HELP: My Son Has Changed

I had my children extremely close together but the best advice I was given was to include your oldest in everything w/the new baby. Let him help change her, whether its getting diapers, wipes, let him help get bottles out of the cabinet, just make him feel like a big boy who is helping mommy take care of his baby sister. I would even recommend if you are nursing, include him in that as well. Let him watch and explain that is how the baby gets her milk. One thing we did prior to having our second was let the oldest pick out things for the new baby coming whether it was t-shirts, blankets, toys, etc. The main thing is to not see his acting out as him intentionally being naughty but that he is just trying to figure out his place w/this new addition. If he see mommy spending a lot of time w/the new baby changing diapers, feeding, etc. then he will do what he can to compete for the same attention even if it means terribly regressing in his own potty training. I hope this helps. Remember no matter what enjoy your new family. God Bless!

have you tried having a baby welcoming party that might truly include your son in welcoming the baby to your home?
asking him for ideas on how to make the baby feel welcome?

This sounds like a tough time for everyone right now. You have gotten good advise already. I wanted to emphasize that he is not intentionally doing this. He is probably as confused as you are. I have five grown children and I have experienced it all. Any negative reactions will just cause his self esteem to plumet. Positive interactions are the only way to go with this. He is under a lot of stress trying to figure out where his place is in the family.

He needs lots of love and assurance right now. When he gains back is self confidence, all will be well.

Think and talk as positive as you can. What you do now, influences him for the rest of his life.

"This too shall pass."

Like some of the others have said. Set aside some time everyday just for your son. Maybe put him in a "big boy" activity just for him. Also, set him tasks, he can carry the diaper bag, hand you wipees, turn the diaper pail, hand you the bottle, etc. This emphasizes that he's the big brother. He just wants some attention, and he may have some anxiety about all the big changes. My son started having a lot of accidents after his brother was born, but he slowly adapted. Funny, he only had them at home, never at preschool. Just hang in there. This is a big adjustment for all of you, it does get easier!!!

We experienced something similar when my 3rd child was born. My daughter had been potty trained since she was 18 months and when my son was born she was 3 years old. She started having "accidents" when she wanted something. We explained to her that her brother was a helpless tiny baby and when she still was having her accidents, we made HER clean it up and clean up after herself. It stopped very quickly after that!

Hi H.,
Your son isn't trying to be naughty when he has an accident. You should consider tht he has just had his world turned upside down when your daughter was born. In addition, you are to be married in a very short time, which I am sure is taking some of your time to plan.

Your son is merely trying to get your attention, in a bad or good way, whatever it takes for mom to pay attention. Try to be understanding that his world has changed in the most dramatic of ways and he is trying to cope. If you are paying attention to the baby, he is trying to figure out a way for you to do the same for him.

Even though you are very busy right now with the baby, try to take a few minutes for him every so often throughout the day. Read him a book, take him for ice cream by himself. Take him for a quick walk or tricycle/bike ride. Talk to him about how much you love him and give him ways to be a successful big brother (idea: Honey, could you please put these towels in a drawer for momma? - etc. you get the idea) This will provide him positive attention. If you do this consistently, I think you'll see a change his his attitude. Please remember, keep it up, over time. It is important to him.

Hope this helps,

Good luck
C.

I have a 3 1/2 yr old and an 11 wk old. Same thing happened with my daughter. The day my son was born was the day things started to change with her behavior. She wasn't having accidents, just acting terribly.

The first couple of weeks were frustrating and exhausting, but when I realized all she wanted was attention, no matter how tired my husband and I were, we absolutely made the time to play with her. It started with something as simple as playing blocks with her while I nursed. While the baby slept, I would try and clean up a little and she would help me "wash dishes". Soon after, the baby, my daughter and my husband would all sit in the tub and she would help bathe the baby. We also read to her every night. Little things like that made an enormous difference. We never spanked her but we would hit her in her hand and we noticed that that wasnt helping. Another thing my husband would do was to take her out to the store i.e HomeDepot or Walmart. My husband would also take the time to take her bike riding around the neighborhood. As long as you take the time to be with him things will get better.