Help...how To Get My 2.5 Yr Old to Stay in His Bed at Night?

I'm also a single mom...i could tell you were one too when i first started reading your post..ok..1st to get him off the bottle..you have to get very busy with him....spend a whole week always out and about..do not bring a bottle..just bring sippy cups..my son only liked the take and toss ones ..u can get them at Target..only have those available..soon he will forget about the bottle..u can jam up the nipple on the bottle if he still wants it or put a super slow flow nipple so its hard to get milk out..and also u can put some bad tasting stuff on the nipple..but i just one day took all the bottles and threw them out..
i also did CIO ..i remember just before my son turned 3..sleeping became horrible...he was going to bed later and waking at like 5am..so i put a lock on his door for a week..and did CIO in the mornings..not supposed to do that but i didn't know what else to do..
BUT...i was also having a problem..i would lie awake all night worried about him every night..wondering if he was ok in there..or if he was safe enough...we live in a house and his room was on the other side of the house..SO...now he is 4 and for the past like 8 months or so he sleeps with me..
i moved my bedroom into his..b/c it used to be mine anyway...and he sleeps with me..now he sleeps better than ever and so do i..i put a big long body pillow between us so he can't kick me ....he sleeps WAY more..today believe it or not he slept in til noon..i have black out curtains on the windows..i let him stay up til 10:30 or 11pm...and he sleeps in late..usually he goes to bed closer to 11 and wakes around 9:30 but we've both been under the weather...a bit flu-ish...so he has been sleeping in later..
he goes to his dad's a couple times a week..i'm not dating right now..and i know it might be tough if i do meet someone but then i have a 3.5 bedroom house...my son is 4..why don't u just let him sleep with you? i don't think its a big deal..he wants to be near u..i was like that as a child..
i would make my parents lay on the floor of my room til i fell asleep...i remember going in their room and sleeping on the floor b/c they had twin beds..(1960's) sometimes i let my son fall asleep on the couch at night and then i carry him off to bed..he went from being a light sleeper to now a deep sleeper..i think b/c he feels more secure now.

good luck

xo

<laughing> Ah. Crazymaking sleep dep. Sooooo much fun. :P I should warn you though, my nearly 8 year old in a growth spurt will actually wake up and eat a full meal in the middle of the night (and has done this a few times a year since he was 1.5. Some kids don't wake up hungry, some do. I've found the most expedient thing in our family, is to actually feed him. He eats or drinks and passes out asleep. Most nights though, a big mug of warm milk at bedtime takes care of him, and smaller growth spurts so will warm milk in the middle of the night. Milk is superfood. It contains proteins, fats, sugars, vitamins, & minerals. Kiddo had a bottle of milk in bed until he was 3, and a sippy until he was 5. (biannual dentist trips have all given his teeth a glowing bill of health.) I made it easy on myself by just keeping a premade bottle/sippy in the door of the fridge ready to be zapped. Ditto... like you, I had no help in the middle of the night.

So it seems like you've got 2 issues here:

1) Waking (hungry? thirsty? lonely?)
2) Staying in his own room

1) Step one would be figuring out WHY he's waking. If he's actually waking hungry, milk will fix that 9 times out of 10 (the whole superfood thing). If he's not hungry, just thirsty... either milk or water will do. If he's waking up scared or lonely though... than the milk/water is just trying to get "Mum champion of the world, chaser-awayer of bad dreams, bringer of love and security, and all that is right in the world!" to come share her magic with him. which brings us on to #2.

2) Staying in his own room

My q here is this: How much do you really mind his sleeping with you? Some parents can't stand it, some don't allow it because OTHERS don't, some welcome snuggle time, some cosleep, some compromise (having an extra bed, futon, or sleepingbag) in their room so that the kids can be close without piling into bed with them, and some compromise so that the kids either start out in mum's room or finish in mum's room. If you really don't want him in your bed... it'll probably take a few weeks of getting up and putting him back in his room several times a night. If you don't mind, though, there are quite a few options that you can try to allow the closeness without driving you batty. Personally, my 7 year old will pile in with me about 1/3 of the time, sleep in his own room about 1/3 of the time, or spend half the night with me the other 1/3 of the time. I have a giant bed... so there's no space issue.

Most of the people in my family have a LOT of children. When the children are feeling lonely, they usually climb into bed with one of their sibs. If it's a nightmare, they climb into bed with mum and dad. My kiddo though, is an only, so it's pretty natural for him to pile into bed with me... regardless of the cause. Same token, when he was little... if I was gone all day he would INVARIABLY end up in my bed more often than not. I noticed the pattern after a few months. If I was gone, he was in my room 90% of the time. If I had been with him all day his room was peachy. He was just seeking mommy time. Even though that time was passed out. Whew! What a relief though from when he was a baby, and wouldn't EAT until I was home. I mean, he'd eat a little, but saved the majority of his hunger until I was the one who could feed him. Talk about learning to get my sleep in naps!

Different things work for different people, and even for the same people at different times in their lives. Don't ever feel guilty for what works for YOUR family.

We make sure our kids have solid protein at dinner with veggies. The protein is the key. Our daughter will not sleep all night without literally, chicken, fish or beef right before bed. We also have found that a liquid calcium/magnesium helps them sleep a ton and wake up rested. We use Bluebonnett or Lifetime liquid calcium - blueberry flavor works best. (can be found at Mother's, Whole Foods, etc - even online probably) He might be needing extra calcium for growth, etc. Calcium is also a natural nervous system relaxant, so it helps my kids sleep better. I would try this before letting him cry it out, throwing bottles away, etc.

We have co-slept with each of our kids and we are consistant with discipline. We get comments contantly about how well-behaved our children are. Our 2 sons go to bed without a problem at 7:30pm. It hasn't always been that way...when #2 was younger, he was harder to get down, but he's 3 now, almost 4, and when we say "bed time," he literally goes and puts on his PJs, brushes his teeth, goes pee and grabs a book. Our daughter just turned 2 and she gets a second wind at night....so we have to handle her differently...but the protein and calcium work once we get her to sleep. They all slept with us until about 16 months and then it was in and out of our bed until they were about 2 or 3. They're only little for a little while and if they slept better in bed with us, then we woke up rested.

Sounds like you are doing a good job and being a single mom - any way you can get some good sleep is a good idea whether he is in bed with you or not...and making sure she had enough physical activity during the day AND not taking a late nap - that one is a killer for us.

After 3 kids, I can tell you, calcium (good stuff) and protein will do the trick. Julie's response below would not work for us....as I am an excellent parent and my kids are great, but sometimes they don't need structure like they are in the military at 6 weeks old. I've always lied down with my kids and they trust me and have a bond with me like a lot of parents don't have. We don't all have to parent the same, as all of our kids are not the same.

Good luck sweetie.

Hi J., Many mistakes have been made here, but it's by our mistakes that we learn. children/baby's should start out in their own crib/bassenet in mom and dads room, at least for the first 6 weeks, Then in their own room own crib/bassenet, children/baby;s in my opinion should not be in bed with their parents. It sounds like there is a great deal of lack of discipline with your son. You made the statement I have to lay down with him, who's the parent? who's in charge? You need to put him to bed and let him know he is not tocome in your room and if he does there will be consenquences, then you follow through, because it sounds likes he has been in charge from day one. The fact that you are single mom is more reason to be firm. You mentioned a bottle of water, he is WAY to old for a bottle. I've been a mother for 26 years, I have worked with children for over 12 years, I don't claim to know everything, but I have to tell you, they things you are teaching him right now will come back tri fold one day. Take charge, be the parent. he the child, and get some rules and discipline in your home. Whatr ever you do I would not take Susan's advice, nothing personal against her, she sounds very inexperience as a parent. J.

**ADDING THIS: I may sound "inexperienced" to Julie L., but I have 2 kids and they are great kids and we parent as human beings... not as drill sergeants or by placing "fear" on our kids. Each family is different, each culture is different, each parent's upbringing & background & Education is different, each Parent's world view is different, each child is different.
Its funny.... if I"m inexperienced, how come my kids have always gotten complements on how well behaved and bright they are... and my oldest Daughter's Teachers have all said, that she is the MOST behaved in class... out of the entire class. My kids are strong confident individuals, not sheep. And they have good hearts. Isn't that what matters?
I've been a Parent for about 10 years thus far.
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If he comes to your room, have him sleep not IN your bed, but somewhere else on the floor on a mat or something.
That is what we do with our kids. Its fine for us. We have a floor futon in our room, where they kids can sleep in our room, if need be or if they are sick or something. Its no biggie to us.

For the water, put it in a sippy cup so it does not leak. Its fine and he can "hold" it then.

Or, what my friend did to get rid of this "habit" is to tell her son "If you wake and you want water/milk... you can go get it yourself." Then her son stopped asking for it or "wanting" it.

OR, before he goes to bed and brushes teeth... let him have a big glass of milk before bed. Many kids still do this at this age and older. Milk, actually helps sleep.... and makes a person "relax." Put it this way, my Mom herself... likes to drink a cup of milk before bed... she says it relaxes her, helps her to sleep... and its just comforting. And she is an Adult. There is no 'age" by which a child/person HAS TO stop drinking milk before bed.

Next, at this age and older, kids often get lonely by themselves or start to get night-time "fears" of the dark etc, and get scared. So then they want to sleep with their Parent(s).
I was like that too. It was no biggie to my parents... they let me in, I grew out of it. And then we both got sleep.

Its a phase.

All the best,
Susan

Hi There,
I have been in a similar situation with my little girl. I finally had had enough when my daughter became a bed hog, and wouldn't leave me alone in bed. I found a book called "sleep sence program". This book really opened my eyes to the bad habits that I had. It made me realize that I was actually the creater of my daughters issues. Once I made the changes, my little girl followed suit. I started with a very strict bedtime ruitne. I even went as far a reading the same 3 books to her for weeks at a time. After the 3rd book, she knew what to expect. I stopped staying in her room while she fell asleep, and would say the same things to as I left the room. "good night, sweet dreams, I love you". Everytime. When she cried, I would wait 5 minutes and go in there to tell her that it is bed time and to go to sleep. I would never pick her up or feed her, I just said the same thing as I walked out. As the nights went by, her crying got shorter and shorter until on day, she simple said good night to me back. It was wonderful. It takes pacience and consistancy.
Shoot me an email at ____@____.com and I will send this on-line book to you.
Take care and good luck!
M.

We recently had a problem with our 2 1/2 year old wandering out of his room. Each time he came out we would walk him back to his room and put him back in his bed. He wanted to be held. I did that for a few nights, then switched to sitting next to his bed and rubbing his back, then not rubbing his back, sitting in a chair across the room from his bed and eventually just putting him in bed and leaving (this was all after our regular bed time routine). While talking to him one night he said he wanted to keep his door open (he's always slept with it closed). We did that and he's been in his bed since. Good luck!

You must be exhausted!!!

I think the only way he is going to learn to sleep in his bed is if you are consistent with it. When he comes into your room, you have to bring him back to his bed (and not lay down with him). I know it is very tough to go through this all night long, trust me, I did it too!! But I found that I really only had to do it for like 3 or 4 nights before he got the clue that we were not going to give in. Our situation was a little easier as he was never used to sleeping with us, so it was more of an adjustment from crib to toddler bed.

And I do give my son water at night if he wakes up and needs it. Sometimes he really is thirsty. I just ask him if he is thirsty, if he says yes, I give him a sippy of water. I wake up a lot and need water, so I don't see why it is a problem to give him a little bit too.

I can't tell if you are trying to transition to a sippy or not. But it may not be a bad idea to get the sleep thing down first, then fight the sippy cup battle. My son was pretty receptive to the sippy. I think it was because we got a soft top one, so it was very similar to a bottle. Then eventually we switched to a hard top one.

Good luck, I hope you get some much deserved sleep!!!

It's important to teach your son healthy sleep habits now because if it goes on too long it can lead to problems with insomnia when he's older. If you're getting more and more tired, so is he. I would buy yourself a copy of 'Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child' by Dr. Weissbluth, it's a great book and it'll give you a clear perspective on what you need to do to help your son get the sleep he needs for his development. Dr. Weissbluth is a sleep expert, by the way. Don't give your son any milk at night because it'll rot his teeth. My son's 2 1/2 too, and he sleeps great through the night, but it's because I had to teach him how to sleep on his own by letting him cry-it-out when he was 1. Good luck!