Help Please Touchy Situation

That would be stopped pronto. If she can't take them all then she doesn't need to take any of them. I too have 3 children and my oldest was so spoiled the same way Disney World, out of town trips, etc...but when the others came along my parent, being the age they are, knew they couldn't handle 2 nor 3 so they trips stopped but they still show all 3 the same love. Good Luck.

J.,
Can you tell her that the 9yr old cannot go with her unless she takes the 6yr old too at least once a month? I understand they have a close connection but the six year old is her great grandchild too. She has to understand that the six yr old is a child and has feelings too. Good luck!
J. in Gallatin

hey, well it isnt fair to let the oldest go and rub it in your middle childs face and as the adult she should know better and if i were you there would be no interaction between them if she cant treat all the kids the same......i wouldnt be letting her upset my family and get to play puppeter with my childs emotions....only you can stop it because she obviously wants nothing more then to upset the other one and more then likely she either knows what she is doing is wrong and just likes to do it or she really doesnt have a clue...but im leaning more towards the knowing and not caring...........i wouldnt let my child go with her......hubby and i had a similiar situation and his momma learned real quick that we werent gonna play her games, its gonna be hard because your 9yr old is used to that added attention and he probably will rebel but stick to your guns and goodluck

If you have custody, then you have the say so. In Tennessee, there are no "grandparent" rights, much less greatgrandparent. As long as you are being a good parent, can pass a drug test (courts have been known to pop them), and can meet the medical, emotional and physical needs of your children, even if he lived with them for 14 years, your children are still your children and YOU HAVE THE SAY SO. IF they take you to court, there are local attorneys who will work on a sliding scale if income is the issue. Also, if income is the issue, there are so many community resources availiable to assist is all aspects. If you need specifics, contact me at ____@____.com and I'll be happy to help you out. Just remember the lasting effects it will have on your other children if they are feeling singled out. They know when someone doesn't love them as much, they just don't understand why.
Good Luck,
T.

I'd be nervous about letting the 6 year old go... wondering how he'd be treated while out of your sight if he wasn't really "wanted". Talk to your 9 year old... talk to your grandparents and tell them how it's going to be. Hopefully your 9 year old will understand some and maybe your grandparents will repect you taking a stand (after a while?). I soooo realize this is all easier said than done... good luck.

You might want to look up laws pertaining to great grandparents. I know in Illinois where I used to live grandparents basically have no rights when it comes to custody. If that is one of the main reasons you're afraid to tell her no, then just knowing may make it a little easier. There are attorneys that you can talk to just to get a consultation for free. You could also maybe talk to some court appointed lawyers, they're used to doing things for free anyway. You can google it online too. The more things you do to ease your mind the easier it will be to do what you need to do. Good luck!

*edit*
I just did a little looking on google, and what I found was that she can petition the court for visitation, but she can't try to get custody. I don't know about cases like this, but maybe you could get a court appointed attorney? You could also represent yourself. You should do some digging yourself, but I'm pretty sure that she can't take him away from you.

I think you should put a stop to it. Most children build there esteem on the way people treated them as children, if you want him to have a good self-esteem then you may want to stop him from being excluded now, and get the boys into includeing each other the older one should learn to stick up for the younger one that will boost his esteem alot to know that his brother is going to stick by him. I know that I had low sel-esteem issues because I was excluded soo much as a child when I started school I then allowed myself to be excluded there to and then it was harder for me to make friends and you don't want your son to think he isn't just as good as your older son or that everyone loves him any less. Get them into sports and stuff togeather anything togeather.

You need to get controll back from you MOTHER. If you feel she is not being fair you have the power to say he is not going. I understand that you were young when you had your children, but you have them with you now. She needs to understand that you are not a little girl, but a grown woman with a family that you control now not her. It is just getting that back bone to tell her and I know it is hard, but if you feel like you can handle the situation then you need to be strong and tell her how you feel. Do not be a slave because she helped you out. That is what Mothers do and are there for.

Hey J.
I hope that things are working out better. I reaD OVER SOME OF THE OTHER LADIES RESPONSES. And the yall sound resonable but you have to do the best for you and your family. I don't know what type of life stlye that you had before but life is life. You should ask your oldest if he wants to go with the grandmother if he doesn't he should be able to stay home. Its you and your husbands choice. Your home should be just that YOUR HOME! AND KNOW ONE SHOULD COME IN AND UP ROOT THAT. I dont' care what she does to help out. God will make away for your family. Pray about this problem and pary for her as well.

Unless there is a legal decree saying your son HAS to visit the great-grandmother every other weekend, I'd say cut back on them or cut them out all together. The point here is that, while she raised him for the past 8 years, now you are and your rules comes first. So if she wants to see him, it needs to be an all or nothing situation. Since she hasn't cooperated with you about taking your 6 year-old along, simply tell her that until she can treat all of your children the same without favoritism, she will not take any of them out at all. She may come over and visit with all of them together (because you don't want to cut her off from your children completely), but no more taking just the 9 year-old out for the weekend. Let her know, your children are a package deal and you don't allow favoritism. See if that works.

dear J. I TO HAVE HAD THAT PROBLEM WITH MY MOTHER SHE HAS SPOILED MY DAUGHTER ROTTEN FOR 12 YRS AND WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS EXPECTING ANOTHER ONE ALL SHE COULD SAY WAS I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE ENOUGH LOVE FOR ANOTHER GRANDCHILD. BUT I LAID THE RULES DOWN I TOLD HER I AM NOT GONNA ALLOW HER TO SHOW FAVORTISIM TO ONE ONE CHILD IF SHE COULD NOT TAKE BOTH OF HER GRANDCHILDREN WELL THEN SHE COULD COME AT ALL. AS HARSH AS IT SOUND IT HAS TO BE DONE HOW FAIR IS IT TO ONE CHILD TO SEE GRANDMA TAKIN JUST ONE CHILD AND NOT THE OTHER I COULD ONLY SAY IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART IF MY SON WAS TO COME TO ME AND SAY WHY DONT GRANDMA WANT ME TO GO.. I WONT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN. AND IF YOUR SON WHO ALWAYS GOES WITH HER GETS UPSET JUST TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHY YOU ARE DOIN WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. ASK HIM HOW HE WOULD FEEL IF IT WAS THE OTHER WAY AROUND....

First and foremost is your responsibility to YOUR family. This situation isn't condusive to a healthy family life for anyone invilved. Your son that is being spoiled needs to stop being spoiled. What good does it do him? He's not learning or growing from his experience at all. And your poor other children. This is definitely not good for them. This woman isn't even willing to discuss the situation and had the nerve to respond negatively to your other child. CUT HER OFF NOW!!!! Before she does more harm.

If you have a lawyer, you need to tell him about this particular situation. If you don't have a lawyer, start keeping a journal of the favoritism. Like if she comes on Saturday and gets him and they go places and she buys him things, keep a log of it. Also, make notes if she takes the other child or not. If your second child does go take notes on how he is after and comparison of what each brings home. That way, if she does take you to court you have some proof other than the few sketchy times you remember. Don't - try to get the kids to tell you what went wrong or what they think or feel. Don't even tell them you are keeping a journal. Just use your observations and make notes.
Texas doesn't have granparent laws either, but my hubby's parents were able to get visitation rights from their other son who only had a daughter. They got her every wednesday and every other weekend. The courts definitely look at the circumstances surrounding each case so you do have to be careful. Good luck and I'll pray. Oh, btw, I am in Biloxi, MS. not TX.