10 Month Old EXHAUSTED! but Won't Sleep

Please call my wife, we have copies of a great book called "What I wish I knew when my kids were young." We give them away to those who want them. Rick and A. ###-###-####

I have a 6 month old, and found 2 books very helpful if you haven't already read them: "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". The 1st one fits along with Sears' philosophy and 2nd one gives a variety of solution ideas based on your philosophy of whether or not to let your child cry - it also has some really helpful info based on sleep research.

Hi M.,
I really like the book "Health Sleep Habits, Hbappy Child" by Dr. Weissbluth. We are having the same problem with our daughter. I just keep on going into her room with out saying a thing lay her down and walk out. As long as she is laying down i leave her alone even if she is crying/screaming. I was going in and nursing her to sleep but that is just too exhausting! I have done this for two days now and it is already getting better!

J.

My daughter used to get stressed out like this when working on learning something new. It passes soon. Usually just lasted until she learned the new thing, but it sounds like his happens after he learns. Maybe a couple weeks? Good luck. Every night without sleep takes it's toll, I remember. C.

Hi M.

As an infant and child development specialist, who specializes in parent coaching, I receive phone calls and e-mails from many parents about infant and child sleep. What doesn't get mentioned in sleep books like Weissbluth's and Ferber's is that there are major periods of development "growth spurts" and "critical periods" when babies have so much growth in such a short period of time that it can contribute to their being a little bit clingy, irritable, and fussy while regressing otherwise good sleep habits.

As the child acquires the new and very important skill(s), their behavior may regress, and their habits and and demeanor may seem very different and not at all like they typically are. When I am working with parents, I tell them that the regression is also part of the way that the child stays attached to the parent. Part of what happens when a child can crawl, walk, talk, etc. is that they can become more independent, which is a great thing for a great many kids. However, it can also remind the child that they are moving away from and/or still not able to keep up with their primary attachment figure, mommy!

There are 8 major developmental milestones in the first 12-14 months alone. That is a lot of changes in short amount of time, and you happen to be in one right now. They last anywhere from 1-6 weeks, and again, usually you will see sleeping, and feeding fall apart.

I suggest to parents that they do go to baby at night for at least the first few 3-4 nights to help baby. Babies continue to practice their new skills in their sleep (can you imagine?) and they often get stuck and wake up and find themselves in the crawling position, or sitting up position, or standing up position. So do go to your baby, help him to "fall down" and get back into his preferred sleeping position, stay with him a few minutes, but do avoid holding him to sleep, or bringing him to bed with you, if you haven't been co-sleeping with him, as this will create a whole new night-time sleep pattern. You can still be incredibly loving and supportive of his changes by doing this and going to him right away at night.

Very important, during the day, help him to practice his new moves. So, help him to learn how to roll out of a crawling position if you find him stuck in this position. Help him to "fall" from standing so that he can do it at night. I call this Parent-Baby Physical Therapy as you are really helping him, his muscles and his brain, wire up the full range of the movement. Do this several times per day, and he will begin to translate the practice to his night-time movement.

After doing this for a few days, as well as going to him at night for a few nights, start to do less going to him at night to see if he can do it on his own. You can even "talk" to him at bedtime and let him know that "Mommy won't be going in tonight to help you right away, and I know that you can do it, cause you have been doing such a great job of practicing during the day, and your body knows how to do it."

You can see that this approach meets the child's need for security, and comforting while also helping to maintain your good schedule and patterns that you have been following. It is also possible that he is getting close to dropping a nap, so needing less day time sleep.
These are questions that we can discuss in a phone consult if you would like to follow up with me. Please check out my website: www.angeliquemillette.com.

Enjoy your little guy!
Warmly,
A.

A. Millette, PhDc MFTt PCD/CD(DONA) CMT
PhD candidate Santa Barbara Graduate Institute
Marriage & Family Therapist trainee Child Therapy Institute of Marin
Postpartum & Birth Doula (DONA certified)
PO Box 824 Fairfax, CA 94978
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Hi M.;

We did what another poster here did. We started with a bedtime routine at a very early age...bath, book, bottle, song, bed. Once they (two girls now aged 3 and 7) got the hang of the routine they would usually fall right to sleep. Getting them used to it when they wanted to be up and playing was a little challenging, but nothing that consistency and perserverence didn't solve. If after we put them down to sleep they stayed up to play or cry or whatever, we would quietly walk in, say, "It's time for bed. Mommy loves you." We would say this while getting them lying down and under any blankets - just resituate. Then we would turn and walk out. The next time I'd say in a sweet voice "it's bedtime" and walk out. Then I'd just walk in with a smile, resituate them and walk out. The first few nights were always the hardest, so we would walk in every 2-3 minutes until they finally passed out - be prepared, sometimes this can go on for an hour. The next night we went in every 5 minutes. The next night we went in every 10 minutes and after that we were in a pretty good routine where they knew it was bedtime.

This method allowed them to learn how to fall asleep w/out a bottle, rocking or walking but it wasn't just letting them "cry it out" because we walked in and lovingly resituated them - they knew we hadn't abandoned them, but they also learned we wouldn't be taking them out of their crib either. It was bedtime.

Just a side note for anyone with younger kids...this method isn't for everyone and in my opinion shouldn't be used on kids under 9 months. When they are only a few months old they cry for a reason...they need something. I knew when both my kids were ready for this and they were old enough for it.

Just something that worked for us. I hope it helps and you get a little rest!

Hi M.,

My son was a non-sleeper too and Jodi Mindell's book Sleeping Through the Night was a big help to us. It didn't always work the first time but I'm happy to say that now he is 2yrs old and we have a great sleeper. Her book was really helpful because it had different options, not just one specific rule to follow (and she is a sleep expert not just a child development person like others out there).
Another thing we used besides a consistent bedtime routine (ours is 2 books, then bed) was a sleep machine. It just plays white noise all night long so when he hears that he knows that it is bedtime and it reminds him of that when he wakes in the middle of the night. Good Luck!
M.

I know excatly what it is like. My son James is 8 months old and is going through the same thing. He figured out how to crawl and pull up on everything. All i can tell you is to focus on the fact that he has learned a really cool new trick and all he wants to do is practise. As far as getting him to sleep better you probably just need to wait it out. When it is not so cool anymore he well sleep better.
What helped us was a routine. We do the same routine every time he need to sleep. A quiet dark room worked best for ius. I turn out the lights and we read a few books then cuddle and nurse before i put him down. Right know he is crying for about 30 mintues befor he goes to sleep. Which he only does for about 30 minutes.
Just ry a number of things and what well work we come out.
Good Luck

Wow, you're a busy lady. I can tell you enjoy it too. I Love being Mom and Wife too. I'm sure you are getting tired, or even exhausted, yourself. It will last from a week to three months. It will pass. Someone told me (in the same situation) not to let him TRY to sleep so much. Believe it or not, when you try to get him to sleep, he is getting rest, and he is not as tired as you think. The exhaustion/fatigue is not the same as sleepy or tired and it's a good thing. It means he's getting enough excercise. It will pass, then another new skill will exhaust him in all the best ways... He will also learn to associate the exhaustion with a sense of accomplishment like we do when we play or work really hard and physically exhaust ourselves.

Hi M.,
My heart goes out to you. Those sleepless times are hard. You never know how long they will last and yet you know it wont last forever, kind of like giving birth! My daughter is approaching three. She still sleeps with me and my husband. She has gone through many sleep transitions. She is currently sleeping well but this is the product of a lot of hard work and just time and develpment.

S.

When my kids don't want to go to sleep is when they are overtire. I am always temped to let them crawl or run around to get really tired, but each time it backfires. They need to get to sleep before they are exhausted. Kids, at least mine, cannot quiet thier systems when they are too tired. It's best to have him take a nap(s) before you think he's (too) tired. Over the last 2 1/2 years the above have proved true over and over. Hope this helps.

It sounds like he may simply need to be held. He is afterall, only 10 months old. I personally don't beleive in the CIO approach and I don't recall Dr.Sears suggesting this? IMO, he isn't crying for hours because he has a new found talent, he may just want his mommy to comfort him b/c he's so tired from going thru a new phase.
I never have to deal with this much b/c when it comes to bedtime, we lay w/our son, read a couple books and make bedtime quiet and loving...something ds looks forward to, most of the time.
(I'm not at all saying you're not loving, I'm just sharing my thoughts and approach that worked well for us in hopes that it might help you and baby too :)

Hi Michelle!

Although I have never persoanlly experienced this, a few of my friends and family have. One of my cousins little boy would be "beat tired", and ready to go down.....( and as soon as they did, he would wake back up 5 minutes later. He was a few months older I beleive then 10 months at the time:))

Finally she asked the doctor if there were any tricks to helping him stay asleep once in his crib. The Doctor told her that when he wakes up, put him on his stomach over her knees, rub his back for about 5 minutes....and then try putting him down again, or until it does. It worked for her which was awesome!! I'm sure that won't work for everyone, and every baby will be different, ( but just thought I would share, since my cousin and a few friends have experienced this, and have found it works better then nothing.....and or everything else they had tried:))

Hopefully just the relaxing affect will work! The doctor had also told her to try and not get the baby's brain thinking a lot before nap or bed time...as they are just like us, ( and if they are in the learning stage and that young, it might make them really want to be more active) I hope that helped, but just the Doctors advice, and saw it work wonders with my cousin, and some family & friends! Good luck!
Love, A. Toft

Hi Michelle,
I HIGHLY recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It is a wonderful book to help understand the biological sleep rhythms. Dr. Weissbluth is VERY experienced in sleep and sleep disorders.(Google him to read his bio) Our daughter's schedule at this age was: wake up at 6:30-7am, morning nap around 9am, afternoon nap around 1pm, bedtime by 6pm. Paige started to do the same thing when she first learned to stand and I made sure she was getting to bed nice and early. After a few days she stopped making a fuss, but I spent alot of time during the day teaching her how to get back down from a standing position too. Is your son able to get back down during the day? It is amazing how fast the "curtain calls" become a habit for them at this age. Dr. Weissbluth talks alot about a child's needs vs. wants. Your son WANTS you to come in but NEEDS to sleep. Once you are sure he is able to get back down from a standing position, I would stop going in to help him down and let him figure out that you aren't going to come back until morning. It shouldn't take more than 7 days to break the habit.(and it is a habit if he can get back down himself) This, combined with an early bedtime should get him back on schedule. If he is really overtired he may need an extra early bedtime for a few days to become well rested. The more overtired he becomes the worse he will feel and the harder it will become for him to fall asleep. My daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was about 4 months old with VERY minimal crying. If you are interested in learning more about biological sleep rhythms, message me.
Sincerely,
L.