Hi - Albany,NY

E.,

Unless your husband is physically/emotionally abusive, or is a substance abuser, why would you want to take your children away from their father? Just because you 2 don't get along doesn't mean the children shouldn't be 'allowed' to adore each parent...

It's sad to think of yet another marriage ending...perhaps some counseling would help.?.just a suggestion.

Best wishes to all of you.
J.

You don't say what problems you are having with him, but why do you want custody? Because you love your kids or because he is mean to them? You have to think of your kids too, if they love him why would deprive them of a father? Just because you 2 arent getting along doesnt mean he would be a bad father and the kids have a right to know him and spend time with him.

first you need to make sure this is really what you want to do. can counceling help?? if not then you need to document every reason why you should have your children and not him. did he cheat, is he abusive, or neglectful, these are all questions you will be asked in court. if the answer is yes to any of these..document well. police reports etc..if the answer is no then you will have to prove why they would be better with you than him. if you would like to talk further with someone whos been in that ____@____.com i'll be glad to tell you of my experiences. T.

I agree with Nan D 100%. I was divorced when my son was 19 months old and my ex barely saw our son (his choice) we even had joint custody. Long story short is even though I remarried when my son was 3 to a wonderful man who my son calls dad (my son is now 24) there was always a piece of him that never felt complete without his own dad. Depriving your children from a parent if they are a GOOD parent and not abusive will emotionally hurt your children. My ex has not seen my son since he was about 11 and even before that they barely saw each other. As my son grew he had very low self esteem. He was very angry and internalized it as something being wrong with him because his dad did not love him. It changes who they are and who they become. It took many years of therapy and him realizing that it was not him for him to be okay. So if he is a good dad do not hurt your kids. If the problems are just between you two then don't bring it to the kids. There are no winners in a divorce everyone suffers. I do not regret my decision of divorcing because most of my decision was based on the father my ex was, I wanted so much more for my son and myself and we found it THANK GOD!!
Good luck!!

Make sure you can provide for your children financially, child care, home, food, basics,etc. without your husbands income. If you can't, start looking for better paying jobs and save money now!

Hi E., I am sorry you are having problems. I believe custody issues are decided by the court. Some dads want their children at least part time and some don't put up a fight. You may be able to reach an agreement unless you feel he is not fit. That you have to prove to get full custody. You are in my prayers, Grandma Mary
PS you can look up Church groups in the Phone book

Hi E.,
You are not alone. I am in a similar situation right now. I haven't decided what I am going to do, but I too want custody of my 2 children. i don't know much about divorce, but I do know that preference is typically given to the mother. Do you work? I am sure that would help. Some people have told me that i would be able to keep the house since we do have kids. I am not sure. I would recommend speaking with a lawyer. Many lawyers offer free consultations. I hope everything goes okay for you, and feel free to email me if you need to chat. I know what you are going through. it's a VERY difficult decision.
J.

i'm sorry you're having problems in your marriage... its so sad to have something that was once so beautiful and blessed become so difficult... i can tell you that divorce is never an "easy" way out, if its possible to salvage things, that's going to be so much better for all involved in the long run... but sometimes if divorce is the only way, then getting a good family law lawyer is your best step. (I know a great one in western new york if you'd like her name, but i'm not sure where you're located)

my husband had a great lawyer who helped fix all the custody problems he was having with his ex over their daughter. and, like almost everyone else said, unless your husband is abusive or dangerous to your children they will never award you SOLE custody... you may be able to get residential custody where the children live with you but visit your husband. The frequency and timing of that is something that depends - on how far he lives, how much you each work, or just on the judge you get - sometimes it's 50%/50%, sometimes they live primarily with one and alternate weekends and holidays between parents, sometimes they split the summers 50/50 but less during the school year - there's so many combinations that i've seen, but its different for everyone... either you can work it out with him or the courts can appoint it if you thing you won't be able to to a fair compromise.

And as someone said - "legal" custody is different. That refers to how much say you each have in the children's life... either you'll be able to make decisions without his approval or you have to both agree... it all depends on what you both want or what the courts tell you you have to do.

As long as they are not in any danger, it is only fair to your children to allow them access to both parents... it will definitely be difficult on you (its definitely not easy on my husband not getting to see his own daughter every day, and dealing with his ex can be horrible sometimes), but the children are the important ones in the situation and you have to consider their feelings on this too. it will change all your lives probably more than you can imagine!!
good luck with everything and let us know how it goes.

You will likely have to share custody unless you can prove that your husband is unfit to raise the children or be around them. That's generally hard to prove, for ex if he's a habitual drunk, or abusive to the kids, or has a history of PTSD or something like that, he's unstable, carries guns/knives around the house etc. If he's a normal working guy and generally a caring dad, it's unlikely that you'll get full custody.

No offense but we need more information. What kind of problems with your husband. For example, if it's drug related and you can prove it, they would never award custody to him. Second, is there any reason why you wouldn't be awarded custody? Is there something in your past that he can prove to prevent you from getting custody. There is to much information missing to give you truly good advice. If you went through a divorce, would he contest it, would you be able to do mediation or would lawyers be involved. We need more.

If your husband is an abuser, and it doesn't have to be physical, it could be mental or both, there are places like Alternatives for Battered Women. They can help you with shelter, a lawyer, a job, and I think they also can get help with your GED. You can find them online in your own area. For instance in my area it is www.ABWROCHESTER.ORG,
You can also find places in your area listed in the front of your phonebook. Good luck.

Hello E. you should go to the court and file a petition for sole custody. You can do this at Family Court in your county.

Hi E.,
The courts typically award the kids to the mother, and the father has visitation rights which most commonly is once a week and every other weekend. However, every case is different and deserves specialized attention. If the court sees that you're mentally and financially stable, and the kids are fine then you should not have a problem.

Good luck to you
K.

hi E. b i am going through a divorce now and i just got full custody of my daughter.my husband did not fight me because there is too much at stake. first ithink u need a good woman laywer like what i have right now .and get there advice each case is diffrent

It depends on the situation. Is your husband verbally or physically abusive? Is he a good father? If he's a great dad, maybe you can have joint custody. My friend at work went through the same thing. If he's not a good guy, then document everything!!! Write the situation, dates, times, and people involved. Good luck to you and your kids!