Ok so here goes again!! Another custody problem! I will give you the very short version of the problem. I think the last i wrote my ex and I went in front if the judge and nothing changed. Well..................since then things were going ok for awhile except the fact he wasn't working. But he was still paying support up until oct 22nd. He was taking his children, for the most part, when he was suppose to. He gets 7 days out of 14. E/O wknd fri to mon morning and every tues/wed overnight. But that started to change...with him texting saying i cant get them tonight cause my back hurts etc..etc.. (he has arthritis in his feet which was affecting his back etc..). Then he got kicked out of his gf's house, moved in with his mom for about a month, then moved back in with his gf. Then he had to return the car he was borrowing (he used to have a co. car until he went out on voluntary medical leave) YES VOLUNTARY!! He was denied disability! Anyway, the last time he saw our 9 yr old was nov 3rd, which is when he kicked her because he said "she wouldnt listen to him"! The last time he saw our 3 yr old son was nov 9th when he dropped him off at my house and told me he might have to rent a car because he has to return the one he is borrowing. Our 9 yr old didnt go with him on nov 8th-9th because he kicked her the week before. (oh let me not forget to tell you she told the school counselor who then reported it, but DHS said they didn't feel as though it warranted an investigation)!
Anyway, needless to say that was the last time we heard from him until he called nov 30th. Although his gf has a car and he could have called me and said hey i havent rented a car yet can you just drop them off etc..etc.. But the man didn't even make a phone call to his children. He went back to work nov 24th and had a car eve since. But still hasn't shown for his children. Then we go to court for support cause he is trying to get a credit because he was out of work, he said its my fault he hasn't seen his children because i wouldn't answer the phone. I have my phone records and have proof he has only called me nov 30th and dec 4th. Nove 30th he called at 9:34pm at night, it was a tues which was his night. Then wed was his day and he never showed and never called. Then we didnt hear from him again until dec 4th. He was a no show, no call to even let me know he wasn't picking the kids up the whole 6 weeks . Thanksgiving was his holiday and we waited till 2:30 for him to show or call and he never did. He was suppose to pick them up at 12noon. Now eveen if he didnt have a car, which i know he did, his gf does and both of them are off so he could have drove his gf's car to come get the kids. But not even a phone call.
Anyway, he is now threatening to he is just going to come get them since he can't get a reduction. And yes he said it in front of my lawyer. So we are now filing for a modification of custody. I guess i should mention that my 9 yr old goes to counseling and my lawyer spoke to the counselor and she is filing for him to only have e/o sat for a few hours. And he has to attend counseling, which he has not done!! But he has not seen his children in 7 weeks nor has even spoken to them. The nov 3oth phone like i said was at 934 pm and my children were sleeping, he never called back. My 9 yr old does not want to speak to him and my 3 yr old well he is 3...never even asks or mentions daddy. There is a long story behind this one, but i would be writing a book if i wrote it all here. Just need some advice since he said he will bring the cops if i dont let him have the kids. Which i dont car eif he brings the cops but i don't feel as though he has a right to come get my kids, he cant nor will i let him come in and out of their lives when its convenient or because he has to pay!
well im asking for adivce, not judgements! I was the one that called the school counselor the following morning who then reported it to DHS! The reason i waited to tell the school counselor is because i wasn't there when it happened obviously because she was at his house and the detective i spoke to told me to have the school counselor call because it holds more weight! If i called it seems like im just calling to be a spiteful ex, which i am not! I have tried and have given him many oppurtunities to get along. I go to my counseling sessions to make it better for my children. If the other parent doesn't than obviously it isn't going to change the situation! The police here say it is a civil/domestic issue and they will not force the kids to go. They will tell my ex to take me back to court but that is already happeneing because my lawyer filed for modification of custody. The reduction was for support!
As for last comment made, your right it is a 24/7 job unfortunately the other parent doesnt see it that way. I will no longer enble him to just see his children or do for his children whenever it is convenient for him to do so. It is not healthy or fair or in the best interest of the children
This is late, but I had to comment. When are parents going to get it, that this is what happens when family's are busted apart, split up, envolve girl friends/boyfriends, and children have to go back and fourth. Parenting is a 24/7 job and honor not court appointed times to spend with your children.
I'm so sorry you and your kids have to go through this. I think you need a better lawyer! The best thing for your kids would be for Dad to get counseling, go to parenting classes and continue being in contact with his kids. Keep trying to get the court to make that happen. What does your paper work say? Try to find "loopholes" in the paperwork so if he shows up with the cops you can say I didnt let him take them because ' he didnt have a safe car, or he didnt show up at the assigned time or he didnt go counsleing as ordered. I'm sure the paperwork doesnt say you need to transport them there or wait for hours for him to come get them.
If you are not home when he comes to pick them up he wont be able to get them, which will make your daughter happy. If he is supposed to get them at three o'clock Leave the house at 3:05! You act sweet as sugar when you talk to him (on phone in front of witnesses, "I'm sorry I waited for you but you didnt come or I didnt ever expect you to come by at that time because the last few months you didn't come for them" I'm so sad for you kids! they really NEED to feel their Dad cares about them.
I'm not sure how it is where you live, but here even if there is a custody agreement you don't always have to allow your child to go! Here, if you honestly believe that your children will not be safe while going to your ex's house the police will not send your child with the other parent. I would look into that, especially if he kicked your 9 yo. Your 3 yo might not tell you things that you would think harmful to him, just because he doesnt see them that way. My ex left my son (4 at the time) home alone multiple times so he could run to the store. My son never told me until we were watching TV one day and something on TV made him just say, "my daddy leaves me home alone sometimes" So if you honestly believe he may neglect your children (intentionally or unintentionally) I would check into not having to make them go.... Good Luck!
I forgot to mention I called DCFS on my ex and they said it was unfounded because nothing happened to my son, even though my ex admitted to me he left him home alone!
After reading some of the other posts, I just wanted to give you a little encouragement. I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your kids. I don't know the legal side of this, but it sounds like you need to able to feel a little more stable in what is going on- you're so thrown out of whack with their dad's whims and moods and changes. I think you'd feel better and make solid decisions if you were more in control (not of him, just of this situation and your own reactions). I would recommend looking on Amazon for some good books about this subject. Read the reviews for them to help in selecting one.
I know you are doing the best you can for your kids, and you are in a horrible situation. Keep trying to do the best for them and keeping yourself sane. Find some kind of support from people who know about bad custody situations.
Don't listen to the negativity, stay positive and focused on what really matters- your beautiful kids. Good luck and God bless!
