3 Year Old Whom Is Potty Train...

my brother was potty trained at 2 years old. 1/2 a year later he started wetting his pants. he is 11 now and STILL does it sometimes. i think its because he gets lazy sometimes and is caught up in playing to realize he has to pee...idk.

Hey C.,

Please forgive if any of this sounds abrupt as I am just in a hurry.

Things to rule out are bladder, kidney infection, upper UTI, check for fever etc. And then rule out childhood diabetes, can be seen in weight loss, increased liquids, more frequent urintation and increased tiredness. Talk to you pediatrician as either rule out can be seen with labs. And if there is no other medical condition causing this, then.....

What you have is plain and simple REGRESSION. It is a normal developmental milestone for most kids and usually occurs around a change (new baby, divorce, school, change in sitters, new home, etc.) I don't care how accepting he is that he has a brother on the way, it is perfectly normal that he display some regression. And based on his age it would be seen by faultering in potty training.

Just know:
Children should NEVER be punished when it comes to bodily functions such as eating and pottying.

With that said, these two issues should always be handle with care, love, cocncern, positive affirmation, positive reinforcement in the way of small tokens (gifts, treats, stickers until they earn something larger).

I am currently going through this with my 2 1/2 yr as we are expecting another baby soon.

What you are doing is not working and is the one of the worst ways to attempt to resolve this issue.

You punishing him is unfair as he in NOT intentionally having accidents. And by punishing him, you are making him subconsciously regress more. Not to mention the sitting in wet clothing is demeaning to his little self esteem.

Also expect it to get worse after the arrival of baby 2 with waxing and waning in between.

So what to do. Be positive. Have plenty of change of clothes. Towels nearby and keep one beneath him where he is playing. Do not punish or Take away items. Simply go back to potty training days were you take him every so often or ask him and then once he goes, a small reward (stickers or m&m's.) Even though this will help, he will still regress some more once baby arrives and hopefully all will stay improved soon.

Please research regression and ask your pediatrician. Again it is natural. I do not think you mean to be doing the opposite of helping him. But your frustration is apparent in the techniques you are using. They are not appropriate to this situation and I am so glad you asked your question. I can't begin to tell you that you are not alone in not knowing this stuff. And honestly, I have to say that even with 6 yrs of child develpment education, well there are times where I have to remind myself what is normal. Just try to not be frustrated. Easier said then done with so much to do and hormones out of whack, pregnancy is fun. But again please learn about regression. And enjoy your 1st born as baby #2 is going to bring as much joy and work. But they are worth it.

Best Wishes,
MB

I also have a 3 year old boy who has been potty trained for a while, and he does this on occasion as well. Our son does not respond well to being "punished" for it though. We simply say, sometimes accidents happen and let's try harder next time. That works sooo much better for us. Most of the time, he seems to do it for attention, or he is just so involved in an activity, he just doesn't go to the potty. Also, it could be a response to the new brother about to arrive - our son seemed to have more "accidents" around the time his baby brother arrived. Hang in there - this too shall pass.

Maybe you need to have his blood sugar checked. Frequent urination is one of the symptoms of diabetes, and if he's 3 I would say Type 1 diabetes. My 5 year old son was diagnosed when he was 19 months old and in the beginning that's the only symptom he showed..

Be carefull with punishing him for accidents. I went through the same thing with my son. I punished him, tried to bribe him and all but begged him not to have accidents. Around age 5 we were still having issues and our doctor sent us to a specialist who ran some tests. He found that my sons kidney's were growing at a faster pace than his bladder. We found that he could go to the bathroom and then have an accident after a short time or would think he could hold it longer thatn he could. As he grew older we found that the accidents were more related to the night. The doctor told us that it could last until 17 years of age. For my son it corrected itself by age 13. I wish you the best!

You need to "practice". I got this out of "Toilet Training in Less than 24 Hrs." by Foxx and Azrin. When your son has an accident, have him "help" clean it up. You will do most of it but get him involved. Show no emotion, don't get mad just be matter of fact. Then you practice. This is how: You ask him very enthusiastically, "You are playing Legos and you feel pee coming out, what are you going to do?" You both yell together, "run to the potty." Then run with him to the potty and quickly go through the motions, of pulling down, pants, sitting/standing to go, pull pants up, do a real quick fake hand wash. Then make up different scenarios from all different rooms in the house: you are reading a book with mom and feel pee-pee, what are you going to do? You're helping mom with dinner....etc. You are supposed to do it 10 times. I usually did it about 5.

First, this is COMMON. My son backtracked at three and 4 months!
Second, you'd be surprised at how much he is affected by that growing belly of yours. Little ones can't express their anxiety in words. They start throwing tantrums for no apparent reason, they start waking up and needing you at night where they were fine before, and/or they backslide in potty training.
I know it sounds like rewarding bad behavior, but my suggestion is to give him lots of love, maybe lay off the baby talk for a couple of days, and really, really, reward him for going potty when he does it right. It's only temporary!

J.
P.S. I have a friend whose daughter STILL has accidents when she is stressed out. (She is 6). First month of kindergarten, etc. So, be patient!

He is 3 years old but he isn't stupid. He know things are about to be changed in his life. Something very different is about to happen. He may be OK with the idea that he is going to have a sibling but he is 3 years old and has no idea what that means...You may not think there have been any changes in his life lately but think back...you are looking different to him and probably haven't been able to do everything the exact way it had been done in the past. You home is probably changing to some degree to welcome the new one. Friends and family are excited about the upcoming arrival and in his little mind he is going...WHOA!!! Sometimes kids are excited on the outside because they are reacting to the emotions of others but deep down inside they are afraid they are being replaced or aren't enough for you anymore, especially if the baby is the same sex. This has nothing to do with how you have handled the situation - he is 3. You admit he is spoiled. He is the first and only child, you should expect nothing less. He is your everything as he should be, I think. Just try and put yourself in his shoes and take a look at the events going on around him - from the inside out. He will be fine What is happening is just a reaction to what he is trying to deal with on the inside. He will be fine! You may have other things come up that you thought he had grown out of. Just be prepared and love him through it. He has no idea what is about to happen. He is going to need you as much as the baby does. Especially when he sees how much time the new one is going to demand of you. You are HIS mom and HIS dad. He didn't ask for this big change - even though when asked he may say he wants a brother/sister. He is 3 and can't fully process what all that means. In time he will see that he is still the light of his parents life and that his value to the family did not decrease because some little fella came to his house to stay forever.

Hi C.,
My daughter went through the same thing. It is normal and probably does have something to do with the new baby on the way. It doesn't make logical sense, I know I felt the same way you do. My daughter was happy about the new baby, was involved, etc. But she still backtracked. Knowing it is quite common helped. I can't really tell you what we did to get out of that stage. I tried all sorts of things, some of them you mentioned. I did notice that the ones that were punishment didn't always help any. Sorry I can't be of any more help than that. Just wanted to voice another "I went through that too." So you know you are not alone and that there is nothing wrong with your son.
M.

Hi C.,
I agree with the fist mom that you should go ahead and get his blood sugar checked if it is happening more than a 3 times a day. Have you noticed if he has lost a little weight? Drinking more? Eating more? Is he wetting the bed at night or just during the day when you are there and can hear your conversations about the baby? Is he having a tantrum when he does it or does he look startled like he doesn't understand what's happening? I am not trying to upset you unnecessarily, it's just that I work with diabetic children and this is one of the first things that can happen. Let us know the outome!
Good luck and God bless!!

Have you made any changes in his diet? What time does he go to bed? What time does he drink the last drink before bed? Is he drinking anything new or different that he didn't drink before? I learned that Tea is not a good beverage to give any child under the age of 6 or 7. I also had to learn to stop punishing my children for accidents that they are going to have. I am the adult, they are not. They have no idea "WHY" they are wetting the bed or themself. What it meant for me was adjusting my scheduling and taking them more often for potty breaks. Even at night. He is 3, he is going to make mistakes. I learned that if I don't make such a big fuss about little mistakes, my kid is learning to be able to admit when he does make a mistake and is not telling me what he thinks I want to hear when he does. When he was doing that we were assuming he was lying, so this change in our adult thinking has helped him change his way of thinking as a child. We are having fewer mistakes and life is much better. I took a chance and changed my expectations. Notice, changed, not lowered, my expectations. And it is great he is excited about a new sibling, but he is going to have some reservations. It is going to happen. It is confusing to a toddler and they miss the attention. To them it is a different type of attention and a change that they are going to adjust to differently than an adult will.

Punishing him for accidents is the wrong idea. It hasn't helped has it? There could be many, many reasons for his accidents including the arrival of a new baby. Kids are smart. He knows things are changing because of the new baby coming & may not be able to express how he feels about that.

Do you know he doesn't have a kidney or bladder infection? If you had him at the Ped. to check that, what did the Ped. suggest you should do about the accidents?

I agree with the other poster who said having him help with clean up from the accidents is a logical (and reasonable) consequence. But making him sit in wet clothes is just mean. :(