Children's Books About Death/dying

Hi C., the book "The Fall of Freddy the Leaf" was a great help to us. It still makes me cry when I read it, time is the best healer so, hold on. I don't know the author,but they probubly have it on amazon. S.

HI C.
I searched on Amazon "on death and dying for children" and a bunch of things came up. One book that I know and like and used as a first grade teacher is Tomie dePaola's "Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs" (it says for ages 3-7).You can look that up on Amazon as well to get a description but he is one of my favorite children's authors. Hope this helps.

A.

Hi C.,
My daughter is quite a bit older now but the book I would recommend is Nana Upstairs & Nana Downstairs. I think it is a good one for very young children. My daughter loved this book.
Hope that helps,
C.

Hi C.-

There is a wonderful organization in Summit, NJ, called "Good Grief". It is specifically for children who have experienced trauma (death, divorce etc...). They will be able to help you & recommend some good books.

not sure if you'd be able to find any on death/dying for children, but if you're religious, or believe in a hereafter..maybe a book about heaven/paradise/hereafter would help you ease into a discussion about death/dying...

I can't think of any titles of hand but call up Bank Street Bookstore
Broadway and 112th Street
New York, NY 10025
###-###-####
____@____.com
www.bankstreetbooks.com

and they should be able to tell you what's out there. It's a great place.

Sorry to hear of your loss and that you need to explain this at such a young age. My Aunt recently passed away, and my cousin has two children ages 3 & 6. He said the book that he used worked very well - Waterbugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children (Hardcover)
by Doris Stickney. You can find it on Amazon.com and most likely in Barnes & Noble or Borders Books. Good luck - I'm sure it's difficult.

There is a wonderful new book entitled "Sargeant's Heaven" written from the perspective of children about what they think Heaven is like. It is written by a family that lost their young son, but it is a wonderful book for anyone that has had a loss. It is coming out in April and will be available online at that time.

I don't know of any books specifically but when my grandmother, whom my then 4 year old daughter was very close to, passed away the funeral director gave us a coloring book that helped explain what happens to someone when they die. Maybe you could check with a local funeral home or church/synagog of your denomination.

Before my girls were born, I worked at a Hospice in NY. They have so many wonderful resources for death and dying - books (coloring books), videos, groups - depending on what you need. I would give them a call and see what they recommend. There is a hospice in Clifton - I believe it's called Compassionate Care. The number is ###-###-####. Hope this helps.

Here is a wonderful link with tons of books with descriptions and age level.

http://www3.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/terminal_illness/chi...

A.

There is a great book called "The fall of Freddie the Leaf" by Leo Buscaglia. It really is a great book. http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-Story-Life/dp/080...

C.,

When my father died, I asked our local children's librarian for suggestions. My daughter was 3 then. The one we liked best was called "When Dinosaurs Die ..." by Marc Brown and his wife, the one who writes the Arthur books. I just found it on Amazon. They had a few others listed there as well.

K.

Hi C.,
As a marriage and family therapist who has often worked with grieving children, I can offer you a few suggestions for children's books, and some general advice as well.

Book recommendations (Note: I haven't looked at some of these in quite a while and I'm not entirely sure that they're appropriate for a very young child so you should try to check them out before buying them):
(1) Saying Good-bye to Grandma by Jane Resh Thomas
(2) The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages by Leo Buscagila, PhD (Pub. by Charles B. Stack, Inc. Distributed by Holt, Rinehart and Winston)
(3) The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judisth Viorst
(4) Someone Special Died, by Kathie Blunt & Lilah Scalzo (1990) Loma Linda Hospice: CA.
(5) Gran-Gran's Best Trick, by L. Swight Holden (1993), Magination Press
(6) Why did Grandma Die?, by Trudy Madler (1980), Raintree Publishers, Inc.

Now for some general advice: children experience all the same feelings and reactions as adults, but express these in a wide variety of behavior that adults often don't understand. Adults frequently cut off children's grief or underestimate it b/c they don't understand or can't tolerate it--or because they are so wrapped up with their own grief, or trying to avoid it, that they cannot see or tolerate their children's. So first, kudos to you for asking for help in helping your 2.5 year old deal with this loss.

Most 2.5 year olds cannot understand the concept or finality of death, but by the time your child is 3 or so he or she may believe that death is temporary and reversible. Grieving a loss like a death of a close grandparent will take some time--your child will process it repeatedly over several months' time, so you'll be dealing with teh differences between a 2.5 year old and a 3 year old over the course of the process.

A 2.5 year old experiences a death as a separation or abandonment. They need consistency and routine to feel secure, and may regress. Allow it and provide your child with as much ritual and consistency as possible. If your 2.5 year old is fairly advanced cognitively, he or she may also respond well to the advice given below for 3 and up.

A 3-5 year old needs to hear the loss described concretely. Tell the truth, use the word "death", and explain it simply--"when someone dies, they can't eat, breath, or sleep". Don't just tell a child that the grandma is gone, asleep, or in heaven. (It's okay to say she's in heaven if that's what you believe, but you need to ALSO give the info about what death means concretely--she can't eat, sleep, or breath any more). Many children who are told that their loved one is "asleep" develop a fear of going to sleep themselves, or of letting their caregivers go to sleep, fearing death will happen. Children this age need to hear these things repeatedly--that is how they learn and process it, so don't get upset or impatient if he/she seems to need to hear it again or ask you to tell the story of what happened again. It is helpful for children to participate in rituals that help them understand that the loss is real--as long as they are not forced to do things that are scary for them. Children this age also engage in a lot of magical thinking and are very egocentric--so may believe taht they are responsible for the death. They need to be told clearly that htis is NOT so, and it's not their fault. Regression, being argumentative, withdrawing, and a high interest in dead things is normal for a period of time.

This is a tall order for most parents at a time when you yourself are also grieving. Remember that children take their cues on how to handle their grief from you, so you need to have a lot of support to be able to tolerate all the feelings that come along and to respond supportively to your child's reactions.
Good luck to you!
K.

There is a few sources out there. There is a book called Helping Children Cope With Death, here are some links for places to buy it..
http://www.smarter.com/death-grief-books/helping-children...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index...

Also a wonderful kids book called, I Miss You-- here is a link for that one
http://www.amazon.com/I-Miss-You-First-Death/dp/076411764...

And, 'Sad Isnt Bad'http://www.amazon.com/Sad-Isnt-Bad-Good-Grief-Guidebook/d...

And, 'Tear Soup' http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0961519762/ref=pd_cp_b_3...

Hi C., I just lost my mom in July and my daughter was 3 and my son 2. I don't know of any books. However I want to pass on the advice one of the nurses gave me. I told my daughter that she had to go to heaven so the angels would make her better and that she couldn't come back. I told her they would take care of her and that when she looks up at the sky at night the brightest star in the sky is where heaven is. Now six months later every time we are out a night she still looks to find it to say goodnight. I think it gives them something to grab onto. I am surprised how she got the finality of it. From the beginning she got the fact that she wasn't coming back. My son was too little just last night he asked my dad where she was. Every child takes to it differently. I hope this helps good luck D.

C. - I've heard the book Maria Shriver wrote is really great for kids. She wrote it for her kids when her dad passed away.

Although I've never read it myself I saw her promoting it on Oprah and it looked like it would be very helpful for kids to understand what has happened.

Hi C.,

A great resource for you would be your local hospice. I am a maternal/child health nurse and a hospice nurse (I like both ends of the spectrum of life!). I currently work for hospice, and we have a breavement department (they help counsel loved ones after the death). I know our hospice has many books, including how to work with children after a loss. Further, the breavement counselor will be able to give you ways in which to help or deal with your 2.5 year old. Children respond much differently than adults because they are not able to verbalize their feelings - therefore they may act out in different ways.

One important aspect I can tell you that I have learned from my own losses in life as well as my patients, is that people are learning how to celebrate the life of the person they just loss and not focus on the death. Talking about and reminicing about the good things and their accomplishments ie being a good grandparent, how he liked fishing, what a good bowler he was etc. Things like that, as well as personal favorites of your own - ie the way he smelled, the funny way he would say things etc. Pictures are extremely important so perhaps a picture of him and your child in a frame in your child's bedroom - he'll always be a part of your child's environment.

I hope this helps - good luck to you, and my deepest condolence for your loss - J. S

"The Next Place" is an amazing book for people of all ages. It has bright, colorful illustrations and tells it's message in a non-denominational way. I love it and hope you will too.

http://www.bahairesources.com/products.php?id=1823

Beyond the rainbow

Life after death is even more difficult to explain to a child than God, but this book offers several metaphors based on the Bahá'í Writings to make death less frightening to a young heart. From Bambi's mother to their own grandparents, kids are surrounded by death at a very very young age. Presented as a conversation between a mother and 5-year-old son, this book will help you help them make sense of it all.

Inventory Code: BK-4011

Author / Artist: Brenda Humphries Illustrated by Terry Eichler

Softcover

Publisher: Brilliant Books

Size: 10x7 15pg

This is a great book, we have unfortunately had quite a few deaths recently, I thought this book was great

M

I believe there is one written by Jamie Lee Curtis that is supposed to be good.

Although not directly about the death of a person, I have always loved the book The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia. It is about death of a leaf in the fall and the rebirth of new life in the spring. It is simplistic and can be linked to life and death in our own lives.

I'm not sure how much a 2.5 year old would understand but there are a few good books you can get at the library. One is "The fall of Freddie the Leaf" for death/life cycle in general. There are a couple of ones specific to the loss of grandparents. Good luck.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

Sorry to hear that you need to explain it to someone so small. There is no easy way to do it. But there are many great books out there to help you. I remember one that I read to my kids. It was called The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. It is for older children. There is another one that I bought a couple of years ago when my Mom passed. It was all about losing a grandparent. I can't remember the name of it though. That one was centered around littler kids. It was a sudden thing with me so I needed help in explaining it. I suggest going to the library or local bookstore and looking for something that way.

If you go to any library and ask the librarian they have several that they will recommend too. We lost our family dog when my son was 2.5 and there were many books available on pets and grandparents and other family members. My daycare also had some good suggestions.

I recommend the book "Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children", by Brian Mellonie. I work in an early childhood center, and we keep this book on hand to loan to families in need. Two and a half is quite young, but the book can be read and adapted to her level of understanding.

My bereavement counselor highly recommended a book called "Freddy the Leaf." Although I don't personally own the book, I think it's about the life cycle (they use a leaf as an example, I believe) and how death is a natural part of life. She recommended it for children.