Help I'm About to Divorce over My 20 Month Olds Screaming Fits

LOVE AND LOGIC for sure. There is a DVD called: Painless Parenting. It seems to be the fasted crash course of this program. There are books, audio books (my husband has listened to them all on his commute), classes (I have a list of teachers if interested...we found a free one last year), etc.

www.loveandlogic.com

If he is screaming, put him somewhere he is not disturbing the rest of the family...his room is a good place. If he plays that is fine, but he will learn that when he is not nice or not listening that he will be separated from you. This works. I use this with my 20 month old. I don't lecture (well I try not too), just pick him up as you sing (when you sing you can't be angry at the same time) "Uh Oh, need a little room time, soooo sad. Throw a little fit and call me when you are sweet." Put him in his room and shut the door. As he gets older you will be able to let the door stay open but my 20 month old is not ready for this yet. My almost 3 year old does. Once he is calm, set a timer for 1 minute. "Are you ready for your timer?" At first he may start to get upset again, but what I did when my lil' one was learning this was, I would set the timer outside the door without her knowing and when it would ding, I would say, "hey, lets go play. I missed you (no lecturing)." As she has been in room time more, I now can ask her if she is ready, she says 'yeah' and I say, sit down. She will sit the whole minute quietly now. It did take a few times for her to get it, so just a heads up.

Now, I can ask her if she wants to stay with mommy or does she need room time....that is all the warning she gets. If she continues with the misbehavior, she goes straight to her room as I sing the song.

As for the routine to the car...I would start to change that. Maybe have a brown bag with a surprise in it. You may have to take it in with you at first so he can see, say "you get to open this surprise as soon as you are in your seat in the car." Somehow give him a desire to go to the car quicker. It could be some stickers or a small toy or a snack he likes, but that should motivate him to hurry up.

My husband did Love and Logic with me and it has drawn us closer and put us on a game plan together with the kids. He loves the program and that makes things easier since we agree with its methods.

Good luck....if you need more info or a list of classes in texas let me know.

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Hi A.,

I have a 22 month old that has just started to do this within the past few weeks as well. They are hitting the "terrible two's" a little early. I honestly believe the best thing to do is ignore them. If my daughter keeps screaming for more than 5-10 minutes, then she goes to her bed in her room until she calms down. I have tried timeout, but that makes her more hysterical. Putting her in her room gives her a chance to calm down and keeps me from losing my mind. Unfortunately, if you're in public, it's a little harder to just ignore. You may have to pick him up and put him in the car and then let him scream. Turn up the music, open the windows, or whatever you need to do to drown him out.

I think you also need to have hubby read these responses so that he knows you are doing the right thing. My daughter's pediatrician even told me that is the best way to handle it, so it's not just something we're all making up. You guys will need to be on the same page if you're going to get this under control. Also, I would expect some relapses once the baby is born. He will probably have a little bit of a hard time adjusting. I am assuming your hubby will be helping a lot more with your son once the baby gets here, so all the more reason the two of you need to be in sync and consistent with him.

Best of luck. I certainly don't have this figured out. My daughter spent the better part of yesterday morning in her room because she kept on with the tantrums and I simply won't listen to it. She does seem to understand it though and I feel like most days it is getting better. Keep up the good work! You're doing the right thing.

Your son has started the terrible two's a little early. My son did as well. I will do the same thing, walk away. Once a child is into his/her fit, there is nothing that can be done until it is over. I will let my son know that when he is finished, we can then talk. He will soon figure out that he will not get your attention that way. You may also want to try a time out (1 minute per age) but only after the fit is finished. This approach does work and my son is now a lot better. Your husband needs to understand that you are not spoiling him by letting him yell it out. It could be considered spoiled only if you were giving in, just as your son is trying to get you to do. The more you stay consistent, the sooner your son will understand what his limits are. But both you and your husband need to be on the same page at all times. One little slip up is a huge set back.

I agree with the post that said that you need to resolve the daycare issue. This will be more difficult being in a public setting. Since you have let him do this for awhile and it normally takes 5 minutes until you actually reach the car to leave, maybe gradually make it 4 minutes, then 3 minutes, etc until you finally can go straight to the car. Perhaps distracting him along the way.

Okay first of take a deep breathe and tell your husband to do the same. Consisently is key. You and your husband should try to pick him the same way. I would suggest taking him a surprize snack for him to eat on the way home. It will be new to him and he may be too busy to remember to walk around. Also maybe have a special book or coloring book that stays in the car. Also special music for just the car. How does that sound? You know us mom will try to make our children happy even if it is walking around for 5 minute but for our husband it's like my way or you are spoiling and giving into the kid. You can't win for losing.... KWIM
Try to make a new route for coming home and tell your husband the plan.
Good Luck

I would have to agree with Elle and get the day care situation squared away first. A little snack or something in the car would be perfect and when the baby comes, he may have to become your helper. Kids have the same frustrations as adults only they don't know how to express them. When I was little and would have fits, my mother would tell me to go in my room if I was going to do that and close the door. That became my safe place to kick, cry, stomp my feet (which was my favorite) and have an old fashioned fit. When I was better, I came out and told her that I was all better and we continued with our day. I do the same with my boys and they have fits as well. I think it is normal for the age and it is something you grow out of. You are not being a bad parent over it either!

Good luck!!!!!

Sounds like you have a head-strong toddler. Welcome to the club. Try giving a little more advance notice before you're ready to move to the next thing. So about 2 mintues before it'll be time to go inside, let your child know that they have 2 minutes, then 1 minute, then times up. If they've known it was coming, they have an easier time with it. Same at school.

As far as home goes - we have a rule at our house that we don't negotiate with terrorists! I tell my kids that it's okay to be angry, but I don't have to hear it. Then, when they were little, they would be put in their room to have their fit. "Have a great fit honey, when you're ready to rejoin the family - just let me know!" Then I walk away. As they get older, its important to set boundaries about not hurting people or property (when my son was three, he'd try throwing toys while he was in there). But even still, if he wants to through a fit, his room is where that must happen. He'll tell me - "I'm mad - I'm going to my room - I'll rejoin the family when I'm ready!" and storm off!

With my daughter (I know this is crazy, but it just happened and worked) when she wanted to do that fun fall-on-the-ground and-scream-and-kick-in-public fit - I just reacted with, "Oh honey, don't throw a fit there, it's dirty!" or "there are bugs there" - she usually will begin to be busy to look for a place to fall out, get distracted, and forget she was about to have a fit! lol! The same rule applies at home for her as well though.

He is testing the heck out of you. Put an end to the day care situation. Pick him up and put him in the car. Give him a warning, then pick him up. Get it taken care of before your baby is born. It will be much harder later. Good luck!