Help!! My Mom Is Driving Me NUTS!!

T.,

Perhaps this situation will take a generous amount of grace and understanding on your part until your mom adjusts and accepts the reality of you moving. It sounds like she is expressing her worries out loud to you rather than criticizing you (even though that's probably how it sounds to you). Maybe there are some extra steps you could take to ease her mind, help her feel that she is/will still be an important part of your day to day life. It sounds like you are very busy so most likely she has spent a lot of time with your little one and has grown attached to being needed again. Maybe you could set up a blog site to post pics/videos of your little one? www.blogger.com has a user friendly site, among many others. Even if you don't want to go the route of a blog there are several photo sharing websites where you can upload your pics and then give your mom a login so she can view them. Or, with less technology, be consistent with taking pictures, get them developed and send her the doubles on a frequent basis. My parents and my husbands parents are all out of state and I can tell the joy in their voice when we share even the smallest of updates about our daughter with them, they are just trying to gleen as much as possible to get to know our daughter and make sure she remembers them. It's tough no matter what but it's easier when I take the time to let them in and enjoy too. And in the end it's always good to maintain a support network of loved ones. Good luck!

Hi T.,

My husband and I moved and had 2 children back to back after trying for a long time.
My mom just can't get over the fact we're far away. She constantly makes comments about us moving back, about helping us with business bla bla.
I know her intentions are good, but I feel your frustation.

The way I deal with my mom is this - would you rather your grandkids be with you, but lack other things?

For instance, if we moved back, I'd have to work and they'd be in daycare, something I don't want.
My mom at first said yea, I'll watch them, but after i made her see the harsh reality, she stopped making the comments that stressed me out. She works, she couldn't take care of my children, she couldn't help us financially either, not that we'd accept it....
So, we live in a nice home, in a lovely neighborhood and I've told her, some sacrificies are worth it in the long run. My kids aren't crammed in an apt or in a bad neighborhood..... As much as I hate being away from them, my kids are my priority and that's the bottom line.

I think since you live with your mother that she is just very attached to the baby. Be thankful, I have family that lives so close and they don't ever see my kids. She went through the pregnancy and everything with you. Assure her that you will make every effort to let her see her grandbaby and let her know that she can come and see him anytime she wants. My mother just moved to another state by her choice right after my youngest was born and my sister was due with her youngest. She was very upset that she couldn't be here with all of her grandkids especially since she had seen 3 of them grow up and were very close. You have to do what you have to do and you should remind your mother of that, but keep her feelings in mind. Things are a lot different after you raise your kids and get a little older. My mother comes back at least every 3 months if not more than that. You are in a hard situation, and I think if you explain to your mother that this is what you have to do she will understand. She may be upset for awhile so just keep that in mind. She raised you and wants to be a party of your babies life and you are lucky for that.
good luck

Hi there,

How far away will you be? Will you be able to visit by car, or only by plane? Will you have a good support system for the baby in the new location? Could she just be concerned for your well-being, or is she thinking selfishly? Is she jealous of you becoming closer with your sister? You don't say much about the relationship between your mom and your sister, but I'm assuming all is well there. But it does sounds like there could be some passive/aggressive stuff going on with your mom (which I can relate to). If this move is actually happening no matter what, you need to block that out and do what is best for you. My story: husband wanted to move to CA from IN for a job opportunity, way back when our first child was 1 year old. At the time we lived 5 hrs away from my parents, but still close enough for visits. Well, my mom and dad both totally freaked out. I come from a tiny town, and the majority of people there don't even move away, much less across the country. The whole ordeal caused a lot of stress within our marriage. It showed me that they wouldn't support me 'no matter what'. The fact that it was our choice, not a mandate (in other words he wasn't being relocated within his job or something)... hurt them terribly. In the end we didn't go due to financial reasons, and I AM glad that we've maintained the holidays together, frequent visits, etc. BUT... it would have been nice for them to think about our needs at the time too, and be quietly supportive. Sometimes you have to let go, and they were not willing. Even though they love me dearly, and love my kids, I don't think it was realistic for them to expect us to never move in our lives. Yes, things about it would have been very difficult... the kids would not know them as well as they do. But.... once we are adults we really ought to be able to make our own decisions. If this one is the best for you and your child, go for it. I hope your mom accepts things, because it does sound like you are very close. You'd miss her more than you know if she was out of your life. Maybe some things will even come out of all this that will help your relationship in the long run. I know that I love my mom to death, but if we lived together, things wouldn't be so nice! Good luck and be sure to let us know how it goes!

I think your mom is going to be very lonely when you and the baby leave. She is probably dreading it so much. I don't know your reasons for moving, and of course you are grown and should be able to move if you want, but don't be too hard on your mom. Think about your baby leaving you. I live 8 hours away from my parents and I absolutely hate being that far away from them. We have a great life here and I do get to see them about every other month but I really miss them and I know they miss us too. We call every day and I send pictures of the kids and they call about twice a week just to hear my kids voices. Your mom is just trying to adjust to you and the baby leaving and her feelings about it. I don't think she is trying to be manipulative or passive aggressive. This is obviously a stressor for her too and she is dealing with it differently than you and it makes you nuts. Be patient with her.

Hey T.,
I know what you mean! My mom drives me up a wall too! Imamother of two little one and I 22 as well. What I had to realise in my similar situation was that My mom is my mom, but m a mom now too! I did'nt need the extra stress! so you have to be respectful of course, but don't let you mother overstep you parenting role. to her, you will always be her little girl with her grandchild. you need to show her you don't need her as much, and you are a big girl. her hardest part of all of this is lettting go. It will get better once you stick to how you feel about being strict with your mom. oh and about the moving, I did the same thing! do what ever it is you need to do to make it on our own and be successful! do what you have to do girl!

T., You need to tell your mother how much she means to you. That you love her. Make sure you say the words. Tell how she helped you by being there. Tell her if it wasn't for her you could of never made it, that it's because of her that you can make this move.Just to see if what you leaned from her,can be taken to the next step to you growing up and making it on your oun. Oh! and please call her, if your sister gives you advice call your mother let her into your life too. Maybe you could send her grandchild to stay with her in the summer or something for a week. That would give her something to look forward too.

Good luck