Help with a Mistake I've Made

Admittedly, this is not the best solution but... I lay down on the floor after my 3 year old goes to bed. Usually its about 15-20 minutes. Then get up as quietly as possible and leave. Hopefully she is already asleep, but sometimes I have to tell her that 'mama needs to go get ready for bed too." Since I'm not in the bed, when I get up, there is no weight or movement on the mattress to cause her to wake up also.

I made the same mistake. Here is what I did to ease the situation. I told my son what was going to happen, that momma wasn't going to sleep with him any more but that we were going to get something special for his room. I went to walmart and picked up a couple of packages of those glow in the dark stars($2 a pack) and then I went to home depot and picked up one of those round lights that you push and the light comes on and you push the circle again and the light comes off ($4). So I brought all this into his room and he told me where he wanted his "moon" to hang and where he wanted all of his stars. We even put some on the ceiling fan so it would look like a solar system spinning. He was so excited to go to sleep. Hope this helps good luck!

Children need a quiet/down time to settle in. explain that you'll read a story first,before going to bed. See if that gets them to sleep while (hopefully) keeping you awake.

Well I feel for you. I went through the same thing. and as hard as it is you just have to tell him. "No sweety Im sleeping with daddy tonight, your a big boy you can sleep in your bed by yourself." he will get up and start crying but you just pick him up and put him back. dont say to much to him. and continue to do the same thing every time he gets up. It takes a couple of times so be patient . dont yell or anything just keep taking him back to the bed, saying less to him every time. finally he will fall asleep and you and your hubby can snugle up by yourselves. you may have to do this a couple of nights in a row. also it works best if you try putting him to bed like 45 minutes or more before you would normally go to bed . that way you have a little bit or working time and its not cutting in to your sleep time. well good luck and just be patient

Our oldest never slept well. We did the 3 minute 5 minute 10 min etc thing. I would literally be in tears because she could keep the screaming up so long. Our best compromise was sleeping on the floor next to her bed. She would check on us every few minutes. Then we moved about a foot away a few nights & then another foot for a while. Til we reached the hall. THen it wass down the hall until we were completely out of sight but she still was calling out so we stayed close enough to answer. Until wae finally got away. It took several weeks.
Good Luck!

Can you say:

"Big boy beds are only for big boys, mother has her own bed. I can read you a story, but then I have to go back to my own bed."

If he says that you slept with him last night:
"Yes, but that is allowed for a few days just to get you used to the new bed. Then, I must go back to my momma bed. Mommas and sons are not supposed to sleep together."

If he asks you why, the best answer I can think of:
"Not enough room."

Stop beating yourself up. Hope this is your worst "mistake." Good luck. Raising kids will be a long journey, hopefully happy one, but always eventful.

Mine are Generation X-over 30. I am still on the journey. Wish us both luck!

Hey there L.,

We had the same problem except it was my husband that would lay down with our daughter until she went to sleep. So, he went out a bought her a small bear to sleep with and believe it or not it worked. I hope it's as easy for you.

Good luck

how about getting him a body pillow or a stuffed bear? just like any habbit your trying to break its not going to be easy. stick to your guns and be firm. big boys sleep by themselves. read a story and tuck him in, kiss and leave the room. if he gets out of bed just keep putting him back. this might take a long time ( an hour ) but he will get it. big boys sleep by them selves ( or your not going to sleep with him ) and its bed time. good luck. luckly i have read about other moms on here and i learned from there mistakes. thanks for sharing boo boos we might make!!!

I feel you, girl!
We co-slept with both of our girls, and when we got our first big girl bed, I would fall asleep night after night.

I like the idea of Daddy putting him to bed. We did that now and then, if I was tired, and knew I'd fall asleep.
My youngest still likes for someone to be in the room with her, so I'll grab my laptop and check emails or read for a little while, and she'll usually doze off in 10-15 minutes.

One of our other major strategies, was utilizing the power of "I'll be right back." Lay down with him for a few minutes, then tell him something like, "I need to go potty/I need to go tell daddy something/I need to go clean up the dinner dishes, I'll be right back." I'd go back in, if she was still awake, lay down for a couple of minutes, then remember something else I forgot to do, ". . . I'll be right back." It usually works pretty well, and assuming you go back in to lay down/check on him now and then, he'll remain comfortable in the fact that Mommy is still there, and will indeed come back.

But most of all, don't forget (and my hubby was pretty understanding on this one), they're only babies, -once-. If they didn't need that comfort and closeness, they wouldn't ask.

Best wishes and luck,
M.

Dear L.,

As Nike says, "Just do it!" It will only take a few nights before your son understands the "new" routine. You will just have to endure whatever protests he offers - whining, crying, begging, etc. - for those FEW nights. Just do it and in a couple of weeks, the whole thing will be in the past. Just make up your mind that you do not have to go into your son's room, no matter how demanding his actions. Children can be very dramatic and if they get what they want, it simply reinforces that their behaviors produced the desired results. Be careful to not make an additional booboo.

Just FYI - Before children, your mate was "the center of your universe." After children enter the picture, hubby's needs often get "replaced" with the children's needs (perhaps out of necessity, for a time, because there is only so much of you to go around). But remember that this is a vulnerable time for your husband. So as you are ignoring your son's demands in the upcoming weeks, concentrate on how to make your husband feel like the center of your universe again - at least occasionally. This isn't entirely about sex, although that should be a healthy component of your attention. But also think about other activities the two of you used to enjoy together: talking, reading, playing cards or other games, watching a video, giving foot-rubs and back-rubs, taking a shower together, etc. Keep this refocused attention on your marriage and spouse even after things get back to normal with your son. It will be healthy for ALL of you.

Blessings,
K.

Hi, Take a breath, this isn't that much of a mistake. I did the same thing with my older girl when I transitioned her to a big girl bed. I started off laying with her and the 1st few nights, did fall to sleep. What I did then was to sit right next to the head of her bed, that way we could hold hands and maintain physical contact. I did this for a few nights. THen I moved halfway down the bed, still able to hold hands or what ever she needed to relax and fall to sleep. Again, after a few nights, I moved to the foot of the bed. IF she needed reassurance that I was still there, i would talk to her in a soothing quiet voice. I never left until she was asleep. I did then move to a chair across the room, again, talking to her ina soothing voice if she needed to be reasurred. After about 2 weeks of this, I explained to her that I would sit in there for 10 minutes, then 5 then 2,( what ever works for you) to help her learn to fall aslleep without me there. It did take about 2 1/2 weeks when it was all said and done. I am getting ready to start this with my 3rd little one. Good luck and I hope it helps.

L.

Yep, I made the same mistake with my first one! I ended up using a clock or a timer and started backing of on the time spent. Depending on how old your son is. Talk about the process you are proposing, start with say 15 or 20 minutes that you will stay and then every couple of days back it down a little. Make reading a bed time story part of the alotted time, so that all you end up with at the end is the story and then lights out. It took a little while with us and didn't always go smoothly, but it did work! She is now ten and a wonderful sleeper. We still have a small bedtime routine, but I'm in her room no longer than 3-4 minutes.

L.,

I am the mother of a two and half year old son. I made the same mistake and ended up sleeping with him for almost a year. Anyway what I have done is this....I have told him that big boys sleep by themselves in their bed and I lay or sit on the floor of his room until he falls asleep. I don't talk to sooth him just sit there quietly so that he has the comfort of knowing I am there. Plus I make sure he has his doggy and special blanket that he loves to sleep with. There were some waterworks the first couple of night but they didn't last long. As soon as he understood that I was not going to give into him. Therefore in the time span of one week time I have a son who will put himself to sleep in his own bed.

Good luck!

My daughters are 4 and 2.5. The four year old is and always has been a TERRIBLE sleeper. We transitioned from co-sleeping to her sleeping in the swing for the first part of the night, and then with us after she woke up the first time (that was probably from 6 - 12 months), then she would sleep the first part of the night in the crib and with us for the rest of the night (12 - 30 months), once she got a twin bed, around age 2.5 we would lie down with her until she fell asleep and then sneak out (and I often fell asleep too). Now that she's bigger, we do the bedtime routine and then lay with them for about 5 minutes, and then we go in our room until they're asleep (they don't like being upstairs alone). She's been cool with that for about 9 months now, and she just turned 4.

It's a process - this isn't forever.

The good news is your second child will want to be like your oldest, so he'll be easier to "sleep train." But, it's still a process. Just be patient.

Have your husband wake you up when he comes to bed.

Change the routine. Tonight both you and your husband put him in his "big boy bed", read a story, sing a song, say prayer ALL TOGETHER. Then it is time for everyone to go to their own bed. Your son might want a nightlight or soft music and a favorite stuff animal, pillow or blanket. Maybe a picture of Mom & Dad too. But emphasize, the big boy bed is HIS bed. Mommy & Daddy have THEIR grownup bed. Maybe one night for so many minutes he can lay in "the grownup bed" with you both before he goes to his bed. Just something to change the direction of what you are doing, change the routine to a schedule that works for everyone.

whew! I did the same thing, falling asleep more often than I want to admit. My husband works nights and this became a big issue on his nights off. I easily turned it into a bedtime story with me sitting up (still occassionally fell asleep), so I started sitting on the floor next to the bed often having to hold his hand, and always had his favorite stuffed buddies beside him too. I also have done the "I'll be right back" thing. Now he is 7 and still enjoys a bedtime story, but then is satisfied with a goodnight prayer, kiss, and light out(thought he would never outgrow wanting the light on). He is my youngest of 4 children and I did similarly with them all--I just can't stand for bedtime to be a stressful time.

It's going to to tough, you're right! But my suggestion would be to tell him, it's his big boy bed, that you only slept with him the first few nights to help him get comfortable in it, but that you have to sleep in your big girl bed now :) That if you keep sleeping with him, he won't be a big boy bed anymore, and he won;t be a big boy if mommy keeps sleeping with him. Big boy beds are for boys who can sleep alone. Maybe talk to him today & take him & let him pick out a new stuffed animal to sleep with & let him know, that his new stuffed pet can sleep in the spot you were sleeping in & will be right there with him & your going to be in your big girl bed. His age alot to do with if he can understand what your explaining to him or not. & surely he can :) Stick too it & don't lie down with him at all! you can't give in or it will never end.
Good luck! & let us know the outcome please :)

Kids take things better than we do! Just tell him that it's time and don't make it into a big deal-then he won't! You might be stressing about this but he may not!!
I saw Supernanny use the technique someone mentioned-sit on the floor by the door and just keep putting him back in his bed w/o talking. On the show, it took 1.5 hours but only had to be done once!!
And don't beat yourself up about this-everyone makes mistakes and it probably won't be the last one!! lol And this will not scar him for life!

The first few nights will be rough. I wouldf do your normal bedtime routine and the walk out telling to have sweet dreams and/or explain to him that you need to be in your bed. Whatever you do, don't give in and sleep with him again! Maybe tell him during the day that at night time tonight he is going to be a big boy! Take him to the store to by a special blanket or stuffed animal to sleep with him. Best of luck to you!

I would suggest instead of lying in bed with him, sit in a chair next to his bed. Every night move the chair a few more feet away from the bed, until eventually the chair is in the hall.

I've heard good results from using this technique. It allows your son to still feel safe and secure. Once you start make sure to stick with it.

Good luck!

Why not change it up a bit and haver your husband do the bed time routine? Make it a fun thing for your child to hear. "Isn't it great, Daddy is going to put you to bed tonight?" Barring that, if he can't, then do the suggestions that the other moms have suggested (whichever one works for you) but have your husband deal with the fall out. Share the misery I say! I don't mean that in a bad way, but make your husband part of the solution so that he stops feeling frustrated. Ask him for his ideas too - again, including him will make him part of the answer. The reason being he then feels responsible for what goes on too, plus it is now a you versus the child battle, not a mom-child versus the dad battle. He knows in his head you love him, but your actions, to him, tell him different. By asking him to help, he will see you as a united front, which is imperative to have when you raise kids. They see any chink the parent's armor and they hone in on that weakness.

Girl, you are being WAY too hard on yourself! We co-slept with our daughter and when we felt like she was ready we started putting her in her big girl bed. We tried to make it as enticing as possible. I got a "princess" canopy and put that over her bed. Since you have a boy, that won't work, but I just saw an adorable tent for a boys bed at Target. It was so cute! Anyway... we let her have her blanket, stuffed animals, etc. We read her a couple of stories before she goes down. My husband and I alternate and one puts her to bed one night, etc. I was very nervous at first, but it was a very easy transition. There were a couple of nights she fussed a little, but overall it was super-easy. We never had any full meltdowns or anything like that. I truly believe in my heart that children need to feel safe and secure and know that they can count on their parents to meet that need. If your son seems upset, it is possible that he may just need to feel more secure. Anything that you can do as his parents to make him feel more comfortable will make the transition easier. Many have said this before, but I will reiterate this is only a phase. It won't be like this forever. Contrary to what a poster said before, have you ever seen an 18 year old boy that couldn't leave home because he was still sleeping with his parents? Seriously! :) Don't be too hard on yourself... this too shall pass!

Oh boy, I am glad you posted this, I think a lot of parents have also done this. Since you both work full time, I would suggest you start the hardcore new bed time ritual this friday night so that the worst nights are during the weekend. That is the saying, ok story is finished. Love you goodniight. And then turn off the light and leave. If he cries, let him cry for about 3 minutes, then 5, then 10.. It is the CIO method. If he gets out of bed, place him back in and tell him, "it is bedtime". Keep placing him back in bed.. Yes, this could take hours, but do not back down.

You can kind of lead up to it tonight by starting bedtime earlier. Make the house super quiet so there are no distractions. Darken his room to make it look like night time. maybe get a sound machine or play very quiet soothing music in his room. He may need a night light. Let HIM pick it out. Ask HIM where he would like the light placed.

Nice quiet bath with lots of slow hard rubbing while you wash him. When you read him his story try to use a very low light or a book light, read at a normal pace at first and as each page comes along read slower and slower till the words have spaces between them. Do not talk about the book or engage him in the book. He may fall asleep on his own, if not, do not converse with him after the story, just turn off the light and tell him it is time to sleep. After he falls to sleep, see if you or your husband can leave the bed..

Maybe find some books about sleeping in his own bed. I would guess the Berenstein Bears would have one..

Talk at dinner and in the car about how big boys sleep in their own bed. And he can put his lovey or toys in bed with him so they can all for for the night.

I definitely understand! But - it's not a terrible thing and it won't last forever. I kind of enjoy it. I lay down with my son until he falls asleep, then I get up and leave. He goes to bed pretty early (7:30-8) so I'm not so tired I fall asleep. But - if I feel like I will, I just do mental games in my head. Shopping lists, things to do tomorrow, organizing projects, remembering songs.... whatever I can think of. If he wakes up @ night, we go potty then repeat the process. It usually only takes a minute in the middle of the night. I have been criticized by some, but I only have one child and our room is across the house. I don't want him coming out of his room for me and he doesn't because I have always gone to him.

My husband gets that it's not going to last forever as well. He's secure enough to know that I have enough love and attention for both him and my son. Someday soon he'll be a preteen and won't want us around!

I wouldn't trade the cuddle time for anything in the world.

We did the family bed with my oldest (it was the only way any of us could get some sleep!), so it took a long time for him to go to sleep by himself in his own bed. I eventually used a sticker chart: he would get to add a sticker to his chart each morning after he went to sleep without me in/by his bed or in his room. I think he was about 2 1/2 when we worked on this. He got a big prize for filling up the first one (by which I mean a $20 Thomas train set) and a slightly smaller prize (a $10 train) for the 2nd chart. The first chart was 12 squares; the 2nd was 20. He asked for but never received a 3rd. ;) FYI, I used the sticker chart again for going poop on the potty. Good luck!

Honey, get your butt out of your son's bed and get back in the bed with your husband because when your son became of age he will have someone else in his bed and he won't be crying for moma

I haven't read the other responses, but you just need to be firm as you put him to sleep and tell him, "Goodnight, Mommy is going to sleep in her bed. You are going to sleep in your bed. I love you, see you in the morning." Turn around, turn off the light and head to bed. If he shows up in your room, Dad needs to take care of him, by tucking him into bed and handling the discipline. Have you read the "Good Wives" section of Little Women, where Meg is dangerously close to exhaustion until her husband John steps in? You might try that routine. Don't dwell on mistakes. Just set things to what you want to happen. Be strong! This will be a relatively small struggle unless you give in, then it will grow.

This won't help with not sleeping in the room with him, but what you could try would be to take your cell phone in with you and put it on vibrate and after a short period of time your husband could call it and wake you up.