Help with Bed Time - Advice on Toddler and Dads!

Who is the parent? If it's Dad's turn to put her to bed, it's Dad's turn. She can fuss and whine and cry, but it's Dad's turn. He needs to be firm - but the fact is, he can't be bothered. He needs to suck it up and deal - -and YOU need to make him deal. Pick some days - M, W, F that he will do bath and that's his day... whatever! Just make him do it and make him make her suck it up, too.
If I had nickel for every time I heard my friends complain that their husbands said, "She'll want you anyway"!!
My husband did bath and bed time stories once the kids could sit up in the bathtub unassisted. I would run in and listen to stories once in a while and I always gave the last good night kiss -- and then I ran right out. I did not lie down with the kids. I did not spend one more second because if you give an inch, they take a mile.

If your child stays in her bed and plays, that's fine. She doesn't have to go right to sleep. Do you?? We allowed the kids to have a book or two to read while they were falling asleep -- no lights, though. :-)

Relax. Make your husband share the load after work.
LBC

Hi V.,
My LO is 21 months and is also going through similar changes in sleeping patterns: wanting to go to bed later etc. In addition, we have a similar nite routine with my lying down next to him :) So I can soooo relate.

Some thoughts:
1. I think going to bed later can be a function of summertime hours. Longer daylight etc. So it could be natural to have a bit of a later bedtime. I hear it from many moms near me.

2. Also, I find my LO goes to bed easier when he gets lots of sunlite and outdoor play.

3. Lastly, my LO also has a hard time going to bed with daddy. So we now have one or two days a week when he is in charge. I have had to let go so to speak...and let them figure out how he will get to sleep with daddy, but it has been good for all.

LO up from nap.

HTH. GL. Jilly

Hey girl, I am going through the same thing with my 21-month-old. Sounds like you have a good routine! Since, my LO is couped up inside all day b/c it is so stinkin' hot in Texas, in the evening I have been letting him run wild in the backyard. He plays in his little pool, the sprinkler, the sand box and I really think it wears him out. We get in the bed at 8 and I turn the lamp off at 8:30. I recently turned into the "co-sleeping" parent, I said I would never be..haha. But he falls asleep, and I just get up and finish the night. Maybe outside play would help, it has with us! Good Luck!

I compleltely agree with the notion that may be related to the longer daytime hours of the summertime. What seems to work well for us is to, after dinner, go on a walk or to the park for 30-45 minutes. Then we come back, I bathe them, put on jammies, drink milk while sitting together in a chair reading a story/singing, brush teeth, put them each in their beds, and walk away. My 13 month old has been falling asleep on his own since about 6 months, when I sleep trained him using the Ferber method. My 3.5 year old has been falling asleep on his own since his 1st birthday when I did Cry-it-Out.

In my house we have always shared the bedtime routine , my husband 90% of the time does baths and then either one of use will take them to bed. My kids are now older (7,4 & 2) but we have always had the same routine since they were young babies , that is bath , into PJ's , into bed and a story and then goodnight kiss and off we go.

If your little one if falling to sleep later and later , could it be caused by a change in her nap? Is she sleeping to late in the afternoon so she is not tired at bedtime? My 2 yr old takes a nap around 1.30 and if she is not awake by 3.15 then I wake her , that way she is ready for bed around 7.30. At 22 months you are right , she is going to bed too late , and she is still young enough for you to break this cycle if it is not what you want , start her routine earlier and put her into bed and leave the room , she will cry , go back comfort her and walk away again , this may take a few days but she will get used to the new routine , and dad should have an active role in this change and with her bedtime routine into the future , why should he get to sit down and switch off from all the fuss that is taking place.

Good luck

I had the same problem with having to stay in the room with my son and I was constantly falling asleep in his room and I finally said this is ridiculous. After you put her in the bed and do all the bedtime routine things, tell her that you are going to stand in the doorway until she falls asleep, gradually decrease that and say you will stand there for 5 minutes and eventually get to the point where you tell her you will stand outside her door for 5 minutes and last but not least you will eventually be able to just leave her room. She is old enough to understand all these things. You have got to get out of there and you will feel so much better. Then she can play in bed for as long as she wants and it won't effect your night.

With your husband, give him a choice....do you want to do the dishes or put her to bed? You can't do it all!

Good luck!

Dad definitely needs to get involved. As a previous person said, pick 3 nights a week for him to do the whole bedtime routine and put her to bed. He can do things a little differently than you, but she'll be fine with this. I agree that you should not be popping back in, though, when your husband does bedtime. Take a walk the first few times to just get away. If you cave and take over when your daughter cries for you, it undermines your husband's roll as a dad and lets your daughter know that crying for you works.

My kids (3 and 1) both go to sleep on their own. I just kiss them goodnight and then they go to sleep, usually within a 1/2 hour or so. Both go to sleep at 7:00. Since your daughter is used to you sleeping alongside her, you'll have to slowly change this. You could say "I'm staying for 10 minutes and then you can fall asleep on your own" or as another mom said, you could stand in the doorway for a few nights and then leave but leave the door open, etc.Don't give in to whining or crying though, or she won't believe you. If you say 10 mins. and that's it, then stick to it. Good luck, but definitely you need to reclaim the evening for yourself and give some of the parenting over to your husband.

I think it is the age. My son used to go to bed at 7 now it is 8. I do not think it should be much later than that, but that depends on what time you get up in the morning and out of the house.

My husband and I switch off every other night so we both can easily put him down if one works late or goes out.

Even if she does not go right to sleep, still put her down earlier. We are sticking with 8pm now (we get him up at 6:25 or so).

Up until 3 weeks ago. We put him in his crib and walked away and sometimes he would go to sleep right away and sometimes he would "play" for a while. We still always put him down at the same time.

When trying to change things.. Let her know ahead of time that you are going to have daddy put her to bed and vise versa. That way she knows what to expect.

Then start moving further away from her bed, until you are in the hall way. Go a little farther every few days. Hopefully once you are in the hallway then you are not needed and can go about your relaxing time.

I talked to my husband early on, and told him there was no way I was doing it by myself every single night. It wasn't fair, and it was one more thing in the house that as partners we had to share. Over a period of weeks we came to a nice balance that works for us in our house even 2 years later and our son is now four. It goes mostly like this for us: Hubby draws the bath and plays with our son until the tub is ready. He used to sit in the bathroom with our son and bathe him, but now that he's bigger, we let him do it mostly on his own and hubby only intervenes when hair needs to be washed. Then our son comes out of the tub and has a snack, and usually watches a little TV, then I read to him for a little bit, then Daddy takes him to brush his teeth (I used to do this step, but I'm currently pregnant and haven't been feeling well so DH took over). Then Hubby reads a story to him (and usually rough houses with him) and tucks him in and says good night. Our bedtime is also very late, some nights our son doesn't hit the bricks until 10! But he spends all day in the daycare where I work (In another part of the building) and we count all that bedtime as part of our limited quality time with him. Besides, he goes to sleep fast, and takes long naps at school. So late bedtimes never bother me. Hope what works for us helps give you some ideas. :) Good luck!

Agree on what nights are Dad's nights and try leaving the house if you can during bedtime (sit outside maybe or at least the farthest room from the bedroom). If you are within hearing distance, it's too easy to step in when things might not be going well for Dad. Insist on Dad having his nights; you need a break!

As far as the "myth" goes, I hear that some kids go to sleep on their own from an early age, mine doesn't :-) I've chosen to enjoy this time with her - and her Dad puts her to bed half the time.

I am the primary put-to-bed person, but I suggest having daddy join in the routine so she's used to him being part of it. then gradually take yourself out of it a little bit at a time. You might not be able to switch over completely, but you can get some time to yourself and they can get some time together. Good luck!