Hi J.,
I know it is a personal parenting decision, but I don't agree with the CIO method. I've heard it works--eventually--for lots of families. It just really pisses my one-year-old daughter off...and then I feel like I'm neglecting her or that she feels abandoned. Not fun.
It's also not okay that you're feeling bad and beating yourself up over this time.
Remember a couple of things, sister:
- This is a temporary situation. Your baby WILL learn how to sleep through the night--at least longer stretches, bit by bit.
- You are a loving mom...and you need to take care of yourself as well as your little one.
A few ideas:
- Do you have a husband/partner who could take over nighttime duties for a chunk of the middle-of-the-night time? If not, do you have a family member or good friend who could stay with you for a bit or once in a while in order to give you a bit of relief in the middle of the night? It's AMAZING what four hours of sleep IN A ROW can do for ya!
- The No Cry Sleep Solution and Dr. Sears new(ish) book on sleep offer two different left-ish perspectives on sleep. Another site friends have used is http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp --although, this method is recommended for babies AT LEAST 12 months old. Resources, resources...
- The other night, my back was going crazy after holding, rocking and dancing my little girl. I had nursed her a TON and she just wanted to stay on. So, I just kind of let go and came and hung out with her on the couch for a while. Even though it was insane and late, I allowed myself to appreciate the moment and the special time together. She'll only be a baby for a short while, and she's the only baby I will give birth to. These middle-of-the-night moments will be fewer and farther between as she gets older--a wonderful thing, but a little bit sad, too. We went back to it--going back to bed--after a little respite, and we were both able to relax and let our old tricks work again. Woo hoo!
Obviously, I don't have a fix-it-all plan. I believe that a mixture of a few things work for some babies. She goes to bed in her crib and my husband and I work like the dickens to keep her there until 4am. And then we're thrilled to co-sleep...as long as we're actually sleeping and not just being kicked and punched and bitten. It's often sweet and wonderful, and sometimes it doesn't work and we have a little bottle-and-dance-the-baby-down moment. Teething makes it all crazy and then we start over with a new set of plans. It will get better. You are not alone.
Sorry for the ramble. Hope one smidgen helped!
-C.
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