Help with Night Weaning from Breastfeeding Moms?

Updated on April 28, 2011
A.P. asks from Janesville, WI
16 answers

Hi Ladies,
I apologize in advance...I'm sure this question has been asked a zillion times!
My daughter is 7 months old. At around 3-4 months, she could go a very long stretch at night without breastfeeding (6-9 hrs). However, since about 5 months, we have gone backward in that department, and she is currently getting up 3+ times a night to breastfeed (in spite of starting solids and her loving them and eating a very big dinner in addition to breastfeeding). She also still breastfeeds every 2-3 hours during the day, on demand. At our most recent dr appt, our ped told me to stop with the night feeding. My dd is in the 90th+ percentile and our dr says she doesn't need to eat at night anymore, nor will she stop waking up multiple times until we do stop. We have tried sending my husband in to comfort/pat, etc. and sometimes that works, but sometimes there is nothing other than the breast that will help her back to sleep. Last night she was up at 11, 2:30 and 5 to eat. When she gets up she's up for quite awhile, so I'm getting an average of about 4-6 hrs of sleep a night, not to mention her sleep disruption.

My questions are:
Do you agree with my ped that we should/can stop? How old was your child when you night weaned? And, most importantly, if I do this, how can I do it gently and without letting her cry alone, which I won't do? Our ped recommended "cold turkey" but that seems so rough for all of us...... Thoughts? Thanks in advance!

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So What Happened?

This site is so amazing...I've only known about it a short time (couple months) and it is wonderful to be able to get feedback like this! I very much appreciate all of your thoughts, and it is very helpful to know that I am not alone and that night nursing is not so unusual. It just so happens that I have several friends who are breastfeeding who for whatever reason have infants that sleep through the night (or they're lying lol! :)) and so I started to feel like I'm doing something wrong. Then, when my dr said that, I lost even more confidence! Anyway, thank you again....I'm going to read these to my husband as "proof" that we don't need to night wean and should continue with what we're doing.

More Answers

G.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I do NOT agree with your pediatrician!! She's only 7mo!!!!!! Of course, she's going to be hungry a couple times throughout the night. Even adults can get hungry during the night... My 17mo daughter wakes once/night to nurse, and I know it's not a comfort nurse because she gulps and gulps for about 7-8 minutes, then falls back to sleep. If she weren't truly hungry, I honestly don't think she would wake because there are night where she sleeps 12 hours straight. (few and far between, but....)

I also don't agree with your pediatrician telling you to go cold turkey. I don't know your ped, but it sounds like he/she doesn't know much about breastfeeding if they suggested it. Going from 3 night feedings to none could not only sabotage your milk supply, but it could lead to engorgement and plugged ducts, which could also lead to mastitis.

At 7mo, both my kids were still nursing every 2-3 hours during the day, although at that age, they did start to taper off due to eating solids. 7mo is also a VERY big developmental age... just think of everything your daughter is learning to do... crawling, pulling herself up, speech, maybe teething etc. All that movement requires calories.....

I've never been one to pay too much attention to the percentiles, and I'm lucky enough to have found a pediatrician who doesn't ether. In fact, she doesn't even tell me what percentile they'e in; she pays more attention to the height/weight ratio, and even then it's only after age 2. Breastfed babies gain weight, and I LOVE fat babies! All that weight will start to come off when she starts walking, etc. Both my kids earned the "Michelin man" and "Stay Puft" nicknames and kept them through about 18mo (my daughter is sadly losing most of her baby fat, but at least all the 18mo pants are finally starting to fit!!! haha)

My opinion is to watch your daughter's cues and feed her when she's hungry. Maybe try to stretch out her night feedings or try co-sleeping (if you aren't already) to try to get a little more sleep. I don't have any suggestions for why she's awake for so long during each feeding, but how does she nap during the day? At 7mo, is she taking multiple naps still or is she down to 1 or 2? What time does she go to bed at night? What time does she get up for the day?

I suggest working on her daytime napping and feeding before starting on the night. Sleep begets sleep, and I hate to say it, but the better they sleep during the day, the better they sleep at night. However, it's a fine line to walk. Keep track of how long she's awake before she's ready to go to bed for the night, and wake her to correspond with what time you'd like her to go to bed for the night. Maybe that first night feeding can correlate with your bedtime?? I know this turned into a book, but hopefully you'll find something useful :)

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

lol, easy for your pediatrician to say!, night time is usually the last to go, based on its importance and comfort to the baby. The only way i can think of is to teach new sleeping/comforting nighttime routines. Basically you have to re-wire your baby!. It may take awhile. Although i see no reason to wean off any feedings at all at 7 months old.

Please don't do cold turkey. That is good for smokers and drinkers, not little babes. Your doctor sounds like a CIO, ferber method, 6 month cut off breastfeeding advocate and i would err on the side of caution when taking his advice.

Any Lactation or breastfeeding consulatant worth their salt will NEVER recommend abrupt weaning of any kind. Start by taking away one feeding at a time and implementing a different form of comfort during that time. Once the replacement of the one feeding goes unnoticed, you can replace another.

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D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

I nursed my children for 16 and 20 months respectively so I feel qualified to offer up some advice. Don't let anyone tell you that a breastfed baby doesn't "need" to nurse at night. My first was able to sleep 10-13 hours at night without nursing(95% of the time)-he was a preemie and tiny for his age but became a champ sleeper at about 7 months and my second woke to nurse until she was over a year old-she was full term and a great size. Every baby is different and every baby has different night needs.

That being said, it's important that you understand infant sleep and how to teach baby to sleep. Dr. Sears Baby sleep Book, THe No-Cry Sleep solution and the Baby Whisperer were life-savers when I was trying to teach my little ones to sleep and to better read the cues they were giving me. They each have invaluable tips, tricks and sleep info. The better you understand infant sleep the better you can formulate a sleep plan that doesn't involve a ton of tears.

With my son I could tell when he woke just because he woke and when he genuinely needed to nurse. My daughter would take full nursing sessions at night. That told me she needed it.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Frankly, I think it's quite normal for 7 mo. olds to nurse at night. I think that you need to speak to an LC or someone more pro breastfeeding. Around 6 mo. kids hit a growth spurt. Sleeping through the night for babies is really more like a 5 hour stretch than 8. I think if she truly nurses at night, she needs it. Kids are not always by the book.

When you nurse her at night, make it quiet and dark. Give her "go to sleep" cues so she's not associating it with being up to party. I also agree with the good nap = good night theory. It seemed to hold true for DD at that age.

I am not a CIO person. I did pick up/put down. Picked her up when she cried, put her down when she was calm. I also did things like stand with a hand on her back for a few minutes which helped her settle. A routine helps. If you always do bath, book, bed, for example, then she will associate it with sleep.

You might also look up on kellymom.com about dream feeds.

I have a kid who gets hungry/thirsty at night. We gave her a sippy of water, but DH also asked (and I forget exactly when) what would happen if she got a bedtime snack? So we tried it and if just a few strawberries or a slice of cheese gets us through the night = great!

The whole thing with percentiles...our pediatrician said that we should keep an eye on trends for DD and if DD followed her curve (be it 50 or 90 or 20) then she was fine. I don't think he should just look and say, "she's bigger than average, she needs a diet." My DD looked like the michelin man when she was a baby and now she's an average toddler. They do thin out when they get moving.

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

I do not agree with night weaning at all - simply because if your child did not emotionally or physically need it - they would not be waking for it. I co-slept (still do) and never refused an inquiry or cue to nurse. This phase does not last forever, but co-sleeping definitely allow for more Mommy sleep.

If you think you will be nursing past a year - between the ages of 1 and 2 y/o - the child will be so on the go and busy during the day that they will rarely nurse, but will make up for that big time by nursing at night time only.

Pediatricians truthfully know very little to NOTHING about breastfeeding, what the benefits are, how it hepls Momma and baby, etc... I'd go to the Le Leche League chapter closest to you and maybe look into getting an appt with an IBCLC.

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D.C.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Sounds to me like she is going through a growth spurt. I would keep working on the feeding - trying to get as much food into her all day long (not just right before bed) so that she won't wake hungry.

I did just recently night-wean my breastfed baby. But he is 14 months. Not 7 months, and although I was exhausted at 7 months from a waking baby (and I sympathize with you), I think it's too soon. I used this website for reference for night weaning - but you'll notice that the pediatrician who wrote it is VERY adamant that he only recommends this for babies who are more than 1 year old... (http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html)

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V.F.

answers from Santa Fe on

To stop or not is your choice. Both my kids were in the 90 percentiles - which got lower once they started moving more, so it is not a bad thing at this age (in my opinion).
My daughter was pretty little when she started sleeping through the night (12 weeks) - but getting teeth or getting sick would reset that. I don't remember when she finally completely night weaned - although she was 12 months when she totally weaned.
My son (who was second) co-slept with me, so that he could eat all night, and I could still get sleep. This worked well for us - as I could still function because I could get him 'plugged' in, and then go back to sleep. We night weaned at 14 months because I wanted uninterrupted sleep - and he was plenty big/old enough to manage. (That was 2 nights of MUCH crying - not the advice you are looking for.)

My thoughts are really questions for you - What are you comfortable with? Could you make it work to nurse while laying down, so you could sleep? If you sleep train at this age, are you OK with it getting mangled when new teeth/sickness shows up?
In terms of her weight, I would not worry about that - like I said, at that age both of mine were pretty big. Once they started walking, then they dropped down to better proportions. :)
What I have heard about night weaning is that it is important for Dad to do as much as possible - as she knows that YOU are the milk source, and it is easier for you to cave to her wishes. That said, I do not think that it is possible to do it without tears. (I hope you find that is not true!)
For us, it was what worked at that time. At 7 months eating at night, and many milestones coming up that would cause resets - the night feeding was OK with me. At 14 months, then I was tired. Tired of getting up at night, and I knew that he would be fine without it. It was worth the few nights of little sleep to reset him.
Do what works for you, and what feels right for you! You are the one living with the choices that you hold to at 2am - sometimes things that sound totally rational during the day are COMPLETELY unreasonable at 2am.... :) Do what feels best for you. She will not nurse forever. :)

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L.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Are they really night feedings? Or is she using you as a pacifier? My youngest did the second. I was his pacifier during the day and at night. Ugh. She is pretty young, only 7 months, and may be going through a growth spurt. If you are convinced it's a pacifier thing, my best advice to you is to make yourself unavailable at night. Make daddy the night time rescuer. Just so you know I am an big supporter of breastfeeding and I did breastfeed mine he was 2 1/2. But breastfeeding and being a pacifier at night are two different things in my opinion.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I nursed my daughter at night until she was 13 months old. She would nurse at approx. 8:30, 1:00, and 5:30. At about 11 months, she dropped the 5:30 time on her own. At 13 months, she dropped the 1:00 feeding on her own. Feeding at night is completely normal. BF babies need to eat at night. Just because she is big, does not mean she is not hungry. My daughter was always in the 90+ percentile, too.

I never asked my ped how to feed my baby, I just fed her when she was hungry. He/she is not in your house during the night. I would recommend that you go to bed earlier, to get more sleep.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

My pediatrician told me, when my baby was about 4 months, to shut the door at night and not go in again until 6 am! I'm sure 30 something years ago his wife was going in and getting his babies when they cried in the night. He was probably asleep.

THis is what I think you should do: If your daughter wakes in the night, let her fuss. If it goes on for a while, or she seems really upset, go get her. Sometimes she will fall back asleep on her own.

If she doesnt, send your husband in (if he will go - mine slept through it all...)

Both of my children phased out their night wakings pretty much on their own. At 7 months, my daughter was getting up pretty much twice a night. Sometime she would throw a 3rd, or sleep through one, just for variety.

A little while later, she worked herself down to 1.

She just turned 15 months and I rarely get up with her. Every once in a while she will get up once, and I nurse her back to sleep. Sometimes I hear her but she cries for a bit and then goes back to sleep.

I tried, with my son, different sleep training methods to get him back to sleep, and they were all frustrating - too hard to count 5 minutes, 10 minute, etc. at 2 am.

Edit to add: It is definitely hard when you are going through it, and a year seems like forever to go with little or no sleep - because it is! but it will eventually be behind you. My children are 3 and 15 months, and I dont really remember who got up when....

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A.F.

answers from Chicago on

I was going to do this at 7 mos with my last baby but he got sick and his weight dropped so we had to wait until 9 mos....same situation you are going through with him being up 3 times (or more) a night. I dropped 1 nursing session at a time to make it easier on my breasts and my baby. It turns out after we dropped 1 and were working on 2, he dropped them all himself. After he stopped getting the sleep disruption around 11pm or midnight for feeding #1, he pretty much stopped waking up altogether. Yes, we did CIO and I did have a rule that I would not let him cry more than 25-30 minutes (my daughter was just around 2 at this point and letting him cry longer than that seemed unfair to her sleep as well). I would try to drop the first session as long as you are still nursing her right before she goes to bed....then if she wakes for the 2nd, do it, but then try to drop the 3rd. Waking up 1 time at 230 am is definitely better than 11, 230 and 5! Hopefully in the next month, she will just start sleeping through like mine did! Best of luck!

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M.I.

answers from Duluth on

first of all i want to congratulate you for being so sensitive to your child's needs.

heres the thing about your doctor: he isnt responsible for raising your daughter. you are. and you have to make the decisions that work best and feel right for your family. doctors are, put simply, trained in medicine. they arent trained in parenting. but so often they are asked about how to do certain things... really, they arent trained for it, and more importantly, every kid is different, every family situation is different, and every need is different. YOU do what YOU feel is best :)

that being said, my son nursed until he was 20 months old when he weaned himself. he didnt stop the night nursing until he was 15 months old or so, at 13 months he stopped waking in the midding of the night and would nurse around 5 am instead of earlier, which made it easier for us. but the thing that got all of us the most sleep was night nursing and cosleeping/bedsharing. you do whatever version of this that works best for your family. there is a video with instructions on how to make your own crib a connected side sleeper to your bed, if you want that just message me.

otherwise, YOU do what feels best. there is NOTHING wrong with night nursing. however, if it bothers you then you decide what is best.

mentally, infants are infants until around a year old. everything they want and need is a need to them. this isnt something that needs to be "disciplined out" of them, they will grow out of it when they're ready. :) :) you'll know; their cries change. its less urgent. in the meantime your best bet is to listen and respond, day and night. one of the biggest infant needs is to be close to mom or dad day and night. (or a trusted caregiver if both parents work). so though you will be told everything contrary to this, have no fear; letting your child sleep in your bed or in your room does not mean they will be sleeping there in 5 years, or 10, or whatever the horror stories are. and if they do, whats wrong with that? do YOU like to sleep alone? probably not. LOL. so why would an innocent little baby? im not saying you HAVE to cosleep or bedshare, again, you do what is best for your family, but it makes night nursing a lot easier.

for me, it was simpler to GET sleep, than to try to tell my kid that night time was a time he would be left alone. and if getting sleep meant that i bedshared with my son and let him nurse whenever he wanted.... then thats what i did. it was WONDERFUL, and i recommend it. PLEASE, if you do bedshare, take EXTRA precautions. there are dangers to it, but it is not the horror the media would have you believe. take great caution with your own health and sleep - if you sleep hard, or have drank, dont bedshare (cosleeping is still ok ! - this means just baby in your room in own bed). make sure to keep blankets light, and out of the way as much as possible, pillows ... small ones or none, depending on your comfort. i needed one. but i found that i always woke when my baby moved, and i was VERY aware of where he was. you dont hear many stories about adults rolling out of bed at night do you? thats because we are aware of the edge of the bed, and we dont roll out. same goes for your baby. we will, under normal circumstances, be aware of where baby is, and we are normally not going to roll on top of them. that danger is overeggagerated.

PS. if you have a very soft matress or one that is very indented, i would take GREAT caution. this can cause a position where you might block baby's nose or something. you can put a piece of plywood under the matress to see if that flattens it out, and also NEVER bedshare on a waterbed.

im sorry if i rambled on and on. basic answer? do what feels best to you. your doctor is not the expert on your child. you are!! :) your instincts are the ones that matter. keep listening to them and you are going to have a lot more confidence as a parent. every time you reaffirm an instinct, you get more instincts ! LOL. :):) good luck!

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J.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Listen to your kid and do the thing that's right for your family. I know pediatricians sometimes get worried about tooth decay, especially once your kid starts on solids. Whether that's a valid worry or not, I haven't been able to get a consistent answer from peds or dentists. My first son was ready to sleep through the night at 8 months. My second wasn't ready until 26 months. Same parents, same night routines, same crib - different kid.

I would do everything possible to encourage her to nurse and go right back to sleep. Don't turn on the lights, hold her in a rocker if you have one, don't talk to her, but sing if that helps her, don't change her diaper (she should make it through the night on a nighttime diaper.)

Also, if you need to sleep, if that becomes your priority, then it's *totally ok* to wean her, even if it means crying it out.

But it sounds like your priority is waiting to wean your daughter until she is ready. As you can see from the many responses, kids are weaned at a huge range of ages. Do what's right for your family.

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M.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I weaned my daughter somewhere between 6 and 9 months (sleep deprivation took away a lot of my memory from that time so I can't remember specifically when). I read a lot of responses saying it's too early, and I won't argue with them, but it's also true that you need your rest to be on top of your mommy game.

Can you cut out the 2:30 a.m. feeding and have your husband just be the comfort guy for a few nights until she figures out that she's not going to eat? That way you get a bit of a longer stretch and going from 11 am til 5 am is a decent chunk of sleep time. It will be hard at first for all of you--all change is--but if nothing changes, nothing changes.

She may continue to wake up even after you stop feeding. My husband and I would take turns--every other night, or I would be responsible until 2 am, and he would go in after 2 am. That way our sleep was less disrupted.

We never let her cry alone. We used The Baby Whisperer's Pick Up, Put Down method and it worked better than what we had done before.

Tough decisions. I wish you well!

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B.R.

answers from Des Moines on

My son stayed on a similar schedule for several months past even the 9 month check-up. Can't remember exaclty when he dropped the 2-3 am nursing, but I went ahead and did night nursing. It's pretty common, from the questions I've seen on here and my own experience, for babies to wake up more at night around the 5-7 month mark. Mine started noticing the world at that age; and, while he still nursed during the day and ate some solids, I knew I was producing less milk in the daytime and was fine continueing night nursing if he wanted it. He was a good night nurser -- ate, fell back asleep easily -- so it wasn't a big deal to me. I hear you about the lack of sleep -- I found it easier to stay up until past that 11-12 feeding than going to sleep and then trying to wake up after an hour. I combatted sleep deprivation by taking naps when the kids did whenever possible, and that helped.

Truly, your baby is probably fine whatever you decide. Mine wasn't hurting size-wise either 80% for height and weight -- but I didn't know how to stop without CIO and preferred to breast feed if he wanted to anyway. Our doc did say we could quit night feedings and that he was getting enough during the day, but I went with my gut (which, after nursing two kids and listening to a lot of women who ended up not nursing their kids after their docs gave them advice on supplementing, night nursing, etc., I trust more than the docs). So, I think you should go with your gut too, and try to find other ways to rest if possible. Personally, I lay down the sleeping-through-the-night law closer to a year.

Good luck. Sorry for the ramble -- doing lunch with the kiddos, too, and no time to re-read or revise!!

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J.J.

answers from Omaha on

If night nursing is working well for you, then why are you letting a pedritrician dictate to you how to parent your child. Your child is healthy and happy and doing all the right things. And, you're able to sleep when your baby can nurse at night, right? So, why even discuss this issue with a doctor?????

When I take my babies (I have 5 children ages 15 yrs - 15 months) I tell my peditrician that our baby is sleeping with us and night nurses and that I, as the parent, decide what is best for my baby. With my first baby I got doctors who gave me their opinions and I tried to take their advice, but the bottom line is, I had to do what worked best for me! When my baby night nurses in bed with me, I get sleep and feel refreshed in the morning!
Now, if you aren't happy with the night nursing and it's bothering your sleep, then by all means you probably need to work on nursing less at night time.
I highly recommend a book called "The Baby Book" by Dr. Sears. He has a whole chapter on nighttime parenting and nursing and how dad can help, etc.....
Not all parents can parent the way my husband and I do and I do recognize that; however, as along as you're comfortable with how baby is doing and you're doing then go with what is working best for you!
BTW....I'm a registered nurse and I go to a pediatrician and an OBGYN who whole heartedly supports night time nursing and extended breastfeeding. Maybe you need to shop around for a more supportive pediatrician.... just a suggestion.

Also, I don't watch the clock at night to see when and if baby is waking up. Not all babies need to wake up at night to nurse either. Even though all my babies have slept with us, only 2 out of 5 have been ones who wake up more frequently to nurse.

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