Helping My Son W/the Transition to Sleep W/o a Pacifier

I'm not sure if I have any good advice, but just an observation, it might be hard for him to adjust to 2 major transitions at the same time, big boy bed and no pacifier. However, now that you have started it might not be a great idea to stop in the middle either. Praise him for what a good job he has done so far. Even work out some rewards for staying in his big boy bed at night and during naps. I used to write out the time it had to be on the clock for my girls to get out of bed, and put it right next to their digital clock with an explanation, that worked for having them stay in their bed in the am. I would work hard on ways to ease him comfort in taking a nap in his big boy bed so he begins to get the sleep he needs. At this point he may be so exhausted that you might just get him to nap again. As with any transition, I would say it will take 3-4 weeks before he is adjusted. Even if he refuses to sleep I would let him know that he must at least lay down in his bed at nap time and rest. Offer books for him to look at and music to listen to during these "rest" periods, it may just put him to sleep. He may also begin to attach to other things like toys and stuffed animals. My son sometimes sleeps with his trains, cars and now Walle toys. Good luck!

Hi W.-

We had a similar situation with our daughter, lydia. She was over 2.5 when we transitioned her away from her "binkie". We had the binkie fairy come- she had to leave her binkie on the windowsill for the fairy to take back to it's binkie mama. There is a story out there about a fairy-- here i'll copy it for you

My name is Mampi.I am a pacifier.I am your Pacifier, and I am very happy to be yours.
You have a Mummy.I also have a Mummy.My Mummy is the Pacifier Fairy, and I love her very much.
I have many brothers and sisters. Most of the time we live in PacifierLand. It is wonderful there! But when a baby is born we are allowed to go on Earth.When the child reaches three years old we would like to return to our Mummy and to all our brothers and sisters.So we do not lose our way home, our Mummy calls us on a full moon-lit night.It is so sad if we do not follow. Our Mummy cries.
If my Mummy calls me back, YOU must help me. You must put me on the window ledge before the full moon rises. I am much too small to climb up there alone. If you sleep deeply, the Moon will carry me to PacifierLand on his silver beam.Will you help me? Please!Don�t be like little Sarah!
She did not want to send her Pacifier back, although she had made a promise. She did not put her Pacifier on the window ledge. Can you believe that? Sarah�s Pacifier was my little brother. His name was Mampi. We are all called Mampi. At first everything was wonderful. Sarah and Mampi loved each other just as sweetly as we love each other. If Sarah became tired she put Mampi in her mouth and sucked until she fell happily to sleep.Just like you and I. However one night - it was a full moon - they both woke up. A voice had woken them up, calling softly:
"Mampi! Can you hear me my little Mampi? Come home, your time on Earth is finished. We are waiting for you!""That is my Mummy," Mampi had cried as he leapt up. His round Pacifier eyes glistened with delight.
"Mummy! Mummy I am coming!", he called as he jumped up on the bed cover.

Suddenly Sarah grabbed at Mampi and pressed him firmly in her hand."No, Mampi belongs to me! I will not give him up!" she shrieked.Mampi was frightened - this was not the way it should be."Sarah, you promised to put me on the window ledge, if my Mummy calls to me. I love her very dearly and I want to be with her again!"
"No," said Sarah once more, and pressed Mampi even more firmly into her hand. She fell asleep again.
"Mummy, oh Mummy!" Mampi whispered, and began to weep bitterly.
Time past. Suddenly Mampi had an idea. He wiped away his pacifier tears and thought: "I will climb onto the window ledge alone." Softly he jumped from the bed and stood in front of the window. Oh, it was so high - much too high for a little pacifier!
Then he saw the curtain.Would he be able to use it for the high climb? Mampi gathered up his whole courage and grasped the material:
One - two - three - he swung himself.
Like a small monkey he hung onto the folds of the curtain. He swung himself higher, ever more higher - but the distance was very great and Mampi soon became tired.

"Just a bit further, and you are on the window ledge," whispered the curtain.
"I can�t �.."groaned Mampi,"I really can�t." And in his despair he began to weep again. He sobbed so loudly that the noise woke up Sarah. Her eyes opened in fright as she saw Mampi hanging from the curtain.
"Hold on tightly! I�ll get you down!" She called as she jumped from the bed. But Mampi was too high, and Sarah too small. Then she saw the chair. In a flash she climbed onto it. "Hold tight! I am coming!" She reached up and held Mampi in her outstretched hand. At this moment the chair tipped over. With a loud crash they both fell to the floor.
"Mummy, Mummy!" screamed Sarah.
"Mummy, Mummy!" cheeped Mampi.
Sarah�s Mother rushed into the bedroom.
"Child! What has happened?" she asked, frightened.
Sarah told her all about Mampi. All about Pacifier Land and the Pacifier Fairy who was Mampi�s Mummy. And how Mampi wanted to be with his Mummy again.
"One must honour what one has promised, Sarah", said her Mother and took Mampi in her warm hand.
"I would also like to be with my Mummy," sobbed the Pacifier.
"Of course little Mampi," said Sarah�s Mother as she turned to Sarah.

"What is the best for us to do? Did I not come immediately when you called? I now believe that Mampi also needs his Mummy."
Sarah did not answer immediately. Furtively she winked at her small friend, who lay still in Mother�s hand. He pressed his face into his little hands and wept even more bitterly.
Sarah suddenly realised that Mampi�s Mummy was so far away that he could not see or hear her. The thought was not pleasant, and she then understood.
"I also believe that Mampi needs his Mummy," she eventually answered. She took Mampi from her Mother�s hand and gently placed him on the window ledge. Finally she stroked him.
"Have a good journey. I will miss you. But I can now understand. The most important thing is to be with your Mummy. Can you come and visit me some time? That would be wonderful!"
"Yes. Yes I will come and see you - in your dreams," promised the little Pacifier. Sarah scurried back to her bed.
"I love you dearly, Mummy," she whispered, putting her arms round her Mother�s neck.
"Mampi loves his Mummy just as much," said her mother.
"I know," murmured the child, and fell asleep.
The next morning the window ledge was empty. The full moon had carried the little Pacifier back to his Mummy.
Mampi kept his promise. He came to see Sarah in many of her dreams. They again enjoyed many jokes and laughed and reminded each other of the time when he was still on Earth.
Mampi�s Pacifier Mummy appeared at the end of each dream. Lovingly she took him into her arms. And if he smiled happily, then Sarah was happy because she knew that a Mummy was the most important thing - even for a little pacifer like Mampi.

so we did that (without the moon phases- that seemed too complicated) and it took a few nights but she eventually left it on the windowsill and the fairy left her a "lovey" that she could snuggle and sleep with. Maybe that would help your son.

Does he have any other lovees to sleep with? A blanket or stuffed animal???

He definitely sounds like he's not getting enough sleep, so I would really insist that he nap, or at least lay down for a quiet time...

Hi W....

It is tough being a mom when the two sides of the job collide.. Pushing towards independence, and holding onto comfort.

Don't give his baba back. He was strong and brave enough to throw it out. YOU have to throw them all out too! Then the decision to reinstate the baba would be a purposeful one, you'd have to go to the store to buy it, rather than just giving it to him on an emotional impulse.

Growing up is hard! It's full of terribly taxing emotional and physical situations. Yes, he did two very brave things at once, and he's feeling stressed. It's understandable. Praise him for being so brave, and tell him how amazed you are by his fearlessness. Don't bring baba up in conversation. It's like rubbing salt in a wound, If he wants to talk about it, just reassure him that it's OK.

I told my daughter that they stopped making them for big kids. That only babies had them, and now that she was getting bigger she could have a LightBright (something she wanted desperately.) But if she had a "baba" I would have to give the LightBrite to a big kid, because babies can't have them ...

My daughter is 13 and I'm still making those emotional decisions. I know It's hard, and I know it gets even harder...

I keep this poem on my fridge. It reminds me that my job is to create a decent person whom I feel confident about letting loose in the world ... that my job is basically to make them strong, and capable, and let them go.. Hardest job in the world.

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, "Speak to us of
Children."

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you
with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that
is stable.

-- Kahlil Gibran

When our son was almost 2 years old, we were concerned about his transition to sleep without a pacifier. We could not seem to find a solution...

One night, very close to our son's 2nd birthday, I was putting him to bed and casually told him that "...one day, when you are a big boy, you will not need your pacifier, and you can give it to another younger boy." After I said that to him, he gave me the pacifier and went to sleep without it. Although we kept it within his reach for a long time after, he never used it again.

Good luck! I think we were lucky! Best regards, D..

My son did the same thing when we moved from his crib to a toddler bed. I was shocked! We hadn't even thought about giving up his binkie. When I put it in his new toddler bed he laughed and said that binkies were for babies and now he is a big boy. Boy was I nervous! But I went with it. That first night, he didn't even notice. The second night he asked for it but I had already thrown all the binkies out. I KNEW I would cave and give it back to him if he asked for it. And I thought it might make him feel like he failed as a big boy by going back to it. He had some trouble sleeping in the toddler bed too. Trouble napping and trouble falling asleep at night. It didn't last too long though. Lack of sleep is horrible. It's like somebody took over their body and makes them act crazy. Maybe try a new addition to your bedtime routine.
I know what you mean about wanting him to have something physical to confort him. My daughter is three and just moved to a big bed. I was hoping she would give up her binkie (which she calls her dooda) but not a chance. She is madly in love with that thing. She will go up to her bed just to be with it. Now I have to go through the trouble and heartache of getting her off of it. She is only allowed to have it in her bed. I know it is going to be a really rough time. I don't forsee her EVER wanting to give it up. If I mention that binkies are for babies and that if she gives it up she will get big girl things, she tells me she IS a baby. Ugh! So for now, she still has her binkie. Consider yourself lucky your little man was so brave! Get rid of the binkies! Good luck!