Help! - Westport,MA

whenever my son (3) tries pulling this stuff, i tell him point blank. "its time for bed, now. If you want to stay in here and cry or whine then be my guest, but I am not coming in here anymore" and I don't. He usually doesn't really ask me to come in and stay, but its always, 'i'm thirtsy' 'i don't want this toy in here' 'open my door more' 'the music is too loud' (we play classical music in his room) basically anything he can think of to stay up. I just tell him, 'mommy is don't coming in here. it's time for bed, knock it off'. He knows i'm serious so he doesn't even try to ask me to come back
It may take you a few nights, but as long as you establish a good bed routine and stick to it. Go in once or twice if you need, but after that- no more. He'll realize you mean it. He's keeping at it now because he thinks he can get you to come in once he breaks you down. good luck!!!

J.:

Sounds like he got moved to a bed that was too big for him....

I know this may sound outlandish - but find a twin sized bed for him instead of a double bed.

Let him know that HELP is to be used for EMERGENCIES ONLY - bleeding, fire, etc. and that screaming for help every night will start to go on deaf ears (Peter and the Wolf) and when he REALLY has an emergency - you won't believe him.

Tell him how much you love him - but he CAN sleep on his own. Does he have a night light? When my oldest son was 3 - he had a nightmare - I let him sleep with my stuffed animal from my childhood - and told him that Mr. Rabbit (my stuffed animals name) would keep him safe....both my boys now have stuffed animals that are "theirs" and they have sweet dreams!!!

I have been there...and I survived to tell about it! My daughter was 22 months when we moved her and if I had it to do all over again, I'm not sure I would have made the same choice! ;) Anyway, we did the basically the same thing...I laid with her to help her feel comfortable, etc. but then it when I tried to leave it became a nighmare. I'm going to tell you something you might not want to hear...it was horrible!!!! We basically did the 'supernanny' approach. It works, but man is it hard on everyone! We did a lot of discussing the night's expectation all throughout the day, not just before bed. My daughter would get up and up and up and up and yell and cry, you name it, and this would last for hours. It took us months to get this together. Now, I will say that it went through cycles of good and bad. Things would be good for 2-3 weeks and then bad for a week, so it wasn't solid, but it kinda felt like it. You sort of feel like a prisoner. For me, and I think for may of us, it is a hard, hard road. But try to make a game plan and stick to it no matter what. It will work!! And then one day you'll realize things are going great and you made it! Good luck!!

I guess this must be the thing to do if you are 2 and sleeping in a new bed!! Your son seems to be pulling every trick out of the book for you to come into his room! (very clever!)

My 34 month old is getting better, but he will sometimes hold onto me or my husband and will not want us to leave his room. He needs our hands or arms on/around him or he will pull our hand so that it is touching his face for him to fall asleep. Sometimes, if he is just not tired, he will sneak out into the hallway and just sit by the gate. We won't even know he is sitting there until we go upstairs!

So........I started trouble-shooting the situation. If he is simply not tired at bedtime, I start to think that maybe he took too long of a nap earlier that day. Maybe I should try to have him nap earlier or start to eliminate them all together. Is your son taking really long naps? Or too late in the day? Maybe try to tweek the naps and see if he gets sleepier in the evening (and thus will hopefully be too tired to scream for hours).

I know that it must be sooo hard and frustrating to listen to that, but I do think that he is pulling a fast one on you. Once he figures out that you are not going to be running in there anymore, the screaming should stop.

Someone suggested the Supernanny method-give it a shot. Let me know if that works! Best of luck to you.

Hmmmm, we're going through something very similar with our 2.5 year old twins! They woke up twice this week when daddy came home from work at 10:15, constantly ask for water, want to be covered up again, and will call for mommy or daddy at night. I totally think they're just manipulating us, and your son is probably doing the same. Tonight I decided that I would not go back in there no matter what, and as heartbreaking as it was to listen to one of my boys cry and scream for me, they are both now sleeping at 9:00 (which is HUGE compared to the 11:00-11:30 nights we've had all week!). I don't know if I have any real advice, but sympathy is being sent your way. We're hoping to get them back on track soon because baby #3 is coming in three months and I need some sleep!

My kids are grown now, but I rocked my baby's/toddlers to sleep every night, thI never expected them to put themselves to sleep or cry themselves to sleep, what an insecure way to fall asleep, my baby's relaxed in my arms as i sang to them and rocked them, but at age 2 our bed time routine was one story, prayer, hugs kisses tucked in, fish aquarium like on bedroom light off. No manipulation to try and keep us in their room, no manipulation to get us to come to their room during the night. The idea of putting them in a big boy bed is to treat them like a big boy, but you are not doing that if you are laying in the bed with them or allowing them to manipulate you, because when it works you have just given your child control over you that they are not meant to have, 2.5 is way old enough to know and understand bed time is bed time, he is using every trick in the book and if you fall for it you are just creating bigger behavior issues in the future. J.

Yep. Been there :(

I did the same thing with my 1st son- started laying down with him until he fell asleep. Same result. I couldn't figure out what to do either until I saw an episode of The SuperNanny where she was helping a family with the same problem. This is what she did- and then I did:

I would sit in my son's room, near his bed, but so he could only see the side of my face. I made no eye contact and no conversation. It took him a little time to catch on that I wasn't going to be interacting with him, but then he accepted it and was just happy to have me there. Every night (sometimes 2) I would sit a little farther away from his bed. Eventually I was in the hall, but he could see me. The next step was I was in the hall, but just out of eye sight (he knew I was there though). Then I was in my room which was nearby and at least I could do something like read or even put my laundry away. He never got to the point where he could be alone upstairs at night, but I was just happy that he was falling asleep on his own, and he learned to do it without all the crying- him or me :) Of course, as soon as he fell asleep, I would go downstairs. It took a week or maybe even 2- this was 8 years ago, I think.

BTW, if he gets out of bed when you're in the hall stage (or later), say gently, "bed time dear" and lead him back to bed. The next time, say nothing- just lead him back to bed. Don't be discouraged if you have to do this over and over at first- he'll stop eventually and go to sleep when he starts to realize he's getting nothing out of it- no attention, no water, no mom coming back in and snuggling.

Also, a pre-bedtime routine that is always the same is very helpful. Kids like knowing what's coming next, and it gives them time to mentally prepare themselves that bedtime is coming.

Good luck, I know it's hard- just hang in there and be persistant. It'll eventually be just a memory.....that you'll want to share w/ everyone going through the same thing ;)

I never made my daughter put herself to sleep... She is now 20 months old and I finally said "enough is enough!!!" so tonight is the 3rd night of her putting herself to sleep (she's still in a crib). We would do our regular routine... Brush, books and now bed (before it was rock for 2 hrs before she slept)...then I sit in the rocking chair in her room. She cried and cried... And I would hug her but not pick her up, and reassure her that she was a big girl and that I loved her. 1st night she cried for 2 hrs, and fell asleep for 30 min. Last night took 1 hr to fall asleep and slept for 3 hrs. Tonight she fell asleep in 10 mins!!! Not exactly the same situation but hope it helps a little. Just know you're not alone!!! =)

I'm cracking up right now! Your son sounds too cute....and smart. You however might not find this funny...lol I'm assuming he has a night light. Maybe some music or maybe one of those projectors that show pics on the ceiling or wall. I know they are for babies but he might like to look at it. I would just go in his room evey 15-20 minutes and tell him to go to sleep. My older boys have always been great sleepers but my baby however hates sleeping at anytime (surprisingly pleasant though) so I will probably be in your shoes in 1.5 years..probably shouldn't laugh...

my oldest was mom im hungry im thirsty i need to go to the bathroom. we did this till about 7 yrs old trying everything under the sun to get out of bed. he just wants an excuse to get out of bed my youngest the same age as yours is trying it too. he tries to guilt trip big brother who is 21. he cant talk to he holds his arms out to big brother and cries great big crocodile tears to try to get out of going to sleep. my response to him would be do you want the mommy monster to come in there and swat you. but i do swat so you might not and the boo boo would be do i need to give you a boo boo on your butt? and as far as i miss you well if you were asleep you wouldnt miss me now would you.

Can you play a story on CD for him? Music?

Dont have an answer for you just wanted to let you know you are not alone! I was late sleep training my 2 year old daughter and she got it down and then one day out of the blue she reverted and wanted me to stay in the room with her. This started 6 months after she was transitioned to a toddler bed. We tried cry it out and after night 9 she was running out of her bed to the door. It became a huge battle to keep her in bed. So now I tried the supernanny method where you sit next to their bed with your head down until they go to sleep and each night you work your way closer and closer to the door until at some point you no longer need to be in there. So now Im basically sitting a the door and in about 10 minutes she's sleep. So thats not bad but now she wakes up at 10:30nm and wants to come back to our bed and wont take no for an answer. For now Im just going with it. Im tired and we have a lot going on but I know I am creating an monster but I dont know what to do. I put the supper nanny link below. It doesnt hurt to try. I think kids our age are too smart for the cry it out method but thats just my opinion. Another thing that has helped me is to give my daughter a bah everynight. We were doing a bath everyother night due to eczema but she does down much easier when I bath her first. I wish you luck and just know your not alone. Im sure we wont have to sit with them forever!

http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Your-toddler/-/Toddler...

We're going through the *exact* same thing right now. I wanted to ask this question at 4 am today but was too tired to type ;-)

So thanks for asking and thanks for everyone's responses!

I don't think you are suggesting that the toddler is supposed to "put himself to bed" as some of these comments suggest of that he is in a king bed...I think you mean he's sleeping in a "big boy bed" (twin?)..

I had/have the same issue with my daughter. For a while, I would lay in th ebed with her until she fell asleep. then, she started to realize when I left the room and would wake up and call for me to come back or follow me back out. OR she'd say "I want to sleep in mommy's bed" I could NOT sneak out of her bed! So what I started doing is sitting on the floor next to her bed and just touching her foot. Then slowly I would remove my hand and just sit on the floor for a bit...then I could leave and not get caught! Sometimes I can say to her "mommy has to go potty now, be back in a minute" (and I would leave and she'd fall asleep once I was done pottying).

Othertimes after I removed my hand from her foot, I would put a stuffed animal there so she wouldn't notice the weight change..haha...'

She seems to go in and out of this, the main thing is don't sleep IN the bed with him or allow hm to sleep in your room often. That is so hard to break. But, sitting on the floor seems less manipulating and as time goes by I have to sit there less and less..

Depending on how much you can really talk to him and he'll understand this - some 2.5 year olds would be ready for this - you might try what I did with my daughters around this age. I told them that when they went to bed Mommy needs to leave and do chores and go to bed too, so we have to think of everything they're going to need before I leave the room. After that - because they were kind of stressed about this in the beginning - I told them that because everyone is human and forgets things from time to time - they were allowed to call me back in ONCE. After that, if they called me back in - I would take away something they really liked and they wouldn't get it back until the morning. At first, when they were just learning this new rule, I didn't take anything too precious - just something that taught them that they better not call again. It really only took a couple of times and they learned. I also told them the rule doesn't apply when they are sick - I knew I could trust them to not make up feeling sick. The thing is to make them feeling really secure and that they have everything before you leave the first time so there will be no excuses for calling you back in. Good luck!

You might do well to have a small rocker to use in his room as a routine, have him on your lap for cuddle/story time while you rock and read and that might relax him better when you slip him into bed and tuck him in. Leave a good night light on for him, maybe let him read to himself after you leave. Tell him he can have the light on for awhile so he can read but he cant get out of bed. Try a cup of warm milk and a banana right before bedtime, that's also a natural sleep/relaxer.