I was just wondering if anyone has had any issues with father/baby bonding. My husband had no problems bonding with our first son but with our second.... sometimes it seems like he doesn't like him. He will take care of him when I hand him over, but won't even pick him up if he's screaming and I'm not in the room. He does like kids once they get a little older, but I'd like our son to get to know him now. Has anyone else had this problem?
Thanks for all of your great advice and validation! We're still struggling, Josh is really sensitive to everything unlike our first boy.... and I think he enjoys being with women a lot easier than men (the gruff voices and roughness, etc.) He enjoys being "babied" I guess. Anyways... I'll wait it out and encourage my hubby. We'll see what happens!
It might be helpful for him to start infant massage routine with him. That might help with him learning to read the baby's cues and develop a relationship with him.
You can get books at the libary about infant massage or take a class. I teach private classes if you are interested.
M.
Hello
My husbend was that way as well when our son was that little. They are starting to bond now and my son is 16 1/2 months old. What I use to do is take them out to the park or some place where there was not anything to interupet them and let them play together. Even now mu husbend has a hard time when my son cries so I don't know any ways around that one.
H.
Hi C.,
I really don't think you have anything to worry about. I say that because i have 2 boys, that have a GREAT relationship with their dad (who is my husband) and when they were babies he was (in my opinion) less involved then I thought he should be. My husband held our boys when they were babies and loved on them all the time, but he did NOT like changing diapers and he just didn't have the "instinct " that i did when they cried. I think that's normal.
Pray for your husband, their is so much power in prayer!
:) M.
I know you have already had a lot of responses tp your queston. I just wanted to let you know that there is yet one more family out there with the same problem. I thnk every family has this problem...the dads just don't kow what to do with babies. I have a 4 yr old and an 11 mo old both girls and my hubby is way closer to the oldest than the baby. However when she was a baby he didn't do much with her either...as she got older their bond became closer. The same thing is happening with the baby...the older she gets the closer their bond becomes. Maybe try taking your oldest for mommy big boy time alone (to a park or swimming) and leave the baby home with dad so they can bond (Iwould wait until the baby has just woke up from a nap, that way they will have to spend time together). this will also be good for your oldest because he doesn't have mommy all to himself anymore and the alone time with you will make him fell like he is still important. Not sure if you have any problems in that area but I thought I would throw it out there. Anyway, hope this will help even more and don't worry, it will pass. Good luck.
Sincerely
N. Coles
my husband does the same thing. i'm not sure why.
My husband had a hard time with our twins until they were about 1 year old. He is a mechanic and felt that his big hands were going to break the little ones. Be patient your son is only 2 months old and for the moment is yours. Hubby will help more when he doesn't think your son will break but make sure when you are tied up with the baby that your 2 year old is Dad's primary concern. It'll make your big boy feel like he hasn't been forgotten just because there is a baby in the house. Be patient and don't waste your time getting angry or fighting all that you wish for will come in due time.
Best of luck
a good thing to do is you leave the house for a few hours go shopping go get a starbucks coffee or hang out with a friend. during that time your child will realize you are not around and will start bonding more with your husband. as well asyour husband will see how much of a special time it can be and will start adapting more to the child and his or her needs.
You know, my husband was kind of the same way. I mean he would pick up our daughter if she cried, but mostly I just took care of her. But I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I breastfeed our second (our son would not breastfeed) so he was able to bottle-feed our son quite a lot which I think helped them "bond" a little earlier. Plus when our daughter was an infant, I think I just naturally tended to care for her while he just naturally took over a lot of the care of our son. But now our kids are nearly 4 and 2 and he is just as close to our daughter as our son.
I think the only thing you can do is voice your concerns to your husband without "accusing" him of disliking your second son. You could also ask your husband to help out more with the baby - can you give him a bath, a bottle, and if he's crying and your husband seems obvlivous, ask if he'll hold him, etc.
You're not alone!! My husband is the same way. He has always been very involved with our kids, he just wishes babies came out at one year old! :) Our youngest is also 2 months, he's just not much into the "newborn" stage, in fact, I think he's changed her once!! Sometimes it gets annoying but he has definately stepped up in taking care of the older two. I know he loves our third just as much, he just has a hard time with little ones. One thing that's helped is to just make light of the situation. We joke about it and I tease him about it all of the time.
Know that it's normal and that he'll love your second child just as much!
K.
