Helping My Parents Move on from a Mid-Life Divorce

I divorced my husband when I was 46 and he was 52. We'd been together for 23 years. We have two children from his previous marriage that we raised together. I didn't expect anything from them except for them to not judge my decision(s). Listening without giving advice is also a great trait to have in this situation.

They are grown-ups, and yes, just at "mid-life", so let them be. Unless they specifically ask for help, just be a good listener, and offer to get together with them once in a while if you live close enough. They may need to reminisce about their marriage for a lot longer. Starting new relationships may or may not be what they need so soon, so let them decide that.

I hate to say it but it's not your job to help them to move on. They are adults and you need to respect their time needed to mend. It seems like they were married for a long time - maybe they both want to be single for a while.

Also, it puts too much pressure on you to be making sure they are happy. Why do that to yourself? Let them be - if they want to move on and are ready to do so, they will. And, be careful what you wish for. Sometime you might get something you didn't know that you didn't want.

Best of luck...

I'm with Mommy of 1 on this one... they need to make their own choices regarding what to do and who to meet. They are both young and will figure it out with time. We're finding ourselves in a different, but similar situation as my MIL is a recent widow and we're trying to "encourage" her too!

It's tough but remember that they'll move on when they're each finished mourning the loss of a marriage.

Are they actually looking for help? Since your parents are younger than I am, I don't think of them as incapable old farts. I guess you could suggest joining clubs, or put an ad up for them on a dating site.

Other than that, their lives really are up to them. If they are just sitting around reminiscing about their marriage, I have to wonder why they got divorced.

Find the names and info of some clubs or groups that would suit their individual interests, print out the info, and give it to them. If they still refuse to do anything, that's their choice.

I think all you can do is spend time with each of them and let them know you love them. They are the adults, you are the kid. When I was single I would join clubs for the activity, not to meet people. I like to walk and hike and read and took massage and dance classes and joined a hiking club and a gym. Perhaps encourage them to chose a hobby or join a club in an activity they enjoy. On the other hand, they may enjoy not having any commitments. My mom is that way, she loves to play scrabble, but when I try to get her to hang a note on a bulletin board to find another player, she balks since then she "has" to.
If they start to talk about the other (good or bad) kindly state that you love both your parents and that conversations about the other make you uncomfortable and please can they leave you out.

It's not your responsibility. They both have to work through the remnants of their former lives together at their own paces in their own ways. Just be there for them both and don't take sides.