Help Needed Potty Training 4 Year Old Boy

I have a 3 1/2 old boy and we are sort of going through the same thing. He still only uses the little potty for BM's so when we go out of town, it comes with us. He can't just sit and go. He has to walk around until the last min. then he sits down and goes. Having him go without underwear has helped a lot. I have him wear shorts and he knows the poop will fall on the floor if he goes in his shorts. It really has helped.

Hi A.,

My now 6yr old son had a fear of going BM while we were potty training him. He would run around and yell "OH DEAR" "OH DEAR" and he would hold it as long as humanly possible. It was quite frustrating. Our pediatrician recommended a stool softner. We started with Colace and then switched to Fleet Babylax liquid glycerin suppositories for ages 2-5 years. I don't know if it was the fear of the rectal applicator or having to run to the bathroom with the sudden urge to go. He was BM trained within just a few days. I don't know if it will help but it can't hurt to try. J. C---Kansas City, MO

I don't have much advice on the BM part, except maybe trying not to bring it up or convince him. Just firmly say he needs to have a BM in the toilet. If he doesn't make it in time, have him wash his own clothes. Try not to show any emotion when he doesn't make in time. Just repeat you need to go on the tiolet.

As far as night time. 100% normal! Their bladders don't fully develop the control till around age 5 but even then don't expect to have dry nights all the time. It can take up till the age of 8.

My son is five. I just keep a plastic sheet on his bed with a regular sheet over it. He still has accidents once in awhile.

I have a 4 year old little boy and went through somewhat the same thing. Regarding the BM you are right they just don't want to stop and go. I read that when they hold it they get leakage which is the streaks you see. He now goes regularly to have a bowl movement because I would make him sit there everyday until he had his BM until he got used to it. Now he goes everyday on his own. I suggest you remove the pull up at night and let him wet the bed. That is the only way he will learn to hold it because he will get tired of the wet bed. The pull up is defeating the purpose because he thinks it is okay to wet on himself at night. I put plastic over the matress and put him in his underwear. I have three children and they all learned overnight training the same way, by having accidents and learning how to hold it. Hope this helps.

OK - this is probably going to sound awful because this is against what everyone says to do but mind you I tried EVERYTHING else with my 4 1/2 year old daughter and this is the only thing that worked. - When she was 2 and began training she was reluctant to have a BM which resulted in hard stool and her NEVER wanting to go again. We put her on meds tried stickers - EVERYTHING you can imagine ingluding a specialist to make sure she was physically right in that area and in the last 3 months I decided it was time for her to take responsibilty and I told her that. She knows EXACTLY when she has to go and she CHOOSES not to because she is busy. Making her try after I saw a streak didn't work because the urge is gone and she isn't able to. On the specialists orders I have been making her "try" 20 minutes after every meal because he said that is when your body is physically the most receptive to having a BM and if she has an accident she goes in the corner for 5-10 minutes. If she has an accident and then tells me and finishes on the potty there is no punishment because she just didn't make it in time - if she has an accident because she didn't feel like going then there is a consequence - either the corner or if she was too busy playing in the sand box to go then she loses the sandbox for a day - I have told her that this is her only job and that good behavior gets good things and bad behavior gets nothing. I have STOPPED making a big deal about it if she goes on her own and I don't sit in there with her anymore. I will tell her to call me when she gets her poop out and if she goes, I'll say "see - that is exactly how it is supposed to happen - aren't you proud of yourself? - and now we can go do...." but no presents or books or calling evereyone we know to tell them etc.
I explained how it was going to be before I started and onto the GREAT news - it worked!!!!!!!! In 3 months she has only had a couple of streaks and her confidence is up and she is happy with herself - I think that the things that work for 2 yearolds are not the same as an older child. Good Luck!!!!

A.,
This may sound silly but it worked for us. I found a book at the book store. It came with a small doll and a small potty. You read the book about the boy going to the potty and then you demonstrate it with the doll. I would then praise the doll and tell the doll "good boy, thats great! It made my son want to use the potty and then I would praise and hug my son afterwards. Another son it was a jar of M&M's and he only got them after pottying (no matter how big a fit he threw to get one. It may be hard but find that one thing that will work with your son and make sure to stay very consistant. Good Luck!
JanV

Hi A.,

Well we are at the end of this long road, so here is what I have done and maybe it will help.
First I stopped buying the sippy cups my daughter lost her last one about a month ago and I told her we weren't buying no more. Then we while I told her this and we had no more sippy cups when she wanted some choc milk we told her she could only have a drink and not a cup. I would fill the cup up about 2 inches with choc milk, let her have a drink and she went to bed. Now while all this is going on we have noticed that her pullup has been staying dry and every morning she is waking up dry so I told her when the pullups are all gone we aren't buying anymore and she will sleep in panties we started monday night and so far we are completely dry and no accidents. Now this hasn't happened overnight and it has taken about a month and a half to come this far.

As far as you son goes and not pooping in the potty I wouldn't pressure him but I would do the opposite...he obviouly knows when he has to go potty and he has proven that he can get himself there. So let him have the control but do it in a telling way but not asking. What I meen is when he gets up in the morning tell him go potty, and before/after nap and before bedtime. let him control all the other times. And then when he poops in his underwear let him know he needs to clean them out and here are the reasons 1) you didn't poop in his underwear he did 2) if he is a big boy and he has shown me he is then big boys wouldn't poop in their underwear 3) you're a big kid also and you don't poop in your underwear you go to the potty. A couple of times of cleaning his own underwear as others have said will make him think twice about continueing to do this. Here are my sayings to the kids "if you are big enough to drag it out, you are big enough to put it away" and "if you are big enough to make the mess, you are big enough to clean it up the mess". I hope this helps you W.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and we just went through the BM training and have got it down now. Her problem was that she was holding it would become constipated. I wanted her to go every day so she would become more regular. I bought her princess stickers and told her that every day that she went poopy she could put a sticker on my calendar. I know you said you tried stickers already, but maybe try a twist on it. My daughter loves to put HER stickers on MY calendar. She has now gone every day for a month (and of course sometimes more than once!)

HI A.,

I have an idea for you. My son just turned 3 and he didn't want to go number 2 either! He is fine with pee and has been for a long time. Anyway- one day we came home from the store and I took his pull up off to change him and went to go look for another one- and when I came down stairs he had gone number 2 alone- I was shocked. So for me the key was that he was naked- he didn't want to go on the floor! So for about 3-4 days when we were at home I took off his pants and underwear and he started going alone and/or telling me he had to go- there were a few accidents but nothing major- just pee in fact. And at night I won't let him wear a pull up becasue it's just like a diaper- and they know that. There were a few wet sheets but not many. Anyway- you might trying let him go around the house bottomless for a few days and only underwear to bed- it worked for us. Good luck! V.