Nursing Moms: What Say You?

At 8 months, he should be waking to feed MAYBE once. If it's more than that, I'd definitely take a harder look at his feeding schedule. You both need sleep at this point!

Do what works for you. They are only babies for awhile. I always nursed mine to sleep. I love that memory.

At 8 months old, the ideal is to be working toward not nursing at night, so that you can start getting a full nights sleep yourself (and be more functional). Physically, by 6 months old, they don't need nourishment through the night.

I think what the doc is trying to say is, don't always use food as the comforter. If the baby cries at night, try picking him up and rocking back to sleep instead of nursing. What you are trying to avoid is setting up a lifelong habit of "if something is wrong, eat to fix it." Yes, nursing is not the same as handing a child a cookie if he falls down and skins his knee... but it can begin here.

The other ideal is to put nurse the baby, but not until he sleeps, and then put him in his crib, warm and full and drowsy & let him go to sleep on his own. Much easier said than done for some babies (mine included... we never did get to that point, and yes, we did CIO. I was such a better mom after I was able to get a full nights sleep.)

It really is a matter of is he actually hungry. If you are nursing, not to feed, but to help him fall asleep then you are creating an issue. Good luck trying to figure out which is which but there ya go....

You keep using the word comfort so perhaps you are too quick to offer. At his age he should be able to sleep through the night so you may be creating a bad habit there. In the end if you are the one being woke up every night so if it is a habit you can live with then go for it.

Do what works or you.

I second what Rachel K said.

What works for YOU and YOUR family is what's right.

I haven't read your other answers that you've received but I think what that Pediatrician told you is bunk (I nursed our daughter for almost 2 years). Do what works for you and it sounds like what you're doing IS working :)
I've learned to ask our pediatrician medical questions only and let their unsolicited behavioral advice go in one ear and out the other. They aren't experts on child psychology, they are medical experts!

We co-slept with both kids and I always breastfed on demand. I didn't care if they woke up because I could always get them to sleep right away and I slept right next to them. Not everyone agrees with this method, and I don't expect them to--every child is different, and every mom is different. You just have to follow your instincts and do what you feel is best for you and your child. And ignore that doctor, he has no idea what he is talking about. ;-)

Nursing for comfort is almost as important as nursing for nutrition. 8 months is not too old to nurse to sleep or at night. Ugh, im so tired of doctors attempting to take all of the inconvenience out of being a baby. They are needy for a reason.

I think you are right and not him.

Follow your instincts. :)

There are other ways to comfort at night other than nursing, and not nursing at night once they are past the point of needing it for growth reasons (the first few weeks of life) does not mean CIO. This sounds very like the advice that my ped gave me. My boys have both went to sleep on their own at the same time each night, and were both sleeping through the night at 2 months olds. If they fussed lightly at bed time I would wait a few minutes to go in to see what they would do (or when they woke at night), if in 5 minutes they were still fussing, or if the fussing turned into real crying, I would go it, but 99% of the time they were peacefully back to sleep before 5 minutes was up. Now, I started young, so my boys just did what came natural to them at night (which was sleep) so I was not having to break any bad habits or night ween. Since your baby is 8 months he has been trained to wake at night and eat, so that training will have to be undone if you want him to learn to sleep through the night.

I'm not a BF mom, but I would say if he is hungry before bed then nurse him. Maybe if you can stop him right before he is asleep and lay him down, maybe rub his back for a minute as he drifts off. My oldest, he is 2 1/2 now, I would always hold him until he was asleep. He was a year old before I started to lay him down to sleep while awake. He took to is great. With my twins, they are 8 months old, I usually have to lay them down right after their bottle, so I can feed the other one. I have always just layed them down awake for naps and bedtimes because i have to either take care of the other twin or do something for my toddler. they are really good about it. I think your son is old enough that if you take him off your breast just before he is asleep that he will learn to fall asleep in his crib. But if he wakes up hungry you should feed him!

I nursed my daughter every night at 1:00 am and 5:30 am until she dropped one feeding at 11 months and the other at 13 months. I let her tell me when she didn't need those feedings.

I never asked or listened to a doctor about how to feed my child. Doctors are for curing sickness and helping with injuries. Some doctors think babies should go "by the book" instead of being the individual people they are.

I HATE when peds say this. It isn't like he is 10 and asking for the boob.

My advice - nurse him when he wakes if that is what you feel comfortable doing. I did it with all three of my kids and sure enough, they are happy, healthy and didn't night nurse for but a few months.

Good job mama, and good luck.

There is wisdom in what your Dr. is telling you, and one of the most common lements he hears is from parents still waking to breast or bottle feed at this age when we all wish our babies were sleeping through the night. Don't be offended, these aren't "Dr.s orders", its advice. As with all advice, take it then do as you please. If you don't mind getting up in the night, then don't change it. Change it if you resent it. I personally have gotten up to nurse on demand with my second daughter who just turned one. I made this change with my first at 10 months (best thing I ever did to teach her to go back to sleep without a bottle). I'm making it longer with baby number 2 because nursing in bed is easier than making a bottle. You can walk with them, or rub their backs to sleep, you don't have to do CIO if thats not your style. My advice is reevaluate at one. her night waking may only be a few days out of the week and you feel you can go on. It may be every night and you get to the point you resent it. Change it when you resent it. BF is a two-way street.

I always nursed my babies until they were really, really drowsy - and them gave them a little jostle or nudge as I laid them down. The point is, that you want them to be aware that they've been moved before they completely conk out. It's sort of like, when you wake at night and your pillow has fallen off the bed, you get up and find it, and then have to fall back asleep. Otherwise, when you partially wake, you will normally roll over, and then go back to sleep. (We all get close to waking several times per night - if there is nothing strange in your environment, then you typically don't wake all the way.) In this scenario, you are essentially the pillow. He wakes partially, and you are gone, so he wakes completely and calls for you again. If you give him just that little nudge - you don't have to wake him completely, just get him close enough to awake to know his environment is changing on purpose - it will help him not to wake completely next time he hits that part of his sleep cycle. He'll sleep better, and so will you.

No, he is not too reliant on nursing!! Not at all. Trust your instincts, they are correct. This sort of thing falls under parenting rather than medical advice, so I never discussed it at all with my DD's doctor. There is nothing about CIO that teaches self-soothing. Yes, the babies learn to not bother crying, but the way they learn that lesson has nothing to do with soothing.

Sure he is used to being fed when he wakes up but even if you weren't nursing him back to sleep, he still might be waking during the night. Night weaning is not necessarily a magical solution to night waking.

It is absolutely normal for a breastfed baby to be nursing during the night at that age. Think of all the growth, it makes sense that he needs the nutrition. There is nothing wrong with it at all. I think societally we are in such a hurry to force "independence" on babies that we stop listening to our instincts.

You are the expert on your baby, that doctor isn't. Really when they are offering parenting advice, it's their opinion, it's not based on medical expertise. I'm only an expert on my daughter but I can tell you that I nursed her to sleep and during the night much longer than 8 months. That is what worked for us and she didn't end up overly dependent on me as a result. She's almost 5 now. She sleeps great. She learned to "self soothe" when she was ready to do so. They are tiny for such a short time, trust your instincts and don't rush it. And if it's not working for you, it's not a choice of just CIO or never sleep. Check out what Dr Jay Gordon has to say about night weaning or get Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" for other ideas.

It seems you have gotten all the advice and support you needed already. Good for you Mama.

I will tell you that this is "typical" doctor foolishness. I had a rant a few months back about the doctor telling me my 4 month old should be sleeping through the night! My other two EBFed babies did not sleep "through the night" and got up for one feeding each night until almost 6 or 7 months and here she (yes, a female doc and a mom too from what I know) was telling me my 4 month old should be. I was so stressed by it. I don't understand the arbitrary comments doctors seem to make.

Do what's best for you, your baby and your family.
~C.

CIO a very bad idea practiced in the 40's and 50's in America made for a generation of "me". That's how needy the children it was practiced on became.
You are a good mother doing what mothers around the world do. Physical contact in infants and small children is what comforts and makes them mentally stable.
Every other idea has failed miserably. That ped you saw the other day is a bad doctor full of ideas that are squelching the instincts of good mothers like yourself.
If your baby seems hungry give him rice cream cereal around an hour before you put him to bed for the night. It'll keep him full longer.

What you're doing is fine, but I don't think he was wrong in offering advice either. I'm sure he sees lots of moms asking for help on breaking midnight feedings, so he was just offering caution, that's all. As long as you're happy, keep doing what works for you and your baby.

I think your instincts are right. Do what your real baby needs.

My daughter is 8 months next week and she wakes once a night and nurses and goes back to sleep. She knows how to self soothe because she does it at night when she wakes up and isn't hungry. I know the different grunts for her. She does go through 5-7nights every few months that she will sleep all night but then she goes back to waking every night once to nurse. Do what you feel is right and keep with it.

Please trust your instincts. If you're child was injured or ill I'd say follow the docs advice, but this is something you and your child need to work out together. It might be helpful to read some books or talk to some other moms who have been there, but don't blindly follow a pedi's advice about how to put your child to sleep and how frequently to nurse. If you are paying attention to your child than you probably already know waht you need to do.

I nursed my daughter to sleep for the first year. She has no problem going to sleep on her own now (she's 19 months old). I also nursed her back to sleep if she woke up in the middle of the night. I don't think there is anything wrong with that in a child under a year. Like you, I stopped nursing at nap time before I stopped nursing at night. If you and your son are happy with situation, don't let a doctor sow the seeds of doubt! You are the mom and you know yourself and your child best!!

What works for you is the way to go. There are too many variables to have One Right Way to do it for everyone. As long as baby is getting the amount of sleep required for his age and development, I don't really see it in the pediatrician's jurisdiction.

Also, I always hate it when I see a fill-in doc (for my child's pediatrician or even one of my own) that wants to put his stamp on things and affect some major change. You don't know me. We don't have a relationship. Butt out!

I nursed my daughter in the middle of the night for a ridiculously long time. My dr kept telling me she would never learn to fall asleep on her own if I didn't stop nursing her to sleep, and she needed to learn to fall asleep on her own in the middle of the night too! My response was that I don't know any kids in college who still needed to nurse or rock or be comforted in the middle of the night to fall asleep so I'm pretty sure she'll figure it out eventually! She is now 2 and sleeps through the night all by herself, and we did it without CIO. They are so little for such a short time, and if you want to rock them all night long and nurse them whenever they cry and it's working for you do it! He will have plenty of time to learn to self sooth. Good luck! :)

There are many things that a Pediatrician is knowledgeable about; breastfeeding is typically not one of them. Most Peds know virtually nothing about breastfeeding and will often give bad advice on the subject; they are most likely to tell a mother to just switch to formula if she encounters any problems with breastfeeding at all. A Ped told my mom many years ago that she should not breastfeed when she had the flu, and that breastfeeding an 8 month old was a bad idea because he needed better nutrition than breastmilk could provide (due to his age), that was of course terrible advice that she wisely chose not to follow. Heck, doctors used to tell women that they should sterilize their nipples with alcohol before each feeding, ouch! So I do not put much stock into what a Ped has to say about matters of breastfeeding, in the past when I have had concerns I consult experienced mothers and/or lactation consultants. Another thing to consider is that there are many good ways to parent a child, some parents prefer certain methods and some parents prefer others. That does not mean that one parent is necessarily wrong. Children also differ in their temperaments, sensitivities, and abilities, so one-size-fits-all parenting advice that works for everyone is very rare (perhaps non-existent). Sometimes it’s best to look at results rather than methods; if a child is physically and mentally healthy and is developing at a good rate, then what you are doing is most likely working. If you have concerns over health or development then you may want to re-evaluate. That said, it IS important to heed strictly medical advice from your child’s Ped, when it comes to diseases, s/he has had thorough training and 9for the most part) knows what s/he is talking about. Health issues are what a Ped should be concerned with, not (non-threatening) child rearing practices.
Personally, I have never been a fan of the cry-it-out method. I loved rocking my babies and nursing my babies to sleep! When they woke up at night, I always nursed them back to sleep. And I did some co-sleeping, not all the time and not all night, but some. Once they were older they stopped waking up at night to nurse, and when they were weaned they never woke up a 3 AM demanding a sandwich or anything. And my children were happy to get a “big kid bed” at 2 years old and learned to sleep in it independently very quickly. So don’t buy into the spiel about how any habits your baby starts now with eating and sleeping will be a life sentence, he is not going to want to eat late at night forever!

It sounds like you are doing the best thing for your baby. Trust your mommy instinct. You are doing what is best for you son and your family. That doctor isn't living in your shoes and he is just a doctor doling out advice that doesn't work for everyone. My son always had to nurse before going to sleep, whether that was naps or for bed. He would wake up multiple times a night to nurse. Yes it was killing me, but I got through it. He will be 3 and goes to sleep on his own so it doesn't last forever. My daughter who is 4 months is completely different. She can go to sleep on her own after I nurse her and she wakes ups 1-2 times a night but I think if she wasn't hungry she would sleep the whole time. You just keep doing what you think is best and don't let anyone try to tell you what you are doing is wrong. I still occasionally nurse my son and people think that is weird, but I don't care, my kid, I will take care of him how he needs to be taken care of :) Good luck to you!

Please check out kellymom.com

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/comfortnursing.html

I nursed all four of my babies to sleep and nursed them if they woke up in them middle of the night. I tried the CIO method with my first and vowed it was not for me. I do know it works though, many of my friends have done it and have great sleepers. Now that being said, I really only have one child that is a horrible sleeper but all the rest of them sleep beautifully.

My doctor recommended the same thing yours did, which was to not do the bottle or boob in the middle of the night, he said that it would be rough for about 2 weeks but then the problem is over. He also said that by getting over the nighttime feeding your baby will learn better sleep patterns. If you do not get it under control by the age of 2, you will have a lifetime of sleeping issues. I don't doubt that this has a lot of validity to it, I just found with our family it did not hold true.

If you just stick to the same routine and do what is right for you, it all works out. We probably dealt with babies getting up at night longer than other families, but I never minded my time with them (midnight or noon) and it is only temporary.

Good luck!

Sounds exactly like my 9 month old. He will nurse before bed and naptime. Get super relaxed and then I will put him in his own crib.he was a horrible sleeper for months (like worse than a newborn) but I persevered an refused to let him CIO. Now 2 months later her sleeps8-8 and wakes once to nurse. I still nurse before sleepin.g and naptimes. Hs a happy, loved, well adjusted baby. The question I ask is it bothering you to nurse him? Is that too much dependency of you or responisbility fr you fr nursing and sleeping? If you are good and he is happy. I say you do what you know is good for you and your baby.

My baby is 7 months, bottle fed, and still waking at least once a night....sometimes twice. At his 6 month appointment the doctor mentioned he probably didn't need to eat at night but left it at that, which I was grateful for because I am not ready to let him CIO (I do this method but only when they are older and never for long stretches). Neither me or my husband mind being up with him, he has his reasons for waking and I love the snuggle time - and being the third child I think he needs it at night because he can't get as much during the day.

I know I am so late, but good for you for doing what you feel is right! There are actually hormones realeased to relax both mommy and baby during nursing which is why you both get so sleepy!! I have always figured God designed things that way so everybody could rest ;) Both my babies fell asleep at the breast all the time and both have napped and slept just fine beyond the year I nursed them. Now both of mine were sleeping through by eight months, but all children are different. If you are tired of getting up,maybe increase feeding during the daytime, I did that with my first and it worked great!

According to Marc Weisbluth, author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, it's perfectly appropriate for your baby to need feeding 1-2 times a night till 9 months old. That is when I weaned my son of night nursing. He is 2 today and we are still nursing 2-3 times during the day. At wake-up in the AM, before his nap, and before bedtime.
I did try to make sure my son was not fully asleep when I put him back in his crib after the night nursing, and definitely at bedtime. I think the bedtime 'drowsy but awake' is more important for teaching him to self-soothe, rather than the middle of the night.

I don't think it is because he is a man. I mean women are usually the ones who do CIO, right? I am past the nursing stage with a 3 and 7 year old. At some point, I think we all let our kids cry a little more and try to comfort themselves. Everyone's comfort level is different. I could never just let my kids shriek. But as they got older, I did resist the urge to run to them immediately and I resisted picking them up immediately if I did go in.

You need to trust your comfort level. This is an area where you don't have to listen to the pediatician. That said, maybe try to see if you can comfort your son without milk. You don't need to let him cry, but you don't have to feed him either. He is old enough to be comforted by more than suckling, but if it keeps you both happy, who cares? (And I say that with a little emotion, as I still miss those nursing moments, even at 2am!)

I know you have plenty of answers, but I still feel the need to add to the whole "do what works for you and your baby" thing...I believe in that so strongly! This can definitely apply to non-breastfeeding moms as well. With my first child, I was a SAHM and had the luxury (yes, I considered it a luxury) to hold him ALL day long when he was sleeping and he was much older before I did CIO. When my daughter came around just 20 months later, I knew I couldn't hold her all day the way I did with my son, so yes, I put her in her crib when she was still awake. It worked for quite a while and I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should've done this with my son so I didn't have so much trouble with him later on." But you know what? Once my daughter was a year or so, she had trouble falling asleep on her own and even waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes multiple times. It happens. Could've been separation anxiety, could've been bad dreams, who knows? So yes, I comforted her and often rocked her to sleep. (And no, I wasn't even breastfeeding her; while I breastfed my son for 6 months, I didn't last more than 5 weeks with her!) I figured, these kids did not ask to be brought into this world...why would I make them go through such misery? I'm sure I would have felt differently if I had to work and needed the sleep and couldn't take small naps during the day. But that wasn't the case with me, so I did what I felt was right for us. Every doctor will tell you something different. So will every parent! We all have different experiences and our own experiences can vary between our own children! So please, don't question yourself. Keep doing what you've been doing for as long as you like! When it stops working for either one of you, you'll know to change things. You may be a first time mom, but you know a lot more than you give yourself credit for!

Looks like you've gotten a lot of great responses. I also agree to trust your instinct. Do what is working for you! My babies all ate during the night for a long time. I didn't mind. The more your baby can be trusted and comforted by you, the more he will turn out to be a wonderfully independent person without bad habits. :) Sounds like you are doing great. I don't like CIO either. I tried it for a bit with my 4 yr old. Hated it and I quit it. Now he is a great sleeper because I feel I attended to his needs and his emotions. Gradually he fell asleep on his own and sleeps all night. My 3 yr old is doing great too. True that my 1 yr olds did not sleep through the night, but I was okay with that. Being a mom is a lot of work, but it's wonderful. The most important thing we can do for our children is respond to their needs and to their comforts. I loved breastfeeding and didn't ever deny it to my child. So good for you. :)

There is a great book: The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer that you should check out. Some very gentle philosophies on how to handle sleeping, eating, and routines.