My son is turning 18 yr. old tomorrow and I am getting really weird about it, nervous, thinking about all the things I feel I should have taught him more about life, how is going to do when he's out on his own?? I just feel nervous and anxiety about this, has anyone felt this way about their child turning 18yr. and getting nervous, anxiety, etc? I forgot to add.... he's a senior in high school, so he does have one more year in school. He has gotten into some trouble with law, maybe that's it or is this just normal "oh my gosh, my kid is growing up" scare? If it is, does anyone have any suggestions for me? He is my oldest, too.... plz any suggestions would be much appreciated.... thank you and God bless:)
Well, things aren't over yet, for sure. But, I had to do some "tough love" on Monday and I am still sick to my stomach over it, even though I feel God's comfort and that I did the right thing. My son was on probation (on house arrest) for being an accomplice to breaking into a friends apt. (long story) and he wasn't suppose to have friends over and he did, although I told him he's not suppose to and he'll have to pay the consequences. Well, this past Saturday night, he had a friend sneak in some beer through his bedroom window, I was asleep, I woke up due to them being loud and found them drinking. I called his probation officer (had to leave a message), he never returned my call. On Monday was his court hearing, well, the probation officer showed up while we were in the waiting room, waiting to be called into court. I told him what he did (because he said he didn't get the message) and he said he didn't know what he was going to do about it. Well, he came back with another probation officer and asked if I would be willing to fill out this parent paperwork on what he did. I asked him, "what will happen in court if I do?" The other probation officer said, "we will arrest him right now", it took ALL I had to agree to fill out that paperwork (it was really up to me at this point), I couldn't even look at my son. It hurt so bad, but I knew it was what I had to do so he would learn. So, he spent his 18th b-day in juvenile hall, I couldn't even visit him because you can only visit on Wed. and Sun., so yesterday was a really tough day with him spending his b-day in there. I felt like I needed to show him this tough love, but it is extremely difficult on me, I am not sleeping and look terrible (that's what a guy at work told me yesterday that I didn't look good), I think this really taking a toll on me.... please pray for me and my son, Jeff. Any comments are greatly welcome..... thank you... God bless you...
You have done your job now it is a wait and see to know if he will use what he was taught. The most important thing is that he knows he is an adult so must face the consequences of all of his actions especially if he gets in trouble. You can use your trouble making ends meet to show him the importance of furthering his education. Share the struggles with him.
You are right in that the Lord will work everything out. Trust that with all your heart. I also am a single mom and raised my son (now 22) and still raising my daughter (now 15). I went through quite a traumatic year after my son left for the Air Force. He graduated in June from High School and was gone to the Air Force in San Antonio Texas by July. Yes, it was like I had lost one of my arms or a leg or something... I cried a lot and missed him terribly. You worry about whether or not you raised him right, but there comes a time when we have to trust them to the Lord and what God is going to do in their lives. My son is now stationed in Dover, Delaware, which is about 3,000 miles from me and to this day I miss him SO much. I think that as single parents we develop a very close relationship to our children and them to us. While I miss him SO much, I am very very proud of him and the man he has become. And he still calls and asks me for advice on all kinds of things and we laugh and we talk for hours on the phone. We have always lived in California and never really traveled anywhere, so I am so thankful that my son is privileged to serve his Country and able to have a good steady job with chances for advancements and he gets to travel the world. I completely trust him into God's hands and God has shown me time and again that I did do a good job with my son and that without Jesus in our lives... I don't know where he'd be. Thanks and praise be to God for being the "other" parent in our single-parent home. Have faith mom... the Lord IS there for you and wants the very best for your precious children and for you too. :) God Bless YOU!! :)
Since he's already been in trouble with the law I can understand your fear (most people go thru life without ever having a brush with the law other than a speeding or a parking ticket). If he's used to you bailing him out of trouble he will now be in for a rude awakening because he will have to learn those skills himself.
You may want to take him to lunch and have a mild discussion about his new responsiblity and accountability that comes with turning of age. As a mom, you will always be trying to teach your kids the shortcuts to life, it will go on until you go to your grave, we never feel like we've completely taught them everything.
I was more nervous when my sons turned 21, knowing that they were bar legal.
You've accomplished getting him to 18 alive, that's a big step in itself, lol.
Don't whine and lecture him all the time, don't ruin "turning 18" for him. Remind him he needs a good education so he can get a good job so he can have medical/dental insurance and the like. He will soon see how expensive and demanding the real world is, we've all been there. Have faith in him, be there when he needs you. Sit back and watch the man you created, I'm sure he will make you proud.
Dear C.,
I am a single mom too. I have been for 12 years. I am pretty tough and blunt with my kids because I have to be. Fortunately, neither of them have ever been in trouble.
But.....I am also a sentimental little doof.
My daughter was only 16 when she started her Senior year in high school. I literally cried the entire first week. All I could keep thinking was how I was not ready for any of it and where did all the years go? There were only so many weeks left and she would graduate. And all the days I worried and thought about how I wanted to sit and listen to the name I had carefully chosen be announced as she proudly walked across the stage to get her diploma.....
I wasn't ready for that. It happened so fast.
My son turned 13 in June and I wasn't ready for that either. I got very emotional.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You love your son. And he is your oldest child.
I think that our children growing up is the hardest thing we have to accept. But, if we have done our jobs right, that is exactly what we are set out to accomplish. From the moment our babies are born, we have to teach them how to face the world as adults. And go on to have wonderful lives on their own.
It kills me to think of the days when my silly son won't be coming through the front door after school and say,
"Lucy....I'm home!"
So....acknowledge your feelings because they are valid.
Enjoy each day that you have with your kids.
Somehow, in the back of your mind, know that letting go is part of the natural progression of things.
My kids both know that I get weird and sentimental at their birthday time. My daughter is going to be 22 and she still loves to hear the story of the days that led up and what I was doing and what time I went to the hospital and how her birth went. It's kind of a tradition and even sometimes they will say...."Mom...It's this many hours before my birthday....Tell me again. Remember where you where and where you went?"
Hang in there. I too believe that God works things out even though I have had to really struggle.
Find a way to make things special for you and your son tomorrow. He might not be thinking so much about the bond between the two of you, but you are. Let him know how you feel.
I would assume it's normal. However, I'd say it's too late to worry about it now... you're not able to turn back the time and start over. So just relax and let it go.
Hi C.,
First let me say that I agree with the other mother's advice. I am the mother of 5. My oldest is about to turn 20, then one turning 18 two days later, another 18 next July and one turning 16 in Oct. The youngest is 8.
So I just went through this with my oldest daughter almost 2 years ago and I had exactly the same anxiety. I think it is normal. I went throught all the same feelings of wondering if I missed teaching her anything she'd need to know to be sucessful in life. And there were rules to follow even after 18 while living at home. My daughter decided that wasn't going to happen and I did have to ask her to leave. She left and has been on her own since shortly after her 18th birthday. She works full-time and attends school at night, full time also. She has also never asked for a dime. She has thanked me for all the things I made her do (chores, etc). She has roommates as well. And she does complain about them being slobs and coming in late and being inconsiderate. So it comes full circle and she "gets it" now. So the answer is, yes he will be fine and you will have to trust in him and in the job you did. Sometimes they will have to make their own mistakes and learn. We did that too...remember? Good luck and if you want to talk further, I am here!
Hugs,
S.
Hi C.,
I went through the same thing with my oldest, a daughter. I hated it when she left home and kept her bedroom open to her for 6 months refusing one of my sons to have it because I wanted her back. It is a realization that they are seperate and are growing up, but they still need you. We are not perfect and cannot second guess ourselves, but if your children are loved is the most important.
D.
It's very normal! I have a 18 year old and a 19 year old and I tried to do my best and teach them what needs to be taught but you always worry about what ifs. My 19 yr. old is still in the house going to college but my 18 yr. moved to Sac. to go to college and I cried like a baby! I get scared thinking about their future and how I can't control things or protect them like I could when they young cause you always want the best for them but I always make sure they know they can always come to me for anything. I have three others at home one a sophmore in hs, one 7th grader and one 4th grader and I like you struggle at times to make ends meet like now and it is so scary when you have kids to support but things seem to always work out. Keep the faith
