I have a 3 year old son and his father passed away last June from suicide. My son had spent all day with his father and after 3 pm I found his father dead. My son didn't see his father's lifeless body though. I know my son just doesn't understand why daddy just disappeared. Anyways, I have met someone new whom asked me to marry him and we are set to wed next March. He has three wonderful children and our families mesh well. However when my finace and my son are alone without the other kids, my son tells him he hates him, he isn't his daddy, he wants him to go home just to name a few. My finace is very hurt by this and is considering leaving me because of it. Is there support groups for 3 years old dealing with the loss of a parent? Is there any good resources to help my son so our little happy family can stay happy or should I even try to keep my finace? I am distraught and not sure what to do. My fiance tells me to figure it out and give him and myself some time to think things over. He won't even come to my house now becuase he says he doesn't want to be the $sshole to my son by disciplining him. Granted my son's father never disaplined him, I know where that issue is coming from. What do I do? Where can I find help? Can anyone help???
If it's a grieving issue that your son might be dealing with, you can try contacting Solace House. They're a not-for-profit that specializes in helping families (children specifically) deal with death and grieving.
I am so sorry to hear of such a sad experience for you and your son. I can't even imagine what that would be like for either one of you, but I would definitely encourage grief counseling to help you both cope with this.
As for the new fiance, if he is considering leaving you because of this issue with your son, I would think he isn't the right guy for you. He should know that you come as a "package deal" just like he does. And that means there is bound to be some baggage. I don't think he should be telling you to figure it out, but instead trying to help you come up with ways that "WE" can figure this out. Marriage is good times and bad.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but if this guy isn't understanding and supportive of you AND your son and what you have been through, then I wouldn't move forward. I would focus your attention on your son and make sure you are both ready to move on.
I hope everything works out for you. I wish you both so much happiness!
Hi R., I have not gone thru anything at all like what you have. And I don't want to sound like I "know" at all what you should do but my thoughts from a third party are as follows.
1) He is 3 - he is going to challange anybody expecially somebody who from your description doesn't take will to that kind of thing.
2) He misses his dad, all he has is you. And on a toddler level probably thinks this other guy is keeping his daddy away. He is going to fight for you.
3) Your new guy, should realize - espeically if he has kids of his own - that these things take time, love, time, love, time and lots of love. He doesn't have to be an A@@ to anybody, but a CONSISTANT PERSON. If that means you set the rules and standards, and he follows along with what you say for a while, and you don't leave your son alone with him, then so be it.
4) If this 3 year old can cause such a issue between you know just think what you 2 have in store in the teen years. When the kids are smarter, quicker and meaner.
Bottom line, my question is does this new guy seem right for both of you (as he is marring your son as well). If so, then deal with it, I agree that a support group is a good idea or counciling but for everybody, new guy, you and kids. Everybody, needs to learn better copeing skills on this with it all happening so quickly.
I hope this helps, I know it's hard to put the whole story out there in a little blurb but from what I could gather, here are my thoughts. Good luck, sorry for your lose, and I hope your life will even out for you and your son.
I can't even imagine what you all must be going through. I'm sure this is not only a difficult time for you but for your son. My sister-in-law's best friend lost her husband to a car accident. Their son was devastated. So, I agree with the other postings that some sort of grievance counseling may be needed. The Solace House is a great resource. With that said, my SIL's friend found love again and remarried. It is hard for a child to accept a new role model in their life which brings me to point #2, I completely agree with the other posting that if this is the right guy, he should be more compassionate and understanding to this issue. I think by him indicating you all need space to figure this out sends out a big red flag. Will he run from other problems in the marriage? I would definitely be concerned. Hang in there and my condolences on the loss of your husband.
