he said "Ouch. Mommy in time out. No biting." I said you're right. I set the timer and went into time out with him and he's never bitten anyone since. I also taught preschool (3s) and had a child bite. I was able to figure out when he was getting frustrated and worked on helping him out of situations. That said, when he went into other classrooms and did it, the school finally got fed up and wouldn't let him come back. Just because it's a phase doesn't mean it's acceptable. If my kid was being bitten by another kid, I certainly wouldn't find it acceptable.

Bite him back to show him that biting someone is painful, also explain to him that how other feel when he bites them.

I am a mom and a child care provider, and I have seen many children biting out of frustration. Even though you said your oldest child was never a biter, at this age biting is very normal. Your two year old is telling your 5 year old that he is upset in the only way he knows works. When he bites, you come over to help. The only way to get it to stop is to appeal to your child's sensitive side, and to catch it before it happens. First, try to watch their interactions very closely. You will have better luck stopping the biting if you catch it before it happens. Then, you say (in your most stern mommy voice) "NO, biting hurts" and then take him straight to time out. No more talking about it until the two minutes are up. Shock at you dissaproval could be enough to stop the biting. Biting him back is never a good solution. It will only make you and him feel worse. Good Luck.

Please do not bite him back. Kids at this age do NOT understand or relate to that - act for act. There is a lot of information on this online or ask your pediatrician. He will grow out of this and it sounds like you're doing the right thing by telling him no & making him say he's sorry. So many kids go through this. You're doing the right thing. But check with your ped.

Good luck.

Girl u better bite him! That's what I had to do. And my dad did it to my brother when we were little. I have 2 girls now ages 12 and 13. If u do it you can't look at him like you feel bad, he'll pick up on that. I know it's really hard but unless you can talk to him to make him stop it may be your only option.

From what I've read by Dr. Brazelton, the biting is a way to release pressure or stress. The more we "react" to it the more attention the child puts on it ie., continues. That's not to say biting another child is ok, but if he is biting then perhaps we simply explain to him that it is not an acceptable behavior and that he must stop. If he doesn't, then remove him from the area. Or better yet, find a distraction. That way you're not focusing attention on the behavior which will reinforce it.....

One of mine was a biter! I bit him back!.. gave him a little pop on the butt,(with the pamper on ,the sound and suddeness startled him) sternly said no! no biting, and sat him down. Had to do this twice. but the biting stopped! Nip it in the bud because sometimes when they are excited they'll do this almost involuntarily. Good luck!

girl i feel your pain. i have been fortunate to not have a biter of my own yet but i come from a family of 7 other girls who all have a ton of kids between them all 16 children all togther so i have seen it all and have seen all the different ways to deal with thses"biters" you can do the old bite them back trick wich by the way is highly effective and works well with anything from hitting to spitting. for some reason when you do it back to them what ever it may be biting,hiting,kicking,spiting,it makes them realize what it feels like. it useually only takes a couple of times to get the point across and stop the behaivore. i have also seen putting a little bit of hot suace in there mouth when they bite,wich depending on the kid may ot may not work. no matter what method you chose to do you need to be very consistant and make it an unpleasant punishment foryour kid because this is something that you can not allow to continiue.you dont want your little person to become that kid that none of the mothers want there kids to play with because they dont want there kids getting hurt. i have a girlfriend whome i am very fond of but now that her almost 2 year old has taken to biting and hitting and taking toys from my two year old everytime they play my contact with her has become almost non existant because i just dont want to deal with her bratty kid and my kid getting hurt. and unfortunatly all of the other moms in our group are wanting to steer clear of her kids too. good luck sweety and i hope you can get this under control. if you want to talk more you can e-maol me at ____@____.com i would love to here from you. love abby

B.,
I read all of your responses as I have a 21/2 year old who bit. I found he would bite out of frustration. I taught him sign and when he would sign "please share" and the other kid didn't understand my son would get frustrated. I tried everything!!!! Spanking, bitting back, hot sauce, timeout etc..... Then I realized he only bit when he was tired. It turned out to be the simple solution of "When you bite you are telling mommy you are tired, It's time for a nap." I would remove him from the situation immediately, see to the other child and go home and put him to bed. I left lines at Grocery stores (he would bite me), play dates anywhere. After a week no more issues, and I learned when he was tired to just give up the errand I had planned, no matter how fun it would have been for him and let him nap. Hope this helps.
S.

Your MIL might be right. If telling him no and maybe trying timeout didn't work, biting back may be the best way to show him that it hurts and he shouldn't do it.

My son, now 16 years, bit me once but it was hard and tried to bite again. I told him that if he bit me again, I would bit him back. He did, so I did, and he NEVER tried it again.

PLease don't bite your child back. Adults need to model behavior that the child should adopt and take the "high road." Biting your child may reinforce something in their mind. One tactic I've always believed in is Not paying over much attention to bad behavior. In fact, I've read that more attention should be paid to the child who got bitten, making sure they're OK, etc. Your son may then see that biting does not get attention and he could soon lose interest in the habit. Here's a link that may be helpful: http://www.toddlerstoday.com/articles/toddlers/when-tots-...

I bit my daughter back when she bit me she stopped biting after that. I don't think they really get that it hurts until you do it to them.

Hi! My son did the exact same thing. When he would bite, we would bite him back, not hard, but where he didn't like it. He finally stopped. So, I'd say, bite back, but not enough to really hurt him. It will work. Thanks!!

My gf found a WONDERFUL cure, and it sure worked with my kids -- and QUICK. When the child bites, grab a yucky spice from your spice rack. Lemon grass, cumin, thyme, curry... whatever you have on hand... pour a GOOD TABLESPOON on the child's tongue! It doesn't have to be spicy, just icky. We also reinforced it by promising if the child ever bit again, we would spice them!

I could never bite, use soap, or something painful, but something that tastes bad sounds much more fitting for the crime... HTH!

K.