R.,
This is how I potty trained my 3-year-old grandson. The one thing I know, after growing up in a large family, is that a child who knows enough to refuse to learn has the ability to learn.
He had graduated from dippers to pull-ups. But, they had only given him another way to be stubborn like your daughter and keep going in his pants. No one else had figured out how to make him go on the pot.
He came over to stay with me alone all day one Saturday. Just so you know, I am just a stubborn as he was.
1st: I took away his pants. He was using them as his potty. So, I took away what he had decided was the potty.
2nd: I explained to him exactly what we were going to do. Believe me, at 3 years they will understand.
3rd: Every time he asked for his pull-ups, I put him on the potty and told him I would have a prize for him each time he did his business in the potty. Of course, I didn't say, "Do your business". I spoke in the words he was accustomed to.
Note: He loves chocolate. Each time he successfully urinated, I gave him one chocolate kiss. And, each time he did the other, I gave him two. You will need to make the prize whatever is your daughter's favorite thing.
The first time He was successful on the pot, for each of the two experiences, a light bulb came on and you would have thought he invented the wheel. He was very proud. And, he discovered that he didn't have to go through most of the clean up procedures that he hated.
By the end of the day, he was successfully telling me that he had to go. And, I sent him home with a big bag of chocolate kisses for his parents to give as prizes. They only had to use the chocolate kisses for a few days. After that, they stopped giving them unless he asked. When he was busy playing, he seemed to forget about them.
He left my home potty trained in one day. Over the next week or so, he had two little mistakes while he was playing and didn't go quite quick enough. But, that was the end of his potty training experience.
Try this and see if it works for you. I wish you all the luck in the world.
THANKS!!!
JLN