Helping Children Deal with Death

I read and recommended a book called "Within Heaven's Gates" when a child in my family died. It really hit my heart and helped me have peace.
Hope it helps.
S.

Contact "The Warm Place" in Fort Worth ###-###-####. They specialize in helping children deal with death and dying. Get him there ASAP. Hope this is helpful in healing such a little heart.

If you are in the Dallas area there is a program called Grief Works that is just for children. The number is ###-###-####. They offer support groups for kids with kids their own age.

I'm not familiar with an organization in Austin but a wonderful facility exists in Fort Worth called The Warm Place. It offers grief counseling mainly with children who have lost a close relative. Your friend might contact them to see if there a similar organization in the Austin area.

Not sure where you live, but there is a wonderful place in FT. Worth called "The Warm Place' that helps children deal with death. My husband passed away last April and my grandchildren were 1,5, 8, 9. THe 8 and 9 year old go to The Warm Place and it really seems to help them. If you are not in this area, maybe there is something like that where you live.

Hi Lindee T.

You might contact your local Hospital and speak with a Social Worker or contact HOSPICE and ask to speak with the Bereavment Coordinator to see if there are any Programs for children in your community. We have a program called "Rainbows" that is for children who have suffered the loss of a loved one. There is also a camp called "Camp Courage" that also helps children deal with greif.

G. J.

I have a step-grandson that lost his dad 2 years ago to cancer. It came sudden and he would not say goodbye to anyone for along time. He was 5 at the time!

I found some books at Barnes and Nobles for children about saying goodbye and loosing a loved one! If you go on Barnes and Noble site and go to children's books...you can type in your subject "death" and I think it will bring up books for children.

I know it helped him from what his mom told me. He still talks about his dad and she said by letting him talk about his dad like he is still here helps him alot. He has his dad's picture on the frig at home and he says hello Dad each morning when he goes to get a glass of milk!

Type in childrens books and go to family issues...they have alot of books about dealing with different things like that...loosing a loved one...loosing a dog...stuff like that.

How sweet to be concerned for your friend & her child. It's tough & just because it's been a year, people don't realize the sadness is still there. There are several good books dealing with a child's reaction to death. More could be found at a church library or public library. First ones to mind are "Nana Upstairs" and Maria Shriver Swarteneggar (sp) "What's heaven". Hope this helps
A.

My children and I went to the WARM PLACE for about a year after my son's suicide. Here is the website for more information. http://www.thewarmplace.org/

I highly recommend these two books. Unfortunatly, my children read them a couple of times when they were young.They really helped them deal with their emotions. Let him talk about his MeMe when he want too, and please don't shut him out because you don't want to hurt him any more.
The books are "Whats Heaven" by Maria Shriver and "Freddy the Leaf" by Leo Buscoglia. He may "act out in ways that are different, but young chidren cant figure it out. Communication, communication, communication. My prayers are with the little boy and his family.

There's a wonderful children's book on this subject. The name of it is "The Dead Bird."
Best,
F Morey

We are actually dealing with that right now. My MIL is terminally ill with cancer and Hospice is in her home now. They had a meeting with the entire fam last weekend and suggested counseling for that age. Sometimes they feel more comfortable speeking to a professional and they know how to talk to them about it better than we can. I know Hospice offers grief counselors for the kids, but I don't know if his meme had hospice. If so, they should still let him use their services. If you called them they may be able to suggest someone that is inexpensive if not them. Hope this helps. Good luck

Lindee,
I am sorry about the death in your family.
I read recently about the son of a young soldier killed in Iraq. The child was too young to express grief, but began showing signs of stress when he was 6 and learning about everyone having a father in his class. His mother sent him to a grief counseling camp for such children and at the end of the camp experience each child wrote a letter to his/her father expressing the child's understanding that the father could no longer be with the family on earth, but that he was in Heaven and keeping watch over them for God. The letters were each attached to a balloon and allowed to drift heavenwards in a ceremony. All of this seemed to give the children a connection to the missing parent and closure to their grief.
Wishing you well and God's blessings. pmt, Houston

My niece's 3 year old son died of cancer last year and I sent her the small "Build a Bear" from Target. It has a form (the soul) that goes into the bear fur (the body) and helps explain that while the body has been cast off, the soul lives forever. I hope this helps, my niece Jenny, said it really helped her 5 year old, Jace understand Evan's death. G.

Plano ISD has a grief program for students who have lost parents and siblings. It is a great program and I'm sure they could refer you to some great books and/or programs that could help.

If you have Hospice near you often they have free classes to help children deal with grief.

M

There are 2 wonderful children's psycologists available through First Baptist McKinney(www.fbcmckinney.com) They are independantly contracted for patients, but work with you depending on the need.
Susan in their counseling department office on Louisiana St. Campus can give you more info. ###-###-####.
God Bless,

thats what I would suggest too geting professional help...
Its hard stuff to try to talk to a young one about.

My mother passed away when I was 7 years old and it is definitely something that takes a while to really sink in. My advice is to see a psychologist or perhaps for him to talk to family members about it and get help from family. Self help books do not really help because every child is different and you are going to expect the same outcomes and such . I would really recommend for him to just talk about it and to be there. He will be hurting though. Death is never easy for anyone, it takes time to just figure out how to deal with it but it can never be something you forget.

Lindee -

There is a book just published titled IN THE WAKE OF SUICIDE, A CHILD'S JOURNEY by Children's Life Specialist Diane Bouman Kaulen out of Houston. It isn't scheduled for release for a couple of months. It's $14.95 and I could certainly get one into your hands as I'm the publisher. It might help, but surely there's a book for children specifically concerning losing a grandparent. I will say a prayer for this little one's comfort.

Blessings
Grami

Hi Lindee. First of all I am so sorry to hear that. I don't know of any books but I have experienced something very similiar. My brother passed away 7 1/2 years ago and my now 12 year old son took it pretty hard. He was pretty close to him. He was scarred to die, and then would make comments that if something happened he wanted all of us to go together...sad. I just always made sure he knew that he could talk to me about it anytime and that it was alright to cry. I would try to talk about the good times he had with his uncle and that would make him laugh sometimes or cry..but he always felt better afterwards. It is so hard to guide children through such a tragedy, they all react so different. Just dont let him shut down and not talk about it. Be there for him. Good Luck.
K. Neel
http://www.themomteam.com/KimNeel

Maria Shriver has a book I think it is called "What's HEaven"
We went through this about a year ago when my then 5 year old son lost his Memaw in the morning and our house burnt down that night. Talk about a whammy.
Because we have a strong faith in God, we were preparing him for MeMaw's death by saying that she was really sick and the doctors were trying to help her. However, If God needs her to come home he will bring her home and she will be healed there. He misses her terribly. But we have told him she is in his heart forever and whenever he needs to "talk" to her he can, just like he taks to God. Kids an be unusually resiliant in these situations. YOu are wise to seek out books and advice from those of us who have had similar situations. Make sure you remember to pray for the right words to say, pray that the childs heart will be receptive to this and know that God has your back.
As I am writing this my son has come in and asked what i am doing. He wanted me to type the following to the 7 year old son of your friend: " I would tell the kid he will be sad, real sad. But it will be ok. You have all the memories of what yall did and those are yours and only yours. I think it is God's way of letting us keep them around, you know the memories and all. I will pray for you. I still have times I just want to share with her so I get down my favorite picture of her and I talk to it. It make me feel better and close to her. I am sorry your Meme is sick." Ok, he has left and wanted to make sure I put that in there.
God Bless all of you and I hope that you and your friend fine the solutions you need.

Maria Shriver has a book out dealing with death.
If they are a religious famly I would suggest talking to the head of your Sunday School.
My mother died in our home in October with my ten year old son holding one hand and me holding the other. He had no doubt about heaven after that.
We "talk" to her all the time and that helps both of us a lot.

Not sure of the title but Maria Shriver has written a book about death in helping kids deal with it.

I hope this helps.

M.

Hi. The org. in Austin to help cope with death is called 'For the Love of Christy.' It was started by a couple who lost their daughter to a drunk driver probably twenty years ago. It's for everyone. I would suggest FOR THE LOVE OF CHRISTY for literature and tips... they also have support groups.
also... since this is a child, I would suggest the book "Water Bugs & Dragonflies" by Doris Stickney http://www.amazon.com/Water-Bugs-Dragonflies-Explaining-C... (Here is the amazon link, and I know it can be picked up at the Cokesbury Christian store in Austin.) It's a book that's been around for quite a while, actually. As a child it got me through the deaths of people who were close to me since it's geared for a child. It speaks about a water bug community living in the bottom of a pond. Every once in a while, one of the waterbugs starts to head up to the surface (tunnelvision-like) and never returns. All the waterbugs are curious where they go, so they make a pact that the next waterbug who goes up will come back and explain where they went so the other waterbugs can know. Other's go and fail to keep the pact. Finally the narrating waterbug goes up, and once he hits the surface, he's discovered that he has wings and can fly. He's having a blast, and remembers the promise he made to go let the waterbugs know what's up and how wonderful it is on the surface. He's so excited to tell them how great it feels and for them to not be afraid. He tries to dive into the water, but now he can't go back. He's not meant for water anymore. He's sad, but knows they'll understand when they reach the surface one day. This is a short book. It can be read in about five to ten minutes, as it has 24 pages and is small enough to fit in a purse for days that you might need it when out and about.
Hope this helps.

Give him time. Everyone even small children have to go thru the phases of death, anger, denial, sadness, and acceptance. She needs to reasure him that nothing else bad will happen, children tend to fear death and someone else close to them dieing. Your friend need to let him grieve and give him support. Sometimes planting a tree of something simular helps too.

Here in Houston is a wonderful organization called "Bo's Place." They offer free grief counseling and also have tremendous resources. Their services are free and their webpage http://www.bosplace.org can tell you about them and can give you a number of resources in regards to books and activities for all ages.

At the very least, please look at the website and see what feels right for your specific situation. I am a counselor, and I would also strongly encourage your friend to think of using their services as well--as she is both a parent and a daughter who is dealing with the grief. Best of luck!

My mother in law passed away 3 years ago from cancer as well. We have read the Maria Shriver book as well and it helped in the explanation but there is still days when he misses his GiGi and he will cry - just like we all do. I do not think there is anyting WRONG with him in that he needs professional help. He is just a normal, emotional human being. My children still break down and cry pretty hard occasionally - though not often. We have talked about the illness and how she is much better, etc...and it helped him a lot by drawing pictures of them together having fun or just of what he was feeling for him to look at when he is sad. We do have pictures in the house but he only has the drawn ones in his room - it is in his "special treasure box." It is very difficult to explain especially to a child. They do not really understand death - but one thing we found out is that our children were mostly worried about something happening to them or us and we would some how die. It was the loss of his GiGi compounded with uncertainty of his parents' lives that made it worse. There could be an underlying reason to his fear.

Good luck - it is not an easy struggle.

I don't know where you are located but when my husband's mom passed away my children took it very hard so we went to a place called The Warm Place in Fort Worth. It is a free service and their website is www.thewarmplace.org. They helped us and our children tremendously. I hope that helps.

I ran into this support group when doing some research for Nursing School, they look phenomenal and were very protective and nurturing to the children. . . I really feel this is worth looking into

www.thewarmplace.org

it is in fort worth

God bless all of you and mostly the little one :)

You may have already thought of some of these things - but doing specific things to keep memories of his MeMe alive would really help.
Let him make a scrapbook that is pictures of him with his MeMe and decorating the pages, a special place to put some framed photos, take the time to tell him about her, the things she loved to do, make some of her recipes and incorporate them into the family meals, send out prayers to her so he can express how much he loves her, and if the grief is so very deep he may need professional help with a grief counselor. Talking, hugging, understanding, and knowing you feel the same way, but can continue on with you everyday life will give him the stability he needs.

my daughter lost her Nana to brain cancer last April. We are still dealing with it. SHe is going to be 5 Feb 7th so she is still so young to understand why GOd would take her Nana from her. We get heart balloon and dhe draws on it and we send it to heaven when ever she misses her. It seems to help her out. I just tell my daughet that even though Nana isnt here you can still talk to her and tell her the same things you would have but she just cant talk back. THis helps her to feel that Nana is still there.

I am sure your friend is also grieving and that makes it even harder. Making a memory book together of her mother would be a healing process for both of them. They could collect pictures, write down favorite memories of her and try to focus on the good things about her. Her son would have the memory book to look at when he is thinking about her and it will make a life long treasure for them both.

Lindee,

It's hard to lose a loved one and especially hard for a child to understand death. One way to help the child deal with his grief and missing his MeMe is to allow him to talk about her and cry or whatever he needs to do to deal with it. Does he have any pictures of him and MeMe that she could frame for her son? Let the child keep the pictures by his bed, desk or dresser. Something that is only for him-something with meaning. Let him know that MeMe may not be in a physical sense but she is in his heart and his memories and no on can take that away from him. Purchase one of those stuffed animals where you can put a picture on the belly and allow him to have it and when he gets sad he has the picture and animal to hug and hold. Something tangible. Is there something that he could have of his grandmother's? There are books on the subject. I do have two but I have lent them out and I don't remember the names but call Barnes & Noble and ask them what they would suggest. I know they would have something in the kid's section. I hope this helps and I will pray for the little one and the family.

Blessings,
M.

Contact The WARM Place. It's a non-profit in Ft Worth specifically designed to help children deal with the loss of someone close to them. Tell your friend not to hesitate to call. It's wonderful!

Growing up I experienced several losses. I was in elementary when both of my grandmas passed but had already learned about death by this time. I don't know when I was taught about Heaven but it was before my grandmothers had past so I knew in my heart they were in Heaven seeing their loved ones that went before them. I had a young cousin of 5 when one of my grandmothers passed and I remember them just telling her she is a sleep they didn't tell her all of good things about heaven and she was very confused. I think it helps when you tell them they're in Heaven and what a wonderful place it is. I also remember when your that young that you hang on to this life and you don't want to let go and death is a scary thing. I think that part is just something God helps you grow through. I myself to let go of this life and not to be scared of death was when my father passed then my daughter a year later. With the way the world is today I think it gets easier and easier to be at peace with yourself and accept one day I too will pass on. I remember when I was little I would pray that I'd be here when Jesus came back so it kept me from ever thinking about dying. I guess what I'm trying to tell you the best you can do is teach the comforting truth about death and Heaven, also to let the child know that his concerns about dying is natural and its okay. I believe that the Psalms script that says though I walk thru the valley of darkness I fear no evil for though art with me. Is God telling us that when you walk that last moment of your life that when you enter thru that door you are only entering thru the door to Heaven. Good luck if you are wanting to find a grief group in your area you can also go to one of your nearby churches and they should know of one.

My daughter was the same way after lossing my father who had cancer.
They can get help at Gilda's Club North Texas. The parent can sign up for services and become a member. Membership is for anyone who have a family member or friend who have cancer or pasted away from cancer. A friend can also join. This is a free membership. Just google Gilda's Club North Texas and you will get there website. They have all kinds of program and educational seminars. They have a children's program called Noogieland. My daughter go help when my dad was first diagnosed. She was afraid of him. They helpped her by explaining what cancer is and how if affected that person. We also went to the berevement group for children.
If you friend gives them a call, I guarantee she will not regret it.
T.

I am on the board of foundation that works with Trevor Romain, who wrote a self-help book to help children the age of your friend's son, "What on Earth do You do When Someone Dies?" He tries to speak to kids in their own language, encourage them to grieve, reach out to adults for help, remember the good memories, make a memory box as I saw someone else recommend. It's a hard time for everyone and Trevor tried to find a way to bring families together so he recently created an animated video that families can watch together since parents often need help helping their children. I would recommend seeing the website - http://www.comicalsense.com/media/ep-dies.php. I can attest that I've seen kids and families be helped by the messages they can easily understand. I hope your friend's family gets through this experience stronger and your very kind to be looking out for them.

A dear friend of the family very unexpectantly lost her husband last year. His 3 year old granddaughter took it very hard. Obviously, it is difficult for young children to understand exactly those emotions and how to express them. Her grief manifested itself in anger and acting out. Shortly there after, her mother enrolled her in a grief counseling/support group especially for young children. It has done so much for her!

If your friend choses to explore this route I would suggest looking for a local group by asking her pediatrician, local hospital, child services, or looking up info via the web or phonebook. I believe (but am not sure) some of these services may be free.

I should also mention that both the mother and grandmother also joined a grief support group as they felt inorder to better help the child they also need to help themselves through their own grief and devastation.

I hope this is helpful. I will say the best "medicine" is a loving circle of supportive family and friends. He obviously already has that. I wish your friend and her son peace and comfort.