Help! Out of Control Kids

I hate to sound mean but perhaps you should leave him with the kids. Not for good but for a while. Hubby probably doesn't spend as much time with the kids as you do and doesn't realize at what point this has esalated to. See if you can visit relatives for a weekend or week or find a way to take a break and let him see what is going on. Or put a hidden video camera somewhere and catch the kids in the act. Then watch it with hubby for movie night without him knowing what you are actually watching at first. Another idea is to threaten to call Super Nanny show. It is important for two parents to be on the same page when it comes to discipline for children can actually learn to manipulate one or the other according to their needs (or wants) and can ultimately destroy the family, and/or marriage. Good luck, sweetheart.

Hi D., I am wondering why your husband is acting this way. Is he afraid that his little princesses don't love/like him? He believes in be your child friend more than they parents? Maybe his parents were to hard on him? Or maybe he just don't want to deal with drama?
How are you discipline methods?
If I was you, I would stop cleaning or discipline them and go all fashion "Wait until your dad comes back" so he sees a little of reality.
As for your girls, I will take a different approach, instead of punish them, reward them with a Mom and daughter play date. Let them now that if they clean then you have more free time you can use playing with them. If none of them do it then mom deserve a play date alone after all you did the cooking/cleaning, etc.
Or play mirror, stop cleaning and cooking, what happens when the members of a family don't do what they have to? One day without lunch will not hurt them but teach them everybody in the family has to help.
I hope this help and you find a solution that helps your family.

You and your husband have got to get on the same page. Before you just up and leave, get help. If he loves you all, he will attend a parenting class or counselling with you as opposed to losing his family. There are many great programs out there if you just seek the help. I heard there is going to be a free parenting course offered on Saturdays at Grace Community Center. Don't know the details, but call Grace Church to ask. ###-###-####. I've had some other friends take parenting classes through another non-profit in Fort Myers, but I don't know what it is called. Many, many churches offere parenting classes as well. Just call around. Read books. There is a great book Parenting is Heartwork and others at the web site by Turansky and Miller, but regardless of what direction you go, you and your husband need to get on the same page. I also heard on the radio recently about Mike Jennings, a family, parenting, and marriage counselor in Fort Myers.

Hi D.,

Maybe your husband needs a real taste of what you're dealing with when the kids are out of control and not disciplined. Maybe you should "drop off the face of the earth" for a weekend to a spa or a friend's or family member's house. Leave the kids with dad.

When you get back and he's in a frazzle, you can say, "I know just what you're talking about. Let's sit down tonight and work out a plan on how we can make this a happier and more manageable family."

Discipline techniques can include one warning then time out a la Supernanny, taking away a treasured toy for repeat offenses (I don't know how old your kids are, so not sure about age-appropriateness). As far as getting them to help out, for little ones make it a race to see how fast they can put away their toys (while you help if necessary). Little kids also love to clean mirrors and sliding glass doors or "sweep". For older ones, a chore board with rewards for getting their chores done might work.

Don't be afraid to lay down the law. We are teaching our kids how to be successful adults and that includes doing their part in the community (the community being the home at this point) and showing self control and empathy. When children are not disciplined they grow up feeling entitled and won't be prepared for the difficulties of the real world. Your husband is dead wrong in not wanting to discipline them.

Good luck!

Hi D.,
I don't usually give advice in response to these requests, but felt that I had to. I don't know how old your girls are, but mine is 5 and thinks she is about 10 with the things she thinks she can do and get away with. I have to say, my husband and I really came together with the discipline when she started school. She went to two years of pre-school before she started Kindergarten. Because she is an only child, she had a really hard time adjusting to the school setting and routines. She thought she was the boss with everyone - classmates and teachers as well. After many discussions with her teachers, my husband and I came up with a system that works for her. She gets rewards for good behavior if it is consistent for at least 2 full weeks. If a bad behavior note comes home from her teacher, she loses the reward and there are consequences - timeout, taking a favorite toy or privilege away... You and your husband really have to get together and agree on a system and most importantly stick to it. Otherwise, you WILL have two little girls that no one wants to be around, including family and friends. And their school behavior will be a problem if they don't understand what is expected of them and the consequences of not behaving. Good luck - it sounds like your husband is very controlling and rigid. I liked another suggestion that you got - leave him alone with them for a weekend while you go away and enjoy yourself. Make sure that he cannot call you for advice or to complain and make you feel guilty for leaving. It sounds like you are home with your daughters all day, every day while he works. Give him a reality check of just what a full time mom endures. I'll bet that it'll open discussions of the discipline that is so obviously needed. Do it for your girls - you owe it to them to teach them the right way to behave so they are ready for the world and know that there are consequences for inappropriate behavior.

Good luck and take care!!

A. - Lucky mom to the most precious little girl in the world!! I've also been married to my high school sweetheart for going on ten years now. He is the best dad ever! What more could I ask for??

D.,

I take a parenting class in Punta Gorda, which is excellent. I am the only single parent there. The rest are couples, with problemsof what you just talked about. Well there are a few couples there. That can not agree on their parenting skills, etc. If you want more info, let me know. Candy

My parents were very like-minded and disciplined me and my sister in a loving way. We are independent and productive members of society. My Aunt was not allowed to discipline her sons and all 3 still mooch off their parents (the sons are in their 40's now!) have 3 failed marriages between them. In the meantime my aunt/uncle have exhausted all of their savings and retirement and home to continue enabling. You either discipline w/ love while you can or you can pay the price for the remainder of all of your lives. His choice.

Prayers are sent your way,
M.

I know where ur coming from , but ur husband and you have to be on the same page or it won't work . Just like a marriage takes two to work same with raising kids. I have 3 girls and i know it's hard. Maybe talk to ur husband about how u feel . if u need to talk . Im here.

Just my oppinion but if you want to save your marriage and your sanity I would suggest councelling in a hurry! You're not "allowed" to discipline your own kids? scuse me but i do believe they passed out of your birth canal right? NOw unless your brand of discipline is corporal punisment first questions later your method can't be that bad. Kids need and crave discipline to thrive. Your husband is doing no good by not disciplining them. They will grow up confused about the world and their place in it. They need guidelines pronto. Your discipline styles can differ that is fine as long as you agree on key house rules and it sounds like you need a councellor to help you set them. Good luck and my prayers are with you. Keep us updated!