Hello, my 3 1/2 year old was doing great going to the potty and started preschool. Within a week, we had some major changes in our lives. We moved into a new house, and a week later, my water broke early and we had our 2nd baby.
Could it be all the changes??? He still goes pee and poop, but once a day he has an accident and pees on the floor. We really don't know how to handle this! So far what we do is tell him how dissapointed we are and that we know he can go the bathroom like a big boy. He apologizes and looks like he feels bad about it. What do you suggest we do for this?
Hi Anna,
My 4 year old has a "set back" in toileting when he was about 3, after I thought I had him "trained."
All we did was put him back on scheduled potty times until he got back in gear. They can do that at preschool too.
Good luck.
T
My 3 year old regressed from potty training when our twin boys were born 3 1/2 months ago. Our Pediatrician warned us about it. It lasted for about a week where he purposely wet himself. We would ask him if he needed to go potty, when he would say no, he would hide in a corner or under the table and let loose. We weren't sure how to handle it at first. We new we didn't want to punish him just because we knew it was a regression due to the new babies at home. Everytime he had an incident, we would let him know in a firm voice that it wasn't acceptable to pee in his pants and explained to him that "big boys" go potty in the toilet. We talked about being a big brother and that he had to set an example for his brothers and help one day with potty training them. We also went back to praising him again everytime he made it to the bathroom. The following week, he was back on track.
I agree it is the changes. It's a lot to take on for someone his age, new home, new baby and now school. HE may not be having accidents on purpose. The accidents are most likely from too many changes. Be patient! Never shame him or it just may get worse. Don't worry it will get back to normal. Make sure he is getting some one on one time with you and also his Daddy, reassurring him of your love. He could have some anxiety about knowing the baby is home with you while he is at school. Possibly he worries if you will you still be at the new house when school lets out. Read the book 'The Kissing Hand' by Adurey Penn to him. There also some great one's about the new baby.
Good luck! From R., a Mom who has five grown children.
Congratulations on the new baby. Not only is this normal, it is expected. Regression at the time a sibling is born... There are lots of articles out there on this. They state that we should not make them feel ashamed or bad about it. We should treat it like an accident, to make it go away faster. A simple "oh, you had an accident. let's change you. if you have to go potty, can you let mommy know so that we can go to the bathroom, because you are a big boy and big boys go to the bathroom to go potty." As non expressive as possible. I know it's hard, especially when all you want to do is lecture or yell at that point (as a new parent, you are probably exhausted and not patient for stuff like this), but this is the time where it is crucial he feel loved, more than ever, because he is going through a lot of emotions and feelings of loss (loss of mom and dad's full attention, which he had 'till recently.) This alone is huge. Having changed all he knew as normal and comfortable about home, on top of that. He must be going through a lot for his little mind. So, bear with him, make time for him alone, and remind him how much he is loved. Good luck. It does get better, but it does take a little while. The more appreciated he feels, the faster it passes.
I think it's just how they handle stress. My older boy started pooping in his pants again (after moving to a new house and having a baby). I hated doing it, but I put him in timeout after he was all cleaned up. I didn't act mad, I just let him know that was the concequence for his accidents. After a week or two, it stopped. I also saw other "acting out" behavior and just started taking more time to play with him. I was exhausted because of the new baby, but he seemed to do better when he got more one on one time with Mommy. Ahhh, this too shall pass.
Oh my goodness, sounds like you are going through what I have been. My daughter is 3 and has been potty trained for a year. Then a couple months ago she started acting like your son...having accidents whenever she wanted. I was pregnant too (her baby brother arrived a few days ago). He is looking for attention, positive or negative. He wants to get you frustrated, why? Just because changes are happening and he's needing attention. Here's what we did and we happily seem to be back to normal.
DO NOT respond to the accidents. Simply take him by the hand, get him cleaned up and say "Tell mommy/daddy when you need to go potty." And that's it. Don't sound upset at all, don't address the accident except to remind him to go in the potty. Also offer LOTS of praise for EVERYTHING he does, not just with the potty, but with helping, cleaning, being nice...anything and everything. Praise, praise, praise.
Since she is older now we also did a sticker chart & treats and every time she went potty and was clean and dry she got one. This worked for a bit, but the thing that's worked best is getting a small jar, marbles, and something he really wants. I took my daughter to the store and let her pick something out. She picked the DVD "Bolt". Now every time she has a successful potty she gets to put a marble in the jar. We keep the jar and marbles next to "Bolt" so she can see it every time and knows that's what she's working towards. When the jar is full, she gets the prize.
I was worried that this would continue once the baby got here...and who knows, it still might...we just got home from hospital last night. But she is back on track, hopefully your son will be soon too!
Good Luck...I feel your pain!
~L.
My bets on the changes. Kids thrive on attention and don't always care whether it's the good kind or the bad kind. It is so hard for us parents to remember this. Instead of giving him negative feedback when he has an "accident", try not to say anything at all...just address the problem and move on. But, when next he goes on the potty, give him a big hug and tell him how proud you are that he made it to the potty. I would also make sure you schedule time in your day everyday to sit down and play something he likes and give him your full attention. I will bet you'll see results in just a few days. Good luck and don't forget that his little world has been turned upside down and he's probably just having a hard time finding that comfort zone again.
I know it's frustrating to us parents when our kiddos start doing things that we THINK they "should" be or not be doing. So take a step back :) You are right to think that all the changes could be the reason for his accidents. That would be my first thought. So you have this little 3 yr old, who's having to deal with moving and a new sibling, plus feeling your excitement or stress, or whatever you were going through with an earlier than expected birth....plus he's 3 (a sensitive age anyway). Sometimes little ones will respond to stress/changes..even if it's good changes, by acting out, having accidents, trying to get attention, crying/whining more....they are instinctual creatures trying to figure out how their world works and how they fit in it.
What are your beliefs about his potty accidents? Why do you feel dissapointed by it? Do you really feel that only big boys don't have accidents? If you didn't feel dissapointed or expect big boy behavior from him, how would things be different for you, your husband, and him? Would you feel less frustrated? Would your son feel less bad about something that he probably can't control? Try to see this through his eyes. Now with your loving inner wise mamma eyes....how would you respond to him differently?
You love your son, I know. You are not doing something so horrible to your son that it will scar him for life. You are reacting the only way you know right now, but now you are here on this board asking a question because you want to do the best thing for your son. Most of the time we all REACT to situations...especially parenting situations because of some old beleifs, attitudes, and habits that we think are true.
This will pass:) Our actions and words to our children last a lifetime. How will you RESPOND from your loving wise mamma source?
PS...this may seem like a long response to a simple question....but I assure you, if you really look at your beliefs about parenting/children and your expectations from them or yourself, you will unviel that most of your beliefs are really not true for you...and you will have an easier time responding from your own place of wisdom and love.
Congratulations on the birth of your baby. May you have many happy parenting days. Take good care of yourself during your postpartum journey.
In peace,
A.
mom of 4. Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com
Anna,
Congrats on the new baby, hope all is going great for you. As far as the pee in the pants routine this is totally normal even for kids who have not experienced as many changes as Nicholas. You say that he does this once a day. Is it about the same time or relative to some activity? Is it when he is tired or really engaged in some play? Just trying to see if there is a stategy that you could anticipate about when it may happen and get him to the bathroom. Otherwise, just go with it and try not to lay it on him too much because you don't want that to become part of the problem. Best wishes!
-Jen
Few suggestions. talk to his dr about it. it is most likely the changes thats been going on. or it could be a deeper medical problem. secondly try play dates with him, just you and him. it might help him feel more part of the family.
Totally normal. This happened to us and our friends too. We thought we had our son completely potty-trained - HA! All of a sudden, he just started peeing in his pants again. It could be the many changes in your house triggered it. It could be he's just regressing a bit (normal when potty-training) to when it was easier and he didn't have to deal with all this stuff like going to the bathroom! He's your baby, remember?!
I don't know if you use (or used previously) pull-ups. But what we did is when this happened (and we had 2 bouts of this over a 2 year period), just put on the pull-ups and go back to the potty-training routine. At this point, he didn't like the pull-ups 'cuz he was such a big boy (at 3-5), but we explained until he could pee in the potty, this was the drill. Eventually he would get back on track and we'd put the pull-ups away. I kept a pack around until he was 5!
I wouldn't make him feel bad about it...it happens.
Be patient with your little guy. He is going through a lot. Be as gentle and understanding as you can, but also remind him that the potty is where he needs to go pee. Talk to him about the changes, let him cry or yell if he needs to, read books about being a new big brother and moving to new houses, hold him and hug him, let him know you're always there for him. He will be back to the potty full-time before you know it. :)
Good luck, mama, and congratulations on your new baby!
Yes, it is all the changes plus development.
Your 3.5 yr old is at a developmental hot spot. He is very very concerned about what you think about him at this age. He has just realized that you and he don't have the same thoughts all the time. He is concerned about whether or not you will be disappointed in him and if your disappointment is predictable or random. He wants to be good, he loves you and wants to do as you say but can't always do that. Remember children learn about good behavior by misbehaving not by being good.
He has a new sibling, a new home and has gone back to school—he has a full plate. Add to that the changes in development at 3.5 that he can't control and it tips the scales. His behavior goes from concerned about your thoughts where he might say "don't look at me." to asserting his independence and power when he gets a tiny bit older where he yells and screams NO! and refuses to do as you say. This is all 100% normal for this age.
He needs to have the question "how will my parents handle this answered repeatedly without anger or punishment in order to move on. The pee in the pants will disappear if supported and not made a big deal. It will hang around and become more of a problem if he feels ashamed or punished. Just tell him to go and change and put clothes in laundry and then ask him if he wants a sponge or a rag to clean this up. Allow him to do it himself instead of you doing it or being angry, he will get it.
If you want more help on this topic come listen for FREE to my online TV show on MomTV.com every Wednesday at 10 PST, 1pm EST. It's called ASK ME Q&A about Toddlers and Preschoolers. We always talk about this topic. So bring your questions and I can help you.
Good luck
S. Silver -ProActive Parenting
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Hi, I have a 3 yr old daughter who has been going through the same thing. At first, I thought she was doing it to be rebellious, but then I read that this is normal for 3 - 4 year olds. I began to notice that it would happen when she was too busy either watching a movie, playing with something or just didn't make it in time. However, strangely, she never had any accidents outside of home so that's where I presumed she figured it was ok at home. Funny because I said the same thing to her about being a big girl and how she knows better. I also used a tone of disappointment rather than a scolding or yelling. She hasn't had an accident for a few weeks now and whenever I see doing doing the "potty dance" or grabbing her vaginal area, I ask her if she needs to go potty. I also read recently that parents should not demean or belittle children 3-4 because it affects their self-esteem so I have to come up with a different approach next time it happens.
As a side note, she does very well in sleeping through her naps without having an accident. Now I'm planning on having her sleep without a diaper through the night. Has your son reached that step yet? I just need to buy a plastic covering for her mattress since she still wakes up with a wet diaper more times than not.
Hope this helps.
