Help with 13 Month Old Daughters Behavior

IMO, you can't spoil a child by holding it. If she stops crying when you hold her, she is telling you she wants to be held. They grow up so fast, I'd cherish those moments :)

Or, perhaps she's over stimulated and tired about that time.

I have a few thoughts:

1. My first thought was MOLARS. She's around that age. My baby girl, Lilly, is 16 months old. She's always been sweet and an easy baby. Even with teething all of her other teeth; it's been like as if it doesn't phaze her with any discomfort. Then, all of these monster teeth have started to break through. She almost has a full set already. And her behavior changes to being very whiney, sleepy, and tempermental only during the times that the gums are hurting.

2. My second thought was sleep. Does she take a nap? A good time to nap is anywhere between noon and 4pm. If Lilly didn't get her afternoon nap, she'd be one grumpy kid by that time of day.

3. My third thought was "spoiled"? I think that even babies can be spoiled. My kids are spoiled and dependent upon my holding them, entertaining them, and playing with them. Knowing this... I made an effort to bring some balance into their world.

It's important for them to learn how to satisfy themselves to some degree. Like when they get frustrated with a toy; I don't always have to fix the situation for them. They can let out a big gigantic sream of frustration and then move on to something else. They can go play in their rooms for a little while rather than climb all over Dad and Me. Even baby can be told, "You are not going to have any fun hanging on Mom's side while I try to cook ... You need to be down and play." And she just has to deal with it.

My theory is this: Kids are bottomless pits when it comes to attention. I don't know who the fool was that came up the theory about how you must spend quality time with your child in face to face interactive play, and then their need for attention and intimacy with you will be satisfied, so with that need having been met, they will break away from you with independent confidence and begin to entertain themselves because you have already equiped them with the practice and ability to imagine and play and learn on their own. Blah, blah, blah, blah....

Not true at all.

Kids want/need quality time and quantity time. And the only amount of quantity time that will ever meet their need is for them to be the number one priority of your life and your only attention every second of every day. They could care less if you are depressed or have adult needs...you could be ready to just shoot yourself in the head in the next room.... and they would only care that you are THERE.

So, with that... you're intuition might be telling you something. Maybe, she did get a little spoiled up being held too much and it's just hard for her to adjust to having her feet on the ground.

My only suggestion as far as this goes is for 1 don't shoot yourself in the head because of the screaming.... and for 2 don't pick her up during this screaming time. But, do allow her to interrupt what you are doing, pay attention to her, and get down to her level for a while. Lay on the floor and let her crawl all over you. And when you have done that for a while.... get up and take care of some household chores. She may scream throughout the chores and may not be Little Miss "my needs have been met" happy, happy, joy, joy about it. But, at least you'll be doing something structured other than pulling your hair out.

I hope this helps... keep us posted on what you've figured out. You seem like a smart lady who probably has some good intuition on this.

It is very possible that they spoiled her by holding her too much matter of fact I'm almost sure of it. I would try all the things that you have been doing and if that doesn't work then use reverse psycology. tell her that she can scream all that she wants that it doesn't bother you a bite(even if it drives you crazy)and make it known to her that it don't matter how much she crys your NOT going to pick her up. Even if it hurts you to see her that way don't let her know that kids of almost any age feed of knowing that they can do that and make mommy upset and they will get her way. If you need to cry walk away and let her through her fit and cry in the bathroom for a few minutes but don't let her see.I have kids so I know how hard it is but after a few days or so she will realize that it don't work and stop but you have to stay calm in front of her and act like it don't bother you matter of fact tell her she can do it all she wants and even to scream louder children hate it when you think that it is ok. It is hard no doubt but when its all said and done she won't do it any more. Whrite back and let me know how it goes and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. All of the other responses may be true but I would give it all a try until you find the one that works. I have had 4 kids and I know first hand that it is very possible to spoil a baby what you do with them when they are little stays with them when they get older and affects the way they are when older we are to do everything that a mom is supposed to do but we are also preparing them for this crazy world we live in so spoil to a piont but don't take it over board and picking her up every time she screams and throughs a fit is over board. Remember I know it is hard but it is something we as moms have to do to teach them limits. But always make sure she knows that even though you are not going to give in every time that you love her very much I have done it and it works

Okay, I'm a little new at this, but I'll give it a try! My son was a very early teether, and handled it so well, half the time, I didn't even know he was getting a new tooth in until it started poking through the gums! However just before he turned one, his whole attitude changed...Every night for, I swear, probably three and a half weeks straight, almost around the same time, he'd start screaming his head off. It was so frustrating to not know what was wrong...I did the whole trial and error thing, and finally discovered he had all four of his one year old molars coming in at once. For some reason though, it only bothered him around the same time each day. Now he is almost two, but a couple of months ago, he started very similar behavior, only it was louder, and it was more constant, and I was even more ready to rip my hair out! So I checked his mouth again, and this time, he only had two of his two year old molars coming in, but they were coming. Sometimes it's hard to tell with molars if they're actually coming in or not, until they've poked up through the gumline because the rest of their mouth is full of teeth...it's like sticking your hand in an alligators mouth...NOT a smart idea!!! Anyhow, try rubbing some of that homeopathic teething gel, or even a tiny bit of orajel on her gums back there, if you think it might help. Otherwise, maybe she's going through something like what my son is going through also...Every night for the last week, he's woke up sometime in the wee hours of the morning, usually around 4-5, and screams until my husband or I go in there to lay him back down. I'm still not entirely sure what the deal is there, but I do know that he feels "safer" I guess, or just more comfortable knowing that we are there when he needs us. I don't ever lay down with him, but sometimes I will stand there next to his bed, or be in the doorway, so he at least knows I'm there...and when he throws these screaming fits during the day or evening (when he's awake) I do the trial and error thing, but I talk to him during that time too....for instance I'll say "Mommy will get you some juice if that's what you want, but you need to calm down hunny....." or "Mommy wants to finish folding these clothes, do you want to help mommy, and then we'll go play with something else?" And in that case, he's usually satisfied playing with the unmated socks, while I can finish other things up...As far as spoiling her, I have mixed feelings about that. I believe you CAN spoil a baby, or a toddler, however, I also feel that they ARE only little once. It's so hard as a parent, you don't want to mess up!!! I know the feeling! I wouldn't coddle and baby her during her scream fits, because that will only teach her to scream and throw a fit when she wants your attention...and you don't want that!!! I would just talk calmly to her, and get down to her level so she knows you're speaking to her....and if she continues, the only other thing I do, is put him in a "simmer down" chair...whether it be the kitchen chair, or a spot on the couch, Barron stays there for a minute or so until he "cools" off a bit....sometimes it takes a couple minutes, but it's been working so far, and it's really only been a few days since I've started that! But definitely reward and praise her when she is calmed down....when she stops crying, do something like, jumping up and down chanting "she stopped crying, yaaaay, she's a big girl now" and she'll get a kick out of you making a fool of yourself...I don't know why, but they love that! Anyhow, I hope something I've said may help you even a little!!!
R.

Hey there, let her know that screaming is not the way to get attention. If she will ask you or in some way let you know she would like to be held. Then tell her when she is screaming like that tell her you are not going to pay attention to her until she stops crying. It worked with my little boy. I know its kinda mean but you have to let your kids know who is boss. Because if not imagine how she will treat you when she is older.
H. German

Hi B., Is Kayla possibly tired at 4 or 5 p.m. Did your parents keep her on her same sleep schedule with naps?

Other than that I want to say stop and give her the attention she is asking for, but I realize you have two daughters and probably need to eat and start preparing for the next day at that time. Sometimes, I eat something really simple or even eat dinner at work so that I will have more time with baby in the evening.

If you have the time, I say there is nothing wrong with sitting down with both girls and just giving them you full attention. I don't believe it is spoiling them.

I am have been in the exact same boat as you. I have two girls and a son. My son is the oldest and my girls are 13 months apart. In my opinion it seems that Kayla wants more attention. She knows when she can get it one on one. My youngest daughter did the same thing. She is a very happy baby but, she started waking up in the middle of the night just for me to hold her. I let her cry it out. I would go into the room and rock her and then give her a kiss and put her back in bed AWAKE!!!! Awake is important otherwise she will not get the point. It is hard to let them cry but... it is your job to make sure she is getting the healthy sleep she needs. She will get the point quickly. It may take a week or two but then you will be able to sleep. My childrens grandparents spoil them rotten. Your kids will learn their limits with each individual adult. Just stay strong. Gook luck.

Ask your parents what they did at around that time everyday chances are she misses them or misses whatever it is that they did with her. maybe it will work.

Oops! Just noticed that date on your request (how did i get it now??) But am leaving response for other mom's with similar question... :)
Glad you discovered the molars! I also noticed the time of day that it happens - 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Most likely at that time of day she is tired and hungry and cranky, which makes even moderate pain of teething unbearable. Make sure she is getting her nap(s), give her tylenol during tetthing if you need to so she can sleep, and give her a snack around 2:30 or 3:00. You may find that it makes it a lot easier to get through until dinner, even after teeth come in!

I have always found that after your kids spend even a few days with grandparents there is a certain amount of "deprograming" that happens. I have the first born grandson and the last born grandson on two sides of my family therefore they are spoiled absolutly rotten when they are grandparents houses. When they get home it takes about a week to get them back in thier routine they will cry and whine and then slowly move back into thier lives before. Give her a couple days let her adjust and if it doesnt get better then check for problems. Good Luck

My kids always did this too when ever we would go stay somewhere for a couple of days. They love routine. Also sounds like she could just be tried, but won't have a nap. If it is at the same time everyday get into the habit of redirecting the behavior before it starts. At about 4 go outside for awhile and go on a walk and then when you get back you can put her down. Then you will have time to make dinner or just take a break. After awhile she will be in a routine of this. Only let her nap a short time though.
Hope it gets better.

I have a 3 year old and a 13 month old also...both boys. The same exact thing happened to me about 2 weeks ago. My happy baby was so irritable and emotional. He would walk around the house screaming, following me around,always at my at my feet, just wanting to be held and I was trying to let him just get over it because I thought that he was testing me, just going through a stage. I felt bad when I looked in his mouth and he had a back molar popping through. Needless to say, I gave him Baby Orejel and after that and he was much happier. He is still getting more teeth though and drools like crazy.

Hi B. j we'll I have two little girls and one will be 2 years old on the 24 of nov and my olderst is 4 she will be 5 in feb 13th and my kids still cry and scream and my almost two year old has to be picked up to but its because its my parents and my husbands parents that made my girls that way because they spoil them with everything I cant get them or give them so it is the person that gives them everything they want like when they want to be held you dont give in all the time theres time you cant so you just make them wait any way I do think it is whise to do this then they will think I cant have my way all the time and if you dont then they will think they run the house my kids have been trying but I am puting my foot down so you should do the same right now .