Help - Just Your Opinion Needed Please.

I would send him to the office. Every. Single. Time. Eventually, the camp will be forced to do something significant.

My son went to camp a couple weeks ago with a boy just like this (he also has ADHD) and he also was rude to the other kids. After the first day my son was crying and saying he did not want to go back. That this other boy was mean, etc. You can have ADHD and still be a nice person. This boy needs consequences and discipline. Watch him like a hawk and send him to the office each time he misbehaves. He might be ruining the experience for other kids.

Hmm, maybe his problem isn't ADHD as much as an overly permissive mother. Have you tried being really stern with him? I mean, it's not like they can fire you. Good luck.

To me it all boils down to your first statement, "I'm an unpaid volunteer" and your last question, "What would you do?"

I would leave, un-volunteer, if I disagreed with the camp's decision and "this kid is stressing me out."

If the office personnel says to send him there then I would do it, I would leave him there all day if I had to since they are not addressing the issue. As a volunteer it is not your place to address parents concerns. Isn't there a camp director there? Have him or her deal with mom. Fortunately, it is only a week, don't stress just get through the week. Sounds like you are a very conscious worker and this is rubbing you the wrong way. Unfortunately not everyone parents correctly, or does the right thing, in these situations you can only do the best you can. Maybe ADHD isn't the issue, maybe it's purely behavioral and with mommy's lack of discipline and consequences, he will surely be a nightmare. Sorry you are going through this. I work with children all day so I understand your stress, however as a director I would never allow a child put my staff through what you are going through. It is a distraction and does put the other children at risk. Good luck!! On a positive note tomorrow is Wednesday already!!! Only a few more days.

How would I feel, stressed just like you.

What would I do, exactly like you were instructed. Send the kid to the office. As much as you would like to help, it's not your responsibility and you've haven't been trained properly to deal with this situation. Inform the office of what you witnessed with the mother.

Later in the week, when the mother arrives. Ignore her the best you can. Focus on the other kids. If a problem arises contact the office immediately and let them handle it.

If he acts out again, send him to the office. Like they said.

It doesn't appear to me that he's bullying anyone. Yes, he's annoying, but that's not bullying. I would suggest to the mom that she might want to do the "summer medication break" when the child is at home, not when she's sending him to day camp.

It just occurred to me that his thing is needing to do something with his hands. Can you give him a ball to squeeze or something else that can keep his hands busy?

ETA: I just read Flaming Turnip's response and it made me think about my GD who has behavioral issues. The kids in her class taunt her mercilessly because they know she will react and they think it's funny to see her get into trouble. So, perhaps you should consider the other children's behavior toward this young man and you might find that he's not the bully, but the bullied!

It seems to me that the answer is rather simple and you've already been told what to do - if he misbehaves, send him to the office. They are the paid staffers, they can deal with him and his mother. It's not your role to try to deal with him. You are not a professional, you shouldn't even know about his diagnosis. This is info that the mother should be sharing with the office and the office staff should be communicating to you about any techniques, etc. that they agree are reasonable for a volunteer to use.

In short, you are not a professional and this is outside of your area of expertise and responsibility. Put the responsibility back where it belongs, which is with the office staff.

I have not read the other answers, so I apologize in advance if my response is a repeat.

There are several things going on here.

First of all, his medical condition (ADHD) is a large culprit in his behavior. As a teacher, I have many students who have ADHD (some on meds and some are not on meds). I am personally not in favor of the summer medication break. I understand parents not wanting their children 'doped up' on meds all of the time...I really can...but if the dosage is correct for the child, then going on a medication break can wreak major havoc on the child's system. Not only is the child not getting what is needed to help regulate the ADHD, the child is also going to have a rough first 1-2 months of school to try to get him regulated on meds again. IMHO ADHD is not something that you can take meds for only when you want...I know that other people will disagree with me. This would be like a child having a rash over his/her entire body, but stopping meds to help treat the skin condition, and then getting upset with the child and punishing him/her for scratching. I know that you do not have control over the parent, but ultimately, I think the biggest thing needs to be for the child to continue with his meds. If the mom has disclosed her son's ADHD diagnosis, perhaps you can politely suggest that she visit with her son's doctor about things that can be done to help her son. Notice I didn't say "drugs," but the implied comment/question to mom would be, "does the doc know you stopped his meds?!"

As far as the behavior is concerned, I'm not sure that I would assume that the mother is as passive as she seems. Sometimes parents of children with ADHD or behavioral disorders (and I know that ADHD does not necessarily mean behavioral disorders) put on a passive face while hearing about situations from teachers/principals/camp directors, etc. They don't know what the correct response to you should be. Think about it...you're frustrated (understandably so). What would you like her to say to you? "We'll make sure it doesn't happen again?" BUT she knows she cannot say that, because there is a strong likelihood that it probably will happen again. Would you like her to belittle her son in front of you so that you are assured that it has been discussed? Her main response to you is to try to give you strategies to help with her child...and that's a good thing, but I do understand that you have a large group of children to work with. In a public education setting, you would not have a choice...you would have to learn these strategies and try to make them work. In a private camp setting, I suppose you do have a choice...

I have a very active 5.5 yr old boy who is NOT ADHD (but we'd love him just the same if he was). We've had a few times over his past two years of preschool where he has gotten in trouble for things. I have come to accept that things happen. We always discuss what happened. We have appropriate punishments. Most of the time, the behavior changes for the better...but it doesn't happen overnight. He'll go 2-3 months with no problems at preschool, and then BAM, he'll do something to get himself into trouble. My response to the teacher is typically, "Thank you for letting me know. We will discuss this with him at home." I am not going to discuss it with him in front of a room full of people or even 1 person. I do not want to draw more attention to the behavior in front of a crowd, because sometimes that can feed a child's need for attention. Also, I already know the teacher's side of what happened. I believe that depending upon the age of the child, the punishment needs to be immediate. In my case, please don't tell me that my son got in trouble for not sitting back in his seat on the school bus and expect me to have some huge solution for this at home....not happening! If my son is not sitting back in his seat on the school bus, then the adult in charge at that moment needs to handle the situation (just my opinion). Please do TELL me so that my son and I can have a follow up conversation 8+ hours later that night about following the rules on the bus and so that we can give reminders over the next couple of days before sending our son off to school. I can and will do that, but I cannot fix it in the moment if I am not there. :)

You are an unpaid volunteer. This is a wonderful thing. I do understand your frustrations, though. Please try to start each day with a fresh attitude about the child...remember it is his behavior that is the problem (in other words, he is not a bad child...and I know you know that). Try to take a proactive approach. If you know he doesn't work well with Sammy, then try not to put him in a group with Sammy. If that gets to be too much for you to handle in a large crowd, then send him to the camp office when he does something inappropriate. Do it quietly (you don't want to give him more attention). Explain on his level what happened and why he is being sent to the camp office. Give some positive reinforcement, too. At the first sign of a problem quietly pull him aside and have a conversation. For example, "Timmy, I need to talk to you real quick. Timmy, I know that it is SO much fun when we _____. However, I want you to remember that all of the kids want a turn doing _____. When you pushed Sammy out of the way, it could have really hurt Sammy. What SHOULD you have done? Can you work on this for me? I am going to have you sit in the camp office for a little bit to think about what happened."

Hang in there. Remember that each day is a new day. :)

My son is ADHD/sensory.. so I know what you are going through. I can see why he is stressing you out..
Make him your helper, this will keep him busy and out of the anoying things that he can be up to.

Parents of are ADHD kids are not, as passive as you think.. Just exhausted. In the first hour of my son being up, I can address 35 things he should not be doing. In the first hour of my daughter being up. I have not had to address anything. It is not that I allow jumping on my couch, it is just that .. well either pushing his sister over or jumping on the couch, I will take jumping on the couch. Another words we pick our battles.

I also pick and choose what I talk to my son about, sometimes ignoring a bad behavior helps it go away faster than a scholding.

Are you in a park district? The director might be able to get somone to help keep him on the right track. There are different programs here that they will have one person stay with a child to keep them doing the right things.

Good luck.

Send him to the office First Offense of the day.

I doubt the kid is ADHD, he is just not disciplined at home. His behavior when Mom is there will be much worse because he knows she won't do anything about it and he knows it.

Send him to the office if and when he acts up to give yourself (and the other children) some peace.

M

Next time he does something, in front of her, tell him "You are not allowed to do "x". You must sit down for 5 minutes (or whatever) or you will go to the office." I would not have said "In some homes, that is allowed." I would have said "You may not say shut-up to the children. Do not say it."

You're going to have to ignore the mother not correcting her child. Correct him and when it doesn't work, send him to the office. When he has to keep going to the office, she will start TRYING with him to keep you from sending him to the office.

If she gets irate with you for ANYTHING, send her son to the office. Then she will either take her child home, or stop treating you poorly. You must not let her cowl you and you must not let this child run your group.

It's not your place to tell her that she should put her son back on medication, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell the head of the department that she should. She isn't helping her son learn ANYTHING like this.

Best of luck to you here...

Well, at least it's only a week! I was a scout volunteer for years and dealt with a lot, but it was something I loved and was committed to, so I put up with the bad apples.
Same thing with volunteer coaches, they put up with a lot too (difficult kids AND parents.)
I would just say, do the best you can to get through the week. Speak out when you see something unfair going on, even if mom doesn't. For example, when he called the other boy a liar, I would have said Billy, we do NOT call each other names here at camp. If you can't follow the rules then you will be asked to sit out the next activity. Then follow through.
I did this kind of thing ALL the time as a scout leader.
Finish out your commitment, but if you find it too stressful, don't volunteer again. Let someone else step up.
Can you imagine what it's like to be a teacher and deal with this for a living!?

I think it's sad that the mom is taking him off medication. His brain has a biological issue. That is not a choice. His brain randomly fires off and he has little to no impulse control. He does need to be constantly redirected to something that will keep his mind focused. This is often hard to do.

This child needs someone to be right there to monitor him more. So they can redirect him when his brain is firing off randomly and he does not have the ability to focus.

As sad as it seems, ADHD is not just choosing to not pay attention or not listen. It's a biological illness where his brain is firing off everywhere. The ADHD meds speed his brain up and it starts firing off in sync. That's why the meds work. He needs to have understanding and patience. It's super super hard of course. He does need you to understand he can't help this. He wants to be like everyone else but he just can't. His brain doesn't work like anyone else's.

Because you take the time to volunteer, you probably want to be there. Bluff. Go with GrammaRocks' suggestion. The next time Dennis is a menace, tell the director that today will be your last day unless its the child's last day. Be ready to WALK!

Summer programs LOVE their volunteers and often the volunteer staff can do and say things that paid staff cannot. That is a HUGE counter salary.

I think GrammaRocks is right. You are volunteering, which means you have no position and ultimately, no say in how things will shake down.

By the way, I am not saying this is 'fair' either. Or right. Just that it is what it is.
If you do go, be prepared not to volunteer for this program again. This is one of those situations where some professional distance would be useful. Decide if YOU can do the rest of the week or if you are going to let the director know that you plan to leave, just so she can find a replacement.

Their program-- their rules. All you can do is decide what *you* will do, and try to do it as a response and not a reaction. I personally can't stomach that sort of permissive parent, but I also know some parents who don't confront their kid, afraid that they might escalate into some seriously out of control behaviors that make the stuff you describe small cookies by comparison. That is HER coping skill, not to hold him accountable, for whatever reason. Not saying it's right, but it sounds like she is struggling and unsure of what to do. You will have to make your own decision independent of what she is capable of.

If I were you, I would handle the situation the best you can. Right now you just need to cope.

Get the child something for his hands. A stress ball works well, but a thick sponge or something to keep his hands busy will help him keep his hands to himself.

I'm not sure what activities you do, but try to space the boys out when they are standing in line. If you have a carpet or some kind of target for them to stand/sit on, then great. If not, physically put each child in a spot and make sure the ADHD child is on and end and spaced a little further away from the other boys.

If you start to see him act up, it's a fun thing for all the boys to take a physical break. Have them jump up and down, run laps--whatever you need. Most boys think it's fun anyway!

Don't be afraid to get down on the boy's level and make him LOOK at you while you correct his behavior. Have him repeat it back. This is a technique you can use on any child, so you're not singling him out.

The ADHD child should have an aide, but you said it's a low-cost camp so maybe it's not possible. Our park district provides aides for children at no cost. I guess it depends on the type of camp, etc.

It's a tough situation. Good luck!
L

Its only 1 week.
You are an un-paid volunteer.
It is the organization's, responsibility to handle this.
You or they, are not specially trained SPED professionals nor skills trainers.
The Mom, is in denial and that is how she parents.
The organization told you what to do. Send the boy to the office.
So do, that.
And the other kids said they are bullied, have to tell the employees/Supervisors about the said bullying. Or their parents.
When the kids tell you these complaints, then YOU must tell the organization's Supervisors. Or the person in charge and direct the kids, to that person. So that THEY can handle, it.
You are not in a position to fix it, for the organization. The organization or supervisors of that week long camp, is responsible for handling, any inappropriate behaviors, by the kids they are in charge of.
Not you.
But you can inform them, of these incidents.

You need to use the proper chain of command, of that organization you volunteer for.

I feel your pain! We had some like this in Scouts and it was unbelievable how oblivious the parents were. Got me so mad!!! The kids were so disruptive at some functions even when the parents were there, it didn't seem to make a difference!

The only thing I can suggest is to do what my husband did: he was a Scout Leader and would make the problem-child stay right next to him and have him help with specific things that would keep him close by. I know it's not easy, but it's about the only thing that worked.

If the boy continues to act up, just send him to the office. It's not fair to the other kids to have a kid around like this that is so disruptive.

I'm sure deep down, this mother knows that her son is a problem-child; she probably sends him to camp to get him out of her hair.

Why is he off his medication? I've never heard of that!

Good luck!!!

You're in a tough situation, on the one hand , you want to be supportive and do your best. But it truly sounds to me that this problem is bigger than you and sadly, the child. Whose brain is probably now trying to adapt to NOT being on medication. Not sure when the mom took him off the medication, but I imagine that being off of it at first , there must be withdrawals symptoms, to the point of even making certain behaviors even worse.
I feel for you and for the child... I gather that his mom is also probably stressed beyond her limit and thought that day camp might be a good idea to help her son socialize and burn off energy.

However, it's just not fair to the other campers OR the child.. What I think needs to happen is that the camp needs to step in and handle this situation with more then reprimanding the child. Imagine if this were an adult coming off drugs, I think doctors would say.. Hey, you will now be experiencing, anxiety, mood swings, aggressiveness. That said, they'd probably suggest that the person not come off the meds in one fell swoop.. Which could be what is now happening with this child.

All said and done, I think you should inform the office of what is going on.. Moreover, try and keep your patience and show compassion but at the same time, you have to stand your ground. you only have so much power in this situation.

I don't think it's been handled very well by the child's family OR the camp. In that you can't just throw a kid who can't swim into a pool and say.. SWIM or DROWN.. which is what is being done to this kid..

Sadly, I suspect the camp gets money for the headcount and may be the reason they don't do much about all this..

It's Wednesday, only three days left.. Stay positive, do what you can and let go of the rest.. Again, the problem is much bigger than just day camp for a week.. The situation needs some fine tuning before the child returns to school in the Fall. Hopefully, it's addressed accordingly with patience and compassion for the child..

It's great that you volunteer..
Good luck

Have you had a private talk with your camp director (go straight to the top) and said that this child is so physical that you feel he is ruining this camp for every other child in the group? I would also tell the director privately about your interactions with the mom and your opinion that the mom is not going to be able to control or correct this child sufficiently for him to stop being an issue for the other campers. (The only other alternative might be if your camp has adult volunteer "floaters" who take on any day's tasks as assigned -- you could ask for a floater to be a second adult with your group, so one of you can monitor this child's behavior while the other looks to the entire group.)

Yes, I know he has a diagnosed condition. But his condition is causing him to behave in ways that directly physically affect other children. If he pokes or prods another kid enough, that kid's parent is going to be all over you personally, the camp and whoever runs the camp. This is an issue of basic safety, to me.

Being a volunteer means you have to look after the welfare of ALL the children in your group and you are responsible for ALL the children in your group. You do not always have time to observe and distract him as his mother recommends and you cannot see every child at once every moment. I know you would do it when possible but you have a group to oversee, not just one child. I disagree with the person who posted that you are in the wrong here. Anyone who has had to oversee a group of kids in a busy camp setting knows that there is a point beyond which the adult leader can't and shouldn't have to deal with a single child. You haven't had advance training for meeting his particular needs and being asked midweek to "watch his cues" is too little, too late. This is about keeping the entire group safe. If this were a camp especially for kids with medical issues, that would be an entirely different matter, but it sounds as if that is not the case here. Talk to your director. It sounds like you might be told "deal with it, this is only a week" but parents of other kids in this group are going to be pretty upset when their kids keep coming home talking about being poked and shoved etc. every single day.

Sorry that you're in such a horrible situation. I would tell the office (again) what your concerns are and that you strongly suggest the child not be allowed unless someone can provide more supervised attention for his cues. If they don't remove him or give you additional support so that you are not caught in the middle I would leave. It's sad because no one wins if you leave but I couldn't handle watching the entire group being mistreated (no fault of his). If they (or the mother) provided one on one supervision with him it would probably work out.

I don't think the mom is doing a very good job parenting him but calling him a bully, you aren't doing a very good job communicating either. Everything you said was worded in a way that would cause anyone to be defensive. Heck I don't think the mom is parenting properly yet as a mother of kids with ADHD I want to defend her anyway just because of your tone.

Has anyone tried the simple, he must be on his meds to attend camp? Not we would prefer, this would be nice, please, perhaps? Seems to be that is a better option than just kicking the kid out.
___________________________
This isn't the same child you were grumbling about last week? In that case the poor kid never had a chance. :(

You do realize that kids bully kids with ADHD by getting them in trouble all the time so if you handed those kids weapons by overreacting to his behavior this is on you. You have no idea what he is yelling shut up about yet you are siding with the kids that he is saying shut up to. Did you even consider he is being teased? Maybe the other kid is in fact a liar?

I think you are waaaaay overstepping your bounds. You are there as a VOLUNTEER. Presumably then, you have some type of do-gooder interests in children.

Yet you use the "I'm too busy" excuse to stiff arm a mom you wanted to help in what I'm sure she knows is a difficult situation? You could have at least heard her out. Shoot, you might even have remembered a thing or two and helped divert the child BEFORE he started acting out.

Instead you CHOSE to view his behavior - not as a medical condition but as bullying. And now his summer, and his mothers are suffering.

Yes - your summer is suffering too. The thing is you had a CHOICE to have input into a better outcome and you declined. She may not be a great mother in your eyes, but I would hope you don't only go to the camp to help children with parents that you approve of.

take the front desk at their word. every single time the little poindexter gets out of line, send him in. there's no reason all the other campers should have to cater to this mother's i'm-privileged attitude or the boy's nastiness.
khairete
S.